


Beyond the Silver Lining

by Valerine



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Drama, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-04-15 00:48:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 35
Words: 108,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14148273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valerine/pseuds/Valerine
Summary: Park Jihoon loves Kang Daniel. However, Kang Daniel does not.It is a story when love and desperation tethers Park Jihoon at the brink of insanity.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My hands have been itching with this storyline, so I just had to get this down at the moment...In this story, the age of Daniel and Jihoon are 19 and 18 respectively. There will also be lots of explicit content.
> 
>  [for vietnamese translation of the story](https://www.wattpad.com/story/149089378-kdn-x-pjh-beyond-the-silver-lining)

 

What do you think of a person who is desperate to be loved?

 

“Oppa, what are you doing…This place is…” The voice was hushed, barely audible through the closed door. Yet it was obvious that it belonged to a female.

 

“It’s fine, no one is going to come in…” Then there was the voice which I recognized by heart.

 

It was the voice of Kang Daniel.

 

What do you think of a person who is desperate to be loved?

 

I asked myself this a lot of time. Hundreds, thousands of times. Park Jihoon, what do you think of it?

 

For years, I kept this feelings to myself. And it seemed like I’m reaching my limit as I heard everything that was unfolding beyond that door.

 

“Ah…oppa…” She was moaning shamelessly. The storeroom was a place where the students would only visit if they need to take gym equipments, but from the spot where I stood just outside the door, anyone who was listening like I did could easily tell that the intention of the two students inside had nothing related to gym equipments.

 

Kang Daniel had tried to keep it discreet when he decided to bring the girl with him, but I was so used to following him that I learned the ways to avoid from getting detected. Because it had been a routine to follow wherever Kang Daniel goes, so I ended up here out of curiousity when I saw Kang Daniel with a girl by his side during lunch break. And this girl, I knew her. It’s Choi Soyoung. A month ago, the rumour of him dating Choi Soyoung had spread throughout the school. And since then, my heart had been feeling uneasy. When I confirmed the rumour was true and witnessed them being a couple in public, the frustration began to pile up little by little in my chest till I grew suffocated.

 

This was really the limit.

 

“Ah!!! Oppa, someone is here!”

 

I had opened the door, and in front of my eyes I saw both of them with Choi Soyoung’s body on a table and Kang Daniel’s body closely on hers. They were half-naked and I could clearly see that they were connected to each other physically. The sight made my eyes burn.

 

The moment they saw me, they scrambled off each other and rushed to get their clothes. In that second, I could see Daniel’s thing coming out of her. It was big, red and thick. It came in my dreams a few times, and I unconsciously licked my lips.

 

Choi Soyoung who was first to finish dressing up immediately ran out of the room while sobbing, bumping on one side of my shoulder as she passed by. Daniel who had just finished wearing his pants had a dark expression on his face as he finally faced me.

 

“...Really, fuck, what a bad timing.” Was the only thing he said before he started cursing colourfully, mussing his hair in frustration. When I looked down, I immediately understood the reason why he was so frustrated. He was still hard, and the sight itself looked painful to me as it bulged clearly through the tight constraints of his pants. I had an idea that he was really close to coming just before I decided to enter.

 

It was probably because it was the first time I saw him having a hard-on in front of me, and probably because he looked so eager to be relieved that I decided to forget the fact that both of us had no established relationship yet.

 

I went up to him and kneel down between his legs without a word. The expression on his face was priceless as I watched him while unzipping back his pants.

 

The hard cock of Daniel sprang out to my face, and I was right when I thought it was big earlier. My hand wrapped around his cock and started stroking.

 

“W-What are you doing- uh…” He couldn’t hold back the moan towards the end.

 

The flesh underneath my hand started to grow again, twitching and pulsing. It was so cute that I had to laugh. I put my lips on the tip and gave a small lick to the slit. He moaned louder and his hand immediately grab a hold of my head, forming a fist in my hair. This is the first time he has touched me, and it made me excited so I decided to give him a better treatment. Opening my mouth, I started sucking on him hard.

 

“Wait, fuck, why are you doing this-”

 

It was actually fun to see him contradicting himself. I could clearly see how he wanted to push me away yet at the same time couldn’t because he was so close to coming. The pre-come was leaking through his slit and I lapped it all up hungrily.

 

The sound of sucking and his moans filled the empty storeroom. This was probably my happiest moment yet, I thought as I gave more strength to my mouth and swallowed him whole. His breath hitched and his thighs trembled for a second. Eventually, he was unable to hold himself anymore and came. He tried to push my head away but I insisted and buried him deep in my mouth while he came. His cum washed over my tongue and because I was genuinely curious of how he tasted like, I took time to savour the taste. It was bitter, with a slight sweetness. It was Kang Daniel’s taste.

 

“Are you crazy…”

 

As he said that, I swallowed his cum. And he watched all these with a shocked expression.

 

“You’re really crazy…who the fuck are you and what did you just do?”

 

I stood up and wiped the corner of my lips. The realization that this was the first time he was talking to me hit me. The smile that came to my lips then was something that I couldn’t control.

 

“I’m Park Jihoon from Class 2B. Nice to meet you, sunbaenim.”

 

Normally, this isn’t how introduction should be. But I think this actually turned out more ideal than I imagined. A breathless and red-faced Daniel who had just been pleasured by my mouth staring at me with a barely-comprehending expression while I introduced myself to him. It was going to leave a deep impression for certain.

 

I can already tell when Daniel couldn’t even say anything in response.

 

However, I didn’t expect for him to react physically. He grabbed a hold of my collar and punched me across the face. I was thrown to the side from the impact, landing on my butt as I lost my balance. It was painful. I held my red cheek and lifted my head up to look at him.

 

Why did you do that? I did you a favour, and is this how you return the favour…

 

“Crazy bastard…How disgusting.” He glared at me with eyes full of hatred as he muttered darkly under his breath.

 

I'm not a person who is easily brought down by these kind of words. Compared to these fleeting words, I'm more vulnerable towards the feelings that you had tortured me with for years.

 

I love you, Kang Daniel. You are the person who I’ve secretly observed and followed for years, and who I wished would look at me and love me back.

 

Now that I’ve started to make a move, I intend to go to full length. Sunbae, it won’t be till here…

 

He was about to leave the room. But I stopped him with a single word coming out from my mouth.

 

“...Teacher.”

 

“...What?”

 

“I’ll tell the teacher that I saw you having sex with Choi Soyoung in this room.”

 

At that moment, Kang Daniel turned to face me with an expression of disbelief. “…What did you say?”

 

“I said I’m going to tell the teacher about everything I saw.”

 

“...Are you threatening me now?”

 

“Yes.”

 

There was a tense silence in the air in which Daniel glared at me for a full minute.

 

“What do you want from me, Park Jihoon?”

 

The fact that he remembered my name made my heart bloom. Park Jihoon is a helpless fool.

 

“Let’s have a relationship too, the two of us.” I said in an optimistic tone. My cheek which was hit earlier was throbbing from the pain, and I could taste the slight blood that was smeared on my torn lip, yet these things were insignificant as the thought of finally being able to talk with him honestly like this dominated my whole attention.

 

Daniel frowned at me as if I had really gone crazy. With a strained voice, he said. “...Don’t you know I have a girlfriend?” _The girl you saw earlier…_

__

“Ah, yes, of course I know that. But you can still have a relationship with me while keeping it a secret from her, right?”

 

“...Are you serious now?”

 

“Yes.” I affirmed with a nod.

 

“...Are you telling me to have a relationship with you while I’m having a relationship with her at the same time?”

 

“Yes.” I nodded once again.

 

“...”

 

“It’s not like I’m asking you to break up with her. You can still date her while being with me, too.”

 

“Park Jihoon…Do you even know what you’re asking of me right now?”

 

I started to frown. Do you think I don’t know what I’m talking about? I’ve thought about this even more times in my mind than you did, so you have no right to ask me that. “Of course.”

 

The moment I answered, Daniel suddenly let out a loud shout, making me flinch in surprise. I watched as he closed his eyes and slapped both his cheeks roughly several times. _Get your mind together, Kang Daniel. Yes, this must be a really horrible joke being played on you right now._

 

My frown deepened. “It’s not a joke.”

 

As if he had been burst out from his comfort bubble, his face started to show anger again. “Fuck, why can’t you keep your mouth shut and just let this slide? Do you think this situation even makes sense right now?”

 

“What is so hard to make sense of?”

 

“...Why are you even asking me that? Do you know that this is the first time I met you, yet what did you do? You just suddenly…suddenly…” He seemed to lost his words. Because he looked so cute being all flustered like that, I thought I should help him out. _Sucked you?_

 

“Fuck… you suddenly did that to me and now you’re also asking me to have a relationship with you? Does anything of this even make sense to you?”

 

“Why not? Is it not possible to ask for something like that?”

 

“But why…”

 

“I like everything about you sunbae...your face, your body, even your thing that I just sucked earlier. Is it weird that I’m asking for something like this from you?”

 

 _Yes, it’s fucking weird._ But Daniel was unable to reply anything to the unexpected confession.

 

“I understand if you can’t get used to me yet. So we can take our time knowing each other.”

 

“...But that’s the problem. I don’t feel like wanting to get used to you.”

 

“That won’t do. I have your secret with me. If you can’t do as I say, I’ll break it out to the teacher and get both you and Choi Soyoung expelled.”

 

“...”

 

 _You’re indeed amazing, Park Jihoon…_  As if in disbelief, Daniel stared at Park Jihoon’s face which had remained calm throughout the whole exchange.

 

I was finally able to smile again after I saw the somewhat defeated expression on Daniel’s face. Taking a step closer to him, I took something out from my pants pocket and handed it to him.

 

“Please take it. I made it for you.”

 

In my hands, there was a small chocolate box neatly wrapped in a fancy wrapping paper. A pink bow was knotted on top of the box. I made this gift for you with a loving heart. I had thought that if I wasn’t able to talk to you today, I would just slip the gift into your locker. But the day turned out unexpected, and I was happy that it was on this day that I got to talk to you like this for the first time.

 

As Daniel made no move to accept my gift, I had to take his hand and placed it on his palm.

 

“As a token of my love for you, sunbae. I hope we can become closer from now on.”

 

After saying that, I hurried out of the storeroom with a racing heart.

 

It was a heart that was excited and anticipating the future days.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

I was distraught the whole day yesterday. I had been so excited after the meeting with sunbae that I could hardly pay attention to anything else. I did house chores and homework with a mind that was far away. When it was time to go to sleep, I had locked my room as usual and went to bed hugging the pillow beside me tightly as if it was Daniel.

 

His taste was still on my tongue, and I craved to taste him again. It was the only thing I could think of the whole night and by the time I realized it, it was already morning. So I had went to school with a body that lacked vigour due to lack of sleep, yet in my mind it was actively thinking of Daniel the whole time.

 

I knew his routine. He would usually arrive at school at 7.50 am, just 10 minutes before class starts. Before that, he would come out of his house at 7.40am, and if he walks to school leisurely it would only take 10 minutes. I knew this too because I knew where his house was. It was a pleasant surprise to me the first time I knew about it, because I realized that his house was in the same neighbourhood as mine, so if I calculated our house is only 5 minutes apart from each other.

 

This morning, I came out earlier than I usually would on normal days and waited for Daniel outside his house.

 

Of course, Daniel who never realized that I knew everything about him, was surprised when he saw me waiting for him outside the front of his gate.

 

“Good morning, sunbae.” I greeted. I felt the energy that I lacked from before suddenly came rushing in with one look of his handsome face. Kang Daniel has such power to me.

 

“...”

 

However, he didn’t look as excited as me. Merely ignoring me as he came out of the gate, he proceeded to walk down the street leading to the school silently. I trailed after him, catching up with him until we could walk side-by-side.

 

“...Can you stop staring at me?”

 

I didn’t realize I was staring at him until he told me this. For some reason, it felt amazing being able to walk beside him like this. Since the meeting, I had started to experience a lot of new first time moments with him and it never ceased to amaze me. Because the sight of his side profile looked like it was glowing in the morning, therefore my eyes seemed to have been transfixed to it without realizing.

 

“I’m sorry.” I looked away, but the happy mood was still evident in my light steps.

 

When we arrived at the front of the school gate, he suddenly stopped. I automatically stopped together with him.

 

“Don’t come to my house in the morning anymore.” _It really ruined my mood._

 

“But didn't we make a deal yesterday?”

 

He looked as if he was listening to this for the first time. “What deal? We didn’t make any kind of deal together. At least it was only you who agreed to it, but I didn’t. So don’t make yourself comfortable around me all of a sudden.” He turned his shoulder around coldly and walked past the gate.

 

I watched as his back disappeared into the school building. When I tried to catch up with him, I saw Choi Soyoung coming up to him.

 

“Oppa, why didn’t you take my call yesterday?” She asked with a frown. Despite that, her arms had naturally linked themselves around Daniel’s.

 

The smile that appeared on Daniel’s face then was an apologetic one, yet it was the first I had seen for the day. He didn’t had a single smile on his face when I was with him earlier. What a jerk… I unconsciously nibbled on my lower lip as I continued watching them from the locker area.

 

“I’m sorry, Soyoung-ah. I was asleep early, so I didn’t notice the call.”

 

So I guess I was the only one who was wide awake thinking about you the whole night. Although I kind of expected this from the coldness you showed me since this morning, I was still not immune to it. It was only natural that I yearned for my love to be reciprocated.

 

I followed a few steps behind as Daniel sent Soyoung to her classroom. I had no choice. Soyoung’s classroom is also mine.

 

 _I’ll see you again later, oppa._  She smiled and kissed Daniel on the cheek before going in. I, who was waiting for them to remove themselves from the entrance of the door, was forced to watch the affectionate exchange between them with a bitter heart. As Daniel turned from the door, he was faced with me who was standing behind.

 

“Are you following me again?” Daniel asked with a frown when he saw me.

 

Because Daniel made me feel so bitter, I couldn’t help but to be angry at him. “Who’s following you? This is my classroom. If you’re done, can you please move away from the door?” After I said that, I roughly bumped against his shoulder as I made my way into the class.

 

Once I was seated at my table, I looked back at the door, but Daniel had already left. Even when the teacher came in 5 minutes later, I was still looking at the door nervously. Maybe I overdid it…

 

As the morning lessons proceeded on, I found myself only waiting for the bell to ring.

 

When the bell signaling lunch break finally rang, I was the first to go out of the classroom. With an anxious mind, my footsteps were also anxious as they hastily paced upstairs to where the senior classrooms were located. Daniel’s classroom was at the very end, so I had to fight through the flow of the other students who had just came out of the classroom.

 

As I was managing my way through, I saw Daniel amidst the crowd. He was with a bunch of friends. They were talking and laughing while heading in my direction. When they saw me blocking the way, they stopped. Daniel especially had his eyes wide upon seeing me.

 

“Let’s talk for a while.” I said as I met his eyes. He looked visibly uncomfortable then as his friends started to look back and forth between us, wondering aloud. _Who’s this kid? Niel-ah, is he your friend?_

__

“Follow me for a bit.” Daniel muttered in a small voice, snatching my wrist and leading me away while shouting back to his friends to go ahead without him.

 

The grip on my wrist was tight as he led me up through the stairs leading to the rooftop. Upon reaching the rooftop, my wrist was released from his hold.

 

“This time, let me tell you clearly. Don’t ever come and see me again. I don’t want you anywhere close to me. We have no relation to each other, and it will stay that way.”

 

“...”

 

“No matter how I look at it, everything about this is ridiculous. There’s no way you’d expect me to agree to anything of it.”

 

“...”

 

“I’m sorry, Park Jihoon. You said you like me…I appreciate your feelings towards me, but I’m really sorry. I can’t accept it.” Daniel turned his head away with a contorted expression.

 

Ah, are you feeling guilty? In the end, even if you want to reject someone, you always try to do it as kindly as you can. This is why I started liking you in the first place. Kang Daniel, other people may not be aware of it, but I’m aware of your kind nature despite of how you presented yourself. You may not remember me back then, but I always remembered your warm smile and your friendly hand as you stretched the umbrella above my shivering body.

 

I was reminded of that rainy day. The skies were gray and rain was lashing down hard onto my huddled form. You who was the only one who took notice of me and who cared enough had approached me with warmth.

 

I couldn’t forget you.

 

My head started to ache. Despite the pain, I stepped closer to narrow the gap between us. Daniel’s breath started to become significantly faster when he saw me kneeling down between his legs. Its the same scene that he had witnessed yesterday.

 

“Fuck…What are you doing again-” His voice raised in urgency as he tried to grab my hands that were unfastening his pants. But I was determined to get this done, so I managed to pull his pants down till his thighs and released his thing. It was still soft, but the size and length even when it was still soft was incredible. I took the shaft in my hand and started stroking, using my mouth at the same time to suck on the tip.

 

“Park Jihoon, stop it, really-” He fisted his hand in my hair and tried to pull me away, but the strength was drained away from his hand once I opened my mouth and started pushing his whole length in. This was the taste that kept me awake all night, and I savoured it as I slided it in and out of my mouth repeatedly.

 

The words of protest from Daniel’s mouth seemed to have died down gradually as I continued on. I took pleasure in the groans that were elicited with each swipe of tongue I made on his tip.

 

When I looked up with him in my mouth, I noticed he was staring down at me with a hazy gaze. His face looked really erotic that it made me hard too despite my struggle to fit all his length into my mouth.

 

I sucked for a few minutes more like that before a low voice from above growled. “Get off.” Before I knew it, the strength in the hand had returned as it fisted my hair and pulled my head away. I watched as he used his hand to stroke himself fast. He was about to come. I couldn’t accept this, and held onto the hand that was fisted on my hair. I moved it a little, so that I can reach back to him with my mouth. Just before he came, I latched my lips onto the tip and sucked on it hard.

 

He made a surprised noise at the back of his throat, and instantly came. His breath came out harsh and ragged as he calmed himself from the high. After a while, he was finally able to speak again.

 

“Crazy bastard…”

 

It was the fact that we just did it on the rooftop. It thrilled me, did you feel the same? Maybe that was why you could come so fast.

 

He watched me as I swallowed his cum for the second time.

 

The second time was just as sweet and bitter as it was the first time. I feel like I can really get used to this taste.

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

DANIEL’S POV

 

I returned to the classroom with a pounding headache.

 

The conversation between me and Park Jihoon at the rooftop replayed in my mind.

 

_“…Why did you do that?”_

_“What?”_

_“Didn’t I tell you I can’t accept your feelings? Why are you doing this again?”_

_“...”_

_“Answer me, Park Jihoon.”_

_“...You don’t have to accept my feelings. I didn’t ask you for that.”_

_“Then, why are you still doing this?”_

_“...”_

_“If it’s not because you want me to accept your feelings, then tell me why exactly are you doing this?”_

_“I just want to have sex with you once.”_

After that, I couldn’t say anything anymore. As if I had been slapped in the face by his answer, I left Park Jihoon alone on the rooftop.

 

Until now, I still think this guy is not normal.

 

After the incident in the storeroom, the impression on Park Jihoon was so strong that I had to struggle not to think about him the whole day. It was Park Jihoon’s unexpected action that made me so confused.

 

Okay, so maybe it was because he liked me that he decided to do something out of the blue like that. But then threatening me to have a relationship with him, and also suggesting me to two-timing my girlfriend…It was really getting out of hand. That night, because my mind was in a mess, I didn’t have the mood to talk to anyone. In the end, I refused to take my girlfriend’s call even when her name blinked on the phone screen lots of times.

 

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, Park Jihoon’s face greeted me the first thing next morning. I wasn’t able to sleep the whole night because of him, so seeing his face in the morning really made my mood sour. Plus, how did he know where my house is? I’d really prefer not to know the answer to that…Then as we walked to school, I wasn’t sure if he realized it, but he was smiling all throughout. And he was staring at me a lot too. It made me really irritated for some reason. So at the school gate I told him not to come to my house in the morning anymore because I didn’t want all my mornings to feel uncomfortable like this again. Yet he dared to reply me with this.

 

“But didn’t we make a deal yesterday?”

 

It really made my anger burst. How could you shamefully mention it as if I had agreed to it.

 

“What deal? We didn’t make any kind of deal together. At least it was only you who agreed to it, but I didn’t. So don’t make yourself comfortable around me all of a sudden.” My voice came out harsher than I wanted, and I didn’t wait to see how Park Jihoon would react as I proceeded my way.

 

“Oppa!” Soyoung greeted me at the entrance of the building. She looked like she had been waiting for me for a while judging from her sour expression. A month ago, Choi Soyoung came and confessed to me. She had a pretty face, double eyelids, big eyes, cute button nose and red plush lips. She was one of the popular girls in school because of her pretty look. My friends had known about Choi Soyoung’s feelings towards me for a while now, and they were the one who notified the clueless me about it. They said she had been watching me for 3 months now. _Did you know that she came to watch all your football matches? The other day she also asked me if you had a girlfriend. She obviously likes you._

__

So when I received the confession, I wasn’t too surprised because I had known beforehand. Me accepting her confession then was also because I had time to think beforehand. I didn’t have a girlfriend for over a year now, and my friends kept persuading me to accept her if she confessed saying it wouldn’t cost me anything. _Plus, she’s a real beauty._ When I started becoming more aware of her and took my time to really look at her, I came to the same agreement. She’s beautiful, and I started to think that it may be possible to reciprocate her feelings. So we got together after I accepted her confession.

 

Since then, I started learning about her personality little by little. She is a naturally sweet girl, affectionate and supportive, but at times she can be easily irritated at petty things. Because I didn’t pick her call yesterday night, she started to become sulky towards me. So I had to cajole her and ease her mind with a lie. Thankfully, she wasn’t the type to get sulky for too long. So after I managed to comfort her, she had bid me farewell with a happy mood before going into her classroom.

 

What I didn’t expect though was to see Park Jihoon standing outside the classroom.

 

“Are you following me again?” Naturally this question came out of my mouth considering how he was following me since the start of this morning. This was also backed by the fact that Park Jihoon seemed to have a stubborn streak in him, almost to the point of being irritatingly exasperating.

 

However, I noticed something strange in his expression. He did not have the usual calm face, instead he looked almost angry, cold even. It was like seeing a different person.

 

“Who’s following you? This is my classroom. If you’re done, can you please move away from the door?”

 

You’re in the same class as Soyoung? I never knew. Although I was surprised at this fact, yet I reacted more to the anger I heard in his voice. So you can actually show anger too? Considering how you’re talking really rudely to me even if I’m your senior, I guess I’m right to say you are angry at the moment. But that’s good for me, isn’t it? I’d be glad if you continue to be angry at me like this, then that way you won’t bother me anymore. So I left with that relieving thought in my mind.

 

However I was wrong. The anger seemed to have drive Park Jihoon to become more persistent. Because I didn’t want anyone to know about what was going on between us, I had to drag you all the way to the rooftop. And this time, I really decided to put an end to all these. Park Jihoon, let’s stop it now.

 

“This time, let me tell you clearly. Don’t ever come and see me again. I don’t want you anywhere close to me. We have no relation to each other, and it will stay that way.”

 

“...”

 

“No matter how I look at it, everything about this is ridiculous. There’s no way you’d expect me to agree to anything of it.”

 

“...”

 

“I’m sorry, Park Jihoon. You said you like me…I appreciate your feelings toward me, but I’m really sorry. I can’t accept it.”

 

I expected myself to say all these with a firmer voice, a firmer look. Yet, when I watched the gradual change of expression in Park Jihoon’s face, I felt a slight guilt creeping in. No matter who the person is, getting rejected will hurt. I knew this from experience too, so I sympathized Park Jihoon in deep. But I had no choice, I need to end this before it became worse.

 

When he closed the distance between us, I thought I was probably going to get hit because of my way of rejecting him. I had to admit that I deserved it because I wasn’t doing it nicely... But when I think about it he wasn't being nice to me either, he had been threatening me all these while.

 

The hit that I waited for didn’t come, yet it was the warmth below that alerted me. I was shocked for a second as I saw him kneeling down and unzipping my pants. _Are you for real now…_

__

I tried to stop him but he already had a hold on me.

 

What happened after was a blur in my mind. The mouth that enveloped me felt unexpectedly good that my body betrayed my protesting mind and I came a second time in Park Jihoon’s mouth. The aftermath left me with a strong sense of guilt. Guilt to myself for liking it even for a second.

 

When I watched his throat moved as he swallowed my cum, an unexplainable feeling rose in my gut. The look on his face when he did so was burnt in my mind. Park Jihoon was originally a really good-looking guy, pretty even, with big eyes and double eyelids like Soyoung, but he had more curves to his eyes and his lashes are thicker and darker. They are the kind of eyes you just don’t normally see in people. Like the first time, I found myself entranced by the pretty eyes that gazed at me with desire.

 

_“I just want to have sex with you once.”_

 

When I heard your answer, I found myself stupidly considering. This wasn’t right, I was supposed to put a clear end to this. Yet as I continued staring into those eyes that swirled with a beautiful vulnerability, my resolve seemed to crack at the edges.

 

So you wanted to have that kind of relationship with me?

 

Just purely sexual? With no strings attached?

 

..........

 

I was idly watching the field outside while my thoughts consumed me. For a while, my finger tapped incessantly on the table in an almost anxious manner.

 

“Niel-ah, are you okay?” My friend who was sitting beside me noticed this behaviour and asked out of concern.

 

The finger stop tapping immediately, and it seemed like a conclusion was reached.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

 

Yes, this should be the best for both sides.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize beforehand because there are lots of switching of POV in this story. But I feel its necessary to be done to cover the plot, so I'll just follow how its supposed to be. Hope you enjoy reading!

 

JIHOON’S POV

 

The house was silent when I came home that night. But I realized the silence was deceiving the moment I saw the familiar shoes placed at the doorway.

 

He was already home.

 

I contemplated whether I should just leave the house again or not. My body seemed to tremble without realizing as I weighed it in my mind. Probably leaving the house would be a better option than staying.

 

As I made my mind, ready to wear my shoes again, suddenly the soft padding of footsteps against the floorboard were heard.

 

“Why did you come home so late?”

 

“...”

 

I lifted my head up slowly and looked at the man in front of me. The face looked drunk and the smell of alcohol was strong. That alone was enough to send alarm blaring in my head.

 

“Aren’t you going to answer your uncle?” His voice became slurred as it raised in irritation.

 

“...”

 

After Daniel left me at the rooftop, I had been suffering from a severe stomachache and had to bring myself to the nurse office. The nurse had given me some medications, and I had fallen asleep soon after. By the time I woke up, it was already dark outside. Even though I rushed to get back home after that, it was already too late.

 

“Haven’t I taught you manners? When an older person asks you something, answer them!” The hand that struck me sent me flying against the wall. My senses started to become alert. It was starting again. I expected the next few hits that came raining down on my body, and endured them with bitten lips. He would always struck me harder if I made a sound, so I had learned how to keep quiet even when the abuse on my body became too painful to bear. The last time I screamed, I had ended up with a fractured leg that took months to heal. He had hit my left leg carelessly with a thick rod in the midst of his anger and drunkenness. Later, he took me to the hospital to get me checked and told the doctor that I had fallen down from the stairs instead. So I spent those few months limping while letting my left leg heal.

 

Uncle had left for a business trip a week ago. During the one week when he was not at home, the days were the most peaceful for me. I wished he didn’t return home so soon.

 

Today, because I was late, because I made a mistake on the day of his arrival, he had hit me with extra strength. I could only curl up to myself in the corner while waiting for him to finish.

 

Ever since my mother and father passed away, uncle had taken responsibility of caring for me. Because he was the only relative that I had after my parents passed away, so I had no other choice but to come and stay with him. Uncle is unmarried and is an alcoholic with a bad temper. He worked in an office, but it seemed like he was constantly stressed because he was stuck in the same position for years and couldn’t have a raise in salary so financially he was shaky. Therefore when he heard the news of my parents’ death, he had volunteered to take me in. Later, I learned that he took me in simply because he wanted to get his hands on the money that I inherited. In return for caring me, he got the money that my parents had left me.

 

I wished my parents were still alive. There were many days when I thought continuing to live like this was useless. The uncle who was supposed to care for me took advantage of the inheritance I had and treated me like an object.

 

_You should just die together with your parents._

 

I had thought of dying so many times, but the face of Kang Daniel came to mind. Strangely, it was your face that reminded me that I still had a sliver of hope each time. Whenever I think of dying, I thought of that day when I first met you under the rainy sky, of your warm smile and eyes and gentle voice as you talked to me kindly. I could still remember vividly how your touch felt like as you wiped my face with the back of your hand delicately.

 

You’re the sole reason why I’m still alive.

 

Therefore, I’m afraid. If you were to refuse to let me see you again, how will I live from here on? When you rejected me, I thought my world was crumbling right before my eyes. But I desperately held on even then because I wanted you to touch me the same way you did to me on that day, I wanted you to look at me in the same way-

 

I’m so afraid of you pushing me away. It really hurt. The pain was even worse than any physical pain that was inflicted to me. You, who I always put on a pedestal all these while, became my greatest weakness without realizing.

 

Therefore, when the punishment was over and uncle left, I could barely feel the pain on my body.

 

It was really nothing compared to my hurting heart.

 

* * *

 

DANIEL’S POV

 

I had prepared myself with what to say when I meet Park Jihoon today.  _Yes, that’s it. Maintain your composure. You can do it, Kang Daniel. The faster you get this over with, the faster it will end._

__

During lunch break, I went to Soyoung’s classroom with another intention. It was to see Park Jihoon.

 

However, when I reached the classroom, I couldn’t see Park Jihoon anywhere.  _Excuse me, have you seen Park Jihoon?_ I grabbed the arm of one of the student who had just came out of the classroom and asked him.

 

_Ah, Park Jihoon didn’t come to school today._

_Oh, is that so…Alright, thanks._

 

Fuck.

 

“Ah, oppa. You’re here early. Let’s go to eat together.” Soyoung who had just came out of the class greeted me with a cheery voice. I hid my disappointment and immediately put on a smile in her presence.

 

The next day I went to the classroom, Park Jihoon was still nowhere to be seen.

 

It was only after 3 days that I saw Park Jihoon. I met him at the male restroom while in the middle of the morning classes.

 

He was wearing a full school coat to the restroom. The sight itself was strange enough for anyone who was watching. Our eyes met through the reflection in the huge mirror at the sink. Strangely, he was the one who avoided my gaze first.

 

I felt like something was off in the behaviour of Park Jihoon. The usually persistent kid was not saying anything to me at all. I watched as he continued washing his hands quietly with a lowered gaze. The hands actually looked small now that I’m watching them properly, I never realized. As I continued to observe him, I realized things I didn’t notice before. Has those eyes always been that droopy and gloomy? The face seemed to look exhausted as well. I wondered if he had fallen sick the past 3 days when he was absent from school.

 

He turned off the tap water and looked at himself once in the mirror, completely avoiding my gaze still.

 

“Park Jihoon.” I called out to him before he can move to leave.

 

“...Yes?”

 

“After class is over, meet me in front of the gate.”

 

I was the one who left first.

 

.

.

.

.

.

 

At 3 pm, I stood in front of the gate waiting. Thankfully Soyoung had club activities, so I didn’t have to give any excuse for not being able to go back with her today.

 

Park Jihoon appeared 5 minutes later.

 

“Let’s go.” I said as I pushed myself off from the wall upon seeing his nearing figure.

 

He looked at me with curious eyes and asked, his hands pulling on the bag straps on his shoulder like an innocent schoolboy. “Where to?”

 

“Just follow me.” I spoke with an almost irritated tone. I’d rather he doesn’t ask anything along the way.

 

The walk was quite a long one, in the end Jihoon noticed that we were heading to the city. So he had started to ask again after a long silence.

 

“Where are we going?”

 

I stopped when we reached our destination. Honestly, it was nothing spectacular. Just a cheap motel located amidst the many buildings around it. I had hoped Jihoon would understand the situation by himself once I brought him here, but he seemed to be more confused than ever.

 

“What are we doing here?”

 

Seeing that he was still standing stupidly at the entrance, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside. The owner scanned us from head to toe, but I knew he hardly cared even if we were two schoolboys in our school uniforms right now. A run-down motel like this wouldn’t even care if you are the president of the country, as long as you have money to pay them. The moment I handed the owner the money, he wordlessly handed me a key in exchange.

 

Room 208.

 

Jihoon was quiet all the way even after we entered the room.

 

“Take off your clothes.”

 

I instructed him. Meanwhile, I was busy taking off my own.

 

“What are we going to do?” Jihoon asked in a small voice.

 

My hands stilled on the shirt that I was trying to pull off as I looked back at him with a frown.

 

“Have you forgotten? You said you wanted to have sex with me once. So let’s do it now.”

 

Yes, this is what we are going to do. So you better take off your clothes before I changed my mind.

 

In the end, this was what I decided. After I fulfilled your wish, you can then leave me in peace and not bother me anymore.

 

Yet, even as I made it clear to Jihoon on what we were about to do, he remained standing at the doorway with a hardened form and expression. It looked as if he doesn’t intend to take another step in. So I had to comment on his questionable behaviour.

 

“What are you doing? Aren’t you going to do it?”

 

“...”

 

“You’re the one who shamelessly asked me for it, so why are you hesitating now?”

 

“...”

 

“Park Jihoon, let’s get this over with. Take off your clothes now.”

 

I instructed with a commanding tone.

 

Jihoon was nibbling on his lower lip repeatedly as he fisted the hem of his coat. He looked visibly troubled, scared even.

 

Scared? What are you scared of? I thought you were the one who was so eager to want to have sex with me.

 

“...I can’t now.”

 

“What?”

 

“I can’t do it now…”

 

“Are you kidding me right now? I said hurry and take off your clothes.”

 

“I really can’t…” Jihoon’s voice became strained.

 

Feeling irritated all of a sudden, I went across the room and grabbed his wrist again to pull him into the middle of the room. Then I proceeded to throw him roughly to the bed and climbed on top of his curled figure.

 

“Please stop.”

 

Jihoon said shakily as his hands tried to stop my hands which were now pulling off his coat. But I was determined to get this over with today. To stop from getting myself interrupted, I used my strength to bind both his wrists to the bedpost using the tie that I just unfastened from his collar. Now all that was left was to unbutton the white shirt and take it off as well.

 

“No, please, stop…” Jihoon kept asking me to stop, but all the pleas fell into deaf ears as my hands proceeded to unbutton his shirt.

 

I leaned down to nibble his neck while slipping off the button one by one. The milky skin looked appetizing and I let that thought alone to be my cue to start lavishing the body underneath me with attention. Soon all the buttons were undone and I stretched both his shirt flaps aside, about to pull them off from his arms when something caught my eyes.

 

There was a strange discolouration that was starkly in contrast to the milky skin of Jihoon. A large purple bruise marred the left side of Jihoon’s waist. When I exposed him better, I realized it wasn’t the only bruise that was on the body. There was another bruise on his shoulder extending all the way to his right upper arm. And there were also other numerous purple, blue and green bruises forming all along the expanse of the upper limbs. My gaze lowered to the still-clothed legs, lingering there for a while. Don’t tell me there’s bruises there too…

 

My movements were halted after I witnessed the unexpected sight. By the time I registered what was actually happening, Jihoon was already tearing up.

 

The tears streamed down his face in rivulets, and I was rendered speechless.

 

“Please let me go…” Jihoon managed between sobs, struggling weakly underneath me.

 

I wordlessly loosened the tie around his wrist and got off his body. He sat up and rushed to put on his clothes again.

 

Park Jihoon, you…

 

Before I can get a word out, Park Jihoon got out of the bed and ran out of the room. I didn’t get up to chase after him. I merely listened to the sound of the door shutting close, and I was then left in the deafening silence that followed.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

JIHOON’S POV

 

I ran out of the motel with tears still wet on my cheeks. I rubbed them off roughly with the back of my hands when I saw the people around me staring.

 

It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this.

 

When I decided to return to school today, I wanted to avoid Daniel as much as I can. I didn’t want him to see me in my worst condition. After my uncle had beaten me up that day, I was down with a fever and it was the worst fever I had ever experienced. Aside from bearing with the pain that made itself known all over my body, I lost appetite due to the fever and didn’t eat much. As a result, my body became really weak so I stayed in bed and slept most of the time.

 

Because no one could take care of me but my own self, thus I had to endure the past 3 days with temperature over 38 degree celcius miserably. My only relief was the antipyretics that I took three times daily. When I woke up this morning, I thought the fever had settled down so I finally decided to go to school. However I still looked unwell because my appetite hadn’t return. My face was pale and I generally looked exhausted.

 

I thought my luck couldn’t be worse when Daniel saw me in the restroom. I had tried to avoid his eyes as much as I can, but I could feel his gaze that bore into the back of my head. It made me so anxious that I only managed to wash my hands half-heartedly in my rush to get out of the restroom.

 

He stopped me, however.

 

“Park Jihoon.”

 

Eventhough I wanted to avoid you but I couldn't help but to miss hearing your voice...I was sick for the past 3 days, yet it was only you that I could think about.

 

“...Yes?”

 

I turned around slowly to look at him. This time, our eyes met and I felt my heart fluttering at the fact that your eyes reflected only me in them. I felt stupidly happy even for something as superficial as this. It was because the years of dreaming that you would look at me had turned into a reality. You even called me by my name with your voice these days, and it made me feel even happier to know that my existence had finally been acknowledged by you. I’m also still so elated because I still hadn’t gotten over the fact that we are in talking terms with each other now.

 

“After class is over, meet me in front of the gate.”

 

You had said before you left. My heart still raced even after I got back to my classroom. It seemed that all my previous discomfort and sickness was forgotten as I became excited at the prospect of meeting you again later.

 

When I came out from the school, you were waiting for me at the exact place you told me.

 

“Let’s go.”

 

He didn’t waste time and started walking first.

 

“Where to?”

 

Where are we going in such a hurry? But he didn’t answer to my question as he continued walking in long strides down the streets. Daniel's legs are really long, so despite walking leisurely, the distance he covered in a single step was much larger than me. I had to compensate by fastening my steps in order to catch up with his pace.

 

I was focused on catching up with his steps that by the time he stopped, I realized we were in the middle of the city, standing in front of a motel. I started to feel uneasy. The uneasiness was confirmed when we entered one of the room in the motel and he instructed me to take off my clothes.

 

“Have you forgotten? You said you wanted to have sex with me once. So let’s do it now.”

 

Is this what you had in your mind when you waited for me earlier? It was right that I did ask to have sex with you, but doing it today is a bit…

 

“What are you doing? Aren’t you going to do it?”

 

“...”

 

“You’re the one who shamelessly asked me for it, so why are you hesitating now?”

 

“...”

 

“Park Jihoon, let’s get this over with. Take off your clothes now.”

 

I...I can’t do it with you today. I fisted my hands on my coat tightly. No matter what you say, today is really not a good day.

 

I was scared when he suddenly grabbed a hold of me and threw me to the bed. Please don’t do this…I pleaded and pleaded, but Daniel was really determined. In the end, there was nothing I could do when he saw the bruises all over my body.

 

This really wasn’t how it was supposed to turn out. I never wanted to show you this ugly part of me. As you continued to discover each of the ugliness that has stamped itself all over my body, I felt shame washing over.

 

Unwillingly, the tears fell from my eyes.

 

I really didn’t want this to happen.

 

The moment he released my wrists, I had hurriedly wrapped all the bruises back under the cover of my school uniform. There was a reason I didn’t take off the coat the whole day.

 

Daniel looked as if he wanted to say something to me, but I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t take what he was going to say nor could I watch the look on his face any longer, so I had escaped from him as fast as I can.

 

While rubbing off the fresh tears that started spilling again, I walked back home with a heavy heart. The sun was setting in the horizon. The rays gently warmed my face and dried my tears after a while. As I entered the neighbourhood, I walked the opposite direction from my house and went to a nearby park instead. Due to poor maintenance, this park had been isolated for years so no one came to play here anymore. I sat down on an old creaky swing and leaned sideways against the chain.

 

How should I face Daniel from here onwards?

 

That was the only thought that swirled in my mind.

 

When I remembered the look I saw on your face earlier, I became afraid at the thought of facing you again. Are you disgusted of me now? What if you started avoiding me, what if those eyes of yours started looking at me in disgust, what if you started hating me?

 

These what ifs made me despair endlessly. I closed my eyes and exhaled a shaky breath.

 

I was only able to walk myself back home after half an hour. Thankfully when I reached home, uncle was nowhere to be seen. The house that we lived in was a small one, a single-storey with 2 bedrooms, a living room which was directly connected to the kitchen, and a single shared toilet. Overall, the facilities provided were just adequate for us to live by. I spent most of my time in the kitchen and bedroom. The kitchen when I had to cook meals, and the bedroom when I wanted to do other activities. I rarely sat in the living room because I wanted to avoid from meeting uncle. At night when uncle came back, I would often already be in my room with the door locked.

 

Albeit today I had to go to the living room because I had to finish house chores before uncle came back. The house chores are done by me ever since I came to stay with uncle, it had been like a rule that I needed to follow if I wanted to stay with him. So I was the one who took care of the laundries, meals, and cleaning the house.

 

Because I had came back a bit late, so I didn’t have much time. I went to the living room hurriedly to start cleaning.

 

Something caught my eyes.

 

There was a fancy-looking box lying innocently on the living room table. I kneeled down and picked it up from the table, examining it.

 

There were bottles of expensive wine in the box. I looked at the foreign words that were carved on the bottles, and frowned. Together with the box, a receipt was stuck to it. When I read the amount of money that uncle had paid for the wines, I became upset.

 

That day when he had beaten me, he was shouting about how he was stressed on the lack of money.

 

_The money that I got for supporting you isn’t even enough to live for a year. Aren’t your parents supposed to be rich? Why are they so fucking stingy to leave you with so little money?_

He even went to the extent of humiliating my already deceased parents. You said all these to me with such anger, you hit me to vent your frustration, yet the reason for your anger and frustration wasn’t even caused by me. The reason why you had so little money was because you liked to spend on useless stuffs like these. You’re such an irresponsible adult.

 

If you had just saved the money that you used to buy all your alcohol and wines all these years, I wouldn’t have to be the receiving end of your anger and frustration. I wouldn’t have to get hit and had bruises all over my body. I could have lived my school days without having to be afraid of getting discovered each single time. I could’ve lived a better life and not think of suicidal thoughts. I could have also prevented today’s incident from happening. Now Daniel also hates me because of you.

 

If you’re just a little bit more responsible, things wouldn’t have led to this.

 

It’s all your fault that all these happened. Shitty bastard.

 

I took the box outside the house, and put it on the pavement. After tearing off the seal on the box, I pulled off the lid. I used a hand to hold the neck of the bottle and smashed it down to the ground. The bottle broke into pieces and the red liquid that was contained inside flowed from the cracks and spilled all around me. I took another bottle and hurled it down to the ground. I did it similarly for the rest of the three bottles.

 

In the end, there were only pieces of what was left laying on the red-stained pavement. My fingers started trembling after witnessing the sight, yet my heart felt so much lighter. It felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from my chest and I could finally breathe in relief again.

 

I then hurriedly swept off all the pieces and put them into a plastic bag. Then I proceeded to wash the stain off from the pavements. The bag that contained the broken bottles were thrown into the rubbish bin outside. Because I was afraid uncle might check the rubbish bin, so I had went the extra mile to carry the plastic bag to the rubbish dumping area in the neighbourhood.

 

By the time I was done, all the evidence had been cleared from the house. After that, I rushed to finish the rest of the house chores then locked myself in the room before uncle returned.

 

I was trembling as I hid under the covers. It was the first time I did something against uncle without thinking. Before this I was always too afraid to do anything bad if uncle was concerned. But as I thought about how it was his fault that ruined Daniel’s thoughts on me, anger got the best of me and I let them took over my mind and actions.

 

It was scary. Eventhough it was uncle’s fault, but I realized it was Daniel who could drive me to do something so reckless like this.

 

* * *

 

Uncle didn’t bother me the whole night. I woke up at my usual hour, but the anxiety was still there as long as I could feel his presence from the other room. So to prevent being in the house any longer, I skipped breakfast and went off to school immediately.

 

I was among the earliest on that day, so the classroom only had one or two people in the seat when I arrived. Among them, Choi Soyoung was one of them.

 

The eyes of Soyoung noticeably followed me as I walked into the classroom and to my seat.

 

After that day where I caught both of them red-handed, she had been really cautious of me and tried to avoid me as much as possible despite being in the same class. We had been classmates since early this year, although we didn’t talk much to each other but she could still smile and greet me before this.

 

After that incident, her attitude towards me had changed to a 180. I could tell she disliked me since then. But that wasn’t my concern, I could hardly care if she disliked me or not. What I really cared was whether Kang Daniel disliked me or not.

 

I was sitting anxiously at my seat as the time ticked by. Soon, one by one the students filtered into the classroom. At exactly 7.52am, Daniel appeared in front of my classroom. He looked like he had waken up late and didn’t have time to arrange his appearance. His hair was messy, his black tie was half done and he looked breathless as if he had been sprinting earlier. I swallowed thickly at the sight. Despite being a mess, Kang Daniel is breathtakingly handsome. I thought the wild style suits him the most.

 

Soyoung got up from her seat and rushed to the door with a smile. I watched as Daniel talked to her and gave her something. I couldn’t really see what it was because Soyoung was partially blocking my view.  _Oppa, you’re a mess._  I could tell this was what she was saying when she reached her hand up to fix Daniel’s hair. She then helped Daniel to fix his tie for him.

 

Do you really have to do these in front of everyone in the class…

 

 _You two are like a married couple!_ A few of the girls in the class chimed. Laughters rang around the class.

 

Soyoung was blushing with a shy smile. But I was more keen on observing Daniel’s reaction. Daniel didn’t seem to be affected judging from the lack of change in the facial expression. His eyes were darting around the class until they fell on me. For a second, I felt his gaze stopped on me. In that very second, I realized that he was searching for me. When the second passed, his eyes went back to Soyoung.  _Thanks,_ he said after Soyoung had finished fixing his tie, and left.

 

I wondered why. If I just become a bit more wishful in my thinking, I would’ve think that Kang Daniel came to the class for me, and not for Choi Soyoung.

 

Park Jihoon is a fool who is helplessly in love with Kang Daniel. Every sliver of hope that presented to me was regarded as a chance to get closer to him. I want to know what you’re thinking…What is on your mind at the moment. Like a person who had been stranded in the desert for days, I thirsted to know everything about Daniel as if thirsting for water.

 

I couldn’t help it when I found myself waiting outside of his class during lunch time.

 

“Sunbae…” I called out to him when I saw him coming out of the class. His steps halted as he registered my presence.

 

“I-” Before I could even start, he walked past me, his shoulder brushing against mine slightly in the process. I turned to look at his calm back and steps with a sudden uncertainty.

 

 _Niel-ah, wait for us! We’re coming too!_ At that moment, I saw his friends coming out of the classroom to catch up with him.

 

But I- I had something to say to you-

 

“Daniel sunbae!” I called out louder this time. The voice must’ve been louder than I expected because everyone that was in the corridor at that time suddenly turned around to look at me. Even his friends.

 

But Daniel was the only one who still wasn’t looking at me.

 

_Niel-ah, I…I think he’s calling for you._

_Is it the same guy from the other day? A hoobae you knew?_

__

Daniel only slightly tilted his head in the direction of the friend who was asking. That moment of opening his mouth to answer seemed to move in slow motion in my eyes.

 

_No. I don’t know him._

__

Then, Daniel had proceeded to ignore me and continued walking ahead. His other friends who were flustered looked at me briefly in confusion before they also did the same.

 

As I watched your leaving back became smaller and smaller in my sight, and the distance between us became farther and farther from each other, there was a sound of fragile glass breaking.

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

DANIEL’S POV

 

It was because I didn’t want to get involved with Park Jihoon.

 

On that day when I realized there was something much deeper going on behind the life of Park Jihoon, I took a few steps back instinctively. Things were already pretty complicated between me and him, if I chose to get myself involved in what was happening in Park Jihoon’s life as well, I think I wouldn’t be able to turn back again.

 

It was a selfish yet the only plausible choice to make considering the kind of relationship I had with Park Jihoon. Besides, the latter seemed like he didn’t want me to get involved either considering how he had ran away from me without a word after I discovered the bruises.

 

So I decided to ignore him from then on.

 

Even when he called out to me repeatedly that day, I had pretended not to know him and left.

 

Park Jihoon, let’s just not get involved with each other anymore.

 

As if he heard my wish, he didn’t come to talk me anymore since then.

 

It had been 2 weeks now. Although sometimes I passed by him in the corridor, there was no eye contact made and no words exchanged. Things were peaceful for the past 2 weeks. I thought it would continue to be that way until I graduated. At least that was how I intended to finish the rest of my high school days.

 

* * *

 

 

Today I had a football practice with my team members. The practice lasted for almost 3 hours, so it only ended when it was nearly 6 pm. The members were packing up and leaving the field, but I stayed back to clear up the equipment from the field because it was my turn today.

 

I thought I was alone the whole time, so I got surprised when I saw Park Jihoon quietly helping me to collect the balls that were scattered all over the field. Since when were you here…?

 

“...”

 

Contrary to the complete uniform he usually wore, he was wearing lightly this time. His arms that hugged the pile of balls were revealed through the short-sleeved white school shirt. The last time I saw those arms, they were filled with bruises of various colours. Now when I examined them properly, it seemed the bruises had fade so only the natural milky colour of the skin was seen.

 

“You don’t have to do this.” I said, watching him with a frown as he diligently dropped the balls into the large bag and then go back to the field to fetch the remaining.

 

“I want to help you.”

 

I was reminded of the familiar stubbornness.

 

“It’s fine. Just leave them there. I’ll clear them up.”

 

“But I want to help you.”

 

That’s why I said it’s fine, didn’t I? You don’t need to help because I don’t need it…Yet, he was stubbornly ignoring me even after I insisted… I wondered why I even bothered to stop him. Sighing after a while, I proceeded to continue gathering the other equipment. Once everything was cleared, I carried the equipment in my hands and made my way to the storeroom. Jihoon followed behind me carrying the bag of balls with him.

 

As we walked down the hallways, I noted how quiet the school was. There was no one else left in the school aside from the two of us.

 

After putting the equipment in the storeroom, I then waited for Jihoon to put the bag inside as well before I closed the door and locked it up. Despite the fact that I was forced to accept his help, I wasn’t the type to disregard a person’s good intention. So I decided to thank him once before I leave.

 

However when I turned around to look at him, the sight that presented itself to me was unusual. Jihoon was crouching on the floor, clutching on his stomach and his face looked like he was in pain. What is happening here…I started to become confused as I hesitantly neared the crouching figure.

 

“...What’s wrong with you?” I asked while bending down cautiously to check on him. The sight of that face which always looked so calm yet now looking completely twisted in pain made me feel uneasy.

 

“It hurts…” Jihoon said in a small strained voice, head bowed.

 

“...What?”

 

“My stomach hurts…”

 

I watched the squeezed eyes and lips of Jihoon. It was an expression of trying to endure the pain. As he was unlikely to fake the pain judging from the way his eyes were also starting to tear up, I suddenly felt a sense of urgency and moved to hold his shoulders in my hands.

 

“Let’s take a seat for a while.” I guided him to a bench nearby and let him sit first. He was breathing hard and his face was gradually becoming red. It looks like he is hurting a lot…

 

“Do you often have this pain?” I asked as I observed his face with worry. I had to ask just in case it wasn’t just a simple stomachache.

 

“...Yes…Often, these days…when I skipped meals…”

 

As I heard his explanation, my mother’s face came to mind. My mother used to have something like this too in the past. One day I found her suddenly complaining of pain while we were sitting in the living room. What happened? And then she had told me something similar. A sudden severe stomachache that would come whenever she missed her meals. She told me she had been having gastritis. To relieve the pain, my mother would usually take some medications.

 

“Did you take any medication for your pain?” I asked, to which he answered with a weak shake of his head.

 

I’d have to buy some medication from the pharmacy nearby then. Although I couldn’t remember what the name was exactly, I could remember how it looked like.

 

“Eat this while I go to the pharmacy.” I rummaged my bag and my hand found the thing that I wanted. I took out a chocolate bar which I always had in store just in case. I tore open the wrapper and pushed the bar to Jihoon’s lips. _Eat._ Jihoon tearily held onto the bar with his hand and started biting onto it as told. _Eat it all. Hopefully it’ll help to relieve the pain a little. Wait for me here, I’ll be back in a few minutes._

__

Luckily, there was a pharmacy just in front of the school, so the trip didn’t take long. _Excuse me, do you have any medication for gastritis?_ Because I was in a hurry, I had to ask for it straight from the counter. _Ah, antacids? Yes, this would do._ It was the exact same medication my mother took. Then I bought a couple of other medications and paid for it.

 

When I returned to Jihoon, I saw him still chewing onto the chocolate bar. It didn’t even reach half, I guessed he was probably in too much pain to have the desire to eat anything. I got a bottle of water from my bag. Then I opened the cap and handed it to him. _Take this together with the pills._ He listened to me and swallowed the pills as told.

 

It took a couple of minutes for the medication to take effect. Slowly, I saw his body relaxing and his face calming. _Better now?_ I observed his face carefully. His eyes seemed to have dried and his face looked less in pain compared to before. But the redness on his face persisted as he stared at me while nodding silently.

 

“I’m glad.”

 

“...Thank you.” Jihoon mumbled in a small voice.

 

“It’s no problem.” _You had my mother to thank to._

 

Still I felt your carelessness towards your own health was a little concerning, therefore a frown had started to settle on my face.

 

"Why did you skip your meals if you know that you're going to be in pain because of it?"

 

"I just dont have much appetite these days..."

 

"But you should take care of your own body more."

 

“...Were you worried of me, sunbae?”

 

His sudden question had caught me off-guard. To be honest, I had just been focused to find a way to relieve your pain because I didn’t like to see how much it was causing you pain. So if you asked me in that way, yes I was worried to see you in pain. But what do you wish to gain from asking me that? I wasn’t worried of you because I had feelings for you. It was just a normal reaction towards a person who was in pain.

 

I had all these thoughts in my head, yet I couldn’t bring myself to answer anything. He gave a small laugh and I was surprised to see that face which was previously in so much pain became so pleasant as the eyes curved into beautiful crescents and the lips adorned with a sweet smile.

 

Park Jihoon looks really pretty when he is smiling.

 

I must be going crazy because I can’t take my eyes off from his face. Suddenly, there was a strange air between us as we continued staring at each other. Jihoon was nibbling on his lower lip as his eyes glanced at my lips. His long lashes fluttered as they blinked from my lips to my eyes repeatedly. It felt like each action was intentionally done to lure me in. It reminded me of a butterfly’s way to charm.

 

Jihoon was slowly closing the distance between our face, yet I was unable to move an inch. Charmed and entranced by the mesmerizing eyes, I was as if spellbound as I let Jihoon kiss my lips without a single resistance. His lips were soft, moist and gentle as they massaged, moved against my own delicately. Everything about this felt very unreal.

 

I must’ve been out of my mind the whole minute I let him kiss me. It was Jihoon who ended the kiss first as he pulled away, looking slightly out of breath and face still reddish, but it was that shy smile that took my whole attention.

 

Kang Daniel, you must be out of your mind.

 

The warning sign flashed in my mind urgently, causing the strength to rush back into my body. Standing up hastily, I snatched my bag and started to run.

 

“Sunbae…”

 

Even the soft voice that called after me had the power to shake me down to the core at that moment. So I ran harder, faster until I was sure I was far, far away from where Park Jihoon was.

 

Because I was suddenly afraid of the person named Park Jihoon, who seemed effortless at trapping people within the butterfly-like charm he embodies.

 

* * *

 

 

JIHOON’S POV

 

 

 

Sunbae, if you treat me so kindly like this, I would just fall in love with you more.

 

 

 

For the past two weeks, I had been suffering from stomachache almost daily. But did you know it wasn’t this that I was suffering the most from? Rather than the physical pain, it was the emotional pain that was the most painful after I realized that you wanted to pretend as if I didn’t exist anymore.

 

I couldn’t eat nor sleep properly. I barely had any awareness to my surroundings as all I could think of was how to get you back. But when I remembered your cold voice, your cold shoulder as you turned your back from me, I became so afraid to try to do anything that I cried until there was no more tears left. My greatest fear was to see you leaving me, and on that day as I watched your back grew farther and farther apart from me, the grasp on my sanity began slipping.

 

For the whole two weeks, I suffered from insomnia, and when I did sleep nightmares would come crawling in. As the line that bordered my sanity began to become blurred little by little, so did my perception of fear. Because of this I was able to approach you again after two weeks. Even if I were to think that you are going to reject me again, I couldn’t feel anymore fear. All that was left was just the desperation to get you back as if I was holding onto the end of my lifeline.

 

Because my gastritis had become more frequent these days due to my refusal to eat anything, I experienced another episode of it when I was with you. Now that I think about it, I felt relieved that it happened while I was with you. Not only did you worry about me, you also went so far as to try and help me ease my pain. I had thought that you would leave me coldly again like you did on that day, but you unexpectedly stayed with me, handed me food to eat knowing I skipped my meals, comforted me with words and even went to fetch medicines for me.

 

I had been mistaken all these while. Stupid, stupid Park Jihoon. Kang Daniel was the only person who had cared enough to help you before. Therefore, Kang Daniel would never leave you now either if he sees you suffering. Even after all these years, nothing had changed. Kang Daniel is still the caring, kind person who I used to remember. I felt a huge sense of relief washing over me…

__

As I chewed on the chocolate bar that he gave me while I waited for him to come back, I felt the tears rushed down even more. This time, the tears were not due to the pain but because I was so happy. Am I deserving of such kindness from you? Because you had always been so selfless at giving away kindness, I fell in love with you. But how can I make you understand just how much I love you?

 

When I asked if you were worried of me, I could see you becoming flustered as you tried to think of how to answer. I laughed because you looked so adorable then. It made me want to kiss you. You were looking at me in a strange way too after that, and eventhough I had never kissed anyone before, I felt as if the mood was right for me to go with my instinct. Therefore I kissed you, and the butterflies in my stomach were set free. As I moved my lips against yours, I tried to memorize the feel of your lips into my mind. The softness, sweetness, everything of it.

 

My first kiss was with you. The happiness that I felt just from knowing that you were my first was enough to make all the memories of sufferings that I had endured up till now vanished in an instant.

 

Even when you ran away from me later, my head remained in the clouds, as if wondering if everything that had happened was real. I touched my tingling lips with my fingers and tried to remember the feeling again.

 

It was too good to be true.

 

On that day, Kang Daniel, who had been Park Jihoon’s first love, also became Park Jihoon’s first kiss.

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

DANIEL’S POV

 

I concluded that I wasn’t in the right mind yesterday. After I got a long good night sleep and woke up feeling fresh in the morning, I realized it was just a moment of stupidity on my part. I must’ve been too tired to the point that I couldn’t think clearly.

 

The image of that face in such close proximity to mine flashed in my mind. The whole features were magnified in my eyes, and I remembered those big eyes that blinked at me and the redness that dusted his cheeks and seeping all the way to his ears.

 

I splashed my face with cold water from the sink, and the image faded from my mind as the feeling of shocking coldness took over. That morning, I decided to have cold shower just to stop myself from thinking about Park Jihoon’s face.

 

At school, I couldn’t focus. At one point, the teacher called me who was spacing out the whole time and got my attention, yet not even a minute later I became distracted again.

 

This is really not good. Park Jihoon’s face kept appearing in my mind.

 

Fuck.

 

The more I didn’t want to think about him the more he came up in my thoughts. I thought I was really ruined. It must be because of what happened yesterday. That strange atmosphere that suddenly floated between us, that moment of being entranced by the way his eyes were focused on only me, and that unexpected kiss…

 

Fuck…I think I’m really ruined.

 

Because my mind was in a mess the whole day, my frustration grew. This is all Park Jihoon’s fault. He had became the whirlwind that messed up my once peaceful life.

 

Then there was also the issue of the bruises I saw all over Park Jihoon’s body. I still didn’t know how I should react to this. It was definitely a concerning matter, and at one point I had thought of confronting him and asking about it but I dreaded what would happen if I decided to get myself involved with Park Jihoon even more. Our first meeting had already started off with a bad feeling and until now what kind of relationship we had with each other still remained ambiguous. There seemed to be no clear boundaries established yet to define the relationship that I had with Park Jihoon.

 

Park Jihoon seemed to be someone who is an enigma with a volatile temperament. There was not a time where I can predict what he was going to do next. I had never met someone who is as difficult to understand as Park Jihoon in my whole life. Therefore, I faced such a predicament on what to do when it concerned him.

 

When we met each other in the corridor later, the only thing I can think of doing was to pretend that nothing had happened yesterday.

 

“...”

 

I planned to not want to confront him until I got everything sorted out in my mind. Yet, Park Jihoon seemed to think differently as he stopped me when I walked past him. I looked at his small hand that had grabbed onto my wrist.

 

“Sunbae.”

 

Today he was all smiles and light expression. It was a new kind of feeling that radiated from him. If I dare to say, he looked almost friendly at that moment.

 

“...”

 

“Sunbae, are you going to eat lunch?”

 

“...”

 

“Let’s go and eat together.”

 

You suggested to me as if we were friends. Yet, I never thought of you as a friend. I really don’t know about my thoughts on you. You’re a really difficult person. I felt the frustration coming back again.

 

“Let me go.”

 

“If I let you go, will you eat lunch together with me?”

 

“No.”

 

“Sunbae, you helped me yesterday. At least, let me treat you for lunch?”

 

“That’s not necessary.”

 

“But I owe you. Just let me treat you once, okay?”

 

Fuck, Park Jihoon. Can you listen to me just for once? I kept refusing, and yet you still kept insisting. If there was one thing that I really hate about you, it’s the fact that you always chose to be stubborn at the wrong timing.

 

“Ah, oppa!”

 

That was why I was really relieved when Soyoung saw us and came to intervene.

 

“Oppa, let’s go to eat lunch together!” She said cheerily. However, the moment she noticed Jihoon’s hand which was gripping my wrist, a frown immediately marred her face. “…What’s this? What are you doing with oppa?” She looked back and forth between me and Jihoon. At that moment, I shook off Jihoon’s hand and held onto Soyoung’s.

 

“It’s nothing. Let’s go.” I pulled Soyoung’s wrist and led her away, not turning back once to look at Jihoon.

 

When both of us were out of sight, my pace gradually slowed. Soyoung stopped walking and tugged my hand for attention.

 

“Oppa.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“What were you and Park Jihoon talking about earlier?”

 

“We didn’t talk about anything.”

 

“Then why was he holding your hand?”

 

Soyoung was giving me a suspicious gaze. I wasn’t the type who was good at lying, so I didn’t know what to answer in reply.

 

“...Did he come to talk to you about that day when he saw us?”

 

…If I were to think of it loosely, then yes we were talking with each other because of what had happened the other day. But Soyoung only knew that Jihoon had seen us, she didn’t know what had happened after she left. And I didn’t intend to let her know any of that.

 

“Oppa…is he threatening you?”

 

My eyes widened at her question. It was all the reaction she needed from me for her to come to a conclusion.

 

“...I’m right, aren’t I?”

 

She then sighed, and lowered her head. “It has to be that he’s threatening you, otherwise you wouldn’t be bothered to have any business with him.”

 

But wait, Soyoung-ah…Isn’t it too fast for you to conclude this? Although I was surprised that she got it right with one question, and although the fact that I did get threatened by Jihoon was right, yet these days I felt that something else seemed to have developed between me and Jihoon. It was something more than being held hostage by his threat. Although I knew there was something more, but as of now I couldn’t exactly tell what it was yet. As I learned more about Park Jihoon, I began to feel the boy was someone who would not harm a person despite his threat.

 

I knew Park Jihoon likes me. That was clear to me. Eventhough I often got teased by my friends because I was often clueless to a person’s adoration towards me, yet in the case of Park Jihoon I couldn’t help but to notice it. That kiss yesterday…it was all I needed to know of his feelings towards me.

 

Strangely, despite how extreme and unimaginable his action may be sometimes, I could at least tell that he was a sincere person. He sincerely likes me, and I felt as if he wouldn’t dare to do anything that can harm me. Therefore, nowadays I started to think that his threat was more of an excuse for him to get close to me.

 

Park Jihoon, I seemed to have figured you out…Yet I can’t seem to figure myself out. It was ironic.

 

“Oppa, why are you so quiet? Did he threaten you to not talk to me or something?”

 

“...That’s-”

 

“What does that bastard wants? Does he plan to ruin both of us?”

 

“Soyoung-ah, it’s not like that-”

 

“Then, what is it? What does he wants?”

 

Soyoung looked really upset. I felt troubled when I saw her eyes that had now become glassed with tears.

 

“Oppa, be honest and tell me what he did to you…”

 

“Soyoung-ah, please don’t cry…”

 

I reached a hand out to wipe her falling tears, but the tears kept on coming out as she continued to cry. I could only listen to her crying without being able to do anything. For some reason, I felt guilty towards her.

 

She looked up at me then. I saw the look of fear and uncertainty in her eyes.

 

“I’m scared, oppa…”

 

“...”

 

“I love you, oppa. I don’t want anything to happen to us… I’m really scared…What if he plans to tell about what he saw the other day to everyone?” She closed the distance between us and hugged my waist, burying her wet face in my shirt. Due to the guilt I felt, I could only offer comfort to her by hugging her back and reassuring her. _Soyoung-ah, that won’t happen. I promise nothing will happen to us…so please don’t cry anymore…_

__

I spent the whole break time just comforting her with those kind of words. I was glad when the smile was back on her face at the end of the break time. I accompanied her to the classroom and she didn’t let go of her hold on my hand the whole time. Even when we reached in front of her class, she seemed reluctant to let go of my hand. I had to persuade her using a gentle voice. _Soyoung-ah, sorry it’s all oppa’s fault. Oppa will do better next time so that Soyoung won’t be sad again. Can you trust oppa just this once?_ Soyoung looked at me with her big eyes quietly, the words seeming to take effect. When Soyoung nodded, I smiled.

 

“Yes, then I’ll see you after school.” I was about to leave, but Soyoung stopped me with a tug on my shirt. __What’s wrong?__

 

“Oppa, give me a kiss once before you go.” She murmured in a small voice while glancing up at me shyly.

 

Right here? But there’s so many people around…However, I still felt guilty towards her so I couldn’t say no to her. I leaned down and kissed her once on the cheek. That immediately earned me a wide smile from Soyoung. She happily kissed me back on the cheek as well. _Get to class safely, oppa! I’ll see you after school._

__

I waited until she entered her classroom before I turned around to go back to mine.

 

Jihoon was standing just a few distance behind me. It felt like dejavu all over again.

 

“Sunbae.”

 

“...”

 

“I need to talk with you for a while.”

 

I hesitated. “...Class is starting. I need to go back to class.”

 

“It won’t take long.”

 

Jihoon grabbed onto my wrist again. But this time, he also pulled me with him. We went into the male restroom which was empty. We stood facing each other. I tried to read Jihoon’s face, but his face gave nothing away.

 

“Sunbae.”

 

“...”

 

“The other day, at the motel, let’s continue where we left off.”

 

What…

 

“This time, let’s do it.”

 

…By now, I should’ve learned not to be surprised with whatever that came out of Jihoon’s mouth. But I couldn’t help but to be taken aback by this.

 

“This time, let’s do it for real. Let’s have sex, the two of us.” His big eyes were fixed on me intently, and they reminded me of Soyoung’s. Her crying face earlier came to my mind.

 

“Why are you saying this now all of a sudden…”

 

“The other day, I couldn’t do it because I have a slight condition. But it doesn’t change the fact that I still want to have sex with you.”

 

I was also reminded of the bruises on Park Jihoon’s body. Truthfully, the first thing I felt when I saw your state at that time was sympathy. I had no understanding of what was going on in your life, yet I still felt pity for you. Who had hit you, how did you endure through this, had you been enduring it for a long time…You’re a pitiful person who needed help. I, who seemed to be the only one to know your secret, felt the responsibility to help you.

 

Therefore, I constantly felt guilty during the period where I refused to get involved with you. And now that I had figured out your intention to get close to me, your feelings towards me which were surprisingly sincere, I began to feel pity again for you. If I rejected you, what would happen to you? Park Jihoon originally was not a person who smiled often, in fact as of far the time that I saw him smile could be counted with one hand. And all those rare times when he did smile, it was when he was expressing his adoration towards me.

 

Will you smile if I say yes to you? The thought of making Park Jihoon smile again may help to lessen this guilt that I carried for not being able to help him. But there was also the thought of Soyoung who wanted me to not get involved with Park Jihoon either.

 

 

 

 

 

In the end, it took a long time for me to answer him.

 

“...Just once.”

 

I finally looked into Jihoon’s eyes.

 

“We will do it once like you wanted.”

 

 

 

 

 

Even after everything, it turned out that it was Park Jihoon who occupied my mind more.

 

I didn’t know if the decision I made at that moment would cost me later, but as I saw the bright smile that lit up his whole face I thought it was probably the right thing to do then.

 


	8. Chapter 8

JIHOON’S POV

 

You’re a kind person, sunbae.

 

I had known this fact since 3 years ago when I first saw you. That was why I had a feeling that you would say yes to me. You’re originally a person who can hardly say no to someone who you see is having a hard time.

 

Something similar occured 3 years ago.

 

It was our first meeting.

 

I was 15 years old then. It had then been a year since my parents passed away due to being involved in a car accident. It also had been a year since I lived with uncle.

 

At first when I started living with uncle, uncle was nice to me. He treated me well, gave me food to eat, bought me all the things that I needed, he also attended all my school meetings dutifully like a real parental figure would. I had thought he was a kind person, a person who was genuinely concerned of my welfare as he took care of me without a complaint. I had thought I would be safe under his care, and I was grateful to him.

 

One day, he changed. It was a month after my parents’ death, the lawyer who was in charge of handling the property of my deceased parents had just finished settling all the papers needed to transfer everything under my parents’ name to my uncle. On that day, after he had signed the papers and lawfully received everything, his behaviour changed to a complete 180. The uncle who had talked to me nicely before started raising his voice at me, cursing me, and scolding me for things that weren’t my mistake. He started to stop caring about what happened in my life, stopped buying me things, and started to act as if I was a burden in the house. When he got mad at me for not keeping the house clean, I also started to develop a habit to finish all the house chores before he came back.

 

Still, I was fine with all these. It was something that I thought I should at least do in return for me living with him. It was still bearable till then.

 

It only started to become suffocating when I learned of his bad drinking habit. The past one month when I lived with him, I never encountered this side of him. It seemed that he had restrained himself purposefully in that period of time just so I wouldn’t know. Now as the restraints started loosening, I gradually witnessed as his ugly side revealed itself one by one in front of me. When he was drunk, his whole demeanor became extreme. He yelled in a severe voice, threw bottles and broke them, destroyed the furniture, and made a mess of the whole house. Whenever he became like that, I became scared and hid in the safety of my locked room. At times, when he was in a bad mood, he would pound his fist against the door loudly and demanded me to open the door. Sometimes, I pretended as if I didn’t exist in the room but sometimes I had to come out because he threatened to break down the door if I didn’t.

 

And when I did come out, he would drag me all the way to the living room and started hitting me. The first time when I was hit by him, I cried and screamed so much till my throat became sore. The next day, I couldn’t move my whole body because of the pain that paralyzed me and even trying to call out was a struggle as my voice had gone hoarse after screaming the whole night. As the days of being beaten became more and more frequent, I started to learn how to keep myself quiet. Afterall, there was an effect to keeping quiet. The beating would be less severe and I would have a faster recovery. Despite the wound that recovered on the exterior, the wound in the heart continued to become bigger and bigger, gaping dark and empty each time I was left to lay silently on the floor, bruised and hurting.

 

I had endured all these for a year. I had hoped uncle would change into a new leaf at some point of time. Yet after a year, he only seemed to have gotten worse and worse. The day he broke my leg and lied to the doctor that I fell down, I was weighed down with a crashing realization of my own powerlessness. Sitting in the middle of the doctor and uncle, and with a mouth that was forced to seal shut, there was only the thought of me forever being trapped in this nightmarish cycle appearing in my mind.

 

I thought I couldn’t live with it anymore. I was lonely, and I was hurting alone. There was no one to talk to about what was happening to me, and I was constantly fearing for myself everyday.

 

Living in fear each and every single day, in pain, and not knowing what worse thing that could happen to me in the future, made me feel as if there was no hope left. I was trapped in this repeated cycle of suffering, and I couldn’t see any light at the end of the long, long tunnel I was walking in. In the end, there was only darkness that consumed me despite whichever direction I turned to.

 

There was no escape from it.

 

My body was hurting even after days of lying down to recover. Living with the pain seemed to have been almost like a routine, and although my numbed sense of pain helped to make it slightly more bearable, yet I could still feel my movements being restricted as I walked out of the room slowly.

 

The living room was a mess from last night. Uncle had been drinking again and didn’t bother to clean up as usual.

 

Today, I didn’t feel the usual urge or rush to clean the mess before he returned. Instead, I simply watched the sight with a blank mind as I stepped my way carefully past the broken pieces of glass to the front door. When I walked out, I was greeted by a strong cool wind. The skies outside were filled with gray clouds, causing the daytime which was usually bright and sunny to become dull and depressing. It seemed to reflect what I was feeling.

 

Without any aim or a destination in mind, I walked and walked, one heavy step after another with my head bowed. It seemed that at this point I had been defeated by life itself.

 

It started raining, and I idly watched as the pavements became splotched with raindrops all around me. People that were on the streets started rushing, passing by me and occasionally bumping on my shoulder in their hurry. People who had umbrella under their head continued to walk in a relaxing manner, unperturbed by the rainy weather.

 

I remained to be the only odd one in the midst of these people. My hair gradually became wet by the rain that had gotten heavier, and the wet fringes covered my eyes almost completely as they plastered to my forehead. My clothes also started to become heavy due to the rain, the heaviness adding more drag to my steps as I proceeded on without any single thought of my condition.

 

I was only thinking that it would be a nice day to die. I had endured it for a year… it’s enough now, isn’t it? You’ve done your best going through all these alone until now, Park Jihoon… So isn’t it about time to end it here?

 

As I was solemnly distracted with these thoughts, my foot got caught on a big stone that had went unnoticed and I stumbled and fell to the side road. Due to the rough texture of the pavements, my knee and hands got scraped when falling down. As I collected myself, I had a deep sinking realization.

 

That’s right…it’s really no use at this point. Even if I wish to help myself up…I still won’t be able to do it.

 

The tears mixed with the rain droplets and streamed down my face. I sat huddled as I let the tears flow freely for a long time.

 

Until a shadow casted over my form.

 

When I looked up, I saw a face that looked down at me with worry.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Those eyes didn’t look away from me even for a second. I continued staring into the warm inky depths while my body shivered.

 

“Why are you sitting here all wet and alone?”

 

The guy asked me. Aside from those warm eyes, I noticed the soft expression and smile on his face. I also noticed that I was shielded from the rain by a pink umbrella that he held right above our heads.

 

The heat that radiated from that body was close enough to warm me up.

 

“...”

 

“Ah, you’re hurt.” A warm, dry hand took my wet ones and touched the wound on my palm gently. He also inspected the wound on my knee, a frown forming on his face. “This can’t be let alone. Let’s get you warm up and patch you up. Can you stand up?” He tugged on my wrist as if to encourage me. I wordlessly nodded and tried to stand up with his support.

 

He brought me into the cafe where I sat outside earlier. There were no customers around. I was seated in a chair just in front of the counter before he disappeared in the back room. _Where did I saw that towel again…_ There were sounds of rummaging coming from the room, until after a few minutes or so I heard him making a pleased noise. _Yes, found it._ He came out with a pink fluffy towel in his hand and a big smile on his face. As if he was drying up a little kid, he toweled off my face, my neck, my arms, my legs, a bit of my body which was exposed, then my hair. _I’m sorry I don’t have any spare clothes with me…but you can use my jacket to keep yourself warm._ It was a light blue jacket with a very distinct masculine scent. I held it in my hands for a moment as I looked at the jacket that was given to me. _Don’t worry about getting it wet, just use it to cover yourself up for now._

 

While I slowly put the jacket over me, I watched as he busied himself finding a first aid kit from the drawers behind the counter. After a few minutes, he returned to me again. Placing the kit on the floor, he kneeled in front of me and rolled up my pants so that he can have a better look on the wound on my knee, all the while making sure that he didn’t irritate the wound in the process of rolling up my pants. _...This looks like it hurts a lot._ He made a pained expression while saying that. Now that I see it properly with my own eyes, I realized the wound on my knee actually looked worse than I thought it was. Earlier when I fell down, it didn’t feel that much pain for me to think that it was anything too big.

 

I watched as he cleaned my wound meticulously, dabbing off the blood and wiping it with a clean wet cloth several times. After cleaning the wound, he bandaged it with a gauze. He then moved on to the wound on my hands and did the same thing. I looked at the finished work and thought that the whole thing was done in a really neat manner. He looked pleased himself as he cleared up everything and put them back into place.

 

Then he went back behind the counter and rolled up his sleeves to his elbow in preparation.

 

“What do you want to drink? I’ll make it for you.” 

 

I still could not get used to the cheerful demeanor. I hesitated while he waited for me to answer.

 

“...Orange juice…please.”

 

“Coming right up.” He laughed and immediately got to work. I had been watching since from the beginning, and I continued to watch as he blended fresh orange juice for me, humming all the way in the process. The orange juice was filled in a tall glass before he went to serve it to my table.

 

As if as an afterthought, he went back behind the counter and opened the fridge. His face seemed to be pondering for a while before he took a strawberry cake from the fridge. He cut a generous slice from it neatly, laid it carefully on a plate then took some time to decorate the plate with small slices of strawberries all around it. He seemed fully immersed in the task and took some time with it. Making a satisfied sound once he was then, he then proceeded to serve the cake on my table with a wide smile.

 

_Eat up, my treat._

__

Even now, I still felt strange at the receiving end of such kindness. At the expectant look on his face, I slowly took a fork, cut a piece of the cake with it and lifted it into my mouth. The cream instantly melted in my mouth and the fruity strawberry taste stimulated my taste buds with sweetness. Even the sweetness in my mouth felt strange.

 

“How is it? Is it good?”

 

“...Yes.”

 

He laughed. “That’s good to know.”

 

For a few minutes, he watched me eating silently. When I looked up at him, I saw the curiousity on his face and the questions on the tip of his tongue.

 

“So…if you’re not feeling burdened, I’d like to know a little about yourself.”

 

“...”

 

“Or maybe I should do the introduction first.” He scratched the back of his head as if he was embarrassed. “I’m Kang Daniel, 16 years old.” _As you can see, I work in this cafe._

__

My heart tickled at the sight of his embarrassed face. “…Park Jihoon, 15 years old.”

 

At my response, he smiled. _I knew you looked younger. Well, nice to meet you, Park Jihoon._

__

We talked a little more about ourselves after that, with you doing most of the talking, but not once did you ask me why I ended up outside of the cafe that you worked in, all dripping wet, hurt and alone. As if you knew that I was troubled by something in my mind, you only focused on making me smile and laugh, and gave me sweet food and drinks to make me happy. It was the first time I had someone trying so hard to make me happy without asking for anything in return. You had done it all selflessly, in the act of pure kindness and concern, and I could see them all from how you treated me.

 

In that few hours I spent with you, I memorized everything about you. Your name, your age, the sound of your laughter, the eyes that seemed to smile as well as you laughed, the dot under your right eye that only became noticeable if looked at properly, the way your body moved and your hand gestures as you tried to explain something, I observed and remembered everything. I didn’t know why, but everything about you seemed so fascinating to me then. I wanted to know more about you.

 

When a customer came in and you had to go and serve, I still watched you hoping I could learn about you more. It was probably since then that I started to become really curious about you. For some reason, having you near me made me miraculously forget about all the despair and hopelessness I held towards life before. It was as if with your appearance, I finally found the ray of light that I had been searching for at the end of my tunnel. It was as if my saviour who I had been waiting all these while had finally appeared.

 

When I went home that day, your scent from the jacket that I held lingered on my body. I came back to a home that was dark and quiet as usual, but the heavy feeling had vanished. Instead, it was a replaced with a feeling that I had never experienced before. An eager, hopeful heart, which beats excitedly with the thought of one person in mind.

 

Kang Daniel became my everything since then.

 

I no longer thought of dying because now I gained an optimism that I never had before. With you who was like a ray of hope for me, shining along my path, I gradually felt the world around me started to brighten. Even as uncle continued to beat me day after day, I lived by remembering you and your kindness towards me.

 

You became my reason for living.

 

However, one week later, when I returned back to the cafe that you worked at, you had disappeared. When I asked the other employees where you had gone to, they told me you had stopped working here. I was desperate as I asked where you had gone to after that, but they were clueless and couldn’t tell me further of your whereabouts.

 

For a few days then, I searched for you in the area nearby. I went all around the shops and cafes, wondering if you had changed jobs to any of them, went all around the neighbourhood and glancing at the people who passed by for anyone that looked like you.

 

It was only two weeks later when I found you again. It was in the morning. I saw you walking across the street in your school uniform, yawning as you scrolled through your phone. I, who was on my way to school then, strayed off from my usual direction and secretly followed you all the way to your school. It was one of the public high school located in our neighbourhood. I looked at my watch and noted that it was 7.50 am when you walked through the school gate, still unaware of my presence. Because I followed you that morning, I was late to my school and got scolded by the teacher, yet I could hardly hear what she was saying as my mind was distracted thinking about the high school you went to. Your school finished around 3 pm, so at 2.30 pm I already left my school and waited outside your school gate.

 

I saw you coming out of the school building, and I followed you again as you walked home. The neighbourhood was the same as mine, and the direction was also similar, except halfway through he made a few opposite turns. It was then that I realized that our house were actually just 5 minutes distance from each other…It was fascinating how all these while we were so close from each other, yet it was only now that I knew this.

 

As I started knowing where his house was, which school he went to, I started my habit of following him discreetly. For a year, I did it that way. Once I turned 16, and the list of high schools were presented in front of my eyes, I chose the same high school as him without a lag of thought. As a result, I was able to see him more often and watched what he did in school. We met sometimes in the corridor, but it seemed that I was the only one who was conscious of him as he seemed to have forgotten me.

 

Kang Daniel was a popular person in school. He was really good-looking and thus was a subject of admiration to most of the girls. Because he had great physicals, he excelled in sports and was good friends with many guys who had the same interest too. Academically as well, he managed to have an above average performance despite being busy with all the extra-curricular activities. He was also really popular because of his friendly and kind personality. In short, he was the total opposite from the quiet, reserved Park Jihoon.

 

But as they say, opposites attract and I believed it. Because he had everything that I didn’t, so I was attracted to him from the very beginning. As the days passed, the attraction grew more and more till the desire to be with him became immense. I wanted to be acknowledged by him, to be adored and loved the same way I did for him. I wanted to be kissed, touched on every inch of my skin by his lips and do the same for him too.

 

These days, I started to greed for a lot of things as my relationship with you slowly progressed. Eventhough you had Choi Soyoung with you, my greed didn’t stop me from getting what I wanted from you. It was because of this impatient heart that I had which had waited for 3 years for you to love me back.

 

In the end, I wouldn’t allow anything or anyone to hold me back.

 

“...Just once.”

 

You looked at me then.

 

“We will do it once like you wanted.”

 

 

 

Sunbae…I will show you just how much my love towards you can drive me crazy.

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel that the song Wanna Have by Wanna One will be a song that fits Jihoon's feelings in this fic the most. So if you could listen to it while reading the chapters, I think it will be good because I also listened to it sometimes while writing ^^

 

We had gone back to the same motel after school was over. Daniel was restless beside me even as he was walking earlier. For the second time that we stepped in this motel, I was the one with my composure maintained.

 

Once we entered the room, I had put down my bag and took off my coat. Daniel stood in the middle of the room. He wasn’t the type to wear the coat originally, so he only had his white school shirt and tie on. I glanced at him, noting the distress on his face. Quietly, I sneaked up behind him and hugged his waist. His back immediately stiffened at the sudden contact. I ignored it and proceeded to nuzzle my cheek on his wide back.

 

3 years ago, I would only dream while looking at your back from afar. Now, the fact that both of us are in the room alone, and I’m holding you so closely like this, makes me wish we could stay like this forever.

 

I inhaled the scent on your body, and realized it was still the same familiar scent of Kang Daniel from 3 years ago. I loved it so much…

 

“I-I’ll go and take a shower.” Daniel untangled himself from my hold and took the towel that was prepared in the room and headed for the bathroom.

 

Before he can close the door, I stopped it with my hand on the doorknob pushing it back apart. He blinked at me in confusion.

 

I smiled. “Let’s take a shower together, sunbae.”

 

 _What- no, you can’t…_ Ignoring his protest I stepped into the bathroom before he can close the door again. Contrary to the small room, the bathroom wasn’t too bad. There was a huge mirror that occupied almost the whole length of the bathroom and as I stood in front of it taking off my shirt, I could see Daniel’s unsure reflection on the mirror.

 

I continued to watch him through the mirror as I stripped the rest of my clothes till I was left with not a single thread on my body. After I was done, I turned around to him and lifted my fingers to his shirt. I laughed lightly at the fact that he was still wearing his tie into the bathroom. Unfastening and pulling off the tie from his collar, I proceeded to unbutton his shirt one by one. Gradually, the skin was revealed and before I knew it I had the whole upper body left naked in my sight. It made me excited.

 

Although Daniel was allowing me to undress him quietly, I could still detect the hesitation in his eyes. To alleviate him, I lifted myself on my toes and kissed him on the lips gently. It was a brief kiss, and the sound of the touching lips sounded in the quiet bathroom. We were staring at each other after parting away slightly, the proximity still so close even then that when I blinked, my lashes tickled against his own.

 

The initation of that first kiss was just the beginning. The second one followed with more desire, more lust as I pressed my lips against his another time. Slowly but gradually, he began responding to my kiss, catching up to the pace that I set. At the feel of him moving his lips as well, I started to grow breathless from the eagerness and excitement. While we kissed, my hands trailed down to pull off his belt and unzipped his pants. Soon, his underwear was also off, and we stumbled under the shower together.

 

The lips didn’t part even when the water hit our body. Daniel had turned on the shower, and I who didn’t expect it, flinched immediately at the sudden coldness that washed over my whole body. At my reaction, Daniel pulled away from me and took time to adjust the temperature of the water. He adjusted it to mild warm, and soon warm mists started rising up and surrounded us. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his head back to me to continue kissing him. For a few minutes like that, we shared kisses with moans and heated breaths exchanged in between the space where water dripped from our hair.

 

A drop of water got into Daniel’s eye and he shook his head like a puppy. I laughed at the sight, raising my hand to lift his hair back from his forehead so that I can see his face better.

 

“Why are you smiling so much?”

 

He asked me then. _I don’t know. I just like seeing your face._ And laughed again. He lifted my hair back and watched me too. _You could smile more, it fits you._ I felt dizzy when he softly kissed me and proceeded to touch my naked body with his bare hands. I seemed to be sensitized immensely under his heated touch, accompanied by the wet and slippery feeling of water running down my body. The hand grabbed my already erected member and started stroking. _Oh…_ For a moment, I couldn’t think or do anything as my body trembled continuously under his ministration. It was the first time he had touched me this way and I was helpless and pathetic as I reacted to everything he did with an extremely heightened sensitivity. As a result, I came into his hand in just a few short minutes. He laughed because of that.

 

Feeling as if I had to return the favour, I wrapped my hand around his as well and stroked. He let out a sigh and rested his forehead on my shoulder. I fastened my pace while tightening my grip around him, and he responded immediately as erratic breaths spewed out from his mouth. I sought pleasure from how he was enjoying my hand, and I tried different methods to please him more.

 

“Wait…” He breathed out heavily, grabbing onto my wrist halfway through. I stopped and moved my hand away, looking at him questioningly.

 

“Let’s finish showering and do it on the bed.” He suggested, with his member still only half-hard. He grabbed the shampoo from the sink and started lathering his head and body with it. I was unsure at first due to the sudden change of course, but as I saw that he was determined to finish showering first therefore I could do nothing but to follow suit.

 

When we were out of the bathroom with only towels wrapped around our waist, a moment of awkwardness settled between us. The mood that we had in the bathroom earlier seemed to have fade and now we were both conscious of each other as we pondered on what to do next.

 

But it was clear who was the one with a set mind and heart.

 

So I took the initiative again and closed the distance between us. Hugging his body from the front this time, I reveled in the warmth that radiated from his body. I looked up at him, and our eyes met. A smile came to my face without realizing. It was as if an automated reaction that came with one look at his face. You didn’t need to ask me to smile more, I could smile anytime whenever I’m with you.

 

It took some time, but his arms eventually wrapped around my body too. He pushed me backwards while we were in a hug until the back of my knee hit the bed and I fell on top of it bringing him together with me. Since we were in this room, there seemed to be a lot of time spent just staring at each other, so we had another moment where I stared quietly into his eyes and his into mine.

 

“What are you thinking?” I asked while not tearing my gaze away from him. I felt as if he had some thoughts in his head right now, and I wished to know what it was. His eyes flickered as if he was pulled out from a daze, and he shook his head lightly before he bent his head down and put his lips on mine. I responded eagerly to him, smiling into the kiss while my hands came up to run in his hair.

 

This was what I wanted to feel. The feel of your body against mine, your lips on mine and your soft hair threading between the gap of my fingers. Our face was so, so close to each other, and I felt breathless at the thought of how surreal all these situation is. It was as if I’m having a blissful dream that I've never had in my life before.

 

From the kiss, the touch became progressively more intimate between us. His hand was caressing my face as he kissed me, slowly running down my neck and to my chest. The hand that reached my chest suddenly became hesitant and it stopped briefly. At the same time, Daniel also pulled himself up slightly. I blinked at the sudden seriousness that was expressed on his face then.

 

“Is this…your first time?”

 

The question was unexpected, but I could now guess the thoughts in his mind all these while. All the hesitance, the uncertainty, there was a reason behind all that.

 

“Yes.” I answered without hesitation. You should know that you were also my first kiss.

 

He lowered his head and sighed, getting up from my body so that he could sit at the edge of the bed.

 

“...It’s your first time, are you sure you want to do it with me?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Why are you the one who is uncertain about me doing it with you? I was the one who asked to have sex with you, therefore I’m very certain of wanting to do it with you.

 

“Your first time is going to be with a man, are you really sure about this?”

 

I almost wanted to laugh at that moment. Somehow I thought it was cute that you became so cautious about everything all of a sudden. So I guessed you were the type who would always think of the consequences first, as opposed to me who seemed to just go head-on impulsively. I appreciated how you kept wanting to remind me, but when it came to matters about you I would never regret for doing the things I did. They were all my honest feeling towards you.

 

“I’m sure I want to do this.” _Because it’s you. You’re not just simply a random man to me._

__

__“...”_ _

__

“How about you?”

 

I sat beside him and looked at his troubled expression.

 

“To be honest, I'm not sure because this is my first time with a man, too. I don’t know if I can do it well with you.”

 

“That’s not a problem. We can take our time and learn together.”

 

Yes, there’s no pressure to it. It didn’t matter if you or me messed up, just being able to touch intimately like this would make anything felt good between us. I was optimistic. On the contrary, you were still not convinced. Therefore, you visibly showed your anxiety. I guessed doing it for the first time with a man was a big deal with you.

 

“It’s okay. Just let me start it for you, first.” I finally said. That got his attention. _What are you going to do?_

__

“Eventhough I never did it, I watched how men have sex with each other from the internet. I’m more or less aware of what to do.”

 

I got down between his knees on the floor, then I pulled off the towel from his waist. I was then faced with the whole glory of his naked body.

 

You see, eventhough I had no experience, I go by instinct and this strong feelings I had towards you. Therefore the moment I saw your thing, I immediately felt this sudden urge to swallow all of you in my mouth and make you groan from pleasure. This was the third time I did it for you, but because we had more time right now as compared to the previous two times, I took my sweet time to taste you in my mouth.

 

That’s right. You liked it when I put it in my mouth, didn't you? It grew hard pretty fast when I did this.

 

Because you were also not feeling rushed, so I could see that you were savouring your sweet time as well. As you watched me from above, your hand reached down to brush my hair back repeatedly. I blinked up at you, letting my eyes fixed to yours while I tongued and sucked on your tip repeatedly. Your thumb traced the edge of my left eye and I closed it in reflex. Following that, your relaxed hand trailed down to caress my cheeks that had gradually warmed up under your touch. Despite all of it being done with no particular intention, I felt myself getting submitted under your gentle touch.

 

Please…do not stop being gentle to me.

 

I sucked with more fervor and that earned a sudden groan as you tilted you head back, hand falling down from my face to fist on the bed sheets. The movement started to become more vigorous, resulting string of moans to come out of your mouth unabashedly. _I'm coming…Jihoon-_

__

Ah…Please do not stop calling my name that way either.

 

This time I let his semen poured itself on my face and neck instead of inside my mouth. My tongue peeked out to the corner of my lips to taste it slightly. While he was recovering, I stood up and dropped the towel around my waist. I climbed onto the bed, sat against the bedpost and spread open my knees. I used his semen that I had collected on my fingers to lubricate my hole. It felt unfamiliar and uncomfortable at first, but the thought of having him inside me if I managed to prepare myself properly spur me on to endure the feeling. The semen slicked my opening and I was able to enter one finger, then followed by two.

 

Daniel had been watching me from his spot at the edge of the bed all these while. When he saw the discomfort on my face, he moved beside me and tried to help. _Do you want me to do it for you?_

__

“I-I think I’m okay. Just… I can’t get it to widen much…” Eventhough I adjusted my position, my hand was uncomfortable to reach it all the way behind.

 

“Take out your fingers. I’ll do it for you.”

__

_Preparing a man probably is not much different than preparing a girl,_ you muttered to yourself as you took the lotion from the bedside. Squeezing a generous amount of the lotion onto your fingers, you then went to probe into my entrance.

 

…For some reason, your fingers felt so much better doing it for me. I bit my lip, twisting my legs on the sheets as you moved your fingers around. All the while, you were carefully observing my face. _Too painful?_

 

I shook my head, breathing hard when I felt his two fingers digging into me, stretching and trying to widen me as much as possible. It was supposed to hurt isn’t it…? But strangely I’m just feeling pleasure from having you exploring my insides. You were also doing it really gently and slowly, so I could adapt-

 

“Uhh!! _ _”__

 

A sudden noise emitted from the back of my throat, my eyes widening when I felt the finger probing against a particular spot. _No, no, stop- uhhh-_ I pulled myself up on my hands and tearily looked at Daniel.

 

“This must be your spot…You have it like a girl does…” The curiousity seemed to get the better of Daniel as he continuously irritated the spot and watched my eager reaction. _No, if you continue pushing there, I’m going to…_ My voice raised in urgency as I felt the heat that pooled in my groin threatening to burst out. I was painfully erect, and the tip was already leaking pre-come while he was fingering me.

 

Daniel was quiet as he watched me, but his hand was slamming into me loudly now, continuously rubbing the spot at the same time. My hands fisted into the sheets as I turned my head to the side. It felt so good, a tear trailed down from my eye and made a wet path down my cheek.

 

“Fuck…” He cursed through gritted teeth. I opened my eyes and looked at him with a blurred vision. He was focused with his hand, and was breathing harshly at the same time. “Park Jihoon, you’re still really tight even after I stretched it for a while…How can I put it inside…”

 

At his words, I suddenly felt my lower body contracting and an intense feeling pushing out. Before I knew it, I was ejaculating onto my stomach. Shaky moans broke out from my lips and my toes curled inwards with a tingling pleasure. Daniel was surprised because it was so sudden and unexpected so he had stopped moving his fingers after I came. My chest rose and fell rapidly as I struggled to catch my breathing. My face and whole body was heated all over as if I was having a fever, and I looked at him with a half-lidded gaze. When my gaze dropped down further, I saw he was already fully erected. _Fuck…_ He cursed again as he followed the direction of my gaze and realized the same thing.

 

“Daniel…” At this moment, I felt the closest to him than I ever had before. Therefore, it was his name that came out naturally from my lips.

 

I made myself lay down on my back and opened my legs around him.

 

“Put it in.” Eventhough I just came, I wanted him to feel the same feeling I experienced too. I didn’t need to tell him twice, he looked impatient and eager himself as he took a pillow and put it under my butt. His upper body leaned over my body while he aligned himself on my opening. My hands clutched onto his wide shoulders in preparation. Ah…His waist moved forward and I felt his hard member pushing into me slowly, stretching me even more than his fingers did and sliding in little by little. I didn’t realize the tears that formed and fell from my eyes as all I could think of was the pain of the forceful stretching happening below.

 

You’re really big…Suddenly I was afraid that I couldn’t take everything of you in.

 

But you seemed to be too pre-occupied to notice my distress. You continued to push it in until you were buried deep inside me. My breath hitched, and I struggled to breath as the pain dominated my senses. _Hu…_  I sobbed and put an arm across my eyes while I willed myself to get used to you inside.

 

“Park Jihoon…are you okay?” I lifted my arms slightly and I noted the worry in your face as well. I shook my head. _Should I take it out then?_

__

I hugged your neck and brought you closer to me. “Don’t take it out…Just call my name please.” You were confused by the sudden request, but you complied and call out my name.

 

_Park Jihoon._

_No, not like that…_

_…?_

_Just Jihoon… Jihoon will be good…_

_…_

_Daniel, call my name too…_

_...Jihoon._

_Yeah, I like it a lot…_ I murmured and smiled to him. He didn’t say anything, instead he started moving his hips. I gasped and my hands on his shoulder started clutching onto him tight again. His pace started to increase gradually, and soon the sound of skin slapping against each other filled the whole room.

 

 _Jihoon-ah, loosen a little…You’re tightening too much…_ Daniel’s voice was strained as he said that to me. I breathed deeper, watched his face above me which was beading with sweat while he had his hands at both side of my head. I willed myself to calm down while I looked at your face. That’s right, I feel safe with you. You wouldn’t do anything bad to me. You wouldn’t hurt me. I have to trust you and listen to you.

 

He started moving again after that. And in that second, the pleasure started trickling in. The pain gradually faded as the pleasure took over. I started moaning when he hit my prostate. Except this time, it was a continuous stimulation as he never pulled out from me and just kept on hitting it over and over with every slam of his hips.

 

Oh…I feel like I’m going crazy at the feeling.

 

As if we had lost our mind, we consumed each other’s body on pure sexual instinct. Daniel turned into a beast as he placed my legs on his shoulders and started driving down into me mercilessly. My hands gradually slipped from his shoulders with each thrust and I desperately clung to his arms with my nails digging into his skin. When he went low enough for me to reach, I pulled him down with my arms wrapping around his neck and bit his shoulder till it drew blood.

 

We are crazy, crazy people in our own crazy world. And we succumbed in an insane routine of consuming until he finally ejaculated inside me.

 

My legs slipped from his shoulders as he pulled away and fell down beside me. I turned my body to the side and lifted a hand up to touch his sweaty face.

 

 _Good?_ Still in a daze, my voice came out in almost whisper.

 

 _…Yeah._  He answered in a small voice with his eyes already closed. I watched as he fell asleep in mere seconds, breath slowed and face peaceful. For a long time, a smile was stuck to my lips as I played with his hair and face.

 

Suddenly, I got distracted when the sound of vibration broke through the silence in the room. I tried to find the source of the noise, lifting myself up on my elbows and looking over Daniel’s body. It was his phone which was blinking and vibrating on the bedside table. Leaning across the sleeping Daniel carefully, I took the phone in my hand and looked at the screen.

 

Soyoung.

Calling.

 

I stared at the screen until the phone became silent again. I tapped the screen a few times, finding the mute function and subsequently put the phone on mute. Soyoung called again another time, and this time the phone didn’t make a single sound.

 

After about 3 calls, it became quiet. I tapped the screen again, going into his gallery and scrolled through the pictures in the gallery. Daniel with Choi Soyoung, Daniel with his friends, Daniel with his football teammates, and pictures of him with some other people that I don’t recognize. However the face of the others seemed to be dimmed in my vision as I was only interested to watch each and every expression that was etched on his face. I was stuck especially long at a particular solo picture of him where he smiled to the camera while the sun and glittering rivers behind him were caught in the background. It was so beautiful that I couldn’t tear my eyes off from the sight. Then, as I looked at my side, I saw his sleeping face and I became giddy like an excited child. Leaning down slowly, I smiled while kissing his cheek tenderly.

 

In the end, I spent my whole time scrolling through the gallery all the way to the end. Most of the pictures that occupied his gallery were of him with Soyoung. There was a picture of Soyoung kissing Daniel’s cheek while they looked into the camera together, and my finger itched to press the delete option. But I didn’t want Daniel to know that I was going through his gallery, so I held myself back and quickly scrolled the picture away to calm my nerves.

 

I took my phone which was in my coat pocket and started pressing numbers into my phone directory. Usually it was other people who would ask me for my numbers, so I rarely saved other people’s numbers in my phone. Therefore this was probably the first time that I initiated to save someone’s number in my phone. I saved Daniel’s number under the name ‘Daniel hyung’, and saved my number in Daniel’s phone under the name ‘Jihoon’.

 

After I was done, I put both our phones together on the bedside table and went back to settle beside Daniel on the bed. The uncomfortable wet feeling in my bottom made itself known as I moved around. I itched to get it cleaned… but I didn’t want to waste a single time out of the bed while you were here, so I simply bear with it. Pulling up the covers around us, I nestled close to you till I could hear your calmed breath and feel it on my face. It was lulling me into a sleepy trance.

 

My eyelids fluttered close gradually.

 

I had a good dream for once after a long while. And it was a good dream that had you in it.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

DANIEL’S POV

 

I must’ve been asleep for more than 4 hours at least. When I woke up, the day had already turned dark. I confirmed my guess as I took my phone and looked at the time.

 

Beside me, I noticed strands of brown hair peeking out through the covers. I pulled down the covers slightly and the sleeping face of Jihoon revealed itself.

 

In that second, everything that had happened came rushing in.

 

I just had sex with him… I, Kang Daniel, had just had sex with Park Jihoon.

 

Sigh…I rubbed my face with my hand in a defeated manner and slowly climbed out from the bed. It felt so weird to wake up beside Jihoon and came to a realization that we just had sex together.

 

I went to the bathroom with a towel and closed the door behind me. As I stepped in, I unknowingly sighed again at the sight of our school uniforms laying haphazardly all over the bathroom floor…We were too into the mood to the point that we forgot that we still had to wear this school uniform when going out of the motel later. I picked up our clothes and hung them up on a rack nearby.

 

I looked at myself in the mirror. Something caught my eyes then. There was a bite mark on my right shoulder. With a frown, I tried to filter through my mind to remember when exactly did I get this mark. Then I remembered that it was Jihoon who had bitten me in the middle of the sex. I could still remember feeling a sudden pain on my shoulder which broke me through my haze just before I came.

 

Looking at my right shoulder, I winced as I touched the mark. He had bitten me really hard. I could see the blood that dried up around the mark, and it was now starting to form a bruise.

 

Then my thoughts wandered to Jihoon. I wondered what his thoughts were throughout the whole thing. Did I inflict too much pain to him? Was it good? Did he enjoy it? However, all these questions remained unanswered as I could only continue to wonder while the concerned person was still sleeping deeply in bed.

 

I got under the shower and let the water run. The running water wash over my hair, face and my whole body with warmth. I was then also reminded of the things we did under this very shower, and I felt like going crazy.

 

I was definitely attracted to Jihoon in some way. I could still remember the face he made while we kissed under the shower. It was also probably due to the atmosphere itself that influenced such attraction. The dripping water that trickled down from our lashes, the slippery wet feeling as skin slid over skin, the soft but moist lips that met each other over and over again while hot breaths misted in between, they all left a deep impression in my mind.

 

However, I became uncertain halfway through and had stopped. It was because I realized that the body I was touching belonged to a male. Despite the face of Jihoon who looked pretty, the body that he had was still undoubtedly a male. When I saw how he came in my hand after I stroked him, I was suddenly uncertain if I can continue on with this.

 

I had only known sex with a girl in my whole life. Suddenly doing something like this felt so foreign and new to me that I didn’t know how to handle it. In the end, it was you who initiated for us again as you took the first step and pleasured me with your mouth. As I concentrated on your face and the way you sucked me in your mouth, I got hard easily and came. You’re pretty, and I had to admit that I liked your face so it wasn't a problem to get aroused if I just focused solely on your face.

 

Without anyone telling you anything, you got onto the bed after that and started preparing yourself with your fingers. Where did you learn all these from? You seemed skilled as you added another finger into your hole and stretched yourself. But I could see your face which was twisted uncomfortably as you continued on. Because I felt pity that you had to do it yourself, I offered to help. Besides, I felt preparing a man shouldn’t be too different from preparing a girl. I had done it many times with a girl, and I knew how to use my fingers to please them while also preparing them. And I was right when I said it wouldn’t be too different, because you also seemed to have a spot that you liked being touched inside you. It was adorable in a way, as I saw you suddenly became anxious and guilty for liking it a little too much.

 

Because it was my first time doing it for a male, I didn’t know that it was possible to actually really stimulate pleasure from the prostate. I was genuinely curious of this new discovery, therefore I had memorized that spot of yours and persistently rubbed it. You started to not be able to control yourself as you thrashed around and tried to tell me to stop. I saw your twitching penis which was hard and spewing pre-come and I began to think that you were actually really enjoying the way I moved my fingers inside you. As I watched your face that was reddish and sweaty, and your big eyes that had glassed over and unfocused, I felt myself growing hard. I kept telling myself this, but I really felt myself going crazy a lot these days. It was because I couldn’t seem to stop myself from thinking about you. I had mentioned how your face was usually always calm, but when I see you like this, your face loosening with all sorts of expression everytime I slammed my hand inside you, I unknowingly became really excited at the thought that I was the one who made you become like this.

 

After you came and was left in a limpless mess on the bed, I realized I was already fully hard. I wanted to put it in you, imagining what other expression I can provoke from you while you felt me inside you. You seemed to know my desire then. Because you were already prepared for a while by me, I thought it would be easier to go inside you. But you kept getting tighter around me everytime I pushed it in a little bit further. Maybe it was because it was your first time, but I also had to wonder if it was because I was doing it with a male. It felt so much tighter than I had ever felt with a girl. Although it felt incredible, but I was also suffering at the same time because of the constricting pain. By the time I managed to push everything in, you started to cry. I was worried that it probably pained you too much, so I wondered if I had to stop it here. But instead of telling me to stop, you asked me to call your name. I didn’t know why suddenly you wanted this, but it was a simple thing that you asked for me.

 

_Park Jihoon._

_No, not like that…_

_…?_ It’s not like that?

_Just Jihoon… Jihoon will be good…_

_…_

_Daniel, call my name too…_

__

It felt strange to hear you calling my name without the usual honorifics. But it didn’t sound unpleasant either, so I couldn’t really tell how I feel about it.

__

_...Jihoon._

__

It was also the first time I called you by your name alone. I wasn’t used to it so it felt strange when your name rolled off on the tip of my tongue. But the response was worth it as I saw a pretty smile slowly forming on your face and your eyes folded happily.

 

You’re really pretty.

__

Because I had you who looked so pretty underneath me, I couldn’t help but to start pushing inside you fast. You immediately tightened at my sudden action and I struggled to move because of the restriction. In the end, I had to ask you to release your strength below a little. You were adorable as you listened obediently to me, and I again started to slide inside you without holding back. We were as if carried away in this crazy rhythm as our bodies rocked back and forth uncontrollably, the weight and pressure resulting the bed to creak loudly underneath us. However, everything was insignificant as I only focused on the feeling below and the sight of your red, teary face.

 

I was so into the mood that I ended up ejaculating inside you instead of pulling it out like I usually did when I was having sex. It was the first time I had sex with such a loss of mentality that I couldn’t think of anything else but to rush towards the end. I felt sorry that I finished inside you, but I was also too tired to even muster an apology as I laid down beside you.

 

I fell asleep after that and didn’t wake up until hours later.

 

The water continued running down my form as I stood still under the shower. As I watched the stream of water that rushed down the floor and swirled into the drain, a realization dawned on me.

 

The sex felt really good.

 

My worry of not being able to enjoy sex with a male seemed to have been unfounded as the sex I had with Jihoon left me with the feeling of a greatly satisfied hunger. Despite imagining the body of Jihoon which was a male, I had thought it looked pretty. Although his body lacked the softness of a girl, but he had skin that was milky and surprisingly smooth to touch, muscles and flesh that were abundant in all the appropriate places, making it desirable in a way. It was something that I didn’t imagine I would think of when the image of a male body came to mind.

 

I got out of the shower after a while and wiped my face and hair roughly with the towel...What am I going to say when Jihoon is awake later. It seemed that after our first sex together, the thoughts and feelings inside me seemed to have gotten even messier than before. I seemed to have dug a deeper grave for myself without knowing.

 

As I stepped out of the bathroom, I noticed Jihoon was already sitting up on the bed as if waiting for me. _Oh, you’re awake…_ I didn’t like the awkward moment that followed, so I pretended to busy myself wearing my clothes. I was just about to put on my shirt before warm arms wrapped themselves from behind me suddenly.

 

“Can you not put on your shirt?” The voice was small and meek.

 

“...?” I turned back slightly to look at him in question.

 

“I want to feel your warmth longer…” His arms around me tightened in emphasis.

 

“...”

 

“Can you hug me too, hyung?” He asked in an affectionate voice. Park Jihoon…I knew we had sex with each other, but why are you suddenly talking to me with such affection... Please don’t make anymore mess out of my mind than you already did…

 

You were also embracing me with such tenderness. It was hard for me to refuse you.

 

I turned my body slowly and wound my arms around his waist. At my response, he buried his face in my chest and purred like a cute kitten. I gave a small sigh and allowed him to stick with me for a while longer.

 

“It’s okay to call you hyung from now on, right?” Jihoon looked up at me and blinked with a twinkle in his eyes.

 

“...Yeah.” The glimmer that lit up his big eyes were entrancing.

 

“Hyung…you can just call my name comfortably from now on, too…” Jihoon buried his face into my chest again, his soft hair tickling against my skin and made me shiver.

 

The sex was initially planned to be the end of us, but I somehow felt that it had instead broke the barriers between us. Now we are even going to regard each other comfortably.

 

Park Jihoon’s way of persistence seemed to have worked. Although I admitted my resignation was partially due to Park Jihoon’s continuous insistence, I also had to admit that I was slowly becoming more and more attracted to him.

 

I’m starting to get used to him. I’m starting to get used to all the sudden unexpected things that he would throw to me, and most of all what I dread of is the fact that I’m starting to get used to receiving his adoration and love towards me. I’m originally a person who is weak when being shown love to, because in the end I’m the type who would end up liking a person who loved me. And Park Jihoon’s love…it was a love so desperate and suffocating at the same time, that I felt overwhelmed by it.

 

They say a person who loves you grow to become more adorable in your eyes as you see them more. And it’s happening to me right now as I watched Jihoon who clung to me and rubbed on to me like a spoilt kitten.

 

He is dangerously adorable in my eyes right now.

 

I lifted a hand up and stroke the head of the purring pleased kitten, all the while thinking I might have already fallen into his trap all along.

 


	11. Chapter 11

 

The walk in the night was a cold one. The weather these days had started to become unpredictable with the fluctuating rise and drop in temperature. Earlier that afternoon in class I had sweated like crazy and had to drink a few cold can of drinks to cool myself up, but now I felt the contrast as my body kept shivering whenever the wind blew past. Huu…it’s so cold. My shoulders curled inwards in reflex when another cold wind passed by.

 

I looked to my side and noted the lack of reaction from Jihoon who was walking beside me.

 

“Aren’t you cold?” I asked him. We had gotten out of the motel just a few minutes ago and were now walking together in the streets, heading home.

 

He blinked his eyes up at me as if he was broken from a deep thought. “Not really.”

 

How could you endure this kind of temperature with such a relaxed face…I put my cold hands into my pocket while walking forward.

 

“...Are you cold, hyung?” Jihoon was the one asking this time.

 

“A bit.”

 

There was silence for a moment in which Jihoon gazed at my hands which were tucked deeply in my pocket.

 

“...Do you want to hold hands?”

 

“What?” Due to the sudden question that had caught me off guard, my pace had slowed and my attention became fully directed on him.

 

He lifted his hands which were half-hidden in coat sleeves that were too long and quietly spoke. “…I can share my heat with you.”

 

…Oh?

 

I stared at Jihoon for a few seconds longer than necessary.

 

It was probably because I was amazed at the way the blush crept all the way from his face to the tip of his ears after he said that.

 

You who seemed to hold a lot of heat within you at the moment while in such a weather was amusing to me. The corner of my lips twitched slightly. When there was no audible response from me, you put your hands back to your side and kept your head down as you walked.

 

“...Give me your hands.” I said after a while, taking out a hand from my pocket and holding it out to him.

 

“...”

 

“Yah, it’s cold. Hurry up.” I urged. That earned a response from you as you hesitantly gave me your hand.

 

“...So you’re not lying. It’s really warm.” I laughed while I compared the temperature difference between my hand and yours. Your hand seemed to be burning hot in my freezing ones. How could you maintain such warmth? Because I was amazed at the amount of heat that radiated from you, I held onto your hand tightly. The temperature difference between our hands began to balance out, and I was relieved as I kept my hand secured warmly in your hold.

 

You were strangely quiet. When I looked at you, you seemed intent to avoid my gaze.

 

I was trying not to laugh, but I couldn’t stand it anymore when I saw the heat that seemed to intensify in your face. Do you really like holding hands with me that much? I unconsciously rubbed the back of your hand and the blush on your cheeks became a deeper hue of red.

 

Maybe I should be the one offering to hold your hand instead just to calm down the heat from your body.

 

“Jihoon-ah.”

 

“...?” You looked up at me with a flustered face.

 

“Let’s stop at the convenience store on our way.”

 

He nodded without saying anything. We looked around as we walked, and finally managed to find a convenience store after turning around the corner.

 

“Wait for me a bit.” I told Jihoon before I went into the store.

 

I browsed through the food and drinks section in the store, and immediately grabbed some ready-to-eat food and two bottles of banana milk while at it. I paid for the items and went out of the store.

 

The rustling of the plastic sounded as I grabbed a triangular kimbap out, handing it to Jihoon.“Take this.” Jihoon looked at it questioningly for a second. “You haven’t eaten dinner yet, right?” Without waiting for his reply, I put it in his hand and then took out the banana milk that I had just bought and put it in his other hand. I took out another kimbap for my ownself, tore off the wrapper and started eating too. Both of us hadn’t eaten anything since this afternoon, and I thought it was probably better that we stopped by to get something instant to eat as it was already so late.

 

Besides, I knew that Jihoon can’t skip meals due to his gastritis.

 

We were sitting at the steps outside the convenience store. There was not many people passing by, so we could eat like this without feeling too conscious. Jihoon also had started eating, holding the kimbap with both his hands while he chewed the rice and the tuna kimchi inside.

 

 _It’s delicious._ Jihoon commented in a small voice, still halfway chewing through his kimbap. I had already finished one by then, subsequently taking out another one to eat. By the time Jihoon finished eating one, I had already finished eating two. I gave him the last kimbap in the plastic.

 

“I’m already full.”

 

“But you only ate one.”

 

“But…”

 

“Well, if you can’t eat anymore then keep it to eat at home.” I finally said, placing it on his palm in a decisive manner when I see him making no move to eat again. He blinked, then obediently put it into his bag. Meanwhile I was thirsty so I reached for the banana milk I bought and downed large gulps of it. Jihoon laughed as he watched me. _What’s so funny?_ I asked, to which he shook his head while laughing again. _No, I just think hyung looks cute._

__

…The cute one is you.

__

I watched as Jihoon took his own bottle of banana milk, holding it with both his hands and drank from it little by little. His small gestures became noticeable in my eyes the longer I watched him. Jihoon seemed to have a baby-like behaviour, holding things always with his two small hands, blinking his big eyes when he’s confused, and oftentimes puffing out his cheeks without him being aware of it himself.

 

The face is pretty and the behaviour is cute.

 

I wouldn’t imagine my first meeting with you to turn out to be something that was so opposite from this baby-like behaviour you were showing me. You who forced yourself on me, threatened me, persistently following me everywhere, all of these were as if unimaginable to be done by the you now who was drinking with traces of milk staining around your lips. It was as if you had two sides to you, and I realized that I’m still struggling to understand you.

 

As I thought all about this with a growing headache, I was oblivious to Jihoon who had already finished drinking and was now staring at me with curious eyes. _Hyung._ He called out to me as if waiting for me.

 

_O-Oh…Yeah, sorry, let’s head back home now._

__

This time, Jihoon seemed to be less embarrassed as he asked for my hand. As if like a child that had his wish granted, he held onto my hand with a visibly happy mood as we continued our way home. I also noticed that he can be pretty expressive if he wanted to.

 

“Where’s your home?” I asked, just remembering that I had no idea where Jihoon’s house is.

 

“It’s 5 minutes away from yours.”

 

I probably had a shocked face while I was registering what he was saying _…Seriously? Were we that close to each other? Why haven’t I noticed you all these while?_ I blurted out all these questions in my surprise. So Jihoon turned out to be a neighbour of mine, and I never knew all these while.

 

“Hyung, you don’t usually pay attention to people or your surroundings unless they pay attention to you first. Aren’t you always like that?” Jihoon smiled as if he had known this fact for a long time.

 

It was true that I can be quite clueless. My friends who had been with me for years had told me the same thing often, too. Yet I was amazed at how you could read me when it had only been a month since I first met you.

 

It felt as if Jihoon could really read my mind at the next words that came out of his mouth. “I’ve known you longer than you think… I’ve also been watching hyung for a long time now, but hyung never did notice me…”

 

“...”

 

“But it’s not hyung’s fault because it’s just how hyung’s personality is. So I know I’m the one who have to put extra effort to get myself noticed.”

 

So you did all the things you did just to get yourself noticed by me?

 

“I simply did what I have to do.”

 

Park Jihoon, this doesn’t sound right.

 

“And I’m glad I did what I have to do because now hyung notices me.”

 

Doesn’t that mean that you’re forcing yourself to do something that you’re not just to get yourself noticed? Regardless of how it turned out for you, this isn’t the right way to go for if you want something. It turned out this was what that kept bugging my mind from before.

 

“Jihoon-ah… you should stop now.”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“Stop forcing yourself to be a person who is not you.”

 

It was because I’ve seen the side of you which looked almost normal, cute even, and I was thinking if this was the actual side of you that I had witnessed…then Jihoon-ah, please just stay that way. You shouldn’t push yourself and get yourself hurt in the process from doing the things that are not you. You don’t need to do all these extreme measures, you have no idea just how you can simply attract people to you by just being yourself.

 

You seemed to understand what I was implying.

 

“...But I’m not forcing myself. This is just how I am, and how I would react in response to someone who I like.”

 

“But Jihoon-ah, you don’t do these kind of things to the people you like usually…”

 

“Thinking about them every minute of the day, loving them with your whole heart…it’s not something that people usually do when they like someone?”

 

“What I meant is you didn’t have to do all those things you did to me…It’s not right to threaten me, to force yourself against me if you like me.”

 

“...”

 

“These are not the things you do towards someone who you like.”

 

In the end, I decided to confront him with the issue that weighed my mind the most. On why you did the things you shouldn’t do when in fact you are a kind person, Park Jihoon.

 

There was an uncomfortable silence that lingered as I watched Jihoon’s expression that had gradually become twisted.

 

“...What do you know? You’ve never been in love with anyone as desperately as I did. So what do you know to say that to me?”

 

I was surprised at the sudden cold tone in his voice.

 

“I spent a long time hiding these feelings from you. Everyday when I think about you, and how you would react to me if I started talking to you, I became anxious. What if you didn’t care, what if I didn’t leave an impression to you, then what I should I do if you just simply forget me after, or if you just choose to ignore me? I was afraid of not being someone to you. I didn’t want that to happen.”

 

“...”

 

“You wouldn’t understand why I did all the things I did because you’ve never been in love the way I did.” _You would never know how loving someone as if they are your lifeline itself would feel._

__

“Jihoon-ah…”

 

“You wouldn’t understand because you’re constantly noticed and only ever had people coming to you and asking for your attention so you’ve never had to think about gaining attention yourself.”

 

“...”

 

“That is why…hyung, what do you know about me to say that it was not right for me to do the things I did…” A tear fell from Jihoon’s eye and he hastily wiped it away. Despite that, a few other drops rapidly followed and soon he was unable to wipe all of them away with his hand.

 

I was rendered speechless by his words and the sight of his crying face. Why...Why are you crying right now...I could only watch while the small shoulders of Jihoon shook finely from repressed sobs, his brows drooping, big eyes welling with unbidden tears, and his cheeks that grew red as he continued to cry quietly in front of me.

 

I was only able to find back my voice and react when I saw people who were passing by staring at us.

 

“Jihoon-ah…” Carefully, I touched his hand which was still busily wiping away the tears on his face. I gently held the wet hand and pulled him away from the middle of the street. We went into an empty park and stood facing each other. I felt guilty as I continued watching the face that was stained with tears all over.

 

“I’m sorry.” The apology was the first thing that came out from my mouth as my mind began to work again. Jihoon blinked, and the tears seemed to fall down even rapidly than before.

 

“I’m sorry, I’ve said something wrong…” I seemed to be weak against tears. It was also because I had never seen Jihoon like this before. Therefore, all I can do was to repeatedly apologize in a soft voice to calm the quietly crying Jihoon.

 

I brushed off the tears from his cheeks with the back of my hand, looking into his glassed eyes which were staring at me. “But you don’t have to worry… You’ve become someone who I’ve kept on thinking about these days, there’s no way to forget you easily…”

 

Admitting this, I was aware of the consequences that would come. But I pushed it aside to worry about later as all I wanted at the moment was to clear off the anxious and sad mind of Jihoon who was so pitiful yet so lovable. It was a sense that came from wanting to naturally protect the pure heart that loved me with his whole heart.

 

I seemed to have accepted your feelings with a clear mind and an open heart then.

 

After Jihoon calmed down, I offered to walk him home first. I eventually got to know where his house was and it was really just 5 minutes from mine. I waved at him while waiting for him to go in, but he had ran all the way back from the gate and suddenly tilted himself up on his toes and surprised me with his lips pressing on mine. It was a brief kiss that lasted only a second. No words were exchanged between us after that, there was simply a few seconds of looking at each other quietly before Jihoon bowed his head and walked back into his house.

 

I stood outside his house for a while, pressing my lips together and briefly tasting the lingering flavour. Couldn’t get the moment out of my mind even after I reached home and laid on my bed. A vibration in my pocket snapped me out from my daze, and I pulled out my phone which was blinking with an incoming message.

 

When I saw the name that was displayed on the screen, my brows raised in surprise.

 

_Thank you for today._

 

It was from Jihoon.

 

How did I have your number in my phone, and how did you have mine. Then as I thought about it, the only possible time you could put your number in my phone was when I was asleep earlier. I shouldn’t be surprised… Aside from these, I was also pondering on the message he sent. A lot of things had happened today, and I didn’t know which one he was thanking me for. It took me a lot of time to decide whether I should sent a reply back and what kind of reply should I sent.

 

In the end, I had typed a short reply that had nothing to do with today.

 

_Goodnight, and sleep well._

__

As I laid on the bed a few more minutes, another reply came in.

 

_You too, hyung…Have a good night._

__

I put the phone beside my head and licked my lips. The taste was still stuck to my lips.

 

...Persistent yet sweet, just like Park Jihoon himself.

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

JIHOON’S POV

 

I seemed to have fallen deeper and deeper in this web that was progressively becoming more intricate the more you responded to me. Hyung…although I had a lot of dreams where I wished this could happen to us, but when all those dreams became reality in front of my eyes, I was suddenly unable to believe everything.

 

As I laid on my bed, thinking in the silence of the room with only the ticking seconds breaking the stillness rhythmically, my mind was lulled in a daze. As I stared at the ceiling and tried to remember what had just happened, my face suddenly grew warm.

 

It felt strange…This feeling was really strange to me. But at the same time it felt so exciting too…I seemed to be unable to think of anyone else but you. You, and the things we did. I remembered your soft lips that I nibbled and pulled, and I remembered the taste of your tongue in my mouth, I remembered the strands of hair that partially fell into your eyes charmingly, I remembered each and every ripple of strong muscles I felt under my palms as I held onto you anxiously.

 

It was heaven.

 

My head became light-headed as I continued to think further about us. I buried my face into the pillow and closed my eyes, but my excited beating heart kept me awake no matter how long I tried to sleep. It seemed that I will remain awake until morning with the thought of you in my mind.

 

I fished out the phone from underneath my pillow and stared at the screen. The wallpaper was a picture of you that I had taken secretly while you were playing in the field.

 

You were so cool on that day, hyung. I remembered it was the day when our school had a match with another school. A lot of students had gathered at the field to watch the match. Their screams were loud as they chanted their cheers for our team. At first, it seemed like it was impossible to score a goal because of the enemy team’s impenetrable defense. It was still 0-0 after half time. At the second half, it seemed our team had came up with a new strategy. We became more active in attacking. You were the main attacker for our team then, and I remembered 10 minutes into the second half you had bypassed the defenses one by one skillfully and scored a goal by your own single-handedly. It happened in a second’s time, and because everyone who had been at the edge of their seat was so amazed at the sudden unexpected turn of event so it seemed like it took everyone a second longer to register that our team had successfully scored a goal after the long arduous wait. My ears had hurt when the people around me suddenly jumped up and screamed in unison, cheering in joy when the realization finally dawned on them. You who was standing at the middle of the field started to get bombarded by your teammates. They clung all over you and even pulled you down to the ground, and all you could do was laugh while your face also showed that you didn’t expect you could make it in the last minute.

 

You were amazing, and I thought your appearance at that time was amazing too. And I couldn’t help myself as I pulled out my phone and captured the moment. Everyday before I slept, I relived the moment by staring at it and with time it was saved into my mind and my heart. Your face with an expression of pure happiness, it was really beautiful. I wanted to see that kind of expression on you more often…and I dreamt of being the one to be able to make you be as happy as that.

 

Now the idea doesn’t seem so far-fetched anymore with how things are going between us.

 

I suddenly felt the urge to touch you again. Eventhough it had just been a few hours since we parted ways, yet I’m already being bugged with this nagging desire of wanting to see you again.

 

The feeling that bloomed inside my heart was indescribably exhilarating. I couldn’t control myself, it was like a dying person who had just tasted the nectar of life. It was something relatable, because I couldn’t think of living without you either.

 

As my thoughts lingered into the night, my stomach started growling in hunger. It was also due to the fact that I had only eaten very little for dinner. The clock then showed 2 am. I was momentarily shocked by a sound of breaking glass outside, then as I heard the familiar voice of uncle ranting and yelling to himself, I sighed quietly and decided to ignore it.

 

_Where did I put that fucking box of wines I just bought the other day…Fuck!!!!!!! Where is it!!!!!!! Why can’t I fucking find it anywhere!!!!!!!!!_

__

Accompanied by the sound of a chair tumbling down as if it was being kicked down. Despite my mindset to ignore what was happening outside, my fingers started to tremble. I wrapped myself in my covers and looked at the door that separated between me and all the chaos and mess on the other side. Uncle seemed to be particularly upset tonight, breaking and throwing things almost every minute. I flinched when a strong impact from outside banged against my door, then there was the fragile sound of something dropping and breaking into pieces. The pieces slipped through the slight gap underneath the door, and I realized then that the thing that was hurled to my door before was a beer bottle. My whole body started to tremble this time.

 

If he decided to bang on my door…I will not open it. I will never open it no matter what… Even if I had to open the door, I didn’t think I could walk all the way to the door with how my legs were trembling. Fear seemed to have conquered my whole body and mind, paralyzing me into stillness as I hid in the safety cocoon of my covers.

 

Time seemed to pass slowly, but eventually the sound outside died down. Uncle had finally fallen asleep. At the realization, my body gradually relaxed and my breath started coming out a little easier. There was no doubt it would be a mess when I stepped out of the room tomorrow, but I was just more relieved that uncle didn’t come to seek me tonight.

 

Only after everything had calmed down did I start to feel the pain in my stomach. Due to being distracted by the fear and anxiety earlier, I didn’t notice any pain at all. Clutching onto my stomach, I struggled to walk out from my bed and reached for my bag that I put on a chair in the corner. I still remembered the kimbap you gave me earlier, so I took it out and brought it to my bed while enduring the pain that pierced me with every movement. I laid back down on the bed and curled up on my side, my hands feeling the wrapping that had gone cold as I unfolded it as quietly as I can, still wary of my uncle that might wake up from the slightest noise. I pulled up the covers above my head and started eating underneath it. Due to the darkness and quietness, my whole senses became solely focused on the delicious taste that erupted on my tongue, amplifying even more intensely by the remembrance of the day I had with you.

 

Somehow, I felt like I could go through even the most horrible days if there was you in my mind.

 

You seemed to have become my solace.

 

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I scraped the blunted end of my white shoe on the pavement idly as I leaned against the wall just beside the gate of your house.

 

In the end, I only got 3 hours of sleep and I was woken up easily by the chirping birds outside this morning. I had hurriedly prepared myself for school, then went out of the house with a destination in mind. It was great that we lived so close to each other because I was impatient to see you.

 

When I heard the sound of the front door of your house opening, I had straightened up and fixed my face and hair out of a sudden self-consciousness.

 

“Good morning.”

 

I greeted the moment you came out from the gate. You couldn’t hide your surprise as your movement halted. When you nodded and greeted me back while scratching the back of your head awkwardly, my self-consciousness vanished into thin air as my urge to touch you took over. I stepped closer to you and reached out for your hands.

 

“There are people…”

 

I could care less. I was dying to feel you again the whole night. As I stared into your eyes imploringly, realization seemed to flicker in your eyes then.

 

“Hey…”

 

“Give me a kiss, hyung.” It sounded almost like a plea. My gaze never tear itself away from you as I witnessed the myriad of emotions that crossed your face in that moment. From surprise to objection to hesitancy to self-conflicting yourself.

 

“Jihoon-ah, not here, okay?” When Daniel saw me getting close, he grabbed onto my shoulders and kept the inches that were separating us intact. His eyes were begging me quietly, as if knowing how persistent I can be. Due to the sudden pity I felt at his desperation, I decided to give up just this once. I nodded and he visibly gave a sigh of relief. It was really adorable. Therefore I couldn’t help it when my body decided to lift itself up on its toes and moved to peck him briefly on the cheek.

 

His cheeks immediately turned a cute shade of red in surprise and I laughed. So you are a shy puppy. I wanted to spoil this shy puppy badly.

 

My days which were always dull, started out brightly for the first time after a long while merely because of such a simple reaction from you.

 

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If I were to describe you, I would say you were a pretty normal guy. At least to me you seemed to be that way as I watched your interaction with people, your social life, your circle of friends, the relationship you had over the years which was short yet still ended in a normal way. But there was one thing about you, despite all your normalcy, that made you stood out differently from the rest.

 

It was your unbelievable kindness towards people.

 

The type of kindness that would put yourself in risk for the sake of others. The kindness that was so selfless and incomprehensible that in the end even if you achieved nothing from it you would still repeatedly do the same thing over and over again. I was solely attracted to you by this quality of yours. You were a genuinely good person. It made me believe that even if I decided to put my whole trust on you, I would never get hurt by you in the process. That was why I could do all the things I did to you, because I knew you would respond to me, I knew you wouldn’t disappoint me.

 

But the greed in me became more, I wanted the kindness towards me to be more special. I wanted to be treated differently by you. I wanted to be someone special to you. I didn’t want you to treat someone else with more affection than me.

 

“Oppa, good morning.” Choi Soyoung was waiting near the locker area for Daniel. It was as if an automated reaction, but the kind Daniel immediately went to greet her before apologizing about something that had happened yesterday, something that had to do with him not taking her calls yesterday. I pretended to busy myself taking out books from my locker while listening to their conversation.

 

“Where were you all day? Why didn’t you call me back?” She sounded irritated, and upset.

 

“I’m sorry, I just had an errand to do.”

 

“What errand?”  

 

“You know the part time-job I had, my boss suddenly asked for my help to carry out an errand for her yesterday…so I was out until late night.”

 

The lie that flowed out from your mouth then seemed natural, as if you had been thinking of what to say before Choi Soyoung even asked you. It was really unlike you to lie, but I guessed you still hadn’t figure out what to do with Choi Soyoung while you had a relationship going on with me at the side. I guessed it had become complicated for you too now.

 

But thankfully, Choi Soyoung believed your lie and didn’t question you further. Your gaze flitted to me once before you walked away with her from the locker area. Holding the books in my hand, I stood in front of my locker for a long time until the vibration in my pocket alerted me of an incoming message to my phone.

 

_From Daniel hyung,_

_Let’s meet up during break time. I need to talk to you about something._

 

I read the message for a while before heading to the classroom.

 

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The moment the bell rang, I went to meet you outside your class. When you saw me, you immediately got up from your seat and ignored your friends who were calling after you as you grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the rooftop.

 

It seemed like the rooftop had somehow become some sort of a meeting place for us.

 

Why do you look so unsettled? I wondered as I watched the restless way you moved. I narrowed the distance between us until I could properly look at the emotions that were swirling in the depths of your eyes. My hands unconsciously found yours and held onto them.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Your hands also wrap around mine in response. The sigh that escaped your lips as you did that didn’t go unnoticed by me. You seemed visibly troubled.

 

“Listen, Jihoon-ah… When we are at school, let’s limit our contact a little. Soyoung will get upset if she sees us together too much.”

 

I remembered the excuse you created to avoid your girlfriend’s suspicion. I guessed I could understand why you asked this from me, but I couldn’t help the jealousy inside me because you were prioritizing her feelings first. I like you too…probably more than she ever would, yet you had chosen to push me away for her sake.

 

Daniel seemed to read my expression which had gradually become gloomy. As if the guilt got to him, he stroked my head in a comforting manner.

 

“Please don’t think wrongly about this, Jihoon-ah…I just want to avoid conflict with Soyoung until I can figure a way to sort things out with her. It’s not that I’m choosing her over you.”

 

He looked into my eyes and spoke gently to me. It seemed to work in melting my sadness away.

 

“We can still be together in school when no one can see us. Like now.”

 

He was smiling at me with such tenderness too. I was transfixed to the smile and my mouth moved automatically to say the thought that flitted to my mind at that moment.

 

“Can you kiss me, hyung?”

 

I was dazed by your eyes that reflected only me in them. It was as if a dream to have you looking at me like this and saying such words to me with such a warm voice. I wanted to confirm that it wasn’t just a dream.

 

A small laugh made its way past your lips. _Yeah, and we can do it properly this time._

__

This time, it was you who leaned down and kissed me first. My whole body stilled at the sudden contact of your lips against mine, and I closed my eyes when your hand gently held onto the back of my head to push me closer, deepening our kiss. My head started to become light-headed by the lips that brushed against mine over and over, and I briefly wondered if this feeling was real as I tethered between the sense of dream and reality. I had dreamed of this moment so many times…so many times over the past 3 years that it felt surreal now.

 

Kang Daniel, the sole reason for my living, the person who had pulled me out from the dark endless tunnel that I thought would lead me nowhere and the person who had taken all my firsts…I’m really afraid the moment I opened my eyes, you will vanish from my sight and turn out to be just a dream. I remained with my eyes closed, yet my eyelids were shaking as I dreaded over the thought in my mind. What if you really disappeared, what am I going to do if you turn out to be just a dream afterall-

 

“Jihoon-ah”

 

As if being shocked, my whole body froze suddenly at the voice.

 

“Jihoon-ah”

 

I slowly opened my eyes, and there was still fear gripping around my heart painfully. I didn’t realize it, but I had been hyperventilating as my body trembled, and tears had started pouring down from my eyes uncontrollably.

 

“What’s wrong?” You were surprised, but the worry in your voice was more prominent as you held onto my face and asked me. The warmth in your hands seeped into my skin, as if trying to calm me down and it was working as I gradually felt my breath slowing and the fear loosening its grip on my body.

 

It seemed to be reality. Even as I blinked away the tears from my eyes and cleared my vision several times, you were still in front of my eyes, gazing at me with concern and anxiety and confusion…so much emotions at once swirling in your beautiful dark orbs. All of them just for me.

 

“Really…why are you crying? What’s wrong?”

 

You continued to ask me because you couldn’t understand the reason behind my tears. _Did you get hurt anywhere?_

 

If I tell you that I’m crying because I’m happy, because you’re so close to me, because you’re touching and looking at me with such heartbreaking gentleness and warmth…then would you believe me?

 

Yet, even if I wanted to tell you how happy I am right now, I couldn’t say anything because of the sobs that broke out from my lips every few seconds. I’m so happy, yet at the same time there was a part of me who was constantly afraid at the thought of all the reason for these happiness that I was feeling at the moment disappearing if you decided to leave me one day. Therefore all I could do was to hold onto you tightly the whole time, asking you silently not to let go of me and leave me alone.

 

Because Park Jihoon would really be nothing if Kang Daniel is gone.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A double update for you lovelies. Up to this point, I'm still writing because of the readers who faithfully continued following the story and gave me kind words of motivation. Thank you so much :)
> 
> On another note, I'd also like to interact with the readers for updates on my fic as well as for sharing nielwink moments. Therefore, feel free to add me on my twitter [valerine](https://twitter.com/blue_solitia?s=09)

 

After school, I waited for Daniel outside the gate of his house.

 

When the bell that signaled the end of the last lesson rang earlier, I had witnessed how Choi Soyoung went out of the classroom to go to Daniel’s class upstairs. It was a routine, seeing the both of them going home together when neither of them had to stay back for club activities in the evening.

 

It was already almost 5pm by the time Daniel reached his house. The whole 2 hours I waited for him I spent it playing with a stray cat that had somehow warmed up to me after I fed it with some leftover snacks I found from my bag. When I heard his footsteps approaching, I slowly got up and dusted off the dirt and furs that had gotten stuck on my pants. The cat rubbed its head on my leg when it saw me standing up.

 

He was late, and I knew he had hung out with Soyoung after school.

 

“What are you doing here?” Daniel asked with a confused frown, as if not expecting me. His steps had fastened the moment he noticed me.

 

“Waiting for you to come home.”

 

“Since when have you been waiting for me?” He stopped in front of me, now only mere inches apart. His gaze distractedly fell onto the brown cat with white tipped paws.

 

“Since 2 hours ago.” I said, looking at him in the eyes.

 

He sighed, turning his gaze away as he scratched the back of his head, appearing guilty. _Why did you wait this long for me… you could have at least messaged me if you’re going to wait…_

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It’s just that I missed you, so I had thought waiting like this wasn’t too much of a big deal if it meant I could see you again even for just a little moment. But I merely brought my head down, unable to say anything because of the troubled look you had on your face. You sighed again, but this time holding my hand as you led me through the gate of your house.

 

I blinked, surprised at your action.

 

“You’ve waited for me for so long. It’d be horrible for me to just send you off…so just come in for a while.”

 

I watched your back as my body followed you through the door of your house next. Upon stepping into the doorway, you proceeded to take off your shoes. Meanwhile I was too busy standing behind you with my gaze wandering along the interior of your house. It was just a little bit wider than my house, but the overall atmosphere I felt was a homely one. It was a house where a family lived, and most importantly it was Daniel’s house. It was my first time being in his house. After I took off my own shoes, he led me through the hallway and I carefully looked around for any other presence in the house. As if noticing my wariness, he smiled and said.

 

 _"_ There’s no one else in the house. Both my parents went overseas for some work matters. So it’s only me living in the house at the moment."

I had never really seen Daniel’s parents before, even when I passed by quite frequently in front of his house. It was probably because his parents were busy people. Daniel also rarely talked about his parents in school, so I didn’t know much about them.

 

There was a stairway that led up to the second floor, and he brought me upstairs with him to his room. The moment I stepped into his room, I was engulfed with the strong scent of Daniel instantly. It made me a little dizzy. There was a wide rectangular table in the middle of the room, and a bed is placed at the side of the room near the window. At the opposite corner was a cupboard, together with a small TV at the side attached to game consoles. And beside the TV there were shelves filled with books, magazines and comics. All the bits and pieces that filled the room seemed to give an insight to the daily life of Daniel. While the neat organized room that was painted dark blue and gray seemed to reflect the personality of Daniel. I was thrilled at the discovery.

 

Daniel pulled out a cushion under the table for me to sit before he left the room, saying that he will get some drinks for us. As I was left alone in the room, I wandered around the space with an eager wonderment. I sifted through the collection of books in the shelves, noting that they were mainly comic books, and then went to look at the game consoles that were stacked near the TV curiously. It seemed to be the life of a normal guy, with games and comic books and some sports equipment piled up in the corner. Yet, everything was exciting to me as I noted each and every little things of him. When he came in with two glasses of orange juice in his hands, he realized that I was looking at his collection of games.

 

“We can play games together sometimes if you want.” He remarked while putting the glass on the table. He then took another cushion and sat just beside me. I took the glass and sip on the orange juice while still looking around. At the corner of the table, there was a pile of academic books sitting on top of each other. Maths, Korean, History, they looked like the textbooks the seniors were using. Only realizing that the table was quite a mess with all the opened books and pieces of papers laying everywhere, Daniel hurriedly went to arrange them. _Hyung, you seemed like a hardworking person._  I laughed while watching him cleaning up the table. He turned slightly red, and tried to reply as nonchalantly as he can. _It’s just that exam is coming soon._

 

That’s right. Hyung is in his final year now. He’s going to have his SAT soon, then graduate from high school. Ah…It seems that the time for his final exam is gradually becoming closer and closer, and it’s reminding me of our time that is gradually lessening.

 

Because I had suddenly lapsed into silence while having a heavy serious face, he nudged me from the side and pulled me out from my train of thoughts. The moment I turned my head, I noticed his face that grew closer to me. Due to not expecting it, I had let him kiss me while my eyes remained wide open.

 

Today Daniel felt different. He felt more eager, more anxious and more hungry as his tongue coaxed for entrance in my mouth. I helplessly parted open my lips and let him swipe his tongue in every crevices of my mouth. _Hmm…_ I whimpered, feeling his body pushing me backward impatiently. My arms which were supporting my upper body seemed to have grown weak as they buckled under pressure and I fell down together with him, back flattened to the floor as he climbed over me.

 

Again, I felt the surrealism hazing my mind as I blinked my half-lidded eyes towards the ceiling above us. Daniel had moved down to nip all along the stretch of my neck, his hands slowly slipping past the hem of my shirt and running across my abdomen and my sides. The fleeting ticklishness of his touches made me squirm, and I kept flinching when he brushed along my sides in an up and downward strokes.

 

“I didn’t know you’re a ticklish person.” He laughed, voice low and amused. Yet even if he knew it now, his hands didn’t make any move to stop stroking along my sides. _Oh, please stop…_ I pleaded at him in a small voice, trying to suppress a laugh and trying to get away from underneath him at the same time. But he quickly pressed me down with one hand on his shoulder, laughing with his eyes folded into crescent slits.

 

 _Oh, please, please-_  I begged him when he suddenly started to go full force tickling me. I couldn’t suppress the laughter anymore and it broke from my mouth in streams as my body wriggled out from his hands desperately. _Please- hyung, no more-_  He was being severe, and in the burst of energy that suddenly took over my body, I hurriedly pulled myself up and crawled away from him. However I only managed a few distance before he suddenly wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and hoisted me up. _Hick-_ I made a surprised squeal at the sudden lift in height and my feet which had lost footing from the floor. The breath rushed out from me when he threw me down on his bed and climbed over me again. I saw the smile on his face before he leaned his head down and started kissing me again.

 

Breathless from the tickling, I struggled to breathe in between our pressed lips. His fingers had went back inside my shirt and this time went further up to pinch on my nipple. My body which was sensitized under his touch started reacting feverishly, growing aroused. I brought my shaky hands up and started unbuttoning Daniel’s shirt. He allowed me while he busied himself pulling my whole shirt up until my whole chest was visible. His mouth went to suck on the sensitive nubs and my hands faltered a little while pulling off the sleeves from his arms. He released me a while so that he could pull off his shirt completely, later dropping it down on the floor before he went back down to my chest.

 

I was drowned in the immediate pleasure that trickled into my body, hazily blinking as I focused on the feel of his tongue brushing on my nipple and his teeth nipping and biting on it. The room had became significantly dimmed compared to earlier, and when I looked outside the windows I realized that the clouds in the sky had grayed. It looked like the first few drops of rain was also starting to fall as they dotted on the window panes, trailing a wet streak down the transparent glass.

 

Eventhough the rain gave a sense of melancholy and gloominess, but rainy days were special to me. It reminded me of the day when I first met you.

 

My hand lifted up and touched your head. You looked up at me and smiled again, raising your body up so you could kiss me briefly on my lips. You seemed to know that I wanted you to kiss me. I closed my eyes this time, and savoured the feeling that shook my heart. These days my heart had become really weak for you, it was as if with the slightest words or touch it would tremble from happiness. I still couldn’t get used to this feeling yet, but it was a feeling that I wanted to never end. If I could die with this feelings buried within me, then I would prefer to die in that way.

 

As I was breathlessly struggling to grasp onto my remaining sanity while being overwhelmed by the pleasure and happiness, you had moved down and pulled off my pants. I barely registered the slick finger that had pushed itself into me, probing and searching for my most sensitive part until it struck where it wanted.

 

My spine curved and lifted up as another level of pleasure wracked through my body. This time more intense more mindblowing until I was left into a limbless mess on the bed, unable to move and only able to accept and feel every single pleasure that was provoked from the inside. Another finger was inserted and simultaneously two fingers struck instantly onto the spot, as if they had already memorized where it was. I ejaculated while he continuously played my insides, the thick viscous liquid staining all over my stomach.

 

Daniel used his other hand and gathered the liquid in his fingers before he shoved them inside my mouth. Hazed, my tongue lapped onto his fingers eagerly, twirling all over the length and tasting the bitter taste that stained his fingers. He was watching me quietly, focused with pupils that gradually darkened in response. The fingers in my hole was extracted out, and this time was replaced with something that was much wider, hotter and longer. As it entered me, I felt the unbearable stretch that seemed to want to tear me apart from below.

 

“Ah…” I let out a sighing breath when he settled deeply inside me. _Wait…_ I shook my head when he looked like he wanted to move. He groaned lowly, face falling into my neck when I repeatedly clenched around him to get used to his size. _Jihoon-ah, it’s so tight inside…_ After saying that, he began moving and all words were lost on the tip of my tongue as incoherent moans spewed out from my lips in an uncontrollable manner. The pace he set was fast and his penis effortlessly struck the deepest most intimate part in me each time it rammed in. At that moment I felt my whole body shivering as I ejaculated a second time. Watching me the whole time, he also followed and came after a few more thrusts. The feeling of heat and wetness spread inside my body, and I hugged tightly onto his body that was laying on top of me.

 

After we caught our breath, he pulled himself up and stared at me for a while. “Does it feel good?” He whispered, fingers brushing off the sweaty strands that were stuck on my forehead. A smile slowly formed on my lips and I nodded. He returned the smile and kissed me briefly on the tip of my nose before he got up, the muscles on his back and arms rippling in the process as he straightened up. He turned around and before I realized it he had suddenly hauled me up from the bed into his arms. I again was surprised as I clung onto his neck automatically to prevent myself from falling.

 

“W-What are you doing?”

 

He chuckled, and started walking out of the room and down the hallway while we were still naked.

 

“Getting us washed up.”

 

“I can walk by myself…” I said in a small voice. I’m sure I’m not that light to be carried like this… But he seemed unperturbed as he effortlessly carried me all the way to the bathroom which was located halfway down the hallway.

 

He put me under the shower, and turned on the water. I was immediately splashed by the sudden rushing water and soon I became dripping wet from head to toe. He got under the shower as well and hugged my body from behind with one arm while his other hand squeezed out the body bath from the sink at the side. I wanted to protest, but the words were immediately swallowed by the sigh that emitted from my mouth at the feel of his slick hand running across my body freely. He lathered me from neck down to my abdomen, and the hands started moving to my back and probing my entrance. This time, I found my mind back and the words came out from my mouth in a rush. _T-This part, I will do it myself!_ I hurriedly grabbed onto his wrist and turned around but he stuck to the back of my body stubbornly and pushed his fingers in despite my protest.

 

My hands grasped for support on the wall, waist bent slightly as I felt his fingers rubbing inside me again. _You can’t see well if you do it yourself, so just stay still and let me do it for you._ He said calmly, his fingers digging all along my hole. My breath started to become ragged again at the familiar building arousal. By the time he was finished, I was fully erected again. I covered my face in my arm in embarrassment at the eagerness that my body displayed. He noticed it, kissing my nape as his hand went around me and started wrapping around my erection. At the same time he began stroking me, he pushed himself inside me again. I didn’t realize that he was also fully aroused, so I couldn’t help but to contract in surprise at the sudden penetration. We didn’t last long because of the prolonged teasing earlier. I ejaculated for the third time into Daniel’s hand. Daniel then grabbed onto my waist and started focusing on coming as well. After a few runs inside my abused tender hole, he finally reached his peak and pulled his tip out and spurted his cum all over my back. As I was solely standing due to the hold that Daniel had on my waist, so I immediately felt my knees buckling after he released me.

 

I was falling asleep because of exhaustion, so Daniel had to pull me up and finish washing me before he carry me back to the room. He dried me up, dressed me up decently with a shirt and shorts which he had dug from the deep recess of his drawers. I hardly noticed that the clothes was oversized and too loose over my body as all I could think of was to lay in bed and sleep.

 

When I finally got onto the bed, my body began to relax, breath evening out and eyelids gradually closing. I felt the warm arms that wrapped around me and the lips that briefly touched my ear just before my eyelids fell shut.

 

_You’re amazing, Jihoon-ah._

 

They were words that were fleetingly heard in my fading hearing before my consciousness was consumed by a dark bliss.

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

It was the sound of the rumbling thunder that awoken me in the middle of the night. I opened my eyes and was met with darkness. As I focused more on my other senses, I heard the calmed breathing of a person behind me. When I turned around, I was met with the sleeping face of Daniel. His body was stuck close to my back while his arms were enveloping my waist towards him. My heart that was previously racing gradually calmed in relief at the thought that it was just Daniel…

 

As I laid back down on my side, suddenly a terrifying thought jolted me up again, sending my heart to race with anxiety. What time is it? As I searched frantically for my phone on the table, I prayed that it wasn’t the time that I dreaded. The time that showed 11pm on the screen glared back at me in deadly silence. In that moment, I witnessed how I rushed out of the bed with the speed of light and changed back to my school uniform. Because of all the noise that I made, Daniel got woken up.

 

“What happened…”

 

His voice was husky with sleep, yet there was worry underlying his tone. When he saw me not replying, he got up from the bed and turned on the lights. By the time the lights lit up the whole room, I already had my school coat on and was reaching for my bag.

 

“I need to go.” I said, not hiding the urgency in my voice as all I was thinking of was the consequences that was waiting for me if I don’t return home soon. The door only managed to open slightly before Daniel held the knob over my hand and closed it shut again, his body slipping in between to stop me. There was a heavy frown on his face as he scrutinized me. “Wait, tell me what’s happening. Why do you look so restless?”

 

“Please, just let me go. I need to go home fast.” There was an almost begging tone in my voice as I tried to pull the door open again.

 

“Jihoon-ah- yah, calm down-” Due to my insistence and my desperation, he was unable to counter against the sudden strength as I pulled on the doorknob. The door swung open and I immediately ran out of the room, heading down the stairs and going out of the front door. Behind me, Daniel was chasing after me with hasty steps. “Jihoon-ah, it’s raining, wait-” He yelled at me from a distance, but I was already braving through the heavy pelting rain without caring about my clothes that were becoming wet.

 

I ran the whole way from his house to mine and only stopped to catch a breath the moment I reached in front of the door of my house. When I saw the light filtering from inside, I knew I was already too late. My whole body which shivered with coldness from the rain had started shivering for another reason. I didn’t know what to do all of a sudden as my feet were stuck rooted to the ground, unable to move nor talk in the fear that had slithered along my whole body and rendering it immobile.

 

As I contemplated on turning back to Daniel’s house, the door suddenly opened and the face of uncle appeared through the cracks. _I was wondering who had came in through the gates, so it was you…_ The stench of alcohol was strong, and the face looked scary as it visibly darkened under the alcohol influence.

 

Before I knew it, a hand was fisted into my hair as he pulled me inside the door and slammed it shut. I was dragged to the middle of the room and was thrown haphazardly to the floor. My side banged against the table and I fell with a dull ache on my waist. The bottles that were scattered on the table started rolling away due to the sudden impact, shattering into pieces upon making contact with the floor. There was an eerie silence after that. I feared for my life in the next few ticking seconds that followed.

 

“It was you, wasn’t it?"

 

A dangerously low voice broke through the silence. I struggled to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat.

 

"Now that I think about it, there’s no other people who could touch those wines other than you. Afterall I remembered putting it on this very table the other day… Yet one day it went missing suddenly. It was you, wasn’t it?” The voice was dripping with venom while the hand fisted into my hair again and forced me up to my feet to stand. I bit down hard onto my lip and squeezed my eyes shut. Suddenly a hard slap landed on my cheek. The hand was rough and merciless, and he didn’t hold back when he slapped me another time from the opposite direction. It stung, and I felt the beginning of tears welling in my eyes as I endured the next few onslaughts that rained down upon me.

 

“Admit it, it was you wasn’t it? And you dared come home this late after all the things you did? You good for nothing shit.” He whispered under his breath in a malicious tone, eyes narrowing into slits. At the same time his fingers had reached up to wrap around my neck in a crushing grip.

 

My lips fell open, eyes blurring with tears as I clutched onto his fingers that were choking me with both my hands. I scratched, clawed as hard as I can, trying to get his fingers to loosen as my constricted airway started to burn and breathing becoming more painful. Tears fell down from my eyes, but I could hardly make a sound as I choked on my own breath. I didn’t realize how serious uncle was until I felt myself starting to slip in and out of consciousness. I really thought I was going to meet my end, and there was a spark of regret that came into my mind at the moment at the remembrance of your face.

 

There are still so many things I need to tell you, so many things I still want to do with you…

 

Daniel-

 

…......

 

“Excuse me!” Loud banging sounded at the front door. “Is anyone home?!”

 

My lungs were filled with a sudden rush of air as the fingers immediately loosened from my neck. I inhaled as much breath as I could in that span of a moment, greedy and desperate despite the burning sensation that was felt with each rush of of air through my airway. I was seated weakly on the floor, trembling horribly as I struggled to recompose myself from the near-death experience.

 

 _Who the fuck would come banging at the door this late at night…_ Uncle was muttering darkly while glaring in the direction of the entrance. As uncle was distracted by the disturbance, he abandoned me and went to the door to see who was the unwelcomed guest. I pathetically crawled on my knees and hid behind a chair, peered from there while my body refused to stop trembling.

 

The door opened, and there was Daniel standing outside in a black hoodie, black sweatpants and with a dripping wet umbrella at his side.

 

“What do you want?” Uncle was not hiding his displeasure as he barked at Daniel in anger.

 

As if understanding seemed to dawn on Daniel at that moment, his eyes went past uncle’s shoulder and scanned the inside of the house. At that moment, he caught the pieces of shattered bottles on the floor and the whole upturned mess that wrecked the living room and his expression changed. I crawled out from my hiding place in tears and Daniel caught sight of me.

 

He immediately turned his gaze back at uncle and said in a calm manner.

 

“I’m looking for Park Jihoon.” However if one listened to it properly, the voice that seemed calm sounded almost cold and hostile.

 

“Who are you?”

 

“I’m Kang Daniel, Jihoon’s sunbae from school.”  

 

“...What business do you have with that shit at such late hour?” Uncle asked in irritation.

 

Daniel was unperturbed.

 

“I have an important matter I need to talk with him. Please let me see him.”

 

“That shit can’t come to you now, so get back to your house kid.”

 

Uncle moved to close the door, but Daniel suddenly slammed a hand against it and pushed it open again with forceful strength.

 

“Fuck, I’m telling you to let me see him!” He shouted in anger all of a sudden, as if the dam that held his patience had been broken.

 

“What the fuck, this brat-!”

 

Because I saw the look that Daniel sent to me in the middle of the ruckus, I had immediately gotten up and tried my best to run to the door despite my shaky legs that made me slip a few times. The moment I got close enough, Daniel used his whole strength to swing the door wide and hurled uncle to the side at the same time. The large burly body fell against the shoe rack, and the shoes that subsequently fell over made loud cluttering noises on the ground. In a second, Daniel had his grip on my wrist and was pulling me out from the house. We broke into a run, with the umbrella barely able to shield us from the rain as both of us merely focused on getting our feet farther away from my house.

 

We were both drenched from head to toe by the time we reached Daniel’s house. Despite the water that dripped from our figure, Daniel wordlessly allowed us in through the door and into the house. I stopped in the middle of the hallway with an uncertain expression. He stood facing me with a serious expression, but I noticed that he wasn’t looking at me, rather his eyes were fixed to my neck. I automatically tried to cover it in a self-conscious act, but he caught my hand mid-air and gripped it tightly as his eyes continued to trace over the fresh fingerprinted red marks that was blooming around the skin there.

 

“...Did he try to choke you?” Your voice was barely above a whisper as you asked me. I couldn’t say a thing in reply. You didn’t give up as you continued to ask again.

 

“Did he hit you too?”

 

As if my voice box had stopped functioning, I could only muster a weak nod.

 

“Is he the one who caused all those bruises on your body the other day?”

 

A nod again.

 

“How often does he hit you like that?”

 

“...”

 

“Park Jihoon, answer me.” You sounded almost scary as you demanded in an intimidating voice.

 

“...Somedays when his mood is bad.”

 

The answer seemed to flare you up even more.

 

“So how often is that?”

 

“...Once or twice a week.“ _But if I stayed quiet in my room, sometimes he forgot about me and doesn’t look for me._

 

“And how long has this been going on?”

 

“...”

 

“Park Jihoon.”

 

“F-Four years…”

 

At my answer, you immediately fell into silence. The disappointment, anger and regret I saw on your face then were foreign to me and I mulled in fear on what your thoughts were about all these. I had tried my best to avoid letting you know the internal problem that was going on behind the door of my house, but it seemed I couldn’t keep it hidden any longer because the moment when I had chosen to comply to you and let you pull me out from the place that trapped me, it was then I realized this was the thing that I needed to confront with you the most. Eventhough I was scared and hesitant all this while because I was afraid about how you would thought about all these but these days as my belief that you would not abandon me became more and more solidified, I had silently longed for you to know this struggling part of me. You who appeared in front of me when I needed you the most resembled just like a ray of hope to me. I wanted to hold onto you and asked you to save me again just like how you did the first time I met you.

 

Therefore, it made my heart plummet to the bottom when you suddenly let go of my hand and moved away from me. I followed your figure as you sat down heavily on the stairs, head looking down to the floor with an expression that I couldn’t decipher. We stayed in this unmoving position for what seemed to feel like an eternity. I bit onto my nails as my mind became fully conquered with anxiety while waiting for the silence to be broken.

 

Despite that, you continued to not say anything, merely getting up without a word after that, not even looking at me as you climbed up the stairs to your room. …Why? Why are you being like this? Are you angry at me? Are you disappointed of me? Are you being like this because you hate me now? I followed you up with anxiety in my steps and opened the door to your room. You were just in front of me and still passed by me without even looking at me, going into the bathroom and locking yourself in there. I sat against the wall beside the bathroom and started biting my nails again, increasingly anxious as I listened to the sound of rushing water inside.

 

Even after an hour passed, you still didn’t come out.

 

I started to become scared at this unfamiliar you, sobbing as I banged onto the bathroom door. _Hyung…won’t you come out, hick-_ I banged onto the door for a long time before it finally opened and you appeared with your body dripping wet, hair plastered on your face and eyes reddened.

 

 _Hyung…_ I hurriedly clung onto you and cried into your bare chest. Please do not be angry at me, please do not hate me, please do not abandon me, please do not throw me away-

 

Before I could plead all these from you, your forehead fell onto my shoulder heavily.

 

“Jihoon-ah.”

 

Your voice which had always been so strong and firm seemed to be cracking under an unknown pressure.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

I was silenced into stillness at the two words of apology that were spoken with such a deep heavy pressing regret.

 

“...I could have saved you earlier, but I didn’t.”

 

His shoulders which he always carried proudly were slumped, shaking slightly.

 

“Eventhough I had an idea what was going on, but I had chosen to ignore you and let you suffer. I could have been there for you much earlier, but I was a coward and didn’t want to get involved... I’m so sorry Jihoon-ah.”

 

The voice was shaking as well. It was then that I felt a warm wetness seeping through my clothes and staining my shoulder. I was unable to say anything in the witness of the crying Daniel. It was my first time to see you breaking down like this, and for some reason my heart was pierced painfully at the sight of you drowned in the sadness that had completely weighed you down.

 

You continued to endlessly mutter apologies into my shoulder, with a voice that was heartbreakingly fragile and a body that begged to be embraced with forgiveness.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter explains Daniel's POV in the past 2 chapters. also i'd like to say thanks again for all the hits, kudos and supportive comments i've received. they are a boost of motivation for me to finish the fic indeed. i hope you still enjoy the story so far and hopefully ill be able to present to you a more lovely nielwink in the future :)

 

DANIEL’S POV

 

These days, I began to believe the sincerity of Jihoon’s feelings more and more. The way he looked at me, the words that were spoken to me, the way he clutched onto me, the tears that fell because of me many times, there was no denying the love that Park Jihoon had for me.

 

It was a pretty kitten who tried to attract my attention knowing all my weaknesses. At first…I had thought he was probably a fox considering the slyness. But when I gradually came to realize his honesty and sincerity, I began to feel he was like a kitten. It was really the type of kitten that I liked the most, pretty with lots of love in its eyes, always following and clinging to me whenever and wherever, subtly asking for my attention even in its quietness.

 

These days, I felt myself starting to adore this pretty kitten a lot. Jihoon was probably unaware of it, but I was immersed in him. In the little things he did, in the anxious yet anticipating expression he had on his face everytime I closed the distance between us, in his eyes that flickered with deep emotions whenever I stared into them, in the small movements that he made secretly to get himself closer to me. The intention and meaning in everything he did began to amplify in my sight.

 

My mind was fully occupied by Park Jihoon alone these days. Once I started to open my heart and learned how to accept him, it had become so much easier for him to steal my attention with even the smallest gestures.

 

I really couldn’t think of anyone else but him and him alone. So when Soyoung asked me to accompany her to town a little while after school, I had agreed to it without much heart and enthusiasm. As she dragged me from one shop after another, asking me which clothes fit her the best, I could only give a half-hearted reply.

 

I wondered what Jihoon was doing at the moment…I took out my phone and distractedly scrolled my messenger, finding his name among my list of contacts and looking at his profile picture. Honestly…I would say that it wasn’t even a profile picture because the picture displayed was not him, rather it was a picture of a white fluffy dog with its pink tongue hanging out... a Samoyed, probably? It was a cute picture nonetheless and it made me wonder idly if he liked dogs. As I scrolled through the timeline in his messenger, I noted the lack of activities in it. The last time he changed his profile picture was a year ago, and it was a picture of a rainy street.

 

Hmm…? This street kind of looked familiar. When I tapped on the picture to enlarge it, I noticed the name of a cafe that was captured together in the picture.

 

…Wait. Isn’t this the cafe that I worked in 3 years ago?

 

Well, such a coincidence can happen too… But why did he use this kind of picture?

 

As the thoughts ran in my mind, Soyoung came out of the fitting room at that moment and exclaimed in a cheery voice.

 

“Oppa! How do I look?” She was trying on the light yellow dress that had her attention earlier, and she waited for my response expectantly as she twirled around in front of me for effect. To be honest, I was still a little bothered by that picture, so I couldn’t really think much of a response but to nod.

 

The apparent lack of reaction made her upset.

 

“...Oppa, you know. You’ve been distracted since this morning. Is there something on your mind?”

 

“Huh? Oh…it’s nothing.”

 

“Liar. If it’s nothing, you would at least be more attentive to what I’m saying.”

 

I scratched the back of my head. “Just..you know thinking about studies and other stuffs.”

 

But Soyoung didn’t look satisfied at all with my answer as she continued to scowl. She went back into the fitting room with a loud bang of the door, and I waited outside sighing visibly.

 

Yeah, I knew it myself. That I wasn’t paying attention to her much anymore these days. The calls between us had become lesser, our conversation had also become more limited. There seemed to be a decline in affectionate gestures as well. We were into our second month of dating, but the atmosphere between us seemed to remind me of the atmosphere of an incoming break up. The attraction was stunted only till this level.

 

And it was because I was losing interest in her.

 

There was the righteous side in me that felt guilty because I was having a relationship with Jihoon behind her back. In the end, I thought of being honest with her and just telling her that I can’t continue on having this relationship with her anymore.

 

Albeit I need to think properly on how to break this out to her.

 

After Soyoung came out from the fitting room back in her school uniform again, she ignored me and stormed out of the shop in anger. The female employee who was tending to her earlier became flustered due to her action and I bowed apologetically on her behalf before following after Soyoung.

 

“I’m sorry.” I apologized to her as I caught up to her from behind, but Soyoung pretended as if she didn't hear a thing and continued to walk ahead. “Choi Soyoung, can you please stop for a while? I said I’m sorry.” I probably got a little irritated because she was being difficult, so I grabbed her wrist and turned her around towards me.

 

“Let me go!” She shook my hand off angrily and glared at me. “You bastard, you’ve really changed these few days. I can’t keep in touch with you because you kept missing my calls, and then now you can’t even focus on me while I’m here!”

 

“Soyoung-ah-”

 

“Do you know how much I’m suffering these days because of you?! You jerk!” Soyoung suddenly came forward to hit my chest with as much strength she could muster. Not holding back, she struck me a few more times while yelling out unpleasant names to me. Her current agitated state made me decide to take control before things spiral out of hand, so I caught her hands mid-air and stopped her despite her efforts to continue hitting me.

 

“I wanted to talk to you about this.”

 

At that moment, my voice was firm with resolution. I made my decision to be honest with her. Afterall I felt like if I continued to be with her when my heart wasn’t with her, situation like this would just repeat itself in the future. I would just continue to hurt her more and that would be even worse of me.

 

“What?” At the sudden seriousness, Soyoung stopped. Still her eyes were narrowed as she waited for me to speak.

 

Once I was sure that she wouldn't attempt anything again, I let go of her hands. Looking straight into her eyes, I spoke in a calm voice.

 

“Let’s break up.”

 

In the few seconds’ silence that followed, I watched as Soyoung’s expression changed from anger into shock then something akin to horror and disbelief.

 

“...What did you just say?”

 

“I said let’s break up.”

 

“W-Why suddenly...?” Her voice had become small and she was looking at me as if she couldn’t believe the words that had come out from my mouth.

 

“You were right when you said that I wasn’t paying attention to you as often anymore. It’s all my fault… You're a nice girl, but I just can’t feel anything with you anymore. I’m sorry that I have to say this… but I have to end this for both our sake.”

 

Soyoung's head lowered slowly, and her shoulders began to shake. She was crying, and I could only watch quietly without doing anything. I knew this would hurt and I felt guilty for causing pain to her, but it would cause even more pain if we continued this one-sided relationship.

 

“I’m really sorry, Soyoung-ah. It doesn’t mean that if we break up we can't talk to each other anymore…If you need me for anything later, you can still tell me. _"_

__

Afterall from the time I spent with her, I knew that Soyoung was originally a good girl. Therefore I was not opposed to the idea of us still maintaining a friendly sunbae-hoobae relationship even after the break-up as this was how we started out in the first place.

 

“Oppa, you’re really a jerk… You knew how much I love you, yet how could you say all these to me…” The tears started streaming down uncontrollably, staining her cheeks all over as she began to cry loudly. The eyes that were sad became angry all of a sudden as if a thought had pricked her conscience.

 

“Unless…you’re forced to do all these because of Park Jihoon…”

 

What?

 

“That’s right…I realized you started to change after that day when Park Jihoon saw us.”

 

...

 

“Are you breaking up with me because he is threatening you?”

 

This is starting to get out of hand.

 

“Listen, Soyoung-ah. You’ve misunderstood everything. He is not threatening me. Park Jihoon has nothing to do with all these.”

 

“Then why did you start to become cold to me after that day?! Before this, everything was just fine between us! Ever since that day, I started to notice that you’re trying to distance yourself away from me! It’s really because of Park Jihoon isn’t it?! Fucking bastard-”

 

Suddenly, there was anger in me that came out from nowhere. “Stop. Choi Soyoung, I said he didn’t do anything to me. Me wanting to break up with you is my decision alone.”

 

“I can’t believe this!” She screamed before falling down to her knees on the ground, crying with her hands covering her face. “Everything was really just fine between us before this…”

 

I began to feel heavy just by continuing to be here. Adding to that, there was the discomfort that came when people who were passing by witnessed the scene between us. I reached for Soyoung’s hand carefully and tried to pull her up, but she swatted me away and continued to cry. Despite trying a few more times, she still refused me fervently. I waited until she finished crying and offered to accompany her home, but she was still angry and therefore had walked off without a word.

 

So I arrived home late on that day, with tiredness in my steps after the emotional confrontation that I had to experience.

 

Then I saw you, playing with a stray cat in front of my house.

 

That brown cat with white tipped paws that often came to my house for food. That cat was a difficult one because eventhough I gave it food so many times, it refused to warm up to me easily. Yet as I watched you stroking the purring cat who seemed to have gotten attached to you in no time, I became enticed.

 

The heavy feelings and exhaustion that accompanied me home from the incident with Soyoung earlier immediately vanished with the sight of you and the cat. I felt my heart tickling at the sight of this person who could easily get the difficult cat’s attention effortlessly. It turned out that you could charm not only the people around you but also cats, and I laughed inwardly at the thought. And to know that such a person was in love with me, it made warmth spread across my chest.

 

Park Jihoon, you're so adorable. I want to hold you so badly.

 

Because of this desire, after I brought you into the house it didn’t take too long for me to initiate contact with you. I started kissing you, bothering you until you were breathless and as I watched how you smiled and laughed, I began to have this tingling feeling that you may be the person I’ve been searching for all these while. The person who can shake my heart, who can make me feel so much just by looking into those eyes alone, the person who can effortlessly make me adore and desire him all at the same time. I had never felt so much emotions at once towards someone before.

 

It made me think that it was definitely right to break up with Soyoung because my heart seemed to have been with you all along.

 

I also knew the moment I couldn’t stop touching your body, I was already deeply trapped in your charm. I couldn’t get enough of you, only knowing of the blissful feelings that overflowed from my heart and seeped from every inch of my skin as our bodies slid over each other repetitively in a synchronized rhythm.

 

The sense of wanting to treasure and protect the beautiful you was awakened inside me. As if you were mine, and it was my responsibility to keep you away from the things that could damage you.

 

I made the right decision when I decided to chase after you that night. The visibly fearful face of yours were so unfamiliar to me that it evoked an uncomfortable feeling deep in the pit of my stomach. I tried to stop you from going out of the door, but you had been so scared that you ignored my effort to calm you down. You even refused to take an umbrella despite the rainy day, merely running into the rain without a thought and letting yourself get wet. I wondered what was making you so fearful. The dread inside me started to intensify as I hurried upstairs, grabbing a hoodie randomly from a nearby chair and wore it before I ran downstairs and sprinted all the way to your house.

 

I was slightly breathless by the time I reached the front of your house. Dim lights filtered slightly through the gap underneath the door and I contemplated on what to say while my hand was poised near the door to knock.

 

However I was halted when I heard the sound of fragile glass breaking on the other side of the door. I got closer to the door and tried to listen for a while, but there was hardly any sound that could be heard because of the rain. Feeling worried, I finally banged onto the door with my fist.

 

In a minute, the door creaked open revealing the dimly illuminated face of a middle-aged man which didn’t look too pleasant as it regarded me with animosity. Because of the sound I heard earlier, I wanted to know what was happening inside. Confirming my suspicion, there were pieces of glass scattered everywhere on the floor in the seemingly wrecked messy living room.

 

But what really caught my attention was Jihoon as my eyes zeroed on the boy who was crying quietly in fear behind a chair.

 

It was then that it registered in my mind what kind of situation this was.

 

The anger that came then reminded me of the anger that was provoked when Soyoung accused Jihoon. Only this time, the anger was on another different level as I felt myself seething with rage. I was livid, and my clenched fists were shaking as they tried to restrain the urge to hurt the man who was the cause of Jihoon’s fear and tears.

 

“I’m looking for Park Jihoon.” I tried to keep myself as calm as I could while I answered him, however even my voice couldn’t help but to betray me due to the anger that was burning inside.

 

“Who are you?”

 

“I’m Kang Daniel, Jihoon’s sunbae.”  

 

“...What business do you have with that shit at such late hour?”

 

“I have an important matter I need to talk with him. Please let me see him.”

 

“That shit can’t come to you now, so get back to your house kid.”

 

It was really my limit then. The thin string that held my patience snapped, and the fist that I resolutely held by my side previously had now lost control as it slammed against the closing door with a loud bang.

 

“Fuck, I’m telling you to let me see him!”

 

“What the fuck, this brat-!”

 

I could hardly care next when I threw the door wide open with my shoulder and threw the heavy body of the man aside with all my strength. I captured Jihoon who had ran to me with my hand and led him away from the house.

 

The cold rain drenched my form from head to toe, but the anger that was boiling in me didn’t recede. It became even more out of control when I noticed the red marks around your neck upon entering my house.

 

“...Did he try to choke you?”

 

My gaze flitted to the tear on your lower lip which was bleeding slightly.

 

“Did he hit you too?”

 

You looked scared because of the heavy atmosphere that had suddenly settled between us. But I had no intention to accommodate to your fear at the moment as my mind became solely focused on demanding the answer out of you.

 

“Is he the one who caused all those bruises on your body the other day?”

 

You weakly nodded. Even though I felt like I knew the answer to this already, having you confirming it yourself made me even more enraged.

 

“How often does he hit you like that?”

 

“...”

 

“Park Jihoon, answer me.”

 

“...Somedays when his mood is bad.”

 

“So how often is that?”

 

“...Once or twice a week.“ _But if I stayed quiet in my room, sometimes he forgot about me and doesn’t look for me._

 

“And how long has this been going on?”

 

“...”

 

“Park Jihoon.”

 

“F-Four years…”

 

...Four years?

 

As if I was stumped by his words, I felt the strength seeping out from my legs and I sat heavily on the stairs.

 

…Did you just say four years?

 

Is that how long you’ve been enduring all these?

 

That bruises that I saw on your body the other day…so it wasn’t the first time? It was just once out of the many countless times he had hit you over the past four years?

 

…Park Jihoon, are you telling me you've been through all these by yourself the past four years?

 

I got up and went into my room and my mind was in a haywire. I couldn’t bear to see his face, so when he followed me and came into the room as well, I immediately left and locked myself in the bathroom.

 

I opened the tap water and splashed my face with it a few times. The shocking coldness jolted my senses, and I was able to forget thinking albeit only temporarily. I idly watched as the pearled droplets that clung to the tip of my wet hair fell into the sink. The thoughts in my mind were in a mess, and there was an indescribably crushing feeling inside me that made itself known as the realization sank in gradually.

 

You had been suffering from such torture for years. You approached me bearing such bruises all over you, yet I pushed you away, turned a blind eye on your suffering, and pretended that you didn’t exist.

 

Kang Daniel…you claimed to want to treasure and protect Park Jihoon…you’re such a joke.  

 

The shame and regret consumed me due to my past actions. I couldn’t forgive myself for not helping you despite having an inkling of your misery beforehand.

 

Even then…you still continued to hold onto me and pour out all your pure feelings to me, as if I was someone you greatly admired and adored.

 

However I who was ignorant and oblivious to your sufferings really did not deserve to receive such goodness from you.

 

Despite that…I still wished that you could forgive me and continued loving me the same way.

 

It must have been a while I was inside because you started to call out for me with an anxious voice. I came out of the bathroom, yet I still couldn’t face you, and seeing your small body which clung to me the moment I stepped out made the sorrow overwhelmed me.

 

I was sorry that I couldn’t protect you.

 

“Jihoon-ah.”

 

Even with all the mistakes I’ve made, your body remained warm and gentle. My tears fell and wet your shoulders.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“I could have saved you earlier, but I didn’t.”

 

“Eventhough I had an idea what was going on, but I had chosen to ignore you and let you suffer. I could have been there for you much earlier, but I was a coward and didn’t want to get involved... I’m so sorry Jihoon-ah.”

 

I may be shameless for wanting to be forgiven…yet still I wish that you can forgive me and give me another chance. Because this time, I promise to not let the same mistake happen again. I’ll not let another person lay a hand on you, I’ll not let you get hurt another time-

 

“Hyung.”

 

Your voice was clear and calm as it slipped through my disarrayed thoughts, silencing them into nothingness.

 

A hand wrapped around my waist carefully while another laid itself on the back of my head, rubbing back and forth in a quiet and soothing manner.

 

“You saved me. Thank you.”

 

There was a hint of a smile in that small voice that conveyed its appreciation. No disappointment, no spitefulness or hatred. It was just sincere happiness and gratefulness.

 

“It was because of you that life still has its meaning for me. If it wasn’t for you I’d be nothing.”

 

The arms that enveloped me tightened, and my vulnerable feelings which were exposed nakedly were embraced with a gentle tenderness.

 

_Therefore, you have nothing to apologize to me for._

__

I continued to listen as you murmured those words into my ear, sweetly, lovingly and full of forgiveness.

 

Suddenly there was a strong urge of wanting to cry again.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff, fluff, lots of fluff-inducing cavities so i'm going to start adding the fluff tag for this fic now haha. nielwink will continue to blossom with more fluff. at least for a little while more~

JIHOON’S POV

 

After what happened last night, I had explained everything about my situation to Daniel hyung and he insisted that I stayed in his house for a while.

 

_For now just wear my clothes and use everything that you need from my house. Later, when your uncle goes off to work we can sneak in and get all your stuffs moved into my house._

__

But the way he said it, it was as if he was prepared to have me moving into his house permanently. I didn’t really say anything in objection partially because of the decisive tone that he was using and also partially because I myself was too scared to go back to the house again after what happened.

 

Therefore, I stayed my first night in Daniel’s room last night. He had given me the bed while he spread out another mattress on the floor for himself to sleep. At first I hesitated to take the bed and had went to lay on the mattress on the floor, but he had carried me out easily and dumped me to the bed. In the end, I took the bed due to his adamance and stayed awake a little while to watch him after he fell asleep.

 

The next morning, I got awake earlier and lost my mind for a moment when I was faced with the interior of the room which still looked unfamiliar to me. Then when my eyes fell onto Daniel’s sleeping face, I started to remember again. Because his sleeping face was adorable, I had spent a few more minutes squatting at the edge of his mattress and looking at him quietly with a giddy heart.

 

It was a weekend, therefore I decided to not get him awake and let him sleep longer.

 

Because I was so used to the routine of preparing breakfast for me and uncle in the morning, I automatically stepped into the kitchen and started cooking some food for me and Daniel. There wasn’t much food in the fridge, but at least there were some eggs and some processed food that could be prepared instantly. Also judging from the emptiness of the fridge, I could tell Daniel wasn’t the type to cook often. He probably ate outside or ordered takeouts most of the time.

 

I cooked a simple breakfast of scrambled tomato eggs and sausages and put them on the table. I decided to wait till Daniel was awake so that I could eat with him. In the meantime, I curiously explored the rest of the house which I didn’t get the chance to see before. There was the living room, the dining room, the kitchen, a laundry area at the back of the house and another bathroom downstairs. Upstairs was Daniel’s room and another room which I assumed was his parents’ room. The house felt cozy, warm and peaceful, and I sat on the sofa in the living room with a light contented mood and a soft hum on my lips.

 

I took out my phone and plugged the earphones in. I was about to put the earphones to my ears when suddenly a meowing sound was heard outside. Placing my phone and earphones on the table, I walked to the front door and opened it.

 

In front of me, a cat was sitting on the doorstep, waiting expectantly with its big eyes and a loud meow.

 

It was the brown cat from yesterday. _Oh, what are you doing here-_ I squatted down to its level and started stroking its head. It purred before it started meowing again, turning back and forth repeatedly as if it wanted something. I was confused by its action.

 

“It’s asking for food.”

 

Suddenly a voice sounded from behind me, making me stand up on my two feet again immediately as I turned around to face Daniel who had just got up. Daniel gave a loud yawn while rummaging through a shelf in the kitchen, taking out a pack of cat food and shaking the contents intentionally to make noise, effectively attracting the cat which was now swishing its tail eagerly in response.

 

“I give food to it every morning, so it usually waits for me at the door at this time.” Daniel shook the pack again and the cat meowed loudly.

 

“Rooney-yah, did you wait long? Let’s eat now.”

 

He began pouring out the food in front of the cat he called Rooney, and patted the cat affectionately while he smiled down at it. _You sure do eat well._ Watching the cat eat and distractedly talking to it as if he was talking to another person. It seemed like he adored the cat a lot. Unconsciously a smile had made its way to my face at the endearing sight.

 

Then as if only remembering that I was also there, he turned his head in my direction. “Jihoon-ah, are you hungry too? Should I go out and get some food for us?”

 

Surprised, I stuttered out. “Oh…But I already made something for both of us…”

 

This time it was Daniel who looked surprised. “What? You did?” Laughing, he got up and proceeded to head to the dining room to see for himself. _Wa, you really did. Thanks for the food! I was actually really starving._ He didn’t waste time to get a fork and started wolfing down the food on the table. I was embarrassed at the way he couldn’t stop himself from eating and repeating to me over and over that it’s delicious. _But it’s really delicious. Aren’t you going to eat too?_ I nodded and sat across from him on the dining table, chewing on my own scrambled eggs while I watched his huge appetite that resulted him to finish everything on his plate in just a few minutes, at the same time silently noting that I should probably make more servings for him next time.

 

“Do you want to eat some of mine too?” I offered with good intention as I pushed my plate in his direction slightly. I hadn’t eaten the eggs yet, so it was still left untouched at a corner on my plate.

 

“Aren’t you going to eat it?”

 

“I’m not that hungry right now.” But hyung sure does look like he can eat another plate…

 

I was about to hand him my plate of food when he suddenly leaned over the table and opened his mouth.

 

What…It took me a few seconds to understand what he was doing as I blinked uncomprehendingly at his expectant face. Are you telling me you want me to feed you…?

 

Because it was so sudden and so unexpected, I became flustered. Also because he was still waiting for me to feed him with his mouth still wide open like that, I could do nothing else but to use the fork in my hand to scrape off a few pieces of the egg and brought it to his mouth. His mouth closed around the fork with a smile, and I felt the heat burning my face due to the situation we were in at the moment.

 

I thought it was going to end there. But as soon as he swallowed the eggs that I fed him, he opened his mouth again. _Another one._

 

Oh…All these affectionate acts were so unfamiliar, yet they made my heart pound wildly in my chest. As to his request, I fed him a few more bites after that and the face he made everytime he caught the fork in his mouth was so funny that I ended up laughing. _Hyung really looks like a dog when eating._ The words slipped out of my mouth without realizing. I had always had this impression from long before that he distinctly resembled a particular species of a dog. A Samoyed to be exact. The eyes especially, I thought they had looked so similar.

 

Daniel returned with a laugh of his own, raising his brows. _Do I really?_

 

 _Yes, you do, really._ I laughed again. My heart was really tickled by this dog-like man who kept asking to be fed. I got the remaining eggs left onto the fork and directed it to his mouth again, leaning over the table a little this time so that I could reach him better. He captured the fork in his mouth again, and it slipped off from his mouth when I pulled it back. Before I could pull away any further though, he suddenly leaned the whole way forward, his hand grabbing the back of my head. Our lips met and my eyes widened, it made me automatically flinched away due to the surprise. However he caught my head in a firm hold while he meshed our lips together further. Still unable to recover from the surprise, I was caught offguard by the tongue that suddenly passed through my slackened lips.

 

 _…Hmm._  He tilted his head sideways and got his tongue deeper inside my mouth, the taste of eggs and tomato and the remaining bits of them were mixed and shared between our connected mouth. The fork that I was holding in my grip grew lax and fell to the table with a clinking sound as I became more distracted with his tongue that was coaxing and twirling around mine.

 

It felt like a long time before our lips finally parted. The kiss was dirty, messy and a thin string of saliva was connected between our wet shining lips when we pulled away for breath. When I looked down, the table was also in a mess because we had unknowingly knocked onto the plate so bits of the eggs were scattered here and there.

 

Daniel however was not interested in the mess, still staring intently at my face with an amused smile. He reached a thumb to wipe off my lips. _I hope you like this hungry dog who is going to eat you up next._ As soon as he said that, he went around the table and suddenly picked me up in his arms without warning. _Hyung?!_ Caught offguard again, I could only hung onto his neck like a koala to a tree while he laughed and carried me all the way to the living room. He sat on the sofa and pulled me to sit on his lap. The head of the dog-like man tilted up to capture my lips while his arms wrapped around my waist snugly, warming every inch of my skin in the enveloping heat. My hand reached up to pat his head and I felt the smile on his lips as he continued kissing me. _You know, I’ve been thinking it’d be nice if you pat me like you patted Rooney._  At his earnest confession, I laughed. This guy doesn’t only look like a dog, his behaviour and tendencies are like a dog too. Because my heart was brimming with adoration at the knowledge, I patted onto his head with my full attention as if I was rewarding a good doggie. _Of course, I’ll pat this big dog anytime it wants me to._ Saying it in a warm voice, I watched as he too laughed.

 

However I didn’t miss the glint in his eyes after that which seemed to convey mischief. _Today I’ll also give my whole attention to this kitty cat…_

 

A kitty cat…? Before I can ask him about what he meant, he had suddenly pushed up into me, making me acutely aware of his awakening arousal below. All words were lost from the tip of my tongue as my face reddened at his eagerness. This was something I still wasn’t used to yet. All these while I had been the one who had constantly initiated contact between us, so to have Daniel making the first move these days really caught me flustered often.

 

However it was a feeling that made my heart felt like it was going to burst from happiness.

 

I lifted myself up on my knees slightly as Daniel’s hands held the waistband of my pants. The loose pants were riding low around my hips and it was easily pulled off with one motion of his hand. The air chilled my exposed thighs, however Daniel’s warm hands soon smoothen themselves back and forth along the legs. I felt myself unraveling slowly under his touch, expression loosening as I succumbed into the feelings he led me into. _Pretty._ He whispered before he hugged my body close to his chest, burying his face into my neck and nipping the skin there. My cloudy mind was cleared for a moment when a stinging pain on my neck jolt me into awareness, resulting a surprised noise to slip past my lips. When I looked to my side, I saw the smile on Daniel’s face that revealed nothing but cheekiness. _Revenge for the bite mark you made on me._

__

Blinking, I looked at him and true to his words, there was a prominent purplish mark embellished on his right shoulder. Feeling sorry, I reached down and licked the healing bruise. His breath hitched slightly in response. Probably thinking because it was painful, I started to lick it in a gentler manner. While I was busy giving relief to the abused skin, Daniel’s hands had slipped into my underwear behind me, fingers tracing my entrance and teasing around the edges. This time I was the one with my breath hitched in my throat when I felt his finger entering me slowly. One finger adapting to the tightness before another finger was inserted to loosen it further in a scissoring motion. _Ha…_ shivers began to crept up my spine because he seemed skillful enough to know how to make it less painful and more pleasurable.

 

 _Daniel…Daniel hyung-_ Face buried on his shoulder, I called out to him with voice that was muffled. _Yeah?_ His low voice reverberated close to my ears because of our position. It was starting to feel good because his fingers were exploring deeper inside. My desire started to grow hard and known between our abdomen, and I buried my face deeper into his shoulder to hide my embarrassment.

 

At that moment, his finger which was probing around in every direction suddenly struck the spot where I felt the most and my breath got stuck in my throat for a moment before a shaky sigh followed. He hit it again, making me tightened my arms around his neck in response as a whimper leaked out from my lips. _You like it here?_ There was a hint of a smile in his voice that was teasing me. _Want me to touch it again?_ It’s embarrassing if you asked it that way… I continued to hide my face in his shoulder refusing to look at him. Without waiting an answer for me, he continued to stimulate the spot with his finger. My body started tensing when he did it over and over without stopping. Without realizing, I also had started to move along eagerly with his fingers, sliding my stiff member against his abdomen to relish in the delicious friction in the process.

 

I was close when he decided to pull out his fingers. The sudden sore feeling of emptiness made me lift my face up as I looked at him in question. He caught my gaze and leaned down to kiss me briefly, whispering breathily to my lips. _Sorry, I can’t hold back any longer._ Subsequently, he released his erection from the constraints of his pants, revealing a fully hard throbbing penis which looked like it was about to erupt soon. He lifted me slightly with a hand on my hip and slowly entered me from behind. The emptiness was now filled with a distinct hot fullness that stretched me to the limit.

__

_Jihoon-ah, move your hips a little._ I followed his instruction and started shifting my hips back and forth. The groan that escaped his lips spurred me on to be more enthusiastic, so I supported my hands on his shoulders while I began riding on his lap. I pulled myself up till the tip was exposed, and when I fell down burying him deep to the hilt again the moans simultaneously broke out from both our lips. This position made him go so much deeper inside me, and it effortlessly reached my prostate with every trip down. I could feel him growing bigger inside me, thick and pulsing with heat, as if he was really about to come soon. I myself wouldn’t be able to last long either... As if reading my mind, he proceeded to wrap his hand around me and began to stroke, rapidly building me to my climax. Due to his sudden intense attention to my sensitive member, my hips movement faltered. _Jihoon-ah, does it feel good?_ His voice penetrated through the haze in my mind. But at that moment I was too focused struggling to breath through all the pleasure that was blinding my whole senses that I could barely form any words in response.

 

 _I-I’m going to-_ My voice raised in a sudden panic as I felt the intense heat that had rapidly pooled in my groin threatening to burst out in any second. Daniel stopped all his movement instantly, flipping me down to the sofa before he penetrated inside me again, going full force this time while he subdued me under his hold. My thighs were brought up all the way to my chest while he drove inside me wildly in the last few seconds of his climax. As I was really close too, I couldn’t hold myself back. Stars burst in front of my eyes and I came after a few more thrusts, Daniel following soon after.

 

His body fell on top of me, and I could hear our heartbeats synchronizing through the loud pounding against our ribcage. My arms linked around his shoulders and my legs wrapped around his waist, trapping him within my embrace and refusing to let go. The warmth inside me remained and I reveled in the blissful aftermath that sank into my system everytime after we had sex.

 

It was only when Daniel flicked my forehead for attention, telling me that he was going to crush me if he continued lying on top of me like this that I allowed to let my hold on him loosen. Because the sofa wasn’t large enough to accommodate the bodies of two grown male, so he took a seat at the edge of it. He was smiling down at me with that same smile he had when he looked at the brown cat, full of fondness and affection. His hand lifted up to brush stray strands of hair from my forehead before he leaned down to kiss me softly on the forehead.

 

_Park Jihoon, I love you._

 

The morning was serene, the warm hand was calming… his lips was sinfully sweet, and his voice that lilted around the words were heartwarmingly tender.

 

It was the first time you had told me that you love me. I thought if this was a dream I never wanted to wake up from it. Those three words that I never thought I could hear from you before were now whispered so carelessly, so freely into my ears and with so much love and sincerity.

 

In the simplicity of the things you do and utter, happiness lies behind it.

 

And it was the first time I felt so certain of something as I continued being sheltered under this happiness that had you in it.

 

Kang Daniel, the wholehearted love I have for you seemed to be clearer than ever.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> huu...this chapter was hard to write TT

Daniel had part-time job during the weekends. So I spent a boring day at home not really knowing what to do. The variety show that was played on the TV barely held my interest for long as my thoughts wondered to Daniel again.

 

Yesterday, after we spent the whole morning together, Daniel had told me that he needed to go to his part-time job in the afternoon. It was only recently that Daniel started doing part time job again and he told me it was because he was trying to save up money for college. _Won’t your parents help you support college expenses?_  I asked purely out of curiousity. _Well, the college expenses are gonna be expensive and I’d like to not depend on them too much._ Was what he simply answered to me in return.

 

I had always admired the way Daniel carried himself. So independent, could easily adapt to whatever that was thrown to him and he was the type who caught on things fast too, therefore he was actually one of the brilliant seniors in our school to tell the truth. Yet, another reason why he was admired by so many people in the school.

 

Because I only knew that he had taken a part-time job recently, so I didn’t know much about the details of his job. Yesterday he was away from afternoon until nighttime, returning home only after 10pm. When I welcomed him home, he was so exhausted that his body had fallen till he was half-leaning on mine for support. We only managed to reach the living room before he collapsed on the sofa with a laugh and started closing his eyes. He got into a deep sleep soon after and couldn’t be awaken anymore after that. I could only cover him with a blanket I got from upstairs and slipped a pillow behind his head so that his neck wouldn’t hurt too much in the morning.

 

Today, his shift seemed to start earlier because he got awake first before me. _A friend asked me to cover for his morning shift, so I’ll probably be back a little earlier today. Say around 5pm?_ He said to me while I was still half-asleep sitting on the bed, drowsily watching him as he pulled a jacket over his shoulders and strapped the bag to his back. For some reason, he was laughing at me after that, walking to the bed and letting his fingers sift through my hair. _It really looks like a magpie’s nest in the mornings._ Before smiling and leaning down to kiss the top of my head briefly. _I’ll see you later, Jihoon-ah._

 

I had fallen back to sleep for 2 more hours after that.

 

Now that I’m awake later in the afternoon, I realized there was really nothing to do. The music that filtered into my ears through the earphones were my only company as I laid on the sofa idly. The pillow and blankets that Daniel used last night was still on the sofa so I had wrapped myself with the blanket and let his scent engulfed me. Even the pillow smelled distinctly of him, a musky masculine scent hinted with the slight pleasant smell of cologne. The scent was addictive and the more I inhaled it, the more my thoughts wandered to Daniel. Even memories of the things we did on this very sofa resurfaced in my mind, making my body tingle at the remembrance of his touch that ghosted along my skin.

 

I’m already starting to miss him, I thought as I distractedly select another track in the playlist. It was the background sound of the pattering rain that I had recorded on a rainy day. There was nothing really unique in the repetitive sound of the pattering rain, only that to me it held a special meaning as it made me reminisce about our first meeting. Calming, gentle, the beautiful you who smiled at me with a pink umbrella in your hand. That image of the smiling you was so memorable that even after 3 years, it was still as clear as day in my mind.

 

It was October 29, 2014 then. I also named the track after the date to remind me.

 

Fastforwarding to exactly 3 years later on the same day same month… here we are. In love with each other. It was hard to believe, but yes, I was starting to adapt to this sweet, sweet reality that belonged to us.

 

As I continued listening to the track, I absent-mindedly got onto Instagram. It was a habit that grew over the years, looking at his Instagram whenever I missed his face. Daniel was active on Instagram. The good-looking guy who constantly updated his profile picture, taking random moments of himself and sometimes cats, was Instagram famous. It was expected that with the wide social circle that he had as well, the number of followers could reach till 5 digits. He was really someone that was supposedly unreachable to me, not in my league if I considered my background which was so dulled in contrast to his.

 

I didn’t know why, but Kang Daniel had told me that he loved me. I believed his words, but it was still hard for me to take it in whenever I was reminded of our life which was so opposite from each other. Kang Daniel was smart, athletic, good-looking, popular, friendly, perfect from head to toe, in and out in everyone’s eyes. He was everything that I was not.

 

As I scrolled through his timeline, I noticed the many pictures of him with so many other people. How do I fit in into his life amidst all these people…the thought pricked me from nowhere, a moment’s uncertainty arising when I realized the significance of my presence which seemed to have become smaller as I saw faces after faces that accompanied Daniel in the pictures. There were also still Choi Soyoung in the picture too...

 

I went to the most recent picture. It was a picture taken a week ago, and it was tagged by his mutual. The scene seemed to be in some cafe with Daniel wearing his work shirt, smiling as he posed in the middle of a group of girls. I noted the location that was displayed together with the picture. Thinking about it, I realized it was probably just 10 minutes away if I walked from our school.

 

There was not much contemplation needed after that. Getting up from the sofa, I hurried upstairs and searched the drawers for some clothes. Yesterday just before Daniel went to work, we had went to my house to get all the necessary stuffs from my room. As uncle also worked on Saturdays, it was the perfect timing to go back to the house without being noticed. I had gotten all my clothes in a bag, while Daniel got my school stuffs and other important personal stuffs in another bag. After that, I had spent the whole day arranging all my stuffs in the space that Daniel provided for me in his room. In a way, I was busy with my own task too yesterday, exhausted after I finally got everything done, cleaned, and organized by the time nighttime approached. That was why I had woken up a little later than usual this morning, and it made me slightly regretful because I couldn’t send Daniel off properly.

 

I took out a white knitted top and black jeans and got dressed in them in an instant. Searching for the extra house keys that Daniel left on the table of his room, I took that too and soon I was prepared to leave the house.

 

The trip to the place in mind was leisurely probably due to the atmosphere during the weekend. None of the usual hustle bustle that accompanied the weekday mornings as the people around seemed to be walking in their own relaxed pace. I used the map on my phone as my guide as I continued to manoeuvre my way down streets. Turning right, right then left then straight, then right again-

 

Until I finally reached the destination after about 20 minutes later.

 

It was a cafe that was located in the downtown area of the city. Inside seemed to be packed as I saw how most of the tables were occupied with customers. Nibbling on my lower lip, I carefully pushed the front door and stepped in. The tinkling bell sounded and the nearest waiter that had seen me greeted me with a cheerful voice.

 

“Welcome to Produce 101 Cafe!”

 

With my head lowered, I bowed back slightly in greeting before I looked up and met the waiter’s eyes.

 

“Oh- are you alone?” He asked, looking ready to guide me to a table.

 

“Yes…” I said while I distractedly looked around for someone. But I couldn’t find him anywhere in my sight. I wondered if I got the right cafe…

 

“...Ah, then please come with me. I’ll bring you to a table to be seated.” The waiter managed a smile, and I noted the snaggletooth that peeked out briefly as I followed him.

 

He placed me at a small table at the corner of the cafe, a little distance away from the front counter. At the table beside me, there was a group of four girls who was gossipping and laughing loudly about something on their phones.

 

The waiter handed me the menu. He was about to pull out a pen to take my order, but as I seemed to be taking my time and another customer had just entered the cafe again, so he had said to me _ _y_ ou can take your time to decide, I’ll come back to take your order in a minute or you can call me if you’re ready to order._ With that, he left me with the menu and went ahead to greet the other customer with the same energetic enthusiasm.

 

I only flipped through the menu briefly before my gaze began roaming around again to look for him. That’s weird, I really can’t find him anywhere…now it seems more probable that I had really gotten the location wrong.

 

Just when I was about to recheck the location on my phone, suddenly the girls who were sitting behind me began squealing in unison. Surprised, I lifted my head up and looked at what the commotion was about, following the direction of the girls’ gaze.

 

It fell on the sight of Daniel who had just came through the backroom door with a middle-aged woman, smiling as he talked to her about something that I couldn’t catch. The woman seemed to be the owner of the cafe.

 

_There he is…Kang Daniel._

_Soooo good-looking…_

_Oppa looks so dreamy…_

_Does anyone know if he has a girlfriend?_

__

As the girls behind me busily chattered in hushed excited voices, I watched as Daniel stepped out to the reception area wearing a white button up shirt with black dress pants and black dress shoes. Despite the fact that the clothes he wore were the same as the rest of the other waiters in the shop, his appearance seemed to attract significant attention. It probably had something to do with how the white shirt accentuated his broad shoulders and the pants highlighting his long legs. Overall the smart casual wear made his image look neater, more charming than usual. His hair was also slicked back and styled in a way that made him look more masculine.

 

I had to agree with the girls when they say that Kang Daniel looked perfect from head to toe at the moment.

 

I probably spent so much time just staring at him in a daze that I didn’t realize that the waiter earlier had called out to Daniel, telling him to help him out. _Ah, Daniel hyung! Can you please take the order from table 15? I’m still busy with this table._

__

_Got it._ The immediate reply came. Daniel took out a notepad and a pen while walking in my direction.

 

It was then that I realized that I was sitting on table 15 when his shoes stopped in front of my table. At that moment, I saw how his face morphed into pure surprise when our gaze landed on each other.

 

“...Jihoonie?”

 

Ah…

 

“What are you doing here?” The surprise was still evident through his voice.

 

“I…” I struggled to find the words, looking down to my lap with my fists clenched. “I was bored at home…so I went out.”

 

It would be embarrassing if I said I actually came here because I missed you while everyone was within hearing vicinity. Even the girls beside me were now focusing intently on our conversation.

 

“How did you find this place though?”

 

“...”

 

Yes, you never told me where you're working at. I was so used to following you before this that tracking you down from various sources had become a habit. Then when I think about how inappropriate my act might have appeared to you right now, I became a little ashamed of myself. I knew I could’ve just messaged you and simply asked from you yourself the location instead of stalking for information from your social media account. And it would help too if I just became more expressive of my intention to look for you.

 

Despite our relationship that had become closer these days, there were still lots of changes between us that I had to get myself familiarized and adapted to. For instance, to communicate more clearly with you.

 

Noting the deeply conflicted expression on my face, Daniel heaved out a sigh, a small smile tugging the corner of his lips. _Alright,_ _I understand. You don’t need to answer me. Just please message me first if you’re coming next time. You caught me by surprise._ A heavy blush crept to my cheeks as I could only nod guiltily.

 

I know… I’ll keep it in mind from now on. I should stop this discreet attitude when being around you and learn to be more honest with you from now on…

 

 _Wait here, I’ll just get you something to drink. Is orange juice fine with you?_ He who seemed to had an idea of my liking towards fruity beverages were attentive enough to take note of it. My mood improved and I nodded with a smile.

 

Once he left to make the order, a feminine voice sounded from beside me.

 

“Excuse me…”

 

I only realized that the voice was calling out to me when it repeated itself a second time.

 

“Yes?” I blinked in puzzlement.

 

The girl blushed slightly when she met my eyes, but nevertheless smiled as she continued to talk. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help but to overheard your conversation earlier. Are you two friends with each other?” She was talking about the conversation I had with Daniel.

 

“...Yes.” In a way, I guess. We were at least that close.

 

“Ah.” The shyness seemed to become more prominent in her gestures as she started to hesitate. Beside her, the other girls were encouraging her on. However before she could say anything further, Daniel had returned with my order in his hand. He noticed the conversational atmosphere between us and glanced at me once before looking at the girls, smiling. _I’m sorry, am I bothering anything?_

__

_Ah- ah, no!_ The girls jumped when Daniel suddenly talked to them. I watched as their face turned beet red. One of them suddenly raised their hand, speaking with unsuppressed eagerness as if she found an opening and was trying to seize the opportunity of that moment. _Excuse me for asking this, but can we please take a picture with you?!_

__

The sudden request surprised Daniel for a moment, but he immediately recomposed himself as the friendly smile was back on his face. He agreed to the girls’ requests, and they started flocking around Daniel excitedly to pose for the picture. The girl who had talked to me earlier invited me too and I was unceremoniously dragged into the frame before I can even say anything.

 

The picture was taken, and the girls fawned over how it came out nicely for a while before they bowed and thanked us profusely. One of the girls got the courage and asked Daniel if they could be friends on Instagram so that they could tag him to the picture, and Daniel had merely responded with a smile and a nod.

 

Once they left, I slumped to my seat in a somewhat drained state.

 

“Hyung.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Do you always have people asking you for pictures like this everytime?” It was a rhethorical question that I asked just for the sake of it. I knew the answer would be yes judging from the numerous pictures on his Instagram account.

 

“Yeah, well, sometimes. But it’s just mostly because I can’t say no to them since they’re my customers.” Daniel added the last part as an afterthought. I nodded and became quiet after that, sipping onto my orange juice.

 

“Jihoon-ah.”

 

“...?”

 

“Are you upset?”

 

“...No.”

 

“Then why are you avoiding my eyes?” At the mention of that, I immediately looked up at him. I wasn’t avoiding your eyes…

 

Daniel smiled. It was a smile that had that melting effect to anyone who was seeing it. He looked around us for a moment, before he suddenly leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. Surprised, I immediately covered my rapidly warming cheek while blinking at him with wide eyes. He only laughed at me, amused.

 

“Jihoon-ah, my shift is going to be over in a few more minutes. Is it okay to wait for me until then?”

 

I who was still flustered could only nod, and he left after telling me to call him if I needed anything.

 

In the middle of my wait, the owner of the cafe who had seen me and Daniel talking earlier approached me. We exchanged a brief introduction. _You can just call me Ms. Kim. That's how the other kids called me anyways._ She seemed to be a cool, laid-back kind of woman as she told me to speak to her comfortably. Then she started to talk about Daniel. _A lot of new customers started coming in the moment he started working here. Like those girls who came earlier._  Laughing as she made an implication on the girls' obvious attraction towards Daniel. After a while, she shifted her interest to me. At first I wasn’t sure of her motive, but I began to gradually get an idea as the conversation went on.

 

“Are you working any part-time jobs too?”

 

“Oh, I’m not.”

 

“Are you interested to have one?”

 

“That…I don’t really know.”

 

She smiled as she saw my uncertain look. “Well, its just that there’s been an unfilled vacancy because one of our worker just quitted a week ago. As you can see its really busy here all the time, so the cafe is in desperate need of another worker to fill in as soon as possible…If you’re interested to take the offer, you can just give me a call anytime.” Tearing out a piece of paper, she wrote her phone number on it before slipping it to my hand. “I just thought it’d be great to have you joining since you’re a friend of Daniel’s.” The warm smile persisted on her lips as she regarded me with a kind voice.

 

After that, she excused herself so that she can go back to tend to the customers. It seemed that it was true that they seemed to lack workers judging from how everyone including Daniel were rushing back and forth busily, receiving the customers, taking the orders, making the orders and then fetching them to the customers, accomodating to the customers request and bills and so on. Probably this was the reason why Daniel had come back yesterday looking so exhausted. There was barely any time to take a break in between.

 

I was thinking deeply about it for a while until Daniel finally returned to me, back in the clothes he wore early this morning and ready to go back home. _Sorry for the wait… It turned out to be longer than I thought._ It was only then that I saw Daniel taking a huge breath of relief as he sat across from me. I thought it was probably better to give time for him so that he can take a little break, but Daniel had already gotten up again when he realized the time and looked at the darkening sky outside. _Let’s go, Jihoon-ah. Before it gets too dark._

 

It was 6pm by the time we got out of the cafe.

 

We were just walking down the streets leisurely, exchanging idle conversations once in a while until halfway through the peaceful atmosphere got interrupted by the growling sound of someone's stomach. I looked at Daniel who was grinning sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head in a bashful manner. _Ah…I remembered I haven’t eaten yet since this morning._

__

What? My eyes widened as I stared at him. Doesn’t that mean you haven’t eaten for almost half a day? He quickly added. _The cafe was too busy the whole day, so I really didn’t have time to eat properly. I only got to eat some snacks in between._

__

I felt pity then for the cute hungry dog which was quietly whining for food. Of course we can’t go home until this poor little dog has been fed properly. _Then let’s go eat somewhere first before we go home._ Acting as if I was his owner and he was my responsibility, I searched for a nearby eating place that we can stop by.

 

There was a fast food restaurant nearby, so we entered and ordered 3 sets of hamburgers and fries. 2 for Daniel, 1 for me. And I watched as he finished eating everything in a record’s time. I picked a fries from my plate and wagged it in front of his mouth playfully, to which he eagerly ate from my hand. I laughed again, being reminded of the cute dog-like behaviour.

 

By the time we were done eating, the sky outside had already turned completely dark. We walked on the streets with the guidance of the streetlights that lit up along the side.

 

Because there were not many people in the street that we were currently walking on, and because it was dark enough to obscure almost our whole form, Daniel took the first step to capture my hand in his hold. The warmth that radiated from his fingers seeped all the way to my head and to the rest of my body. A small smile began to form as I reciprocated the gesture with my own fingers wrapping around his tightly.

 

We stayed like that for a while, silently savouring the moment with only that sole contact we had with each other.

 

“Jihoon-ah, lets take a picture.”

 

Daniel blurted out all of a sudden, stopping in his tracks and successfully stopping mine too in the process. He turned towards me with a wide smile.

 

“A picture?”

 

“Yeah. Just the two of us. No girls this time.” He added the last part with a laugh. _We never had any pictures together yet._  Taking out his phone from his pocket, he turned on his camera, then pulled me close to him by his arm that had linked around my shoulder. I blinked up at his face which was now just mere inches away from me, looking down at me with that wide smile still etched to his lips. The smiling face of Daniel which was illuminated under the streetlight was beautiful. Without knowing, a smile began to adorn my own features as well.

 

I tilted my head towards his shoulder, close enough so that the two smiling face could be visualized in the camera’s view. He clicked the capture button, and the image of the two of us got caught in a single frame in the camera. It became our first picture together.

 

Daniel gave a satisfied hum as he looked at the result. I witnessed next as he picked the option ‘set as home wallpaper’ for the picture. Our face decorated the home screen of his lighted phone screen, and Daniel watched it for a few moments before he opened his mouth to say the next few words that I didn’t expect.

 

“I broke up with Soyoung.”

 

The surprise couldn’t be hidden from my face then.

 

He turned to face me, smiling. “I just wanted to tell you this.”

 

The silence must have lingered for a while because Daniel started nudging me for some response.

 

“Won’t you say anything?”

 

“...”

 

“At least tell me you’re glad that I’m single again and that you can now try and ask me out properly.” He joked while laughing lightly.

 

When he noticed that I wanted to say something, he quietened down.

 

“I’m happy.”

 

You became stilled at my sudden confession, eyes flickering in surprise.

 

I had promised to let myself express everything honestly to you from now on. Although I didn’t know what kind of expression I was making, but I knew what I was feeling at the moment was happiness at the realization that you are now no one else's but mine.

 

As I think about it, you’re right. I’ve been waiting for the right chance to ask you this. Now seems to be the perfect time for it, and therefore I will not hold back.

 

“Won’t you have a proper relationship with me this time, hyung? The two of us, as lovers, officially.”

 

You who had been watching me silently since earlier began to dip your head slightly, trying to hide the smile that was forming. Soon, your shoulders began to shake as soft laughter broke out from your lips. Your gentle black orbs that were filled with warmth stared into mine with fondness. _Why are you asking me so adorably like this._

 

Long arms came around to engulf me in a big crushing hug. In your embrace that stole half of my breath away, I continued to pour out my feelings for you.

 

“I really love you, hyung.”

 

The first star that glimmered in the sky above our heads became the witness to my confession.

 

October 29 was the day I first met you and fell in love. And 3 years later, on October 29 too we officially became lovers.

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha i'm receiving lots of happy comments on the overflowing fluff and sweetness. yes if i have to say it, nielwink is in their honeymoon phase right now XD. i actually love writing about them now with the current mood they are in, its almost addictive that's why i'm able to update almost daily. 
> 
> on another note, i just want to say my readers are all really sweet and supportive of me and my fic, i take pride in it and i really appreciate it ;-; i also really appreciate all the attention given for the fic, it motivates me to see it to the end (which i assumed probably will end in 20+ chapters). sometimes i also find it refreshing to read the comments and know your perspective and opinions on the storyline and their characters so thank you for that :)
> 
> without further ado, this is another fluff-inducing cavity chapter, so i hope you lovelies will enjoy this chapter too <3

JIHOON’S POV

 

Hyung became really busy these days. Besides attending to his part-time job during the weekends, he also had to juggle it with his studies at the side. As weekends his time were fully occupied by his job, therefore he had spent his weekdays to catch up with studies.

 

SAT will be held by the end of November. There was exactly one month left till the big important exam that all seniors have to undergo.

 

These days, Daniel was spending a lot of time in the library after class ended. Due to the examination date that was gradually nearing, seniors were allowed to be excluded from club activities after school. I myself wasn’t active in club activities due to the lack of interest. Today I skipped club activities again so that I could go to the library.

 

It had been four days in a row that I found Daniel in the library, studying quietly with books opened in front of his table. Even when he came back home later, he still remained awake studying till late midnight. I discovered this when I woke up to dim lights from the table lamp and his back to the table, so focused that he didn’t even notice me shifting around as I peeked over his shoulder.

 

Because I didn’t want to disrupt his focus, so I spent most of my time minding my own business at the corner, though I still stole glances to his direction once in a while.

 

The image of Daniel hyung who was so focused on something looked really cool in my eyes.

 

Today he was sitting on a table at the end of the library, isolated away from the people and noise as he busily wrote on his notebook with his head down. As if afraid of making the slightest noise, I carefully stepped to his table and pulled out the chair across from him.

 

He only noticed me when I settled in the seat in front of him. Lifting his head up to acknowledge my presence, the smile that automatically made its way to his lips then was like a drop of water to my drought state. These days because he was so busy, there was lack of conversation between us. Even trying to ask for his attention would make me feel guilty, so I was in a dilemma sometimes as I struggled to fight my longing to talk to him.

 

Usually I would reply something back to him, but as I realized something different in the way he looked today, my slackened mouth started gaping in a very obvious manner. It evoked a laughter from him as he asked. _What? Why do you look so surprised?_

__

It was because it was the first time I saw him wearing glasses. _Hyung, that glasses…_  I pointed to the round gold-rimmed glasses that was perched on the bridge of his nose, still trying to recover from my surprise.

 

His brows knitted for a moment before a look of realization washed over his features. _Ah, this?_  He fixed his glasses for a second before laughing. _Recently my vision isn’t too good, so I need to wear glasses. Ah, but this must be your first time seeing me in this because I’ve just been using contact lenses before this… It’s just that it’s tiring having to study all day while using contact lenses, so I just decided to use glasses today._

 

Oh...so that’s why.

 

 _Does it fit me?_ He seemed genuinely concerned of my opinion as he waited for my answer.

 

 _Oh, yes it does a lot..._ I answered with a blush, and it brought a relieved smile to his face. It was hard to deny it anyways when it was so obvious that he looked really good in it... I felt like anything he wore would still turn out good no matter what it was. He had such an appearance that could fit any type of image and fashion. If he wasn’t aiming to pursue academics, he could definitely enrol as a model anytime with that kind of face, height and physical qualities.

 

So I spent the next few minutes just staring dazedly at him while he returned his focus to his books. Just having the privilege to be able to watch him in such close proximity like this was enough to fill my heart at the moment. However I didn’t want to make him too uncomfortable from all the staring… After a while I decided to pull out my own books and started to distract myself with my own homework.

 

I was never that good in studies. Especially in Maths. It was my absolute weakness. And it was such an unlucky coincidence the subject that I had the most abundant homework that day was Maths.

 

The time that it took me to just understand one question was painstakingly long. It was a question on function… some equations listed… then a formula under it to aid as a guide... However the gears in my mind seemed to be non-functioning as I kept wondering how to apply the formula to the equation.

 

I didn’t realize that Daniel had been watching me the moment I opened the Math book, but as he saw me stuck to that one page, unmoving for what seemed like hours, he finally got up from his seat and sat on the chair beside me.

 

“Are you doing okay there?”

 

His voice that penetrated through my tangled thoughts made me snap out from my stupor.

 

“Huh..?”

 

His eyes crinkled with mirth as he smiled at me. “I asked if you’re doing okay with your homework?”

 

“Uh…” Honestly, if you asked me…I was already feeling the start of a headache coming in from having to stare at the question with a mind that could barely comprehend a thing.

 

As if he understood my struggle at the moment, he leaned closer to me and looked down at my book. “Which question?” I hesitated at first, but as he raised his brows to urge me, I slowly pointed to the question that I was having problem with. He read it for a moment before he stood up from his chair, shifting all the books from his previous seat as well as his pencil case to the seat beside me. He took out a pen and an empty paper and started writing. The pen flowed smoothly on the paper, inking numbers after numbers, a list of equation after another equation until it finally stopped at the final answer. It was done in merely 5 minutes. I looked at Daniel’s face silently in amazement. Though it wasn’t really a surprise because you were known to be good in Maths among the seniors. Your fluency at answering also probably had something to do with the fact that you had revised the sophomores topic yourself these past few days.

 

Still with his eyes on the paper, Daniel started explaining each steps to me in detail like a teacher. I tried my hardest to focus and understand on what he was saying, but it was a little difficult when his face was so close to mine and his voice so close to my ears.

 

“-are you listening?”

 

“Oh-?”

 

It was obvious that I wasn’t. _I’m sorry! Can you please repeat…_

 

Daniel stared at me for a moment, before he quietly said. “Park Jihoon, you’re distracted.”

 

I hastily defended myself. “I-I’m not-”

 

There was a glint in Daniel’s dark eyes, a tug at the corner of his lip that almost looked like a knowing smirk. The face was also getting closer, magnifying gradually in my vision. His cool gaze drifted down to my lips as the gap between us narrowed till there were only mere centimeters left. Just one slight movement and our lips would be pressed against each other-

 

His warm breaths caressed my lips, and I squeezed my eyes tight in response.

 

….…

 

The kiss that I was expecting didn’t come despite how long I kept my eyes closed.

 

Instead, cool air hit my face at a sudden movement in front of me. I opened my eyes only to see that he had pulled away, leaning over instead with his lips touching the shell of my ear. _Not here, Jihoon-ah. There’s people._ Yet, the unmistakable hint of amusement that laced his whisper made me feel like he was simply just teasing me. When he noted the embarrassment that coloured my face in red, he laughed and apologized. _I’m sorry, but please don’t make that face. It makes me really want to kiss you. …_ Despite your apology, you made me feel doubtful of it because of your demeanor which looked like you were completely enjoying the whole situation.

 

We somehow managed to resume to the task at hand when everything had settled down. Somehow, we got through the question with the help of Daniel’s patient explanation and my more focused mind. _The rest of the question basically applied the same concept. You can just use the formula again except there might be some minor changes here and there… Well to make it easier if you got stuck just tell me, I’ll help you with it._ After he said that, I tried to attempt the other questions by myself while Daniel went back to his studying materials at my side. Luckily, this time I was able to answer the next few questions by referring to Daniel’s teachings earlier.

__

We spent the next two hours just studying in quietness, with the occasional scritching of pen and flipping of papers that sounded in between. My mind began to slow by the time I reached the tenth question. I was stuck, but as I saw Daniel’s face which was full of concentration and his hand which was moving rapidly over the paper, I thought I probably shouldn’t bother him another time. I yawned, noting the time that was getting late. I wanted to wait for Daniel so that we could go home together… however I couldn’t help this sudden sleepiness that overcame me. The evening rays were warm and gentle as they filtered through the opened windows beside our table. A slow cool breeze swished past the thin curtains and lightly caressed my cheek. Despite my attempt to say awake, the beginning of sleep had began tugging my eyelids at such serene atmosphere.

 

I folded my arms on the table and laid my head on them. Turning to my side, the face of a hardworking Daniel came to view and a smile etched itself to my lips.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

DANIEL’S POV

 

I let the pen slip from my grasp, letting it roll on the papers which were filled with words in my handwriting. I managed to finish the notes for a few topics today, and feeling the sense of accomplishment, I allowed myself to stop and stretch for a while in my seat. When I looked outside the window, I noted that the pinkish evening sky were already shaded with a hint of night.

 

Looking at my side, there was a pretty sleeping Jihoon.

 

As if automated, a smile crept to my lips at the sight of his face. When I leaned over to look at his Math book, I realized he had managed to reach the last question all by himself. There was a sudden sense of pride in me at the thought that I was able to help him with it, and I felt it was only deserving that I stroked the head of this cute kid who had clearly tried hard to solve the questions despite all the struggles.

 

As I gently touched his sleeping head, I was reminded of the past few nights. He fell asleep just like this, silently, secretly, while I studied. Sometimes I got the feeling that he wanted to talk to me, but when I asked he would quickly shake his head and tell me to sleep soon before he climbed onto the bed.

 

Today was the same too. He had fallen asleep again first. Jihoon who followed me to the library and accompanied me each time became an endearing presence to me. The fact that he was waiting for the kiss earlier was also lovable. Though I felt apologetic for depriving him from it, but his reaction after that was worth it as I saw his lips that jutted out into a pout… whether he realized it himself or not, it was so adorable that I had to laugh.

 

These days, Jihoon seemed to be more honest in expressing his feelings. Following the change, the face also began to become prettier, warmer and the behaviour more and more lovable. It seemed to be the effect of being in love and being given love to. When being given love to, the kid seemed to turn into a cute shy pure person. My heart seemed to flutter endlessly at his each movements and expressions.

 

Even now, just simply watching your sleeping face, my heart would unexpectedly start beating faster in my chest. You were beautiful with the gentle vivid lights washing all over your features, and I couldn’t help then but to let my hand trail down to caress your soft cheek.

 

At that moment, your eyelashes fluttered open and your beautiful black endless orbs were clear as they reflected me and only me in them.

 

_Daniel-_

 

The kiss that silenced the words from your lips then was instinctive.

 

Forgetting everything else, I became deeply immersed in the feel, taste, scent and everything about you.

 


	19. Chapter 19

DANIEL’S POV

 

Towards the end of the year, rainy days started to become more and more frequent. Because of that, the days to school recently were often dark and gloomy.

 

However I noticed your predilection for rain.

 

On days like these, you would be sitting somewhere quietly, curled into yourself with your head on your arms and your eyes faraway. It was as if you were reminiscing something.

 

The rain poured that morning too. I woke up to the sight of you sitting on the bed at the space just beside the window, looking out to the sky above with a distant gaze and mind that was distracted. I was curious about the thoughts in your mind, however I couldn’t seem to form words at the beautiful sight of you. I seemed to fall even deeper into you day by day, even more so when the sense of melancholy and longing shrouded all around you. You were mysterious, beautiful and you intrigued me, and sometimes I couldn’t help but to feel as if you might disappear in front of my eyes, presence so fleeting that you could slip from my grasp at any time.

 

I wished to keep you by my side, held securely in my arms, loved and owned completely by me. The primitive instinct of a man which demands complete possession of the person he desired was awakened in me because of you.

 

I climbed onto the bed and you who had just realized the slight dip in the bed upon my movement, looked up and smiled. You were about to say something, but my action of suddenly pulling your body to me and embracing you made the words lost on the tip of your tongue. You were warm despite the cold weather, body soft and pliant in my arms. I inhaled the scent that lingered on your nape greedily, the sweetness making me dizzy from intoxication.

 

It’s driving me crazy.

 

Without realizing, I was nipping the junction of your neck, teeth lightly scratching along the skin. You shivered against me, and there was a greed that sparked in me to mark you as mine. Teeth sunk through the fragile pale skin, and there was a slight taste of blood that spread on my tongue as I continued to lay my mark on you.

 

 _Hyung…_  Your hands clutched onto the front of my shirt. _It hurts…_ You breathed out with difficulty. I proceeded to lap onto the tender wound, wetting it with my saliva gently, an action meant to console after inflicting such pain on you. You became submitted under my touch gradually, body completely subjected to me as you laid down to the bed without a struggle when I pushed you down.

 

I kissed your lips a little while. You seemed to want it as well as you eagerly responded to the kiss. The action of lovers between us increasing in sweetness with the knowledge that our hearts were connected at the moment.

 

Your eyes captured the slight light that managed to filter into the dim room, and they mirrorred into thousand stars on those black endless orbs. Your beauty seemed otherworldly then. Entranced, I reached my hand out to your face and took my time to sweep the back of my hand all along your smooth forehead and cheek, all the while gaze never tearing itself away from your eyes. My thumb brushed your soft lip, tracing all along the lower fullness before I pulled it apart slightly and lowered my head to tongue the opened seams. A small whimper escaped your lips, and I drank it all greedily as I delved my tongue into your mouth, tasting you with hunger.

 

Back when I was 17, I hung out with some older friends I met at work. Because they were fun to hang out with, I had tried to become a part of their circle. However due to the 5 years difference in age, their interest when hanging out were mostly on drinking. I was underaged, still they invited me to try it out. Because a part of me wanted to fit in with them and a part of me was genuinely curious, therefore I took my first sip of alcohol on that day. It became a staple whenever we hung out then. Gradually as my tolerance for alcohol began to grow, so did my addictiveness to it.

 

The feeling I was having with Jihoon at the moment was almost similar. Once you got a taste of it, it seemed like you wouldn’t be able to forget it easily.

 

It was like a feeling of being drunk as I drowned myself in the solace of Jihoon’s warmth.

 

“What were you thinking about earlier?” I asked while my lips gently moved to lay butterfly kisses on every inch of his face. His lashes that fluttered as he blinked his eyes repeatedly tickled my cheek slightly.

 

“...I was thinking about you.” He answered, the face looked a little dazed as the eyes looked at me in fascination.

 

 _About me?_  I pushed myself up on my elbows a little as I looked at him in a sudden wakening interest.

 

“Rainy days remind me of you.”

 

“...Why so?”

 

“Its because it was raining when I first met you.” _Like today, the ambience felt similar._ A soft smile was carved on your lips as you said it with such happiness.

 

Was it raining when we first met? No matter how much I wracked my mind about it, the only thing I could remember about our first meeting was in that storeroom with a situation which was less than ideal.

 

“Wasn’t it 2 months ago?”

__

At that moment, a small laughter broke past your lips. I, who was confused at the reaction, could only blink at you questioningly.

 

“Why? Why are you laughing?”

 

“Hyung, it was 3 years ago.”

 

You seemed to understand the uncomprehending expression that was stuck to my face then.

 

“You’ve forgotten, didn’t you? It was raining, and I was sitting outside of the cafe you worked at…And you noticed me and brought me in.” _You tended to my wounds, and comforted me while I was hurting…_

__

__…_ _

__

_I thought of dying, but you saved me._

__

…

 

 

_< <_

 

_It was a lonely rainy day with no customers. I was just sitting at one of the table, feeling drowsy because of the cool weather, not knowing what to do._

_It was just coincidence that I caught sight of a child who was walking outside with no umbrella over his head. The head was down, the clothes were drenched, and the steps that he took one after another was heavy. The sight was a gloomy one and the whole demeanor was depressing. The lonely child that continued to walk amidst the merciless lash of rain and the passing uncaring bodies was as if silently longing for attention._

_The child’s foot caught on a rock and fell. Because I didn’t see the child getting up again after that, I immediately stood up from my seat and rushed outside, taking an umbrella together with me._

_The child sat huddled against the wall beside the entrance door, shivering and with his pants ripped open at the knee, an ugly gaping wound exposing itself through the tear. Ah…the sight was painfully pitiful._

_I slowly squatted in front of the child, holding the umbrella above our heads. The child who noticed the sudden shade looked up slowly. The wet hair was plastered to his forehead, almost covering his whole eyes, and the cheeks were dripping wet as well._

_“Are you okay?”_

_The child didn’t answer me, merely staring at me with eyes that were dull, face that was expresionless._

_I noticed his palm which also had been scratched up with wounds. Taking his hand gently into mine, I took in his whole state with a softened gaze._

_I remembered trying to lessen the hurt that the pitiful child bear physically, covering up all the wounds and warming the cold shivering body with some clothes. When being talked to at first, the dull-looking child was unresponsive but as I began to convince him that my intention was nothing but to comfort, he began to open up to me._

_I remembered the smile on his face was a beautiful one._

_And the name-_

_“Park Jihoon”_

_The name of that child was Park Jihoon._

_ >> _

__

__

Park Jihoon…

 

That child’s name was Park Jihoon.

 

The memories came rushing in like waterfalls.

 

My eyes remained wide open as I looked at the face of Jihoon. At that moment, the face of the child and the face of Jihoon overlapped and the smile on the overlapping face evoked a strong resemblance.

 

It was you…?

 

The child who I thought had looked so depressing, lonely and hurting back then. The child who awakened a strong desire of wanting to comfort, to heal and to protect from within me.

 

…It turned out it was you all along.

 

“I was really exhausted to continue living, but you appeared in front of me and held me kindly, selflessly… I used to think that even if I disappeared from this world, there will probably be no one who would be bothered to care…Living seemed to have lost its purpose-”

 

Tears accumulated in your eyes.

 

“But you came and made me believe otherwise. Therefore everyday I think about you before I slept and tell myself that tomorrow will be another day to live with meaning. And when I’m awake, I think about you and tell myself that it will be another day that I can go through.”

 

“...”

 

“Whenever it becomes too hard or too painful to endure on some days, I think about you and the pain became just a little more bearable.”

 

Arms wrapped themselves around my neck, and a tear-stained face buried itself into my shoulder.

 

“I continued living because of your kindness towards me.”

 

The words shook me to the core, evoking a sudden strong urge to cry.

 

The body of the child from 3 years ago which was lonely and alone, was embraced with fervor and with an unspoken deep resolution.

 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

That night when you had a nightmare, with sobs suppressed through your bitten lip and whispers of it hurts, it hurts breaking out intermittently, I got up knowing what to do.

 

I climbed onto the bed where you were thrashing around restlessly. I held onto your struggling body and forcefully calmed it in my arms, stroked your head, brushed back your sweaty bangs and whisper it’s okay, it’s okay repetitively into your ears. Doing it continuously until you gradually calmed down, until your breath evened out and your agonized expression began softening again. Just like this, I continued to whisper soothing comfort into your ear the whole night until your nightmare was gone.

 

The resolution seemed to have solidified within me.

 

For all the times that you wished I was there while you were suffering, for all the times you had to struggle through all the torment while only being able to think about me to make it bearable, I will now be present here by your side everytime you need me.

 

Jihoon-ah, this time you don’t have to be alone again.

 

This time I will be here to catch you before you fall to your demise.

__


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its really been long overdue, but i really need to dedicate my thanks @Pjhjigglypuff unnie for always being my loyal reader and always sending me feedback for each chapter, also for being my devoted supporter/motivator/muse. i swear sometimes i can update so much cus of her haha guilty as charged. thank you so much unnie, this double update is dedicated for you. i might just make a triple update if you bribed me with candies XD
> 
> on another note, thanks again for all the interest shown so far and hope you lovelies will continue to enjoy reading the future chapters <3

 

“Hyung…wake up.”

 

There was a familiar sweet voice calling me through my subconscious state.

 

A prod on my shoulder. When I didn’t respond to it, a poke to my cheek followed. My eyelids lifted a little, revealing the face of a grinning Jihoon in my vision.

 

It was then that I realized the heaviness that was felt on my body.

 

“…What are you doing?” I squinted my eyes at the glaring lights that poured from the opened windows, then turned my head away to the other side when I couldn’t stand it. Aside from the lights that irritated my eyes, there was another concerning matter that weighed me at the moment, both figuratively and literally.

 

The concerning matter merely giggled. “Trying to wake you up.”

 

…I know you are. But do you have to do it while laying on my body like this…I was sorely made aware of by the feeling of Jihoon’s hips which was sitting on my groin and his upper body which was leaning against my abdomen. The fact that he was shifting a lot and putting a lot of pressure below wasn’t helping either.

 

Starting to feel a familiar arousal building, I quickly said. “I’m awake now.” But persistent Jihoon remained sitting on me curled up like a cat as he nuzzled his face on my chest. _Hyung, probably just stay 5 minutes more…I want to feel your warmth a little more…_ Then ending it with another innocent giggle as if he wasn’t aware of the turmoil that both my mind and my body was going through.

 

As I looked down at Jihoon’s head which was lying comfortably on my chest, I could do nothing but sigh.

 

At least the bright attitude he displayed in the morning showed that he didn’t remember any of the nightmares he had last night.

 

As I stayed in the bed complying to Jihoon’s request, I began to regret more and more with each passing minutes.

 

“Jihoon-ah.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Can you not move so much?” I said this while looking at the ceiling above me, resolute to not face Jihoon.

 

At that, Jihoon became puzzled and his face entered my vision “Why?” In the process of lifting himself up to my eye level, he unintentionally rubbed his bottom against me below but this time with more pressure that it made my breath hitch in my throat.

 

“...”

 

If you’re a guy, you should know not to aggravate it from the very beginning.

 

But Park Jihoon seemed to be slow at catching things up.

 

…

 

“Oh...I’m sorry.”

 

And if you’re a guy, you should know that it’s evil to merely say sorry after you’ve caused it to awaken.

 

Obviously already feeling the fully awakening arousal in my pants below, Jihoon hurriedly got up from me and sat at the side.

 

I slowly sat up myself. Jihoon was observing me quietly with guilt on his face. I scratched the back of my head at the awkward situation. Jihoon opened his mouth to apologize again. Smiling, I ruffled his hair. _It’s fine, don’t worry about it._  It was already 7.30am when I looked at the time. If we don’t get up and shower fast, we’re gonna be late to school. Focusing on that thought in my head, I stood up and grabbed the towel from the edge of my bed. _Use the bathroom here, I’ll use the bathroom downstairs._

__

I walked out of the room and went to the bathroom downstairs. Closing the door behind me, I got myself undressed. Already with my shirt discarded, I was just about to pull off my pants next when a knock sounded from the other side. A soft, hesitant _hyung_ accompanying it.

 

Wondering what Jihoon wanted, I opened the door and peeked outside with only half of my face showing.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“I…”

 

I followed his gaze which drifted down.

 

“I probably should help hyung with that…” Jihoon’s lower lip was caught between his teeth and there was a glint in his eyes that strangely reminded me of a cat that had its fascination wholly set on something.

 

The shock on my face then was something that I couldn’t control when Jihoon suddenly pushed open the door wider and stepped in. I was backed to the sink when he advanced forward, watching with widened eyes as he proceeded to kneel in front of me and pull my pants down.

 

“Jihoon-ah- we can’t do this-”

 

But Jihoon didn’t seem like he was listening as he proceeded to release my hard-on and held it in his hand. _You know we have to reach school in less than 30 minutes right-_ I really tried my best to stop him for both our sake, and my effort lasted only till there because the moment my cock was engulfed in his mouth, all coherency and sensibility flew out of my head.

 

 _Fuck…_ The pent-up desire which had been accumulating the past few days was building up rapidly in Jihoon’s hot, wet mouth. Due to the stress of studies and work, there was not much time to indulge in sexual activities. I also thought that I should hold back a little for Jihoon’s sake. However, since Jihoon was the one who initiated this first, all inhibition that I placed on myself was let loose and I let my body drowned in the deep intense pleasure that was felt.

 

Since it has become this way _ _…_ We got 5 minutes, make it fast. _Jihoon glanced up briefly at me in acknowledgement before he started focusing on getting me off as fast as he can. Inserting the whole length into his mouth, he began to move his head back and forth and sucked it with force. I fisted the back of his head, controlling and gradually increasing the pace. The deeper I plunged myself in, the redder his face became. The heat and vigour that was poured out in those few minutes eventually soared me to my peak, and I climaxed into Jihoon’s waiting mouth. Some of it stained Jihoon’s lips and cheeks. The sight of the dirty but beautiful face that looked up at me then made me excited again, but I had to restrain myself because we really had no time for another round.

 

So I dragged him up and quickly pulled both of us under the shower together. We showered in a record’s time and hurried upstairs to get dressed. By the time we were out of the house, it was already 8am.

 

In the end, we arrived 10 minutes late to school despite sprinting all the way. The disciplinary teacher who was waiting outside for late students gave us a strict scolding before allowing us off to our respective classes. Jihoon was laughing despite it all, seemingly not guilty although knowing that he was the cause of our lateness. If anything, he seemed to be enjoying himself. The sight was adorable, so I ruffled his hair once before I see him off to his class. Looking around and noting the corridor that was empty, Jihoon briefly kissed me at the side of my mouth before going in.

 

* * *

 

 

As the date of SAT started to hover close, everyone in the class became more focused during the lessons. The silence and concentration that persisted throughout the whole morning were impressive and the teachers who noticed it themselves seemed to be more enthusiastic to teach.

 

When the bell rang signaling time for lunch break, everyone heaved a relieved sigh and stretched in their seat.

 

The seniors’ hallway were immediately filled with noise as everyone walked out of the class and gathered to go to the cafeteria.

 

“Niel-ah, not going to eat?” My friend who sat behind me tapped my shoulder and asked. I shook my head and smiled apologetically. _Again? This is the fifth time you ditched us in a row!_ He said to me with a hurt face. Soon, my other friends who I used to go to eat with also came joining in the conversation.

 

 _Don’t tell me…you’ve hooked up with another girl?_ When I broke up with Soyoung, the news spread throughout the whole school like wildfire. Therefore everyone seemed to know already even without me saying anything to them. My friends who were supportive of our relationship before, although appear saddened by how it turned out, optimistically gave me a pat in the back. _It’s fine, sometimes things turned out this way when it’s not meant to be._

 

Truthfully when I listened to them comforting me, I didn’t feel much. I wasn’t sad nor regretful about the breakup, just feeling a little guilty but that itself wasn’t enough to cause me to mourn over the relationship that had abruptly ended. Due to the lack of feelings that I felt over the breakup, it sometimes made me feel guilty for Soyoung, therefore I had offered for us to stay friends if she wanted.

 

The past few days, we met each other a few times in the corridor. However Soyoung resolutely avoided my gaze and walked past me, her friends who were beside her looked back and forth between me and her. I could somehow felt the animosity that was directed to me. The conclusion I made then was that she probably didn’t want to talk with me ever again.

 

After I alleviated my friends curiousity and shooed them out from the class, I myself got up and headed out of the class. Lately I didn’t join my friends because I was with Jihoon. His message which had just been delivered to my messenger reminded me that he was waiting for me at the rooftop.

 

 _Niel hyung, I bought some rice rolls for us. Oh, and jellies too! You like jellies, don’t you?_ The message ended with a snickering emoticon.

 

Smiling at the playful mood of the message, I proceeded to type a reply while walking along the corridor. Halfway through typing, I was stopped in my track by a person who was standing in front of me.

 

“Oppa.”

 

It was a familiar voice. When I looked up from my phone, I realized it was Soyoung.

 

I had expected us to not be in talking terms again like how it was the past few days. However today she seemed different as her eyes were firmly set onto mine. Feeling the sudden seriousness of the situation, I pocketed my phone and faced her with question.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Soyoung didn’t look too good. Her face looked paler than usual and her eyes were swollen with a tint of redness to it as if she had been crying.

 

“I want to talk to you about something.”

 

“What is it?”

 

She looked down and clenched her fists at her side, muttering in a small voice. “I’ve been thinking…” Then lifting her head up again as her eyes looked at me desperately this time. “I’ve been thinking that everything that happened is my fault! These past few days, I kept on thinking what had gone wrong between us, and I realized that it was because I hadn’t try my best to keep our relationship going on.”

 

“…”

 

“I’m sorry that I kept getting irritated or upset, and got angry or ignored you sometimes because of it… I’m sorry, oppa.”

 

“Soyoung-ah...”

 

“Oppa, I promised to try my best this time and not be so harsh on you anymore…can’t you give me another chance?”

 

“Soyoung-ah, you got it all misunderstood.”

 

Soyoung blinked her eyes at me in confusion. I sighed, feeling the guilt coming in again.

 

“You’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve tried your best trying to hold the relationship up. It’s just me who had lost all feelings towards the relationship. It’s my fault, not yours.”

 

“...”

 

“Therefore if you want to blame me for it, then I’ll accept it. Just that, I can’t accept your feelings and continue to pretend any longer.” _I’m sorry but we’re over._ This will be the last time I’ll confront you about this matter, therefore let’s make it clear that there will be nothing between us from now on.

 

Soyoung’s eyes that were red initially had now become even redder with the tears brimming in her lower lids. _But why?_  She asked brokenly into her hands which had raised to cover her face as she sobbed. _Your feelings couldn’t possibly fade without any reason…_

 

Feeling aplogetic, I stroked her head in an effort to console. Her body that shrunk inwards due to the sob seemed to make her looked even smaller than she already was. _I’m really sorry, Soyoung-ah…I’ll leave now._

 

I made my move to leave, but a tug on the hem of my shirt stopped me. When I looked down, I noticed it was the dainty fingers of Soyoung which were clasping onto it stubbornly.

 

“Daniel oppa…”

 

I turned around and face her again. Her sobs had quietened down, and now she had this strange expression on her face which I couldn’t decipher.

 

“There’s a guy who’ve been persistently asking me out… It’ll be alright if I say yes and go out with him?” She quietly asked, with her wet eyes fixed intently on me the whole time waiting for my answer. The strangeness of the sudden question threw me off, but with it I was also able to eventually catch a glimpse of her intention then. The fact that you’re asking me if it’s okay for you to date another guy right now, is it to make me jealous or hurt? From my past relationships, when I knew that my ex-girlfriend was dating another guy just after our breakup, there was definitely hurt or jealousy that were afflicted to me, even if just a slight twinge. It probably had something to do with my pride which got wounded as she had found a replacement over me instantly.

 

Yet strangely this time, even though it was supposed to inflict some degree of hurt like how it usually would, somehow I felt none of it. My mind and my feelings, everything was clear.

 

“You’re free to do what you want.” I calmly spoke, with a face that was equally calm.

 

“W-Wait, oppa…” Her voice called out to me suddenly in anxiety when I turned to leave again. But this time, I paid no heed to her even as she called out to me another time.

 

I reached to the rooftop a few minutes later, and Jihoon was there sitting against the railing with his eyes closed. Strands of his brown hair fluttered gently in the wind as he continued to sleep with a peaceful expression on his face.

 

I neared the sleeping figure and sat down beside it. It hadn’t been that long since you messaged me, and you’ve already fallen asleep. It was cute how you seemed to fall asleep rather freely at the most random places. Sighing with an affectionate smile, I carefully pulled your head down to rest against my shoulder. There seemed to be lots of moments where you bare yourself completely unguarded in front of me like this, and whenever you did butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I tilted my head down slightly, and brushed my lips fleetingly on yours, all the while drinking in your mesmerizing features. The thick dark lashes that fell down like curtains on your cheeks as you slept were captivating. No matter how many times I looked at you, I still couldn’t get enough of you.

 

As my whole senses became devoted solely on you, everything else around me grew dulled in comparison.

 

From a distance, the door of the rooftop that was unnoticeably opened slightly, was pulled close with a quiet click.

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's already past 20 chapters...i recalculated and i hope i can finish this by 30 chapters. i'll be busy with exams and such soon, so i really aim to finish this fic before that so that it wont bother my mind ><
> 
> thanks for your comments in the previous chapter. i can feel your curiousity. it should be answered soon haha.
> 
> this chapter will introduce woojin jaehwan and jisung into the picture. though its pretty late into the fic, but i will work a little on the characters of these three XD

 

Weekends arrived rather fast. It probably had to do with the fact that I was busy with studies the whole week.  

 

I yawned as I walked through the cool morning, heading for the cafe where I worked part time at. Today I had to go for morning shift again because Ms. Kim requested for extra help. It was going to be another long day, I thought upon reaching the cafe and hearing the hustle bustle that was already going on behind the doors.

 

Park Woojin was already there, cleaning the floor while singing loudly without a care for his tune and pitch. Another worker by the name of Kim Jaehwan heard his favourite song being sung and immediately joined in with enthusiasm. The morning started out noisy with two of the noisiest workers in the cafe.

 

Yoon Jisung who was getting things ready behind the counter rubbed his temple while yelling in annoyance. _Yah, can you two do your job without having to open your mouth for once?!_ Laughing as I watched the scene, the other three finally noticed me.

 

_Kang Daniel is here~_

_Oh, Kang Daniel, the Romeo of our cafe~ Today thousands of your Juliet are going to see you again~_

 

Woojin and Jaehwan simultaenously sang those lyrics which they randomly created on the spot. Woojin swaying the broomstick around as if it was a microphone stand seemed to be getting too into the role while Jaehwan belted out his highest note without restraint.

 

Jisung sighed at the scene for a moment before he directed his attention to me. “Morning, Niel-ah.” _As usual, please ignore these two crazy kids._

 

Still laughing, I greeted back. “Yes. Morning, hyung.”

 

Among all of them, Jisung was the oldest and was also the most matured. Therefore it was expected that he sometimes had to step in and take the role to control the situation when it was getting out of hand. Except most of the times he usually failed because the kids were proving to be too much for him, like now.

 

Leaving Jisung to handle the situation, I entered the backroom to change into my work clothes.

 

Produce 101 cafe was the cafe that I had been working at for almost 2 months now. It was due to Jisung hyung that I started working here. Jisung hyung had been a longtime friend of mine. When he heard that I was trying to find a job, he had recommended me to the owner of this cafe where he worked at. He had been a worker at this cafe for a year already and knew the owner very well, thus the owner had easily accepted me to fill in the vacancy without much worry for my qualification.

 

So I started working in this cafe since then. And from there, I also met Park Woojin and Kim Jaehwan.

 

Park Woojin and Kim Jaehwan were friends who went to a different high school. Woojin was one year younger than me, while me and Jaehwan were of the same age. Due to not much age difference, the three of us hit off well instantly in our first meeting. Plus, those two originally always had a carefree and playful personality, therefore it was hard not to like them and I found them very easy to get along with as well. Despite being a busy cafe, the mood was always light, fun and a stress-free one due to their presence.

 

The sign outside the door was flipped to OPEN. Soon, customers started filtering in one by one into the cafe.

 

We spent a busy morning tending to the customers and getting orders ready as usual.

 

Majority of the customers that came to the cafe were females, therefore we were accustomed to the habit of giving our best smile and talking to them with a sweet gentle voice while getting the orders. It was also what Ms. Kim had told us to practice when talking to them.

 

The hours passed by fast. Before I realized it, it was already afternoon. However, afternoon was our busiest time because customers started coming in crowds then, therefore we were barely able to get any breaks. To make it worse, we were also still lacking another worker so we had to work extra hard to cover up for it.

 

Ms. Kim arrived in the afternoon. Knowing it was the peak time of the cafe, she also stepped in to help around with the orders.

 

Around 1 pm, the door of the entrance tinkled to announce another customer who had just entered.

 

Aside from Woojin, I was also in charge of the reception area. Therefore it was also my job to receive the customers. I automatically moved to the entrance to greet our new customer.

 

But it was a customer with a familiar face.

 

“Jihoonie?”

 

It was Jihoon, standing at the entrance in blue jeans and a pink hoodie and with a smile on his face. You came again? Just this morning I saw you buried under the covers, sleeping soundly. It didn't feel like you had any plans for today. Also judging from how you didn't tell me anything about coming, thus I wasn't expecting your presence.

 

Before I could ask anything, Ms. Kim interrupted me as she stepped in between us.

 

“Ah, you’re finally here. I was waiting for you.” She was smiling as she held onto Jihoon’s shoulders and regarded him in a welcoming manner.

 

Brows knitting in confusion, I wondered what was this about. Jihoon was glancing at me as if he had something to say to me, but Ms. Kim’s presence was overbearing at the moment as she continued to fuss over Jihoon’s appearance and proceeded to usher him inside.

 

I got even more confused when she showed Jihoon the backroom and told him to get changed.

 

“Wait, what is happening here?” I finally decided to intervene, unable to bear all these questions in my mind any longer. Woojin, Jaehwan and Jisung who noticed the commotion also stopped their task at hand and gave their attention to the scene.

 

Ms. Kim turned to face me, and a wide smile was carved on her face.

 

“Our Jihoon will start working in this cafe starting from today.”

 

The announcement that was voiced out with such cheerfulness caught me offguard. I stood still and speechless for a few moments, not knowing how to react.

 

Jihoon who was watching at everything quietly all these while went to my side and tugged on my shirt sleeves. _Hyung, sorry... I just wanted to surprise you, so I’ve kept it from your knowledge that the owner offered me to work at the cafe._ Honestly it wasn’t really anything to apologize for, but I just wanted to know why you suddenly agreed to work here.

 

_It’s just that I’ve been living off hyung’s kindness all these while. I probably should chip in some money to pay for the food and shelter that hyung provided._

__

But…I didn’t ask you to pay me for anything. I just let you live with me because it was what I wanted. So you could say it was on my own selfish request that you were living with me right now. Therefore, it wasn’t something that you should feel burdened with or feel the need to repay back.

 

But your whole bright demeanor at the moment was as if agreeing to the job was not an obligation, or a burden. Instead it felt like you genuinely wanted to do it yourself.

 

_Instead of being in the house not knowing what to do, I could also be alongside hyung helping hyung out… that makes me happier._

 

When you said it like that, I couldn’t even say anything in protest. Well, if it makes you that happy…then I guess it’s fine with me.

 

A brief introduction was then carried out between Jihoon and the others.

 

“Hi, I’m Park Woojin! We’ve met last week!”

 

“And I’m Kim Jaehwan! Nice to meet you.”

 

“Hello, I’m Yoon Jisung.”

__

The others greeted him with a friendly face. The three of them seemed relieved at the thought that they finally had another hand coming in to help lessen the work among them.

__

“Hello everyone, I’m Park Jihoon. Please take care of me.” Jihoon bowed politely and smiled in return.

 

“You guys can continue the ice-breaking session again after we’re out of our busy hours. For now, lets get you changed first.”Ms. Kim pushed Jihoon into the backroom. At that moment, I volunteered myself to help find the clothes for Jihoon. _I’ll guide him through the proper dress code at work, and all the work ethics so you can leave everything to me._ Because I had been working here for a quite a while and had familiarized myself with the way things worked here, therefore she believed that she could rely on me and told me to proceed with it.

 

Afterall I also needed time to tell Jihoon the details of his job, things he needed to be careful of, things he needed to avoid, in my own explanation. Otherwise I won’t feel at ease leaving him to work by his own.

 

“It’s your first time working, isn’t it?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Then, there’s a few things I need to go through with you…” As I pulled out the clothes he needed to wear, I explained to him about his role. _Since the reception area is the busiest, so you will have to step out today and take orders from the customers. Send the orders to Jisung hyung, he will usually coordinate with Jaehwan to prepare the orders. Then what you need to do is just to keep track of which order is which, and send it to the customers when its ready. Well, these are just the basics…_

 

“Hyung, please don’t worry. I know what to do. The owner had already briefed me a little over the phone earlier.”

 

“Yeah, but still…I’m just worried because things are probably going to be too hectic for you for your first time. So if there’s anything you’re confused about, or you need help with, come to me immediately.”

 

“I know, hyung.” Jihoon laughed, already pulling off his hoodie. I caught a glimpse of his exposed skin and swallowed without realizing. … _I’ll wait outside. Come out if you’re done dressing up._  

 

I left without any further words. Jisung who was at the counter pushing out drinks for serving, saw me and spoke. “Is he a friend from school?” Jisung who always had observant eyes noticed the closeness between us and started to question our relationship out of pure curiousity.

 

“A hoobae from school.”

 

“Is he the guy who you told me is living with you at the moment?”

 

Jisung was a hyung who I was close to and always frequented my house for some late night drinking and talks. But since Jihoon started living with me, I had to reject Jisung when he asked to visit, saying that there was someone who will be living with me for a while and that I’d like to prevent the guest from being disturbed by our late night activities.

 

Thus it was hard to lie when the fact was already out. Plus, Jisung was always fast at catching things on.

 

“Yeah. That’s the guy.”

 

At that moment, Jihoon came out from the door. The sight then was a spectacular one.

 

Woojin who went to the counter to send a new order to Jisung saw Jihoon and did a double take. Whistling, he didn’t hide his amazement. “Wow, this is another guy who may be able to compete with our Kang Daniel in the match to capture the most hearts.”

 

“It really fits you.” Jisung who was also in a momentary amazement at the sight finally said with all honesty.

 

I continued staring at Jihoon who was dressed crisply in a white dress shirt that was the same as mine, pants and shoes that were also the same as mine, but somehow the image was so different that it rendered me speechless for a while. It really does fit you. To a perfect tee, if I can emphasize.

 

You looked almost adult-like, dreamy and a mix between pretty and handsome altogether, yet when I saw the shy smile on your face I realized it was still the familiar cute cat that loved my attention. I had to restrain the urge to stroke your soft brown hair.

 

The owner who saw Jihoon was pleased with the look, and had sent him to his first table of customer after that. Because I was still worried, so I discreetly monitored him from my peripheral view while also managing my own task at hand.

 

Jihoon seemed to be doing things well for a first timer. Although a bit slow at first, but he gradually caught up to the pace and was soon sending in orders and fetching them out consistently. The problem of mixing the orders in first timers also seemed to be unfounded as Jihoon meticulously kept track of them in an organized manner.

 

The workload really had significantly reduced with Jihoon’s help, and I found myself able to breathe a little as I leaned against the counter. However, despite my gratefulness that Jihoon was being a big help to us, I couldn’t help but to be bothered by the fact that his presence was attracting a little too much attention at the moment.

 

Girls from other tables were whispering while staring at him with dreamy-looking eyes, and the girls he was currently attending to were trying to ask for his number. Jihoon was visibly having a hard time as he laughed nervously, not knowing what to say in return.

 

The act to step in was instinctive.

 

“I’m sorry, he’s our new worker so he’s still pretty shy. If you don’t mind, I’ll take over for him.” I intervened smoothly, flashing the smile I usually used when talking to the female customers. At first, they were a bit flustered but as I continued talking to them in a comfortable manner, they gradually directed their whole attention to me. Just before they left, they asked me for my phone number.

 

Sometimes, I was faced with persistent customers who wouldn’t give up unless they got my number. Thus I had no choice but to give my number away to them. After they were gone, I noticed Jihoon who was watching me from the side.

 

“...Why?” _Why are you looking at me that way?_ Because the look that Jihoon gave me didn't feel too pleasant.

 

Jihoon didn’t answer me and proceeded to the other table to attend to other customers. I stood rooted at the same spot for a while watching him.

 

Throughout the whole afternoon, I was trying to get his attention but he kept ignoring me, looking away and pretending as if I hadn’t just talk to him.

 

Yah, Park Jihoon…are you giving me the silent treatment right now?

 

Towards the end of the shift, the number of customers became lesser and we started to become more relaxed, chatting away to fill in our free time. The others took that time to get to know Jihoon. When Woojin learned that Jihoon was the same age as him, he immediately warmed up to Jihoon. Woojin’s likeable personality seemed to capture Jihoon’s interest too, and they clicked off right away.

 

Woojin was sharing a funny story with Jihoon, and Jihoon was laughing at it. Actually everyone else was laughing except me. Only being able to focus on the fact that Jihoon was ignoring me but was laughing at others, I got somewhat irritated.

 

“I’m sorry, but I need to talk to Jihoon a bit.” The amiable atmosphere was intercepted by my words. The others watched in puzzlement as I grabbed onto Jihoon’s wrist and took him away. Jihoon resisted, but I kept a vice grip on him and pulled him all the way to the backroom. Once we were inside, I made sure to lock the door and block the way out.

 

“Why are you being like this?” I asked, the irritation that seeped through my voice making itself evident now that we were alone.

 

“Being like what…?”

 

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know. You’re obviously ignoring me the whole day.”

 

“...”

 

“If you’re angry at me because of something, then tell me instead of keeping quiet. Because it’s really killing me.”

 

Jihoon began to express his dissatisfaction then. Brows furrowing, he muttered. “Why are you the one getting mad…you’re the one who gave your number out freely to those girls in front of me.”

 

“What?”

 

“You flirted with those girls while I was there, as if pretending that I didn’t exist.”

 

“Jihoon-ah…you know I did it just to be polite. They are our customers.”

 

Jihoon was biting his lip, looking visibly upset. I finally understood then why you gave me the silent treatment earlier.

 

“Were you jealous?”

 

I saw his face reddened in reply, and the anger and irritation in me instantly vanished into thin air as laughter streamed out from my lips. He looked even more upset than ever. It amused me though because it was adorable. I know, I know. I admit I was at fault, but you really have to forgive me because my real intention wasn’t to flirt with them or pretending that you didn’t exist.

 

I flicked his forehead. “Idiot, you know you’re the only one who I’m interested in. I have no eyes for anyone else.”

 

Despite giving my reassurance, Jihoon’s expression still didn’t improve. So I moved closer and hugged him with my arms. When I felt the resistance died down, I knew my method was working. I looked down at the quietly sulking cat with affection. _Not mad anymore, are you?_ The cat blinked its big eyes at me, still not saying anything.

 

_You should smile. You look the prettiest when you do._

 

The edge of your lips twitched up into a smile, and I knew I had succeeded then. Laughing, I kissed the tip of your nose.

 

As I pulled away, you suddenly fisted the collar of my shirt and pulled me down again, the rough manner of your action surprising me and catching me offguard. Your lips that meshed onto mine in a demanding way was a new foreign feeling. Your teeth bit and nip onto my lower lip, tugging it open and soon your tongue dove in eagerly and engaged with my own in an intense fervent kiss.   

 

I was breathless and half out of my mind when you pulled away. Despite the act earlier, your face remained innocent and pretty as you whispered softly to me. _Just to emphasize to who Kang Daniel belonged to._

__

Albeit it wasn’t necessary because I was already long wrapped around Park Jihoon’s little finger.

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive finally managed to update...theres a bit of struggle writing this chapter just because i took a break from writing for a few days and lost my nielwink mojo ;-; 
> 
> there's a shift to 3rd person POV towards the end because i feel its necessary to explain the scene in a more general view.

DANIEL’S POV

 

It was the 2nd day that Jihoon started working. The cafe had become more crowded than ever.

 

What was fascinating was the fact that not only female customers were entering the cafe, that day there was almost an equal number of male customers coming in as well.

 

And I noticed this sudden surge of male customers was none other because of Jihoon. It was obvious anyways from the way all of them were stealing interested glances in Jihoon’s direction. When Jihoon came over to their table, they chatted him up and tried to warm themselves up to him. Jihoon remained oblivious to their advances and merely smiled good-naturedly as he waited for them to place their orders.

 

The amount of men with conflicted sexual orientation were abundant on that day. And I faced this huge dilemma whether to keep my professionalism intact or just show my true self and kicked all of them out.

 

Ms. Kim was there though, so I had to abandon the latter intention eventhough it posed as the most tempting option.

 

Ms. Kim was in a good mood as she noticed the equal influx of customers of different genders. _Ah… we are so blessed to have both girls’ and guys’ magnet in our cafe. Business is doing good~_ Her celebratory mood though was a stark contrast to the dark gloomy mood that I was in.

 

It was the fifth man who was trying to ask Jihoon questions that were unrelated to orders.

 

_How old are you?_

_Oh, you’re young. Which school do you go to?_

_…Ah, really? I graduated from that school to!_

_I bet you’re a popular person in school. Do you have a lover?_

 

Sigh…

 

I suppressed the urge to slam down the notepad and pen on the counter. It seemed that I will need to dedicate myself to another job from now on: fending off all the girls and (now) guys that were showing interest to Jihoon. Moving to the table where Jihoon was still thinking of how to answer the man, I readied an automated polite smile on my face before pulling Jihoon close to my side.

 

“He already has a lover. So you probably want to think twice before hitting on him.” Was my short answer on Jihoon’s behalf before I smoothly continued. _Would you like to place your order now?_  Flustered, the man was unable to say anything else again after that. Meanwhile Jihoon who had only realized the man’s intention after I said it out loud could only duck his head in embarrassment.

 

After I got the order, I went to send it to the counter. At that time, Jihoon caught up to me and tugged onto my sleeve.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know…Hyung, are you mad?”

 

“No. But I hope you would be more perceptive of people’s intention towards you.” I sighed, reaching a hand up to ruffle his hair.

 

Jihoon really isn’t aware of it. Despite the low profile he kept, always quiet and only to himself, people around him couldn’t help but to notice him. He was unapproachable because he rarely showed interest to communicate with others, but people were unable to deny his quiet charm and became attracted to get close anyways. These were the little things I noticed on some occasions, though I wasn’t certain if Jihoon realized it himself.

 

Besides these days, the face seemed to be glowing more, prettier, with frequent smiles. Jihoon’s beauty was really in full bloom. As a result, the people that became attracted to him also became bolder at showing their interests. Since then I started to feel the possessiveness towards Jihoon was necessary.

 

* * *

 

JIHOON’S POV

 

Niel hyung probably isn’t aware of it, but he was really the only person who occupied my mind and who took my whole attention away. For 3 years it had been this way. As my whole attention was focused solely on you, I was unable to realize other people’s interest towards me. Therefore when you told me to be more cautious of other people’s intention, I didn’t know what to say in return because I really thought nothing of them in the first place…

 

I knew he was a bit upset because of what happened, but he tried to appear fine with it and smiled at me. I wanted to have a minute to talk to him about it, but at the moment work seemed to demand all of mine and his attention as more and more customers flooded in through the entrance. In the end I had to postpone my intention and prioritize work for the next few hours.

 

The faces of men and women that I greeted with a smile were countless and they became a passing blur in my mind as I moved to one person after another. From the corner of my eye, I glanced at Daniel who was now seen talking to Jaehwan about something. It seemed that Jaehwan was requesting for his help and I watched as he left the reception area and went to the back with Jaehwan.

 

Now it was just Woojin and me left.

 

Woojin was busy at the other table, so it was only me who was free to accommodate to the customer who had just entered the cafe at the moment.

 

“Welcome…” I bowed and greeted automatically with a smile. When I looked up, I realized it was someone who I recognized. It was an attractive young female, wearing a light yellow dress and a pair of matching yellow sandals. Despite the simple outfit, it was eye-catching because of the way the clothes fit her bright image. Her eyes were big and pretty, and her face was white and glowing. Her long rich black locks were tied up in an intricate French braids and made her overall appearance looked elegant. It was a sight to behold.

 

The attractive face was now staring intently at me.

 

It was Choi Soyoung.

 

I stood still for a few seconds, not able to move because of the sheer surprise. Woojin who was on his way to the counter to send in the orders, saw me frozen at the entrance and quickly nudged me back to awareness. Stuttering, I tried my best to recompose myself. “I-I’m sorry, please follow me. I’ll bring you to your table.”

 

Soyoung was quiet while following me all the way to the table. Even as I got her seated and handed her the menu, she was still being strangely silent, speaking not a word of greeting nor acknowledgment. The behaviour seemed to be different from how she usually was in class. In class, she was always surrounded by her friends and they were always making noises, chattering excitedly or giggling at something together. Therefore the fact that she had come alone unaccompanied by any friends of hers and also being so uncharacteristically silent like this was a little unnerving. I stood by her table, waiting for a few awkward moments for her to place her order while she flipped through the menu that I had handed. With her legs crossed and back laid relaxedly against the the chair, her gaze looked disinterested scanning through the contents. It felt like a long while until she finally closed the menu and looked back up at me.

 

“What’s your best menu?”

 

Caught offguard by the sudden question and her eyes that stoically gazed at me, I fumbled through my tangled thoughts.

 

“Well…we have this strawberry cheese cake which is a favourite among our customers…”

 

“Then get me that.” Her voice was monotonous and cold.

 

“...Drinks?”

 

“Just get me a glass of water.”

 

“Alright… Then please wait a little while for your order to arrive.” I moved to take the menu from her hand. At that moment, her hand snatched my wrist in a tight grip. I looked at her and saw her face that finally revealed a hint of emotion in them. It emitted an ominous feeling of malice.

 

“I always thought it was strange how he could lost his feelings for me all of a sudden… So indeed it was because of you.”

 

“...”

 

“A man. And stealing other people’s lover at that… Fucking disgusting.” She punctuated each words under her breath with venom, her eyes narrowing into slits and fingers tightening around my wrist in an almost bone-crushing grip. I winced and pried my wrist away from her with force.

 

I braved myself to confront her, and this time my face gave nothing away as my mind finally registered the fact that she had known about us. It threw me off at first at the fact that we had been discovered by her, but as I thought about it further I realized that it was inevitable to avoid this any longer. Therefore honesty seemed to be appropriate at this point.

 

“I have always loved him…even longer than you have.”

 

That seemed to rile her up as she retorted.

 

“Daniel oppa and I were a couple first. Knowing that, you still dared to come in between and stole him away from me? Have you no shame?” Her sharp, piercing voice held an irritated edge at the same time.

 

Woojin who noted my delay from a distance came to me and asked. _What’s wrong? Why are you taking so long here?_ I turned to look at him, then looked at the glaring Soyoung with an uncomfortable frown before I muttered to Woojin. _It’s nothing, don’t worry about it._ To prevent from being questioned further, I hurriedly made my way to the counter and delivered the order to Jisung. Oblivious to what just happened, Jisung happily hummed while he fetched the cheese cake that was cooled from the refrigerator, cutting out a slice and placing it neatly on a plate. I poured a glass of water and put it on a tray, and Jisung followed by putting the cake together on the tray with a smile. _Ready to be sent out._

 

With a mind that was reinforced to not falter, I retraced my steps back to the table where she was sitting. I laid her orders out on the table. Her hostile demeanor earlier seemed to have toned down significantly as she proceeded to calmly pick up the fork to cut a piece of the cake. She fed the cake to her mouth and her reaction after that was shocking.

 

Not a second the cake was in her mouth she had spat it out to the plate, her expression morphing into pure disgust. Standing up furiously, the chair scraped backwards in an abrupt manner and tumbled down to the floor making a loud noise.

 

“You said this is your best menu…are you kidding me right now?!” Her voice that raised in volume caught the attention of the people around, including Jisung who noticed the commotion from the counter. With rushed steps, he hurried to my side with a worried expression, looking back and forth between Soyoung who was glaring at me menacingly and then me who was standing quietly at my spot.

 

“What’s happening here?” He regarded Soyoung then. “Is something the matter, miss?”

 

Soyoung finally directed her attention to Jisung, with the glare still intact. “The food he served tasted disgusting.”

 

“W-What? But…” Skeptical, Jisung wondered what was wrong as he took another fork and tasted the cake himself. He took time to savour the taste, but was unable to find anything wrong with it so he could only frown in confusion while trying to reason to Soyoung. “Miss, there seemed to be nothing wrong with the taste…”

 

“Are you kidding me? I’ve never tasted something so disgusting in my life before…The outside looked pretty, but the inside tasted rotten to the core…” The last part was mouthed with such repulsion, and Jisung noted how Soyoung never took her glare off from Jihoon the whole time she said it. Feeling the distinct heavy atmosphere between the two of them, the alarm in Jisung’s mind began blaring a warning.

 

He made a move to pacify the tense situation. It was his responsibility afterall, and plus it was attracting uncomfortable attention from the customers around and Jisung didn’t want to make them feel bothered by it.

 

“Miss, we apologize. We will exchange it with another one if you want. Let’s just calm down for now.”

 

Soyoung gave an incredulous look. “Ha, even if you exchange it, I’m sure they will all taste rotten anyways if being served by the hand of this disgusting bastard.”

 

What is happening here exactly…Was written all over Jisung’s face as he glanced at Jihoon a few times while trying to console the fuming girl. Jihoon was still standing quietly, not making any move, not saying anything, just looking at the whole scene with an unreadable gaze. Even when Woojin came to see what was all the ruckus about, Jihoon was still unresponsive.

 

“Where’s the owner? I would like to talk to the owner about him-”

 

“Please, calm down, miss…” By now, Woojin had also came forward to help assuage the conflict. Even if she kept demanding for the owner, they couldn’t get Ms. Kim here because she had stepped out an hour ago for some personal matter. They became increasingly troubled as Soyoung’s behaviour became more unrestrainable.

 

“Just seeing his disgusting face ruined my whole taste and mood. How can you let someone like him work here-”

 

“Miss, please-”

 

At that moment, Jihoon opened his mouth and spoke, effectively silencing everyone.

 

“...Please do not blame it on other people if you cannot keep what you owned yourself.”

 

The tense silence that continued to follow after that began stretching dangerously taut with each passing seconds, as if waiting to snap. In the process, Soyoung’s expression had shaded red considerably as the heat of the moment consumed her. The anger that burst out then was something that was unavoidable.

 

“What did you just say?!”

 

Jihoon gazed at her unfalteringly, appearing unaffected all throughout despite the hurtful words that she had thrown mercilessly to him earlier.

 

“If he still loved you, he would’ve chosen to stay with you. But he didn’t…therefore please do not put the blame carelessly on other people just to selfishly alleviate yourself.”

 

“...”

 

“I’ve loved him longer than you did, I knew him more than you will ever do, and to me the meaning of his love is so much deeper than it will ever be for you…He is a person who held such importance for me…Even if you insist to blame me, I will not back away.”

 

“...”

 

“No matter what you and him had before this, it was incomparable to what me and him shared all these-”

 

_Splash!!!_

 

Jisung and Woojin’s eyes flew open at the sight of Jihoon’s face which was now soaking wet with water, the droplets trailing down his neck and dampening through the front of his shirt. Soyoung had just grabbed the glass from the table and splashed the water all over Jihoon.

 

“You fucking bastard…you still dared to say all these to me after all the things you’ve done?!! Fucking shameless!!!!!”

 

Jihoon squeezed the water that had gotten splashed into his eyes with a sore feeling. Blinking repeatedly to clear off his blurred vision, he also lifted a hand up to wipe his eyes with his sleeves. While the others were panicking at what to do with the situation, Daniel and Jaehwan who were notified by the noisy atmosphere in the cafe came out to where the others were gathered.

 

“...What’s happening here?” Daniel voiced out in confusion. The moment he saw Jihoon and Soyoung - with Jihoon’s face and hair dripping wet and his shirt soaked, and Soyoung glaring angrily at him from the opposite direction - realization began to dawn on him. He quickly grabbed a clean dry towel from the counter and got in between the two, hand moving to dab the towel against Jihoon’s damp face. _Hyung, can you bring Jihoon to the backroom and help him get changed? I will go and deal with her._

 

Although appeared hesitant to leave him alone at first, Jisung eventually nodded and wordlessly led Jihoon to the backroom. Woojin and Jaehwan took the task to ease the situation and reassured the customers that everything was alright. Daniel on the other hand, had proceeded to drag Soyoung out by the grip he had on her wrist.

 

He dragged her quite a distance away until the cafe was out from their view. Releasing his grip, he turned to face her with a hardened expression and a mood that was less than accomodating. Creating such a big scene, acting immaturely and causing unnecessary trouble to people like that- this time Daniel thought that she had really went overboard with her actions.

 

“Now you’d better give me a good reason for doing the things you did.”

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is in soyoung's POV. and its actually a really important chapter to cover soyoung's thoughts on everything (which i think covers a large part of the story) and also uncovering some of the future plot, if you can catch it haha.
> 
> please do continue to feed me with motivation to continue updating the fic~ thank you <3

 

SOYOUNG’S POV

 

It was in early August when I realized that I had feelings for Daniel oppa.

 

He was a sunbae one year older than me, popular in many aspects whether it be academics, sports, leadership, or socially. Aside from all these qualities, he also had the type of body and face that I liked. A broad muscular body, and a face that gave off a different feeling with the changing mood. When he was serious or focused, the jawline would look sharp and the whole features would emanate a sexy, handsome air to it. But when he smiled, the whole face changed almost instantly and emanate cuteness and tenderness, just like a puppy. And Daniel oppa smiled a lot too, therefore he was famously known as the smiling guy in the school.  

 

I thought he was a cool guy, versatile with so many different sides to him. A rare species, indeed. He was also the type of guy most girls usually want to date. Yet, when I asked a friend of his if he had a girlfriend, I got shocked when they told me that he hadn’t had one for over a year. It was ridiculous. A person like him, not having a girlfriend over a year? I tried to find his weakness, thinking it could be the reason why he was single all these while but couldn’t manage to find any. But why? Did you know so many girls liked you? Did you know so many of my friends kept on talking about you with a longing heart? _But I know I’d have no chance with him…He’s too perfect for me. Even if he agrees to date me, it probably won’t last long-_ Were their reasons when I asked. But I found it funny that they already gave up before they even tried. __How do you know it won’t last long?__  I mean, a person should try getting into it first before they even say anything, right? But since those kind of perception towards Daniel were so strong among the other girls, therefore not many of them tried to get close to him. The ones who had the courage to, were rumoured to be rejected. Though the reason was uncertain, but the girls made speculations themselves. _You see, perfect guys like him tend to have high standards, of course they would reject you if you don’t meet their standards. That’s why its so burdensome!_

__

_But Soyoung-ah, I think you probably can try going after him. You’re really pretty, afterall._ I heard this kind of words often. You’re pretty, you have really big beautiful eyes, you have a sweet look - all of these flattering words were spewed out with just one chance of my appearance. I’ve grown up with these kind of compliments and praises showered to me, thus becoming accustomed to receive it without much reaction. The number of guys that tried to grab my attention were also abundant. They tried to impress me with words, with gifts, and with sweet text messages. At first, all the attention that the guys gave to me felt exhilarating but as time passed I started to become bored. They wanted me as their girlfriend either to show me off to their friends or simply with the intention to have sex with me. Their intention started to become too transparent for me. As I grew older, I became pickier with my choice and had my own standards. If they reached my standard, I would agree to become their girlfriend and go out with them. The number of times I had sex also started to increase once I began my high school years. Hormones seemed to run rampant, and sexual libido became something uncontrollable as I had sex with different guys each week. Still, it was nothing serious. Just sex. Friends with benefit were what I would label most of the past relationships I had. There was no one yet who could really attract my attention.

 

At first, I didn’t know much about Daniel therefore the interest towards him was lacking. But as my friends started talking more and more about him, and as they began dragging me to the field where he was playing football with his friends, I started to think that he looked cool. The interest sparked a little from there, and I would find myself coming back to the field the next few days to watch him play. The highlight moment was the one where we had a match with another school and he scored a goal at the very last minute and sent me who was rarely excited about anything to my feet screaming in joy. He was a really cool guy, I thought. The impression then became stronger. I started having this desire of wanting to know him more.

 

When I expressed to my friends that I liked Daniel, they were shocked at first. _ _Choi Soyoung, t_ his is the first time I ever heard you like someone… _They thought it was surprising, but nevertheless they were excited for me and were resolute to help me out if they need to. One of my girl friends was close to a guy who Daniel always hung out with. So she asked for his help to hint to Daniel that I liked him.

 

I guessed the method must have been working because I noticed that Daniel’s eyes seemed to catch mine often after that, as if aware of my attention towards him. Before this he hardly looked at my way, but this time I realized that he seemed to have an idea that I was trying to become close to him. So that day after his practice, I got up from the bench I was sitting on and went to him. He was busily chatting and laughing with his friend at that time, but when his friend noticed that I was waiting he quickly nudged Daniel towards me. Only noticing my presence, Daniel turned around and faced me.

 

It was the first time we stood facing each other like this, with the distance narrowed significantly between us.

 

I had taken the bottle of water that I brought with me, handing it out to him with a smile. _Would you like to drink a little?_  He was sweaty with perspiration from head to toe, and I bet he was in dire need to compensate for the water loss. A little surprised at first, but gradually he showed positive reaction against my offer and took the bottle from my hand. In the process, our fingers brushed over each other a little, sending tingles of warmth throughout my body.

 

“I don’t think we’ve introduced ourselves to each other yet before. I’m Choi Soyoung! But you can just call me Soyoung.” I mustered my best smile, the pretty smile that people always told me I’m blessed with. Daniel seemed to warm up to me then, as he too gave a smile of his own, genuine and friendly. “I’m Kang Daniel. Although it’s our first time talking to each other, but I’ve heard about you.” He honestly confessed.

 

 _You did?_  I laughed, despite knowing very well myself that he did. Thanks to the help of our friends. They wanted to see us getting close together. Eventhough at first I thought it was ridiculous to pair up people who had no interest towards each other, but as I began to entertain the thoughts of you and the possibility of us becoming a pair, I somehow became more open to the idea of it. I felt like there was a thrilling feeling inside me, which greed for your attention.

 

Despite my efforts to get you to notice me the past few weeks, you never once looked as if you were interested. It was something new for me. Often, when I tried to show that I was interested to someone, it didn’t take me too much effort to get them to notice me back. But in your case, you only noticed me not due to my efforts but due to the help of your friend who relayed the message that I was interested in you.

 

You were a rare species, indeed. You probably knew your self-worth, valued your pride enough to not throw yourself away in front of my feet like the other guys usually do. With that, the admiration in me towards you also started to build up.

 

As we established a friendship after that day, I began to seek for you more often. Waiting for you after your football match and prepared to give you refreshments each time, coming to your class just to greet you randomly, getting your number and sending you affectionate messages. Eventually, it was clear to you that I wanted to have a deeper relationship with you.

 

That day when I asked you to stay back after school, I decided to confess to you. You accepted me. And I had never remembered feeling so happy to be able to be in a relationship with someone. Finally having you in my grasp felt as if I was getting rewarded with the fruit of my efforts, and it was the first time I had felt this way. The exhilaration that I felt with all the first times returned in full force on that day.

 

I remembered asking you out of curiousity once. _I heard from your friend you haven’t had a girlfriend for a year, is something holding you back?_ You looked hesitant for a while when I asked this, as if confirming my thought that you really had a secret hidden in regards to your prolonged single status. It took me a little bit of prodding to finally get you to talk. _It was because I had a hard time moving on from my past girlfriend who cheated on me with another guy. It was hard to open up again after that._ When I heard of your mourning period, I realized then that you were the type of guy who took relationship seriously and got hurt because the other was playing around. _What makes you agree to date me then?_  I asked, wondering his reason. Scratching the back of your head, you looked a little uncertain before you started speaking. _I just thought I should try familiarizing myself with the idea of dating again…and I'm thinking having the company of a person who likes me isn’t a bad thing anyways._ He continued to add. _It may seem that my feelings for you are still unclear, but I do feel that I’m interested with you and I want to try working out a relationship with you._

__

You who had rejected all the other girls before but was now showing that you’re favouring me, I guessed I should be grateful for being given the opportunity to be the person to help you open up to the idea of a relationship again. _Don’t worry, lets try working this out together in our pace._ I reassured him with a smile, hugging his waist.

__

Since then, our relationship grew into a sweet one. The news of our relationship spread out through the entire school, and it became a topic that was frequently talked about by the other students for at least a month. My friends were all supportive of our relationship and kept cheering us on. For the first time, I felt genuinely happy being in a relationship.

 

With time, the intimacy between us also grew. We advanced one step after another, gradually. Getting ourselves used to holding hands, then hugging, then kissing, and finally touching each other in a more intimate manner.

 

The feeling of being touched by Daniel felt different from being touched by other guys. Daniel held me with warmth, kindness and was gentle all throughout. It was different with the rough careless sex I usually had with other guys. I started to become addicted to everything of him and we started to frequently have sex together. It became a habit, almost bordering unhealthy because we would sometimes find ourselves doing it in unexpected places without realizing. Being so careless and unaware to the surrounding, merely succumbing to desire, we had sex even in school.

 

That day we had sex in the storeroom and got discovered.

 

The face that showed itself at the door was unexpectedly the face of Park Jihoon. The pretty, quiet classmate of mine, who sat at the very end of the class, isolated socially from others due to his constant display of lack of interest towards others and his surrounding. The guy who was always just minding his own business, most of the times listening to his earphones or doing homework all by himself, sometimes absent from class for days without anyone knowing why. He was mysterious, seemingly erratic and strange. Yet, he was gifted with a pretty face and charming big eyes, and they were the sole reason why people didn’t completely outcast him yet, why sometimes there were still people who were interested to get close to him despite the obvious enigmatic personality.

 

I was actually one of the people who had tried to get close to Park Jihoon at the beginning of the year, but due to the awkwardness and discomfort I couldn’t maintain a friendly behaviour with him for long.

 

He was always indifferent towards people and his surroundings. Yet, this time, I had to wonder what had brought him here at the first place. And why was he sporting such an upset, almost angry looking expression as his fist clenched against the doorknob that he just swung open. However, I was unable to ponder further on this new side of him as I panicked to get my nakedness covered at least decently before I ran out from the storeroom. It was embarassing to be found out like that, and I cried a little while I was in the restroom, messaging Daniel in half-anger half-worry because I didn’t want Park Jihoon to report to anyone about finding us in the storeroom doing such acts. I knew the punishment would include involving my parents in the matter if ever the teacher knew and I was scared. So I asked for Daniel to help deal with Park Jihoon so that he could keep his mouth quiet about what he just saw.

 

However Daniel didn’t reply to my messages.

 

Since that day, things have started to go awry between us. I started noticing the increasing amount of messages which were sent but remained unread or unreplied, then the calls that weren’t picked up no matter how many times I tried to get through. Even the days where we hung out together after class became noticeably lesser.

 

It was frustrating. And I knew something was going on with Daniel, unknown to my knowledge. And this all started on the day Park Jihoon stumbled upon us. So I knew this definitely had something to do with that guy…

 

But when I confronted to Daniel about it and cried to him, he comforted me and allayed my anxiety that things were alright between us. So I believed him for a little while. But not long after that, he reverted to that habit of disappearing without being able to be reached again and I started to grow impatient. I sent lots of messages venting out my frustration and anger to him, and called him lots of times. Sometimes when he did pick up, I would yell at him immediately without holding back. _How could you do this to me?!! Letting me call you so many times, making me wait for you for so long!!!_

__

Daniel would apologize, but that was it. No explanations, no anything, just a tired apology and a few attempts to comfort before he ended the call.

 

The sweetness between us was short-lasting. It seemed to have completely vanished into thin air. Plus with the way we were frequently fighting then it was hard to regain back the momentum. Therefore our relationship continued tumbling down in a frightening speed.

 

Until one day, he ended up asking for a break up. And my whole being crumbled down to the ground at that moment.

 

A break up? …Are you kidding me? Leaving me suddenly out cold like this-

 

What was your reason? Was it really because Park Jihoon was thereatening you? Was it why you became so cold to me these days, why you had become so heartless as to be able to say these heartbreaking words to me. You knew I loved you, yet- yet how could you ask me for a break up…? If there was something wrong with me, then I will try to fix myself for you so just please-

 

“You’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve tried your best trying to hold the relationship up. It’s just me who had lost all feelings towards the relationship. It’s my fault, not yours.”

 

“...”

 

“Therefore if you want to blame me for it, then I’ll accept it. Just that, I can’t accept your feelings and continue to pretend any longer.” _I’m sorry but we’re over._

 

Your decision that were voiced out in such a definitive manner stabbed me right through my heart. You hurt me, and made me suffer so much all these while. At that moment something ugly reared its head inside me. All I wanted was to make you feel the same pain I was feeling.

 

I knew of your history with your past girlfriend... So I wondered how it would feel like for you if I told you that I had cheated on you all these while.

 

But then I had nothing to be guilty of. It was all your fault.

 

Due to the lack of affection from our relationship, I started to get lonely. I started replying to guys who had texted me for attention, started seeking as much warmth, despite how superficial it was, from someone’s fake sweet messages. I started to accommodate to their intention. At nights when the frustration became too unbearable, I thoughtlessly accepted their invitation and had sex with a couple of them. However after that I often felt empty, mind eventually wandering back to Daniel and the warm feelings he made me feel.

 

Among all these guys, Cha Youngjin was a guy who frequently texted me. He was an ex-boyfriend of mine from junior high. Cha Youngjin was a serious troublemaker in school, frequently getting into fights and hurting people. There were many times that the teachers considered about expelling him from school, but in the end merely settled for suspension. Due to the number of times he got suspended, he spent a lot of time outside mixing with dangerous people. Yet despite it all, this violent temperamental person who seemed to be so hardened at heart couldn’t control himself from being attracted to me. So he pursued me and I agreed to have a relationship with him. Our brief relationship lasted for a month. The relationship that I had with him felt something akin to diving down deep underwater then resurfacing again. There was a lot of thrill, excitement, fear and adrenaline blending altogether. The sex felt the same too. Rough, erratic, intense, yet with pleasure so mindblowing that my body couldn’t stop shivering for minutes even after climaxing.

 

Cha Youngjin was the total opposite of Kang Daniel. If Kang Daniel was warm and passionate, he was rough and vulgar.

 

The only good thing I could remember of him was the sex. Therefore these days he had been a frequent sex partner of mine. Along the line, there were also persistent persuading from him which insinuated to me that he wanted to get back together. _You like the sex, why don’t you just be my girlfriend again? I’d give you everything you need, even the sex if you want it everyday._ This was what he usually said to me just before I got myself dressed up again and left his place without a word.

 

But I didn’t like him for anything else but the sex. But Kang Daniel…I liked him more than just the sex.

 

But Kang Daniel was slipping from my grasp. He wanted to leave. There was never a guy who had dumped me first throughout my whole life, so this hurt and pain that I felt was something new, foreign and very disturbing.

 

“There’s a guy who’ve been persistently asking me out… It’ll be alright if I say yes and go out with him?”

 

I wanted to relive the pain you suffered from your past relationship. I was about to tell you the crashing confession next - that I had slept with so many guys in the past few weeks, so you know what you were actually just a toy for me to play with- I wanted to spill out all these spiteful words just to soothe my heart and pride which had been stomped upon and crushed mercilessly by you.

 

However I didn’t expect you to be so calm and accepting.

 

“You’re free to do what you want.”

 

The next lash of poison that I intended to spit on you were lost from the tip of my tongue, and I was flustered as I tried to stop you from leaving.

 

“W-Wait, oppa…”

 

But you already went past me, turning around the corridor and disappearing from my sight.

 

It took me a few moments to sink in what had just happened. The rage suddenly flared up then, threatening to erupt as I realized how pathetic you had made me look. I chased after you with angry steps, catching a glimpse of your back as you climbed up the flight of stairs. Because the stairs could only lead to the rooftop above, therefore I knew the destination in your mind even if I had to catch up with you from a distance.

 

By the time I managed to climb all the way to the top and reached the rooftop door, I was out of breath, panting for air. I took time to steady my breathing back to normal before I decided to open the door to confront Daniel again. But my movement was immediately halted by the sight that was presented to me.

 

There was Daniel who I expected to see…but I didn’t expect Park Jihoon to be there too.

 

He was sleeping on Daniel’s shoulder with a peaceful face, and Daniel was staring down at him with that look of affection that I hadn’t seen for weeks.

 

What is this I’m seeing… My mind hazily wondered as I felt myself trembling when Daniel leaned down to kiss the other softly on the lips. The scene so sickeningly sweet that it provoked a nauseating rush of bile up my throat.

 

After closing the door as quietly as I could, I ran all the way to the restroom and locked myself inside a stall. Another wave of nausea hit me again and my body lurched forward as I dry heaved into the toilet bowl.

 

The feeling of betrayal that consumed me made tears leaked out from my eyes. I spent a few hours crying in the stall, not going out until classes ended.

 

After that I went home and locked myself up in the room the whole day, unable to eat nor sleep as the scene replayed in my mind again and again like a broken record. I spent another day at home suffering like that. My lighted phone shone in the darkness as I went through Daniel’s instagram. I saw a recent picture of him smiling in between the other girls that surrounded him and loathing took over. Fucking bastard…looking so happy while I’m suffering here.

 

Due to a sudden impulse which was triggered by my anger, I had decided to pay a visit to the place he worked at.

 

As if having dejavu, I saw the person who I didn’t expect to see again in the cafe where Daniel was working. The face of a smiling Park Jihoon looked pretty as he talked to the customers at the table. Since when did you start using that kind of face with people? As far as I knew you, you hardly talked to anyone in the class what more to say smiling to strangers. Is that the method you used to get Daniel? Did you use that kind of face to lure Daniel in?

 

Now also even going as far as to work at the same place as him. Ah…what a disgustingly sly bastard.

 

I still couldn’t believe that it was you, Park Jihoon. Among all the people, I didn’t think that you would turn out to be the one to ruin my relationship with Daniel.

 

You looked surprised, almost nervous when I revealed that I knew what was going on between you and Daniel. But when that face of yours recomposed back to indifference, I began to feel the anger bubbling back in my chest. The fact that you can be so fake made me want to dissolve that cool expression off from your face.

 

And so I splashed your face with the nearest source of water I can get.

 

The satisfaction washed over me when your expression changed into something that was akin to humiliation. You deserved all the embarrassment, shame and humiliation for all the things you did… You’re saying that I’m trying to find someone to blame for what happened? Just for the sake of alleviating myself? How dare you… You probably need to be slapped to your senses for thinking of saying something like that to me. The fact that you stole my boyfriend, and the fact that you’re a guy at that were already revolting enough for me to cope… Not only were you such a shameful person, but also a nasty one to add. I thought about lunging towards you and hitting you with all my strength, but the thought became short-lived because Daniel had already witnessed us and had immediately intervened between us, effectively preventing any further hostile act from continuing. I watched as he cared for you first before going to me.

 

And when he finally paid attention to me, he had dragged me out non-too-gently and regarded me with such an annoyed voice.

 

“Now you’d better give me a good reason for doing the things you did.”

 

Why should I be the one having to give a reason for the things I did? How about you give me a good reason for the things you did to me? For having a relationship behind my back, and with Park Jihoon to boot! Without realizing, I had screamed all my thoughts out in anger at him, the restraints that suppressed my emotions became unleashed in crushing waves. Even going as far as to hit his chest with my fists, blaming him and Park Jihoon for stealing the happiness that was mine in the first place.

 

I watched as the surprise showed itself on your face when you knew that I know. Yes, I knew it not because you told me about it but because I had to find it the hard way. I had to find you kissing him in some secluded place as if everything was meant to be kept a secret. You fucking jerk, hiding the truth from me while you left me grappling in the dark-

 

“It was because of you!!! You accepted his advances and let your relationship with him progressed while I was left alone at the side questioning the whole time why you had changed. All of these stemmed from you!!!!”

 

It took a while for understanding to take over his features. He quietly watched me lashed out until I was done before he opened his mouth to speak in a serious voice.

 

“The reason why I changed towards you and why I left will still remain the same… its not really because of Jihoon, it's just because I came to realize that I had no feelings for you afterall. I really tried my best to open up to the idea of being in a relationship with you, I tried to be the boyfriend that I should for you, I tried to treat you as you deserved…but I realized it started to become straining for me…because my heart wasn’t in it. The longer it got dragged on, the more I felt that my feelings for you were becoming unsincere.”

 

“...”

 

“Before I could hurt you even more by continuing to pretend that everything was fine, I decided it would be best for us to break up.”

 

“...Then what about Park Jihoon? You’re telling me that he has absolutely nothing to do with your decision to break up?” I shot a glare, distrusting his words with every fiber of my being.

 

“He simply made me realize that my heart had been with him all along, and also made me realize that all these while I had been treating you without sincere feelings. I began to see that what I was doing towards you was wrong so I wanted to do the rightful thing and not keep you hoping on for something that I couldn’t give anymore.”

 

“...”

 

“...Again, I’m sorry, Soyoung-ah. I know I’m at fault for agreeing to have a relationship with you when my heart wasn’t fully committed to you in the first place but-”

 

The hand that was itching for a while finally flew to slap you across your face.

 

Indeed, you’re a jerk.

 

Your cheek gradually grew red from the blow, but your expression remained unchanged, as if you had been expecting to receive punishment for your action. Somehow it riled me up even more seeing your acceptance to everything…

 

Despite you clearly accepting that everything was over, despite you not attempting to do anything to mend this big gaping tear that had formed in our relationship…I seemed to still be unable to give up on you yet.

 

In the swirls of my haywired mind, two thoughts made themselves prominent.

 

Park Jihoon. And my burning desperate desire to get revenge.

 

The chains that bound my self-control seemed to have broke.

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you guys predict it right. Therefore warning for bullying contents. 
> 
> And I also can predict the amount of hate that Soyoung will receive from now on o_o;; ...

JIHOON'S POV

 

I sat in a chair at the backroom, now changed in my own clothes.

 

It was already way past my shift time, and by now the cafe is already preparing to close. Jisung insisted to stay with me out of worry at first, but I insisted that I was okay and he should go do what he needs to do while I got myself changed. In the end, he complied and went out of the room to help the others clean up.

 

I continued sitting quietly by myself in the room, feeling the frayed nerves from earlier still unresolved.

 

Daniel also still hadn’t return.

 

I couldn’t help this anxiety that was building up in me.

 

2 months back, when I knew about your relationship with her, I couldn’t hold myself back any longer and had imposed upon you. The thought of losing you to someone else, the pain of seeing you with other people and loving you from afar gradually became unbearable and my mind seemed to have been triggered to do something that was drastic. From then on, I followed the flow of events with the mindset of getting close to you. Somehow, along the way you managed to grasp my feelings for you and reciprocate it with sincerity, and gradually increasing with fervor these days.

 

I started to realize any drastic measures were unnecessary any longer, and it will be okay to thrive through this with a calm heart now.

 

However, in the process I ignored the core problem that still exists. The fact that I had gotten into the relationship of Daniel and Soyoung, and the damage that was done particularly to Soyoung. There was guilt in me for what I did.

 

However as they say, it requires some sacrifice to achieve something. To have Daniel, I will have to bear with this guilt for my own actions.

 

Due to knowing that a part of it was also my fault, I began to feel anxious thinking about Daniel. What if Soyoung convinced Daniel to leave me... I couldn’t help this fear that came creeping in my thoughts. Eventhough I seemed to have hold you tight within my arms these days, but I knew you could always still easily pulled yourself away from me the moment your feelings became swayed.

 

If that happened, I…

 

The days will probably become too dark for me to even catch a glimpse of the future.

 

I bit my quivering lips, going out of the room, trying to distract myself by helping the others with the task of cleaning up.But the others seemed to notice my distress, so they tried to give me some slack.

__

_Jihoon-ah, its okay you should just sit and take a rest._

_Yeah, we got it all covered. You don’t need to worry about helping._

_…By the way, where’s Daniel? Isn’t he supposed to return by now?_

__

I thought the same as Jaehwan, wondering why he still hadn’t come back. I continued to wipe the table with a frazzled mind. Their intention of wanting me to take it easy were ignored because I needed something to distract me from feeling this full blown anxiety.

 

The longer I waited, the more I started to feel restless.

 

Until after half an hour later, the door of the cafe finally opened to reveal Daniel through it.

 

“Niel-ah, you’ve come back. What took you so long?” Jisung asked in concern. There were no news from him after he went out to deal with the girl earlier.

 

Daniel touched his face a little, as if he felt self-conscious how he looked at the moment. At that moment, I noted the light shade of red that marred his right cheek. What happened to you…I watched as he merely smiled. “We had a talk. It took some time.” He gave a vague answer before making his way into the backroom. I felt the others exchanging glances with each other, nagged by questions but unable to ask further because they noticed the strangely quieter than usual Daniel.

 

I noticed it too, but still I felt the need to talk to him. Abandoning my task at hand, I proceeded to follow Daniel into the room as well. He was in the middle of changing his shirt when I came in.

 

He saw me, but only managed to acknowledge me with the same stiff smile I saw at the door before. Turning back to the locker, he continued to put on his shirt.

 

Why does it feel like there’s an air of strain between us right now? I got the feeling that he was as if trying to avoid talking to me at the moment. If what I thought was right…so Soyoung did tell you to distance yourself from me…

 

I moved towards him without realizing and wrapped my arms around his unexpecting body from behind. Surprised from the sudden contact, his back tensed for a moment before it realized my familiar touch and grew relaxed again. He looked back at me with question in his eyes, the voice that spoke to me was soft, warm and familiar, yet I was scared that you will start to become someone unfamiliar to me the moment I let go of my hold on you. So I tightened my arms around your waist, intent to keep you within my reach.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“...”

 

I merely buried my face deeper into the warmth of your back.

 

You twisted around, and touched the small of my back carefully. “Jihoon-ah, look at me. What’s wrong?” After he coaxed me to meet his eyes, he asked again.

 

“It’s you.”

 

“Me?”

 

I’m scared of you and the thoughts in your mind at the moment. Are you thinking about leaving me-

 

“...Please don’t leave me, hyung.” Tears fell from my eyes. I knew I did something wrong, and I knew I had to bear with the consequences of my deeds…I could bear with anything, just…just not losing you.

 

“Hyung, please don’t leave me alone... I don’t want to lose you. Please don’t leave me-” Unhindered, the words started coming out in continuous stream from my mouth. My breath started to become stuck in between the gasps of sobs that escaped.

 

Hands touched my moist cheeks, brushing off the wetness slowly. I gazed at you through my vision that was blurred with tears and could barely capture the gentle expression on your face. You leaned in, so close till we were only millimeters apart from each other, so close till I could feel your breath on my lips.

 

“Jihoon-ah.” You whispered in the stilled silence of the room.

 

“I won’t leave you, no matter what happens. So don’t be afraid…and just trust me.”

 

I stared deeply into your eyes, lost in the swirls of warmth and sincerity that pulled me in.

 

The soft kiss that you laid on my lips then was as if trying to convey me of your real feelings. That I had nothing to worry of, that your heart is still with me, that you still love me as much as I do and nothing will break us apart.

 

I responded, and mirrored my own feelings to you through our lips that stayed connected. The anxiety that overwhelmed me earlier gradually dissipated the longer I felt your feelings that seeped through and filled me up. Reminding myself that you would not leave me nor hurt me. That if you wanted me to trust you, then I will.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The incident yesterday left me feeling exhausted mentally and emotionally. Usually I woke up before Daniel, but this morning Daniel had woken up first and had been the one to shake me awake. We had to skip breakfast just to get to school in time.

 

Daniel who noticed my off-looking behaviour early in the morning, nudged me when we reached the school gate. _Are you okay?_ I saw the worry on his face and reassured him with a smile and a nod. _But you don’t look too good._ He whispered, scrutinizing my face closely while his fingers briefly lilted around mine. We were in front of the school building, walking along the long stretch of grassy school compound to reach the entrance.

 

 _I’m okay-_  But I felt a distinct feeling of discomfort all of a sudden, as if we were being watched. My instinct was confirmed when my eyes caught the sight of someone staring at us from the opened window of the first floor.

 

Soyoung was looking down at us coolly from where she stood beside the window, arms crossed and eyes steeled.

 

Usually there would be that instant compulsion of needing to move away to maintain a distance between us. Afterall, the relationship we have is still a secret…and it wasn’t really a thing that would be accepted easily by people if discovered. It was just how the society around us worked afterall.

 

Yet, this time I felt the lack of need to be discreet. We were already discovered by her, trying to cover up something that was already being exposed seemed unnecessary. Daniel who noticed my gaze that was trained upwards also followed my line of vision towards Soyoung.

 

He seemed to think the same then. As if he had reached a decision himself. That there was nothing left to hide in the face of her.

 

Grasping my hand in his, he led us to resume our steps. He only let go of my hand until we reached my classroom.

 

 _See you again later, hyung._  I said, but he stopped me before I could proceed further.

 

_Jihoon-ah, I know it’ll be uncomfortable to face her in class... but just be calm, act like you usually do, ignore her if you can. And if anything comes up, message me. I’ll come to you immediately._

 

He was able to pick up the things that bugged my mind, and instantly confronted me about it. Giving a small nod, I promised to do as he said.

 

After he left, I entered the classroom.

 

Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by a thick ominous air that pressed down on me. Everyone’s eyes were on me. The eyes didn’t leave me even as I made my way to my table and got myself seated.

 

I briefly glanced around, and noticed that everyone was looking at me with a strange expression.

 

On normal days, I was usually too invisible to have this much attention on me. But this morning…something felt wrong. Their stares were boring through me from every direction. Small hushed whispers started to fill the air, but I could hardly catch what they were whispering about because all of them seemed to have stayed a certain radius away from me.

 

In the front, Soyoung was the only one appearing calm as she sat facing the front of the class without much words.

 

The morning proceeded with the strange uncomfortable feeling persisting. I listened to Daniel and merely minded my own business as usual, putting on my earphones the whole time waiting for the teacher to come to class. Our homeroom teacher was late today, coincidentally he was also the one who will start our first lesson for the day.

 

We waited for almost an hour before we heard rushing footsteps. The door swung open and our homeroom teacher burst into the room, looking out of breath. Our teacher was a man in his thirties, who despite being a teacher always appeared unkempt and messy when coming for classes in the morning. The image that contradicted his profession often got him teased by the kids. _This teacher doesn’t feel like a teacher at all._

 

“Sorry for the lateness kids, I was held up by traffic.”

 

Someone shouted from the back. “Teacher, shouldn’t you just be honest and tell us that you got a hangover again this morning?” The class burst out laughing. Everyone knew very well that the teacher loved his alcohol. They could predict that his lateness each time had to have something to do with him getting drunk and unable to wake up in the morning.

 

The teacher got red in the face and banged the table with his palm a few times to calm the noisy class. “Quiet, you guys! I’ll proceed with attendance now.” He took out the attendance book and started calling out names.

 

One by one the students replied to the call of their names. When it reached my name, the teacher paid a second longer than necessary before calling it out.

 

“Park Jihoon.”

 

“Yes.” I raised my hand and alerted the teacher.

 

“Ah, so you’re here. I thought you’re gonna be absent again today.” He said thoughtlessly while ticking my attendance in the book. I received this kind of remark quite often from the teacher. In the beginning of the year, my homeroom teacher noticed my frequent absenteeism each week and questioned me about it. Those were the days that I had to stay home after being beaten by uncle because the pain on my body was too much to bear, but I didn’t dare to confess such a thing to the teacher so I merely told him that I had a weak body and got sick often. He believed me and didn’t ask me any questions again after that, nor even doubting anything when I missed class the whole week once. He was the type of teacher who wasn’t too bothered about things like that.

 

A minute after the teacher said that, suddenly the class was filled with the sound of beeping ringtones. It was the ringtone of an incoming message, and it sounded on numerous phones all at the same time, alerting the people in the class. The teacher feeling conscious about it, also checked his phone but upon noticing that there was none for him he immediately turned back to the students.

 

_Yah, didn’t I tell you guys to silence your phone while you’re in class?!_

 

The teacher yelled, looking in incredulousness at how everyone was bowing their head down to look their phones all at the same time.

 

Except me.

 

I could only wonder what was happening, checking my own phone but noting no message alert on it.

 

Suppressed giggles and laughters sounded. The eyes had now returned to me as I noticed them stealing glances at me amusedly.

 

Why the sudden attention towards me?

 

The girl who sat in front of me was discreetly looking back at me, shoulders shaking with laughter. I looked at the guy beside me and he was eyeing me with with a half-disbelieving half-disgusted expression.

 

What is this weird feeling… As if the message had something to do with me…

 

I worried my lower lip, feeling that similar stare of everyone that bored through me from every direction, displaying a range of emotions from pity, amusement to pure disgust.

 

“Didn’t know you were like that, Park Jihoon.” The guy who sat beside me mumbled, trying to be subtle with his effort to put more distance from me but failing.

 

“What are you talking about?” I asked him with a serious voice, frowning heavily.

 

He was hesitant, but as I probed him he finally relented with a non-too-willing look. “Look for yourself.” Sighing, he showed me his phone. I leaned in with nervousness to read what the message was all about.

 

_Fun fact:_

_Park Jihoon was absent from school every week because he was too busy fucking different men to get some pocket money._

 

A cold chill ran through my whole body then, paralyzing me as I stared at each and every words with a shocking disbelief.

 

I was still unable to register them in my mind even after the guy had pulled his phone away from me. The lie was too much for me to swallow.

 

Even if you’re gonna fabricate a lie, don’t you think this is a bit too much……

 

I dropped my gaze to my lap where my clenched fists laid. So that was why everyone was looking at me strangely since the moment I entered the class this morning...

 

Soyoung had exposed me.

 

The teacher resumed calling the rest of the names in the attendance. When I lifted my head up, I caught the look that Soyoung had sent my way. The look that said everything. _…How does it feel to be humiliated, Park Jihoon? You deserved everything that is thrown to your face._

__

“Choi Soyoung!”

 

The teacher called out. Soyoung turned back to the front of the class with a smile, happily replying. _Yes, teacher!_

 

This was just the beginning afterall.

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for discrimination issue and sexual harassment in this chapter.
> 
> there's a few more chapters left, hope you stick with me till the end :)

 

_There’s a rumour that goes on that Park Jihoon’s gay…_

_Really?_

_…Now that I think of it, it kind of makes sense. That’s why he never has any girlfriend. With that kind of look yet no girlfriend, something is definitely wrong._

_Yeah, but who would’ve thought…_

 

The next few days more or less went the same way. With this kind of talk floating around behind my back. Some of them tried to be subtle, but some of them not too much. I faced with an uncomfortable situation for another time as I sat at my table during break time, able to listen to everything the girls were saying as they stayed back to eat their lunches together.

 

Losing appetite, I put on my earphones and increased the volume of the music. It had always been a good method to drown the scarring noises of this merciless reality. I had adopted this tendency to succumb myself in the world where only serene melody resided when reality became too much to handle.

 

I closed my eyes to the lulling melody and fell asleep. But it must’ve been not too long because I was awakened again soon by a touch on my shoulder. Blinking my bleary eyes open, I lifted my head up to see Daniel looking down at me.

 

“Hi.” He smiled. The one and only person that made instant comfort wash all over me was standing in front of me, and I wondered briefly if this was just a figment of my dream that formed as a result of longing for his presence.

 

When it spoke another time, I knew it wasn’t just a dream then.

 

“Slept well?” He leisurely dropped to the empty seat in front of me and turned back fully to face me.

 

“Yeah…” My mouth felt dry as I answered him.

 

“Hungry?”

 

I wondered why it felt so heavy to talk to him all of a sudden.

 

“Not really.”

 

With the examination date so close, it was rare to have hyung visiting me in class during lunch break. These days I also tried to lessen the time looking for him because I knew he would be busy studying. I didn’t want to bother his concentration when there was less than 3 weeks left till his SAT.

 

Yet, I couldn’t deny that I felt really happy that he took his time off just to see me.

 

“How about hyung? Hungry?”

 

Daniel scratched the back of his head while grinning sheepishly. “Yeah, a little.”

 

“Then I’ll go and eat with you.”

 

A wide smile immediately adorned his features. It was obvious to me then that he wanted my company. He went out of the class first, I lagged behind for a moment to grab some money for food. As I walked out of the class, I noticed the girls who were staring at us before started to whisper again.

 

_Could Daniel sunbae be…_

_Yah, that’s not possible. He dated Soyoung before-_

_But… don’t you feel that something is off with the two of them? You know Park Jihoon never really cared to interact with anyone before…but suddenly now he is talking to Daniel sunbae so nicely…_

_Yah, even if they are friendly with each other, it doesn’t mean that Daniel sunbae swings that way too._

_What if he does?_

_…..._

_Impossible!!!! I’d rather not imagine it-_

__

The excited chats of the girls filtered into my hearing as I stood quietly outside the door. Daniel who was waiting from a distance noticed the delay. With a frown, he retraced his steps back to me and asked. _What’s wrong?_ I snapped out from my daze and quickly shook my head, gaining back my composure. _Nothing, let’s go._

 

Despite that, the girls’ voices which continued to ring incessantly in my ears bugged me.

 

There was a sinking realization that accompanied it.

 

Daniel will receive the collateral damage if he continued to be seen with me.

 

The damage which was supposed to be burdened by me and me alone wasn’t supposed to affect him as well. I can’t let this problem distract him, especially not when he was in the midst of preparing for his exam.

 

We bought some food and drinks and brought them together with us to the rooftop. He opened the pack of rice rolls and started gobbling them up in a fast pace. Despite all these worrying thoughts in my head a few minutes ago, I broke into laughter at the sight of him. _You’re lying when you said you’re only a little hungry._ I continued to watch in amusement as he proceeded to munch on a sardine sandwich next.

 

I sucked on the straw of my banana milk, unaware of the smile that had plastered to my face the whole time I was observing me.  

 

Kang Daniel is precious to me.

 

As how you had saved me, I should also save you now.

 

“Hyung.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“It’ll be okay to not visit me during break time.” Actually please just avoid coming to see me whenever we are in school…

 

“Why?”

 

“Hyung should focus on studies while in school. Seeing me will just distract you.”

 

“But I want to see you.” He responded without a lag.

 

“...You can still see me at home. It’s not like we are going to be separated the whole day.” I tried to reason with a firm voice.

 

“I know, but I missed you sometimes.” Daniel answered to everything smoothly and with a face that held no embarrassment at all.  

 

At that, I faltered a little. “…If that’s the case, then you can just message me.”

 

 _Won’t that distract me too, anyways?_ Daniel laughed at my reddened face then, ruffling my hair. _Yeah, I admit you’re distracting. But in a really good…sweet way._ His lips curled into a slow smile towards the end as he gradually leaned in close.

 

The mood felt right to kiss. But the thought that nagged me at the back of my mind was more overpowering. Due to that, I couldn’t control my hands which held onto his shoulders, preventing him from coming closer.

 

Looking down, I muttered in a small voice. _Not here._ The fact that anyone could come in through that door anytime and saw us made me wary. If that happened, Daniel’s image would be destroyed in that very second.

 

I was already damaged, but Daniel was still clean. I wanted to keep it that way.

 

“I’m sorry, hyung…”

 

Daniel stared at me in silence for a while, before he shook his head and smiled. “No, it’s my fault. You’re right, we probably should be more careful in school.” He leaned back on his hand and savoured the view of the bright blue sky above.

 

We stayed like that for a few more minutes, in silence, until the bell rang.

 

* * *

 

 

Since that day, Daniel didn’t come to see me anymore during breaks.

 

I felt it was better this way.

 

Since that day, things also had gradually worsened. The situation in class especially. I who used to be invisible in class the whole time was now gaining so much unnecessary attention. There simply wasn’t a day when they would leave me alone.

 

“Who’s the one supposed to rub off the blackboard today?” The Math teacher asked upon her arrival into the class. She was known to be strict, moody and hated to waste time on trivial matters. Therefore even this slight holdup irritated her.

 

Everyone kept quiet, no one dared to answer. Even the person on duty was also keeping quiet in the corner.

 

“No one is admitting?” The teacher looked intimidating as she stood in front of the class with her arms crossed and eyes sharply darting to each faces.

 

“...”

 

“If no one’s going to answer, I’ll have to punish the whole class.”

 

In the end, someone in the middle said.

 

“Park Jihoon, what are you doing? Hurry up and rub off the blackboard.”

 

Immediately, everyone’s eyes were on me. Hearing that, the teacher also followed to shoot a sharp glare at me.

 

…But it was Soyoung’s turn today.

 

Alas, those heavy gazes were pressuring me, making me unable to say anything in defense.

 

I slowly got up from my seat and walked to the front of the class to rub off the blackboard.

 

“Park Jihoon, it would be better if you be a little more responsible with what was assigned to you.” She berated me. I could only swallow the wrongful accusations quietly.

 

Due to her mood that was soured because of the incident, I was aimed and became the person who had to answer all her questions when no one knew the answer. Because I had been bad with Maths since from the very beginning, I couldn’t answer most of her questions. As a consequence, her mood became worse and she decided to give only me extra exercises to do and warned me to send those on her table before class start the next day.

 

That night, I spent the whole night awake trying to solve the extra 20 questions she gave me aside from completing my other homework.

 

For the next few days, similar things like these continued. I somehow became the scapegoat whenever something unwanted happened and no one wanted to admit their mistakes. The scoldings I received from the teachers became increasing in amount, and I had to stay back in school till late evening sometimes to carry out their punishment.

 

At the same time, the rumour continued to spread, reaching the ears of the other sophomores and freshmen. Whenever I walked in the hallways, there was this distinct feeling of being watched with contempt from every side. Sometimes the guys made dirty jokes on me and tried to touch me.

 

_Didn’t they say you’re gay? You wouldn’t mind being touched a little by guys, right?_

_Maybe he only allows if you pay him._

_Then will you let me touch you if I pay you?_

 

Vulgar jokes like that were commonly made to me recently. Some guys were even serious with their requests when they offered me real money to do what they wanted. _You’re really pretty, I can just easily imagine you as a girl while you suck me off._

__

Crazy bastards… Even if you paid me a million won, I still wouldn’t kneel down between your legs.

 

My once quiet peaceful schooldays were gone as they were replaced with daily routine of having to fend off guys like that. Sometimes, I’d have notes in my locker written with obscene words that described explicitly of the sexual acts that they wanted to do with me.

 

It became quite scary for me then. Due to that, I kept my guard up the whole time, fearing if I let myself defenseless for even a moment I might get assaulted out of nowhere. The constant need to always be alert on my feet in school made me unable to eat my meals properly. As a result, my gastritis started acting up again these days.

 

That afternoon, I felt the pain in my stomach became too unbearable to handle. The pain made me unable to focus with the lesson, eventually I felt it was useless to stay in class any further. Raising my hand up, I asked to be excused to the nurse’s office with the reason of feeling unwell. The teacher noted my pale face and gave me his consent.

 

I went out of the class clutching onto my stomach, trying to bear the sharp piercing pain.

 

The nurse office was located in the next building, therefore I had to cross an open hallway which connected the main school building to the other building. Halfway through, I stumbled upon a group of guys who were hanging around a water fountain nearby.

 

There were three of them and they were also sophomores like me. I recognized them because their  names were often called out by the teachers during assembly. Not for good achievements, but due to  their misconducts, and one of them is skipping classes. Which was exactly what they were doing at the moment. However, the thought of whether they were skipping or not were the least of my care. Especially when my mind was fully distracted by this pain in my stomach which was becoming more severe with each passing minutes.

 

They stopped talking when they saw me. I kept my head down and ignored them, but they seemed to have other plans. One of them stepped in front of me and obstructed my path.

 

“You aren’t thinking of reporting us to the teachers, aren’t you?”

 

I was always the type to mind my own business, therefore it was nowhere near my intention to even think of reporting and disrupt their peace. I shook my head, excusing myself as I tried to go past him. But he held onto my arm and pulled me back again.

 

From the look on his face, it seemed like he had other intention in his mind for stopping me.

 

 _It’s Park Jihoon. The one we were talking about earlier._ He gestured to his other two friends who were watching the scene from afar. Surprise registered on their face.

 

_What? That’s him? The one with the gay rumours?_

_I never saw his face before. Did you say he’s the same age as us?_

__

The two other guys who just knew of my identity then started flocking around me. I started to become the center of their attention. With a lewd gaze, the tallest one among them inspected me from head to toe.

 

_But his face is really pretty. It makes me feel less guilty to hit on him._

_What the fuck? Are you coming out of the closet now?_

_You can’t deny that he is pretty though…probably prettier than my girlfriend._

_Oh, I’m so gonna tell your girlfriend that you said that._ As the other two continued bickering with each other, the tallest one remained staring at me with a glint in his eyes. He waved the other two for attention when an idea struck him.

__

_Yah, let’s have some fun with him. We have nothing much to do anyways._

__

Among the other misconducts that they were famous of besides skipping school was getting into fights with people. I started to fear for my safety then, trying to pry myself away when they held onto both my arms.

 

Despite my protest, they insisted their grip on me and dragged me all the way to the restroom nearby while laughing. Upon getting me inside, they backed me into a corner, closing around me like predators waiting to devour their prey. The tall guy lifted my chin up, to which I quickly recoiled away with aversion.

 

_If we focus on just the face alone, we probably can get off from it._

 

There was a brief silence that lingered as the other two processed the meaning behind the tall guy’s words.

 

_…Are you serious?_

_Why not? I’m getting horny because he keeps looking at me with those moist eyes. I swear he looks as if he’s begging me to fuck him._

__

Now it’s starting to get out of hand. I knew when to run when the situation called for it. And right now it seemed to border into that dangerous line.

 

I tried to escape through the slight gap between their crowding bodies, but they immediately caught onto my intention and pushed me back to the wall.

__

_Why do you look so afraid? Didn’t they say that you fucked with many other men before too? So you must be used to this, don’t you?_

 

The tall guy remained to be the most persistent. His hand started touching my waist, face getting close to mine. __Please don’t do this…__  Despite my clear disapproval, he paid no heed to it and continued to close the distance between us. A pang of nausea hit me at the sensation of his breath that ghosted on my skin then.

 

I reflexively shoved him away with my whole strength, triggered by the desperate need to create a distance between us as much as possible.

 

Not expecting the sudden push, the guy lost his balance and was sent sprawling pathetically to the floor. His two other friends quietly snickered in the background which only made the tall guy grew red from humiliation.

__

_What are you two doing just standing there?! Hold him down!_ He barked out in anger.

 

They grumbled in a small voice saying that _we probably shouldn’t go too far,_ but it seemed that the tall guy was the leader among them so they immediately shut their mouth at his glare, relenting to his instruction in the end. They held onto my wrists and pulled them behind my back. I struggled with all my might to get them off but I couldn’t level with the combined strength of two people. When I tried to shout for help, a hand had immediately clasped onto my mouth to muffle my voice.

 

The tall guy unraveled the tie from my collar, using it to bound my two wrists behind. After he got me restrained, he muttered into my ear. _You’re powerless against the three of us, so it’d be better not to struggle._ He pulled up my chin and tried to get his face close to me again. Suddenly in a panic, I shook my head fervently. A sudden rush of adrenaline dominated me and I used this newfound strength to release myself from them. However the attempt only succeeded for a few seconds because they caught me again. Throwing me to the sink, I half-fell on it with my upper body laying on top of it. A hand fisted my hair and pulled me up. The reflection on the mirror displayed my face which was on the verge of tears due to the shame. The tall guy buried his face into the junction of my neck while inhaling deeply in lust. A sickening shudder coursed throughout my whole body at his action, causing the hair at the back of my neck to raise. _You can’t do this. Please stop-_

 

Amidst my pleas of help, a voice echoed through.

 

“What are you kids doing here?”

 

I looked up to the appalled face of the elderly man who had just appeared through the door.

 

It was the school janitor who usually came to clean the place after school.

 

Getting an idea on what was going on, the janitor yelled at the guys and told them to resolve the fight at once. _You dirty scums, what are you doing to that boy?!_ He swung the broomstick in his hand towards the guys as if he was ready to hit them.

 

Alarmed, the guys realized that they had been discovered.  

 

“If you don’t scram in the next minute, I’ll call the teacher to take care of your sorry selves!”

 

At the warning, the guys loosened their hold on me immediately. My knees buckled and I fell onto the floor. Even after they fled from the scene, I continued to shake due to the residual fear that was left in my system. The old man quickly came to my side to check on me. _Are you okay, kid?_  He loosened the tight binds on my wrist while giving me a sympathetic look. _Those scums, how could they do this to you…_

__

I didn’t want to imagine what would happen if the janitor had come a minute later. _Thank you, ahjusshi…_ My wrist felt sore, and there were red marks left on the skin there from the restraint earlier. I continued thanking the old janitor for saving me, but he only patted my shoulder comfortingly in reply, still looking apologetic for what had happened to me. He encouraged me to hurry back home because school was already over.

 

I followed his advice, and hurried back to the classroom.

 

My bag was the only one left in the classroom. I sat down on my chair and tried to calm myself down. The trembling still hadn’t stop so I couldn’t get myself to collect the books on the table without letting them fall. My mind kept replaying the thought of what would happen if the janitor hadn’t come to save me in time. I was used to the feeling of pain from enduring beatings. Although it made me feel miserable, but compared to this- compared to this terrible feeling of nausea which constantly threatened to rush out the whole time I was being touched while being rendered helpless physically… this felt the worst.

 

After the trembles lessened a little, I took out my phone. There were three messages from Daniel and a missed call. The first and second message had a 10 minutes interval between each other, and the third message was sent 5 minutes after the second one. I opened and read all the three messages.

 

_Jihoon-ah, go home first without me. I’ll be in the library studying._

_No reply?_

_Park Jihoon. What’s wrong? Why aren’t you replying? You usually don’t take this long to reply to me._

The missed call was a minute after the third message.

 

It had been 5 minutes since the missed call.

 

Before I could think of what to do, a call came in. It was Daniel calling again. I pressed the call button immediately and put the phone close to my ear, feeling a sudden strong longing to hear your voice.

 

 _Jihoon-ah._ Your voice which called my name poured into my ears and flooded me with a familiar comfort. I suppressed the urge to sob.

 

_Why didn’t you pick up my calls? Did something happen?_

_“…”_

_Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?_

 

My gaze dropped onto the red marks on my wrists. The marks had yet to fade… but I noticed that the trembles were miraculously gone. Your voice had that much calming effect on me.

 

“...I had a stomachache. I went to rest in the nurse’s office then fell asleep until now. Sorry for not noticing your messages.”

 

_Does it still hurt? I’ll go to the nurse’s office now-_

 

I heard the scraping sound of a chair in the background. I quickly interfered before Daniel could make another move. “Ah, hyung, you don’t need to do that. It doesn’t hurt anymore. Besides, I’m about to head home now.”

 

_I’ll go home with you._

 

“Ah, hyung, really, I’ll be okay by my own.” _Don’t you have to go to a study group today?_

 

There seemed to be a moment of contemplation from Daniel as I was met with a brief silence from the other end.

 

_Are you sure?_

__

“Yes.” I affirmed, smiling eventhough I knew you couldn’t see it.

 

_…Okay, then. But you should hurry home and get some rest. Don’t forget to get something to eat too._

__

“Okay.”

__

_Then I’ll see you later tonight, Jihoon-ah._

 

“See you later, hyung…”

 

The call ended.

 

I heaved off a sigh, still staring at the screen eventhough the lights had long fade. There was undeniably a heavy feeling that pressed me because I had to keep things out of your knowledge. I was also having a hard time going through it, but everytime I was reminded that you were here for me the sense of courage was renewed in me.

 

As long as you remained by my side, I can bear with it…just a little more, just a little longer.

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

DANIEL’S POV

 

Less than 3 weeks until SAT. Everyone in the class was hard at work, studying, discussing with the teachers, making study groups. The whole class was in an all out productive learning environment. It was something that was normally seen in the seniors’ class in the month of examination.

 

I was influenced by the environment and started to put extra effort towards studying myself. Joining study groups, spending long hours for discussion on certain topic, time passed by without myself realizing. With that, the time with Jihoon also became less and less. Jihoon understood my situation though, and even told me that it was okay not to come and see him at class. It was so that that I can fully focus on studies. Thinking that he was also worried for me, I listened to him and stayed only in class and in the library the whole time at school.

 

It was only at home that I managed to see him again. But sometimes when I returned home, he would already be asleep on the bed, exhausted eventhough it was just 9pm. These days, the times when I had seen him falling asleep early seemed to have become more and more frequent. It looked like school had drained him out a lot recently. Therefore there wasn’t that much chance to talk nor catch up with him.

 

Today was the same. I arrived home at 8pm, but the house was already quiet. I saw the food on the table, and fed a few spoons to my mouth before my interest shifted to upstairs, bringing my legs to my room.

 

I opened the door to my room. The lights was still on, but Jihoon was already laying on the bed deeply asleep.

 

I sat at the bed’s edge, looking down at the sleeping boy. He seemed tired enough to still be uninterrupted from sleep despite all the noise I made. The window beside the bed was opened, and a cold night breeze drifted in to lightly play with his hair.

 

I stroked his head affectionately. There was still the slight pang of guilt in me at the fact that I didn’t accompany him home earlier. Earlier, he was having gastritis again and he told me that he had to go and rest in the nurse’s office the whole afternoon. When I knew about it, I really wanted to cancel my plan to join the study group and just go home with him. But he insisted that I shouldn’t worry.

 

I sifted my fingers gently through his hair again, silently reveling in the softness while my mind started to turn with thoughts. Did you take the medications like I told you to? Have you eaten before going to sleep? What have you been up to these days? Were you so busy that you had to skip meals? All these questions ran in my mind, wanting to be voiced out. But I couldn’t possibly wake you up when you looked so tired like this.

 

Therefore, I simply got myself contented just watching you sleep these past few days.

 

I was pulling the covers over your body because I was worried you might be cold, but my attention was diverted when I saw something out of the corner of my eyes. I frowned, squinting my eyes as I leaned down to get a proper look at it, my hand holding your wrist up slightly to my eye level.

 

Though it was already almost faded, but there was an unmistakable red marks that marred the pale skin of your wrists.

 

The frown seemed to have settled permanently on my features then as another set of questions of different concern ran rampant in my head. What had happened to you while I was away?

 

You remained sleeping deeply, but I on the other hand was bothered by the thought of you and that marks on your wrist. Even after I decide to detach myself from your bedside 10 minutes later, my mind remained stuck on it.

 

I switched off the lights, opened my table lamp and tried to shift my focus to the opened book in front of me. I spent about half an hour trying to indulge in what I was reading, but I realized that it was futile because none got absorbed into my mind. Still I continued to read, thinking that if I tried hard enough I could probably forgot what I just see for a while. But definitely tomorrow I will need to have a little talk with you.

 

As I forced myself to concentrate a little longer, I found myself finally able to push back that bothering thought into the back of my mind. I spent a few more hours like that reading into the night.

 

Until my concentration was broken when I heard the sound of whimpering.

 

I looked behind me, and saw Jihoon’s body which was restlessly thrashing around on the bed sending the covers around him to rustle every so often. His face was beading with sweat despite the cold night, and soft whimpers were escaping his lips every few minutes.

 

I abandoned the book on my table and perched myself at the edge of the bed again.

 

I could tell he was having a nightmare.

 

It was not uncommon. Since the day he started living with me, there were a few nights where I witnessed him like this, restless and whimpering in a similar way, lips murmuring incoherency but along it some decipherable words could be caught. They were usually words expressing his pain, reflecting the nightmare that haunted him. And from there I could tell that it was a nightmare of his uncle hurting him again.

 

I had religiously taken the role of being his comfort whenever that happened. Getting into the bed with him, cocooning his whole body within my arms securely while whispering soothing comfort into his ears.

 

Today wasn’t that much different. Doing the same as I brought him in my arms and stroked the back of his head, whispering _its okay, it’s just a nightmare_  into his ears. Though I felt that it was taking a little longer than usual for him to calm down this time. And the nightmare that he was having seemed to not be the same nightmare that he had in the past other nights.

 

_Please don’t touch me…_

 

My movements halted.

 

_Please stop… Please don’t…_

 

The pleas fell from his lips, at the same time a tear slipped past his lashes and trailed down his cheek.

 

…

 

So something did happen to you.

 

My hand that had grabbed onto your wrist tightened without realizing. In the midst of the white hot anger that consumed my mind, I barely registered that I was hurting you.

 

You got woken up with a whimper of pain on your lips. _Hyung, it hurts…_

 

I looked down at you, loosening my grip on your wrist but I still couldn’t suppress the anger in me.

 

Park Jihoon, what is it that you’re not telling me right now? I thought I had clearly told you to tell me if something happened.

 

That was why I felt that something was off with you these days.

 

Was the reason why you were so tired everyday because of this too?

 

“Park Jihoon.”

 

Jihoon who had completely woken up by now tensed at my cold voice. I continued to look at him with a hardened expression.

 

“Do you have something you need to tell me?”

 

“...?”

 

“If there’s anything I need to know, I want you to tell me right now.”

 

“I don’t understand…There’s nothing…”

 

I lifted up his wrists and asked him. _What’s this about then?_

 

Jihoon wasn’t really good at hiding his feelings in the first place. It showed clearly through his face that he was panicking. Darting his eyes to everywhere but me, he looked as if he was trying to find an excuse in that few seconds of delay. _Ah, this_... _It’s just my friends…they were pulling a prank on me earlier in school._ Your nonchalant expression looked forced. Do you think I can’t see through you?

 

_Ah, hyung! Why are you being so serious? I’m telling you it’s really nothing! You know how they can go overboard with their prank sometimes._

__

I remained unconvinced. The silence lingered awkwardly when I opted not to say anything in reply.

 

_…I’m going back to sleep. Hyung, you should go to sleep soon, too._

__

He turned his body away from me as he laid back on the bed. I sat silently at the edge of the bed, still frowning.

 

For the nextfew days, I tried to be more attentive to him. However, he seemed to develop this habit of avoiding me after what happened that night. He still continued to sleep early at night, so there was not much chance to talk with him after I got back home from school. In the mornings when we walked to school together, I took the chance to ask him again but he still resolutely insisted that it was nothing so the conversation took a frustrating turn for me each time.

 

Due to the gradually accumulating frustration, I felt the stress peaking up these days. Jisung hyung called me one day, asking if I wanted to have a drink and I agreed without hesitation.

 

It had been so long since the last time I had a drink with Jisung. Ever since Jihoon came to live with me, I had been rejecting the older man’s offer to go out and drink. So I had been feeling guilty for a while now for skipping out on him. Besides right now I really needed the relief that the alcohol usually provides me whenever something is bothering my mind.

 

It was during one of the weekdays, when the night was still early. He had invited me while I was in the library studying. It was a minute’s decision. I packed up my books and went ahead without much thought.

 

The place to meet was at Jisung’s house. I took a couple minutes of walk from the library to arrive at his house.

 

When I reached there, I saw two other guests that I didn’t expect. Woojin and Jaehwan.

 

“The two of you were also invited?”

 

“Nope. We barged in without consent.” Woojin grinned toothily, ignoring Jisung who was sighing as he took his seat back near the table.

 

“They told me that they wanted to try drinking.” He continued to add about how he was going to jail for all these minors that were gathering to drink in his house. _Please hyung, we know you hardly care about that. You’ve been having Daniel hyung as your drinking buddy since he was, what, 17?_ Woojin chided.

 

 _Yeah, but at least he knows how to take care of himself. The two of you on the other hand are definitely worrisome._  Despite what he said, he started distributing the cups for everyone around the table.

 

“Hyung. Give the strongest one for me! I can bear it, I have high tolerance.” Jaehwan proudly announced while pushing his chest forward and hitting it with his fist. To which an incredulous-looking Jisung retaliated. _What tolerance are you talking about when it’s just your first time drinking-_

 

I would usually join in together with their conversation, but I couldn’t help but to be distracted by the sight of the bandage on Woojin’s forehead and the few small healing wounds on his cheeks and chin.

 

“...Woojin-ah, what happened to your face?” Frowning, I voiced out the question that had been on my mind since my arrival. It was impossible not to ask when the face looked like it had just came out from some sort of a horrible disaster.

 

A scowl started to form on Woojin’s face as if he was reminded of something unpleasant.

 

“He got into a fight with someone in school.” Jaehwan answered for Woojin. “It actually started because of something that was really petty. Woojin accidentally bumped into the guy, and the guy demanded apology from him. But Park Woojin being the stubborn guy he is, had to stupidly choose to stand up against the guy instead of apologizing.” Woojin scowled even more, muttering. _It’s because that guy was demanding it from me in such a rude way._

__

Jisung seemed to have heard about the whole story before this judging from his calm appearance. This second time hearing it, he didn’t hold back giving his own opinion. _It’s just a small matter, you still could’ve just apologized instead of getting yourself in a bigger trouble. Look at you now._

 

Jaehwan continued. “So I had to call the teacher to stop the fight between two of them. Luckily, the teacher arrived before Woojin suffered more damage.”

 

“I could’ve easily won over him if he’s alone. It was an unfair fight. Come on, 4:1?” _Despite it being 4:1 I still could get a few punches on his face._ Woojin cackled with satisfaction. _Yah, just be glad that you didn’t get beaten up to a pulp by them. You know how powerful his gang is in our school._ Jaehwan sighed.

 

“Who is this you’re talking about?” I asked, purely out of curiosity.

 

“Cha Youngjin. That guy who Woojin got into a fight with, is also the leader of the strongest gang in our school.” Jaehwan continued to explain that people avoid the guy in school, because he was bad news wherever he goes. He had gotten into countless fights before, and kept getting into trouble with the teachers because of his behaviour. People fear him, but apparently not Woojin. _Of course! If I get the chance to have a fair fight with him, I’d willingly go up against him again!_

The fiery passion of Woojin was immediately snuffed out by Jaehwan’s freezing response. _There you go with that suicidal thinking again. I’m not going to save you if there’s another second time._

__

_Who asked for you to save me?! You can’t even save yourself!_

_Yah, what did you just say?! You ungrateful brat-_

__

As the two continued bickering in the background, Jisung shifted his attention back to me.

 

“That guy, Cha Youngjin, he caused a scene at our cafe once.”

 

“What?” I was surprised at the sudden revelation.

 

“It was a year ago though, before the three of you started working there. We were about to close. That guy was hanging out in front of our cafe with his gang. Because it was disrupting, Ms. Kim asked for them to leave, but that bastard Cha Youngjin hit her instead. I got furious and ended up in a fight with him. Then a patrolling police officer saw us and went to stop the fight. We had to go to the police station to explain ourselves after that.”

 

Hearing the story, I began thinking that this Cha Youngjin was seriously bad news if he could even rile up Jisung hyung who is known to be patient.

 

The night grew older, and the number of soju bottles that got emptied gradually begin to increase in number. Since Jisung hyung and I had been drinking together for quite a while now, so our tolerance were much higher compared to the two new beginners. In the end found the two of us still managing through sober while the other two were already passed out on the table.

 

With only the two of us left to our ownselves, Jisung suddenly sparked a conversation about Jihoon.

 

“Did you get into a fight with Jihoon?”

 

I was caught offguard.

 

“What makes you say that?”

 

“No, its just that during work last weekend I noticed the two of you didn’t talk to each other much.”

 

It had probably been a week since that night that we started to grow distant. That contributed mainly to the reason why I was feeling so frustrated. It seemed that the interaction between us had become restrained due to the lingering unresolved conflict between us. I was thinking that as long as Jihoon remained stubborn by not telling me anything, I will also be stubborn by not indulging him.

 

But I couldn’t deny that all these restrictions were frustrating to me.

 

There was as if an unspoken distance between us as we maintained a certain radius from each other and carried out conversations that felt uncomfortably awkward.

 

“Yeah. We got into a fight.”

 

“Why? What happened?”

 

“Just some stuffs he’s being stubborn with…”

 

Jisung analyzed me for a moment, before he spoke again this time with a knowing smile.

 

“Well, I know that you dislike that he’s being stubborn… But its more obvious to me that you’re more bothered by the fact that your relationship felt strained at the moment… so why don’t you make the first move to ease the air between the two of you?”

 

“How?”

 

“For starters, you can try giving him a kiss.”

 

“W-What?” I couldn’t help but to stutter, flustered at Jisung’s suggestion.

 

Wait a minute, does that mean that Jisung hyung knows that Jihoon and I have a lover’s relationship? My thoughts were said aloud, and I realized it only a second too late.

 

Jisung chuckled. “Yes, of course I know, Niel-ah.”

 

“But…how did you know?”

 

“It doesn’t feel like friendship when I see the two of you interact anyways. Plus, I was also there listening to the conversation between Jihoon and the other girl that day.”

 

I exhaled loudly, covering my face which was red at the moment not due to alcohol. Jisung had always been the one to hear about my relationship problems before. But back then, I could talk to him about it freely because they were all problems on my relationship with girls. I was actually still unsure how to break it out to Jisung that I was having a relationship with Jihoon, because I didn’t know how Jisung would react towards my newfound preference. Therefore, I couldn’t talk to Jisung whenever I had problem with Jihoon all these while.

 

But Jisung had beaten me to it and found out by himself first. As I had mentioned before, this hyung really caught on things fast. There was no way to hide from him.

 

“Does the other two know too…?”

 

“Woojin was also there when Jihoon and that girl were talking before this, so I guess he also more or less has an idea. I’m not sure about Jaehwan, though. But probably knowing Woojin, he must’ve told Jaehwan.”

 

Ah…I buried my face in my hands again.

 

“Niel-ah, don’t worry. The three of us aren’t the kind of people who’ll discriminate. You’re our friend, and we are perfectly fine with whoever you’re with as long as you’re happy. And for me, I’d always be here to support you whenever you need it.” Jisung smiled, patting my shoulder to assure me of his sincere intention.

 

I slowly lifted my reddened face up, not knowing what else to say but a small thanks. Jisung merely laughed in response.

 

“So my first sentence of support for you will be: Don’t be stubborn yourself, and follow what your heart wants to do at the moment.” _Make it up to Jihoon. That kid loves you a lot._

 

I went home after Jisung assured me that he can take care of the two passed out kids in his living room.

 

Upon entering the house, I noticed the quietness. Already thinking that you might be asleep in the room, I moved to go upstairs. But along the way, I caught the sight of you sleeping on the sofa, curled up in an uncomfortable position.

 

I wanted to know why you weren’t sleeping on the bed like usual, but felt it would be too trivial to get you awake just for that. Though I couldn’t help but to feel that you were waiting for me to come back.

 

I carefully lifted you up in my arms, and carried your weight the whole way to the room. When I laid you on the bed, your lashes fluttered open, revealing sleepy eyes that had yet to register my presence.

 

“Why didn’t you sleep on the bed…” My voice was barely above a whisper.

 

You blinked a few more times, slow and as if intentionally trying to lure me in.

 

Jisung hyung was right. I was more bothered at the fact that we were so restricted around each other these few days. And now that I decided to listen to his advice, I didn’t want to hold back this urge of wanting to kiss you anymore.

 

I brushed my lips softly on yours. The contact setting the repressed butterflies in my stomach free. Your lower lip quivered a little, and I captured them between my lips and pulled on it gently. My fingers reached up to caress your face before moving up to sieve through your soft hair. Unlatching my lips only briefly from yours to let us some space to breathe before I pressed them back on yours, relishing in this longing for you. We parted for air only after a while.

 

“I’m sorry, hyung.” You whispered to me then, eyes downcasted.

 

I guessed we both had just been really stupid and stubborn to allow something like this to get in the way when we perfectly knew how much we yearned for each other.

 

"I'm sorry, too."

 

That night, I touched you without holding back, this time simply following my heart and what it wanted.

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual, you lovelies are sweet and supportive as always :) today im updating also because of everyone's kind motivating words. eventhough some of you have no ao3 account, but you still do your best to leave a comment. i really appreciate it. thank you so much till now.
> 
> also there are still a few unresolved issues needed to be dealt with, probably this will extend a little past 30 chapters...><;; and the story will continue to pick up in pace.

JIHOON’S POV

 

My body shivered from coldness in the morning. I woke up feeling acutely aware of my own nakedness as the shifting covers rustled against my bare skin.

 

Blinking my eyes open a few times, I made out the familiar environment of Daniel’s room, his bed that I laid on and the window beside that was opened with morning lights filtering in. My hand reached to touch the spot beside me unconsciously, noticing the absence of the familiar warmth that I held onto last night.

 

With a mind that was gradually getting more awake, I started remembering little bits and pieces of what happened from last night till this morning.

 

The memories of his sizzling touches that burnt all over my skin, his lips that sought for me greedily stealing my whole breath away, his eager hands that wandered without restrain, caressing me and hauling me to the peak of pleasure together countless times. There was also the remaining dull vague pain which stung my backside, making itself known with each movements I made.

 

I slipped my legs out from the cover, sitting at the side of the bed.

 

The mattress below where Daniel used to sleep was also empty. I wracked my mind as if I was forgetting something.

 

__“_ Jihoon…” _

_“…”_

_“Jihoon-ah…” There was a vivid feeling of a hand gently stroking my head. An eye gingerly creaked open in response._

_“…?”_

_“Hyung will go to school a little earlier today. Need to deal with some exam matters.”_

_“…Um.” I could vaguely remember responding to him and registering his face which was looking down at me with a soft smile._

_“Hyung will go now…You can sleep more, there’s an hour left to wake up.” The hand continued stroking my head._

_His soothing touch was lulling me back to sleep. My eyelids were almost closed when I felt a soft kiss pressed to my forehead, his fleeting voice filtering into my ears. “Take care when going out later… I love you.”_

__

After that, everything was a blur. I probably fell asleep again as soon as he had left through the door. Eventhough he had left, his essence remained embedded within me still. Clinging stubbornly to my body even after I got under the shower and let the water run through.

 

Just like that, I went to school with the scent of him lingering all over me.

 

The walk to school was full of self-consciousness as I kept on fixing the collar of my shirt, trying to make sure that the bite marks on my neck were safely shielded from view. I had just discovered these while looking in the mirror this morning. Daniel had been eager, hungry and excited the whole time, I was powerless to stop his desire of claiming every inch of my skin physically. I myself was too lost in the hazy lust that surrounded us the whole night that I could hardly remember him leaving all these marks on me.

 

As I proceeded my way to school, I realized I was earlier than usual this morning because there were not many students seen walking on the streets. I could probably take my time a little today.

 

Along the way, my phone chimed with a familiar tone. Recognizing the tone as an alert for new messages on my messenger, I took out my phone and tapped onto my messenger. The message was from Daniel. I tapped again to open his message.

 

_Are you on your way to school now?_

_Yes._ I typed the reply and sent it.

 

Immediately a sign indicating that Daniel was currently typing displayed itself on the screen. After a few seconds, another message from him came in.

 

_Sorry, you have to go to school alone today. The teacher wanted to meet me to have a talk on my future university choice._

 

I read the message quietly.

 

It was somewhat a custom that when you’re a senior you will have to go through this with the teacher. To have a talk on future career and university/college choice before graduating. Somehow eventhough we both knew that after a month you will leave high school, yet we never really talked about what you’re thinking of doing after that or where you wanted to go from there.

 

I felt this probably stemmed from my reluctance to talk about it, so I had been secretly avoiding from touching this topic. Because the mere thought of you leaving made my heart feel heavy.

 

I finally replied back after a while.

 

_It’s okay. How did it go?_

_Well, I just told her that my mind hasn’t changed from the choice I made in the beginning of the year. I’m still aiming to go to SNU._

_That SNU? Wa, that’s really awesome…_

__

SNU is the best university in our country, and is listed among the top ranking universities in the world. I knew hyung was an ambitious person, so I guess to choose SNU would be plausible... But, I didn’t know that he was aiming that high in the first place.

 

That also meant that we will have to be separated if he managed to get accepted.

 

_But hyung, what did you tell the teacher your career choice was?_

_Engineering._

_Ah, so hyung is interested in engineering?_

__

Hyung was good in maths and all those science-related subjects since from the very beginning. I guessed engineering does fit him well.

 

 _I believe hyung will be able to get in._ I added in a few cute emoticons to show that I was cheering him on. To get to SNU, you will need perfect grades and extracurricular achievements. Daniel is among the star students in our school, who is boasted to have impeccable school records so I had no qualms that he could get in if SNU is really where he aimed to go.

 

We chatted a little more while I walked to school. When the school gate became visible in my view, I messaged him saying that I’ll talk to him again later. Though he seemed to have something he still wanted to say to me, so I waited for him.

 

_Jihoon-ah,_

_Yeah?_

_Later…let’s meet up for lunch. I need to talk to you about last night._

 

The light-heartedness that accompanied our conversation earlier had disappeared, replaced with a sudden seriousness. I could tell that it had to be something important.

 

_Okay. I will see you during lunch time then._

__

I replied before tucking back my phone in my pocket.

 

About last night. I guessed there was no way out from it. Afterall, I had already apologized to Daniel last night for avoiding him all these while, and he is now probably expecting me to explain the reason behind it. He had wanted me to confess the truth for a week now, but because I was still struggling with my own dilemma thus I could only opt to avoid him during that period of time. Consequently, he started to distant himself from me as well, showing that he was upset and asking me if the reason I couldn’t tell him what happened is because I lacked trust in him…But it wasn’t because of that, hyung…It wasn’t because I didn’t trust you, I just didn’t want to get you involved in this…

 

Despite keeping on telling myself to not be swayed, day by day as the distance I felt between us became more and more prominent, dread and anxiety began creeping in. I had never really been in a real relationship before this, therefore the feeling of diving in without any firsthand knowledge of it always made me feel lost. I was afraid such a conflict might cause a permanent rift between us and I started thinking that I can’t keep up with this facade any longer. I witnessed how my resolution began to crumble from the edges as my longing for you grew. So I waited for you that night. You came back and I witnessed how you approached me first, touching me with tenderness, and showing me that you were equally longing for me as well, and I could only apologize to you for being so suffocating towards you all these while.

 

Therefore…if you want me to tell the truth later, I will do as you say.

 

As I emerged with this decision in my mind, my steps also became noticeably determined. This is probably how a relationship should be, now that I think about it. To want to carry the burden of your significant other selflessly, to want to share all the sadness and happiness together. Daniel knew the right thing to do and was trying to show this to me, but I who was naive to it was only causing problem to him by refusing to open up. I was at fault, and I was determined to say my apology towards him when we meet later.

 

From a distance, I saw the disciplinary teacher who is in charge of catching late students starting to walk out of the school building to head to the school gate. Fastening my pace, I was about to enter the school gate before I was stopped by the sight of someone I knew a few meters away from me.

 

It was Soyoung. She was walking with a guy trailing behind her. I didn’t recognize the guy. He was also wearing a different school uniform, so I assumed he was from another high school. The guy had blonde wild hair with multiple piercings on his ears, and a body that appeared toughened with bulk of muscles outlined tight through the school shirt. The manner of talking was brusque as he yelled after Soyoung.

 

“I told you to wait!”

 

It seemed that the guy was trying to have a talk with Soyoung but was ignored as the latter kept on walking ahead. Frustrated, he finally grabbed onto Soyoung’s arm to turn her around. Soyoung looked irritated as she tried to pry her arm off from his grip.

 

“What do you want from me now?!”

 

“Fuck, didn’t you listen to what I was saying before?!”

 

“I said it many times to you already… I’m not interested to be your girlfriend.”

 

“Don’t fucking play around with me, Choi Soyoung. You come to me first, wanting this and that from me, and now you wanna back off as you like?”

 

“So what? It’s not like I’m bound to you or something. It was mutual gratification. You should instead be grateful that I agreed to do it with you.”

 

Soyoung turned to walk again. But was stopped in her tracks when she caught me standing in front of the gate not far away. She looked even more irritated then, her face as if resently saying _did you hear what we were talking about?_

 

“The worst way ever to start the morning…” I caught the words that she muttered under her breath as she walked past me. Subsequently the guy was left ignored and could only kept shouting after her from outside the gate.

 

“Fucking bitch!” He spat out after she disappeared from view. Noticing me who was standing and staring at him, he barked out. “What the fuck are you looking at?” Before bumping into me roughly as he passed by fuming.

 

I didn’t know what to make out of the scene I just witnessed, so I merely continued my way into the school building quietly. Upon entering the class, my eyes went to Soyoung who was gathered around with her friends, happily talking and laughing as if nothing had happened earlier. When she noticed me, a dirty look crossed her face. Her other friends followed her line of vision and their eyes landed on me too, their expression similarly morphing into that of disgust and spitefulness. I avoided looking at them and made my way to the table.

 

Along the way, one of them picked up a paper from the table, crumpled it before throwing it to the back of my head.

 

_Yah Haewon-ah, why did you throw that to him?_

__

_Oh…I just thought its a passing rubbish bin!_ Sorry! Following Haewon’s ridiculous answer, laughters erupted throughout the class.

 

_As expected of Na Haewon, the best at being mean indeed._

__

_Oh no, I’m not!_ Their laughter continued on as the girl named Haewon resolutely refuted the title and went on to give out her own opinion who she thought was the meanest. The names that came out then were all the names that had either bullied or made fun or me one way or another.

 

A small sigh escaped my lips. I took the crumpled paper from the floor and threw it to the rubbish bin before sitting at my desk. Somehow I had gotten used to this depreciating acts that were conducted openly. The passing days had witnessed them become bolder and braver to do it in the open. It was probably due to the fact that the whole class had unanimously set me as a target, an outcast. Therefore regardless of how bad the things they did to me, it didn’t matter because no one would come to side with me.

 

Fortunately, the early morning classes started and proceeded rather uneventfully. I had hoped it would remain peaceful throughout the whole day, but something unwanted occurred later when it was PE time.

 

I knew that we had PE every Thursday. So I knew that I had brought my PE clothes with me this morning and put it in my locker. Yet, I realized that I couldn’t find my PE clothes in my locker despite turning the whole contents inside upside down. Even after I searched through my locker the third time, I still couldn’t see a trace of it anywhere.

 

Because being bullied had become such a routine, so the suspicion that it was another method of bullying naturally sparked itself in my mind. While everyone else had went off to change, I got back into the classroom and started searching the class, walking through everyone’s desks to peek for any sign of my hidden clothes.

 

“What are you doing looking under people’s table like that?”

 

A girl’s voice sounded from the front door of the class, jolting me up from the spot where I was crouching down.

 

I looked up and saw Soyoung, already dressed in her PE clothes, crossing her arms as she raised a  brow detestably at my action.

 

“...”

 

“Everyone is already going to the field. The teacher is asking where you are so hurry and get down to the field. You’re slowing everyone down.”

 

Upon hearing that, I realized I had to give up searching and just braved myself to confess to the teacher the truth. I moved to head out of the class, going past Soyoung who was still standing at the door. When I turned back, I realized Soyoung wasn’t following behind but I didn’t think too much about it at that time. I went to the field alone, and met up with the teacher who was standing at the side of the field, busily observing the students as they ran several laps around the field.

 

I lowered my head and apologized to the teacher, telling him that I lost my PE clothes, to which he merely raised his brow in skepticism as if he couldn’t buy my reason. _You’re better off being honest just telling me that you’re not interested to join PE today._  At this unfair accusation, I felt the need to defend myself but I was cut off by the teacher before I could even get a word out of my mouth. _Don’t think you can escape PE by not bringing your clothes. You’re still gonna have to do something. Go and fetch the equipments from the storeroom and bring them to the field! And be fast with it._

__

Because the teacher was being adamant with his own belief, he dismissed my reason. In the end, I resigned to my own helplessness and started doing what was being told. The role of 2 people was carried out by me alone as I went to the storeroom and carried all the sports equipment by myself. For the rest of the PE, while others were playing in the field I was busy fetching stuffs here and there from the endlessly requesting teacher.

 

After the teacher decided it was enough for today, we were sent off the field. I was almost as sweaty as my other classmates who had finished playing, with the addition of my back aching from all the weight I had to carry the whole hour. I walked back to class with slightly dragging steps because of that.

 

Since it will be lunch time after PE, I remembered about my meeting with Daniel. But we were let off by the teacher slightly earlier today, so we had a little time left before the bell rang.

 

When I entered the classroom, I noticed that there seemed to be a commotion. A crowd had gathered in the middle of the class, with Na Haewon in the center of everyone’s attention as she sobbed into her hands. I strained my ears to listen to what was going on.

 

“I noticed my bag was opened when I got into the class… so I checked inside and realized my purse was gone…” The words were garbled out through her quivering lips. “What do I do? Omma is going to kill me for losing all that money…” As if she was being triggered by the thought, her cries started to become louder and uncontrollable. Her other friends went to her to console her. I, who was standing at the entrance the whole time listening to them, started to slowly make my way to my table.

 

“How much money did you actually have in that purse?”

 

“It’s a lot…about 100 000 won. Omma gave it to me to pay off my tuition fees…”

 

 _That’s really a lot…_ After hearing the large sum, her friend could only shake their head in sympathy, patting her back in an attempt to comfort her. But she was nowhere close to being comforted as she continued to wail about the lost money.

 

“Are you sure you had your purse in the bag since this morning? Who knows you might’ve probably left it at home.”

 

“No! I’m positive I brought it with me this morning. Before we went for PE, the purse was still in my bag.”

__

A momentary silence lingered in the air before someone said in a small voice.

__

“Then…someone stole it?”

 

As that possibility was thrown out in the open, Haewon’s face grew red in anger. _Who is it?!_  She yelled. _If I catch that person, they’re dead!_

__

Disliking the tense atmosphere in the air at the moment, I quietly pulled out my earphones and plugged it into my phone. Before I could put on the earphone in my ears, someone’s voice emerged clear and loud among the incessant buzz that filled the classroom.

 

“Park Jihoon stole it.”

 

The hand that was bringing the earphone to my ear halted mid-air. Stunned at the mention of my name, I shifted my wide eyes to Soyoung who had just accused me out of nowhere.

 

In that instant, I felt all eyes were on me. Haewon looked like she was about to spit fire in any second.

 

I hurriedly stood up, banging my phone and earphones on the table at the same time. “B-But…I didn’t steal it!” My hand was finely trembling from the anger of being accused atrociously.

 

“Liar. I saw you in the class looking into people’s belongings while everyone went to change during PE.” Soyoung leaned against the desk with her arms crossed, eyeing me with a cool indifferent gaze. The posture strongly reminded me of when she found me in class earlier.

 

Now I remembered…

__

You stayed behind in class after I went out, didn’t you?

 

“I was just searching for my PE clothes… but aside from me, there’s also you who stayed back in class after I went out.” I felt like I had had enough. I had been enduring accusation after accusation, lie after lie that were made up about me carelessly. And now this… I really couldn’t take it anymore.

 

Even if I was sure it had to be you who concocted all these lie and accusation again, you looked strangely calm despite me pointing you out as the real culprit. Your expression remained unchanged, calm and unfaltering and it put me off, setting off an uncomfortable feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.

 

The people in the class were looking back and forth between me and you, as if uncertain who to trust with both of us being the only people that were in class when others were away. When her friends gazed at her with hesitancy, Soyoung smiled. _What, don’t you guys believe in me? Then how about you search my bag and see if I have the purse or not. I can swear that I’m not the one who stole it._

__

She proceeded to take her bag from her chair and brought it to the middle of the class herself. Setting it in front of Haewon, she gestured for her to check her bag. _Go on, look inside and see for yourself._

__

Haewon frowned, then started taking out the items in Soyoung’s bag one by one. But there were only books, pencil case, some accessories and other unrelated stuffs. She also checked inside her coat pocket but could find nothing.

 

“We should check Jihoon’s bag too then.” One of them suggested, feeling it’s only fair since they had checked Soyoung’s bag.

 

I watched as they snatched my bag from my chair and started rummaging inside it. At that moment, Haewon stilled, eyes slowly growing wide as if she had just seen something. Slowly, she grabbed the thing out from my bag and revealed it to everyone.

 

“This…this is my purse.” She held a small orange purse in her hand. Following that, shocked gasps resounded all throughout the class. My own shock had rendered me speechless, paralyzing me from any movements. But how can it be…

 

“So its you, Park Jihoon?!”

 

“You’re the one who stole her purse?!”

 

“Now you’re even a thief?!”

 

While everyone in the class were spewing their hostility and disbelief towards me, Haewon frantically opened her purse to check the contents inside. When she saw that it was empty inside, she immediately lunged towards me, screaming. _Where’s the money?!!!_ Still shocked at the whole turn of event, I wasn’t able to pick up my thoughts in time to answer her.

 

Consumed by anger, she raised her hand and slapped me across the cheek.

 

The scene made the whole class lapsed into a sudden silence. Only Haewon’s voice could be heard after that, low and full of malice.

 

“Now you even resort to stealing money from others when the money you get from fucking men isn’t enough.”

 

“…...”

 

“You’re not only a whore, but a thief at that.”

 

“.…..”

 

“...Of course, as expected from a person who has no parents to be able to think of doing immoral things like these.”

 

Her words were like deadly poison that slithered around my heart, threatening to kill softly, silently. My cheek stung with pain, yet it was significantly numbed when the stung of her words emerged as a more prominent pain. Compared to the physical pain that was inflicted, the degrading words were so much more damaging as it stripped me off completely from any pride that I had left.

 

Just because I had no parents, I also had to bear this feeling of being humiliated wrongly for things I didn’t do...?

 

The pain of those insensitive words struck the most fragile part in me, breaking the dam that leashed my emotions in.

 

The eyes of the others remained unsympathetic and heartless.

 

Tears started to well up in my eyes.

 

 

“...What’s going on here?”

 

The image of Daniel standing at the front of the class was blurred in my glassed eyes.

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the hardest chapter to write yet. sorry for the delay. i kept on thinking and re-changing this chapter. this is the end result. i hope its adequate... and also just to warn beforehand that there will be a lot to take in the next chapter ><
> 
> p/s: the choi soyoung in my fic is not the choi sooyoung from SNSD. my choi soyoung is just an OC. i just feel like informing that haha.

DANIEL’S POV

 

“...What’s going on here?”

 

My voice broke through the silence in the classroom.

 

The bell signalling lunch time had rang a while ago, and I had been waiting for Jihoon at the rooftop for quite a while yet the other showed no sign of appearing at all. I started to worry. The worry became increasingly pressuring after I realized that all the messages that I had sent to him remained unread. Afterall, Jihoon is the type who would usually inform if he has to cancel a plan. Thus it wasn’t like him to keep me waiting like this without saying anything first.

 

These days, I kept on thinking that something is going on with him. But what is it, I don’t really know. Though I know that it’s serious enough to be able to make him want to avoid from talking about it. It reminded me of the time when he wanted to avoid telling me about how his uncle was abusing him. Dreading that something similar like this was happening again with me having no knowledge of it, I decided that we should meet up and have a proper talk about it.

 

But no matter how long I waited, he still didn’t show up. In the end, I gave in to my instinct which kept urging me to go and check and hastily made my way down to Jihoon’s classroom.

 

I had hoped that it was just something as simple as him forgotting about our meeting, then it wouldn’t be too much of a deal to fret about. But upon reaching the classroom and noticing the tense atmosphere that was stretching tautly in the air, I immediately felt uneasy. There seemed to be a situation going on. And something screamed very wrongly to me at the sight of Jihoon crying quietly at his desk while being surrounded by the others who made no move to show even a gesture of sympathy, instead merely pressing him down from every corner with looks that were less than pleasant.

 

When my appearance were made known, the people in the classroom became briefly distracted from the situation. Startled and feeling a bit intimidated by the sudden presence of a senior in the classroom, they automatically parted way when I sought to pass through. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Soyoung standing not far away, looking visibly nervous upon realizing my presence, the expression on her face seemingly questioning what I was doing here.

 

My focus was prioritized more on Jihoon at the moment though. You who hardly even talked to anyone in the class was having tears all over your face. It was the first time I had seen you so upset as the tears continuously streamed down despite your effort to wipe them off repeatedly. I didn’t know what happened to you, but I began thinking the worst.

 

Coming to his side, I replaced his hands with my own as I brushed the wetness off his cheeks, all the while peering at his face, silently questioning the moist eyes that were sadly blinking back at me. But Jihoon seemed to be too overwhelmed at the moment to say anything to me.

 

“D-Daniel sunbae…?”

 

A small voice sounded in front of me, filled with surprise and confusion. I turned to look at the girl who was staring at me with wide eyes. Her face briefly recalling a vague familiar feeling of me seeing her from somewhere but couldn’t really pinpoint exactly where. However that wasn’t the main priority in my mind. The main priority was the need to know the situation.

 

“What happened?”

 

I asked her, in a manner that was somewhat demanding. The girl was uncertain as she pondered on how to answer, still looking confused as if still unable to comprehend why I was here in the first place. The others remained silent, not daring to interfere.

 

Realizing that I was still waiting with my gaze fastened firmly on her, she felt pressured and finally opened her mouth to talk.

 

“Park Jihoon…he stole my money.”

 

A frown started to form on my face as disbelief took over my features.

 

At my side, Jihoon turned to me and shook his head desperately to deny it. _Hyung, I didn’t do it. You have to believe me-_ At his frantic attempt to convince me, I soothed him by grasping onto his hand, squeezing it briefly. _Shh, calm down. I know you didn’t do it._ Because I perfectly knew you’re not that kind of person. But for now, lets hear what she has to say…I turned back to gaze levelly at her.

 

“So…what proof do you have to say that?”

 

The girl moved to show me her purse and subsequently motioned it to Jihoon’s opened bag. “I found this in his bag.”

 

It had sounded too fishy then for me to simply take it at face value. Plus, it was too simple to become a single definitive proof to accuse Jihoon on being the thief. So I laid out another possibility for the dense minds to dwell on. “Don’t you think someone else could easily put the purse in his bag and accuse him of doing it?”

 

At that, the girl’s brows furrowed. “…But everyone was out on the field earlier, except him…and well, Soyoung.”

 

Immediately at the mention of Soyoung’s name, my eyes fell on her fidgeting form at the corner. The picture was starting to get clearer now that there was another person to add into the mix. Of course… I could only think of Soyoung as the person who was behind all these as she was the only one who would have reasons to commit such ploy towards Jihoon. Ever since our breakup, she had been trying to reach me persistently through calls and messages, asking for another chance to mend our relationship. When I continuously refused her, she became angry and started threatening me that she wouldn’t take this lying down. I had thought that it was just merely empty threats that were provoked due to her anger. Because I was aware of her tendencies to say something extreme when she was moody, so I didn’t think too much about it. Yet, I didn’t expect that she was actually being serious about it and was even carrying it out secretly behind my back all these while. Now even to plot all these slandering acts and dumped the blame on Jihoon… I didn’t think she would be this brazen to dare do something as immoral as this.

 

As the others saw how I was looking at Soyoung, they also followed to stare at Soyoung. Soon the whole class’ attention was diverted to Soyoung.

 

“What are you guys looking at?! He’s the one who stole it, not me!” In a panic, she furiously tried to defend herself.

 

Stupidity that started to show itself when her dirty secret was about to be cracked open, this vain girl was laughable to me all of a sudden.

 

However, I was the only who noticed the crack in her facade while the others remained oblivious towards it, including the girl who had her purse stolen.

 

“...That’s right, Daniel sunbae. It’s unlikely that Soyoung is the culprit, she doesn’t have any reason to steal my money. But Park Jihoon on the other hand…with all the rumours going around about him sleeping with men for money, I wouldn’t be surprised that he’d be scheming to steal other people’s money too.”

 

As I had just taken in the fact that Soyoung was behind this situation, now I was bombarded with another new disturbing revelation. What did you just say… Jihoon sleeping with men for money…? My head suddenly started to hurt.

 

“Haven’t you heard? People in school are all talking about it.”

 

Were such rumours really circulating around school at the moment? It had never reached my ears, but I figured that I had been too busy and distracted preparing for SAT recently to know what was currently happening in school. But as I thought about it, it sounded like another fake bullshit rumour that was made up and were spread just for the purpose of humiliating Jihoon.

 

And I bet this was also made up by you, Choi Soyoung…

 

Haa…fuck. Upon realizing what was going on, I started to feel the control that withheld my patience slipping bit by bit. The anger must be showing through my face because the next thing I knew Jihoon was tugging on my hand as if trying to hold me back. I guessed if he didn’t refrain me, I would’ve probably do something that I would regret by now.

 

“Anyways, I’m going to tell the teacher about this. Well unless he decides to return the money back to me.” The girl said, glaring pointedly at Jihoon as she remained firm in her belief that Jihoon was the one who had stolen her money.

 

Jihoon finally broke out from his silence then. “I told you I didn’t steal your money…I don’t have any of it with me.”

 

Dissatisfied with the answer, the girl shot one nasty look at Jihoon before turning her back on him. “Then I’ll just go and report to the teacher right now and let the teacher handle this.” She moved to leave the classroom. Everyone was left staring as her back disappeared behind the door that was subsequently slammed shut.

 

Thinking that it would cause undesirable consequences if she involved the teacher in this situation, I decided to chase after her to stop her. Afterall right now the only plausible option that remained for me is to make do with whatever that I can do to at least prevent the current situation from getting even worse than it already was.

 

 _Jihoon-ah, stay here. I’ll go and talk to her for a bit._ I said to Jihoon before l too exited the class, rushing along the hallway in the direction of the teacher’s office to catch a glimpse of her back. I found her just in time before she was about to enter through the office door.

 

I grabbed onto her shoulder and pulled her back. “Please wait. I need to talk with you.” My voice came out urgent.

__

Not expecting me to chase after her, she could only regard me with surprise and let me drag her to the side to talk.

 

“Before I say anything, may I know your name?”

 

The girl had been staring at me a lot, I somewhat noticed it ever since I showed up in the classroom earlier. And this time she was staring at me again the same way, with a look that was full of meanings that I couldn’t decipher. I wondered if I had a past history with her somehow.

 

“It’s kind of mean for you to ask me that… I’ve introduced myself to you before.”

 

As if confirming my suspicion, she implied that she had known me before.

 

When I still showed no sign of recognition, she simply sighed. “I’m Na Haewon. You really don’t remember. I confessed to you in the beginning of the year, sunbae.”

 

At the hint of the forgotten past history, I slowly began to recall a vague memory of seeing the curly hair and small rounded face of the girl. It made sense why I felt like I had seen these familiar features somewhere. Thought it was true that I may be mean for forgetting the person who had confessed to me. But when I realized that she was probably just the same like the others who had preyed on Jihoon in his moment of weakness, the guilt for forgetting her name, her face and our past conversation dissipated rapidly as if it didn’t matter at all.

 

“It had been a while so I can hardly remember…but yes Na Haewon, I have something I need to ask from you.”

 

Because the girl probably still had a lingering affection, therefore it showed through her voice that asked sweetly then.“Oh, what is it about?” The demeanor seemingly ready to yield to whatever that was about to be said.

 

“I ask for you not to say anything about Jihoon to the teacher. In return, I will pay back all the money that you lost.”

 

“...”

 

“Can you pretend as if nothing had happened and keep this a secret, for me?”

 

“...But sunbae, I don’t get it.”

 

“Why? You can’t do it?”

 

“No, it just that I don’t understand…If it’s for sunbae, of course I would do it. But right now isn’t sunbae asking me to do it because sunbae wants to protect Park Jihoon…?

 

“Yes, I’m doing it for that exact reason.” I answered without a second hesitancy.

 

“But why? Why are you protecting that guy?” _Didn’t you hear what I just said about him? Aren’t you affected at all by the rumours surrounding him? Sunbae you have to distance yourself from him… You will be affected too if you continue to be close with him. I don’t want sunbae to get involved in the rumours..._ That concern that I was receiving from her at the moment was absolutely unnecessary, and to add to that it was repulsive to hear her regarding Jihoon as if he was some kind of curse that needed to be avoided.

 

You know what, even if I got involved in the rumours I could hardly give a fuck.

 

“I’ll just tell you right now that Park Jihoon is with me. So do me a favour and tell the others who had bullied him...tell him if they dare touch him another time, they’re dead…including you.” It was voiced with such vehemence that Haewon’s face visibly paled in response. “Tomorrow, I will pay you the money and you will drop this subject as if it never happened, understand?” It was an order rather than a question.

 

Because of the sudden display of coldness, her body shrunk as if she was intimidated. And she could only gave me a frantic nod when she noticed that I was expecting her to respond with obedience and no other.

 

After settling the matter with her, I turned on my heel and went back to Jihoon’s classroom.

 

Inside the class, the commotion seemed to have settled down as they resumed their routine during lunch break like usual. I noticed Jihoon’s desk was empty. There were still a few people left in the class and I grabbed one of them who were trying to discreetly pass by and inquired in a threatening manner. _Where is Jihoon?_ The boy could only shook his head in a frightful manner, answering repeatedly that he didn’t know. When I confirmed that he wasn’t lying, I let him go and took out my phone to call Jihoon. Now that I knew, I began to easily have this thought that he might be in danger if he disappeared without a word. When my phone screen lighted up, I realized that there was a message from Jihoon.

 

_Hyung. I’m going to the restroom for a while. Will be back in a minute._

__

Upon seeing that message, instant relief washed over me and I felt my nerves calming gradually. When the gears in my mind began turning again, I realized there was another important matter…or rather, someone I need to deal with as my eyes fell on a hunched form sitting in front of the class.

 

Soyoung was rooted to her seat, unmoving and looking as if she was in a daze. I strode towards her desk, and stood in front of it. _We need to talk._ My voice snapped her out of her stupor and she lifted her head up, her big uncertain eyes warily taking in my appearance.

 

“No.” She rejected me and turned her face away. That only managed to add more oil to the fire. I was never the forceful type, but I could barely bother this time. Without caring for her consent, I yanked her away from her seat by the death grip I had on her arm and dragged her all the way out of the classroom, unperturbed even as she screamed and thrashed around wildly all throughout the hallway.

 

I led us to the back of the school, where people were rarely seen hanging out, intending to make this private between us in case I will need to resort to extreme measures just to get it into her head that she had to stop this absurdity.

 

“That hurts, you bastard!” She yelled out, roughly snatching her wrist back once my grip loosened. She rubbed her reddened wrist and glared at me.

 

“Hurt? You’ve yet to know how real hurt would feel. I probably should show you how it feels.” As if losing my own sensibility and rationality, I snarled threateningly.

 

Noticing the menace that underlied my tone, she began to cower and back herself against the wall. “W-What are you going to do?” She spluttered in nervousness when I started advancing towards her, eyes darting around everywhere to try finding a way to escape but I cornered her with my whole body before she could do so.

 

“I’ve yet to know all the things you’ve done to Jihoon. But even just knowing that you’re the person behind all of the bullying already gave me enough reason to want to hit you.”

 

At my words, Soyoung’s body started trembling. “Don’t come any closer, I’m going to scream-” She opened her mouth ready to scream, but I quickly stifled it by slapping my hand against her mouth. She clawed her sharp nails against my hand, and I briefly winced before I caught her hand and twisted it back to an almost unnatural position. Her agonizing scream was muffled by my hand and it grew louder as I started twisting her hand further. I only stopped when I saw the look of pure fright on her face. She stared at me with wide scared eyes, tears welling up in her lower lids and gradually falling down her cheeks.

 

Despite that, I remained unwavered. Last time when she had shown her tears, guilt always somehow managed to hit me and I would find myself apologizing to her eventhough it wasn’t my fault. Back then, I still had the impression that she was a good, nice girl therefore I felt as if she didn’t deserve all the sadness. However that impression had changed to a complete 180 after witnessing the situation earlier and right now I felt completely unfeeling even as I watched her big eyes getting red from the tears.

 

“Your tears don’t work on me anymore. What do we call this…ah, crocodile’s tears? Afterall, I just realized how good you are at faking innocence and pretending like you’re such a good person…” With my face close to hers, I growled in a low voice. “But I really didn’t know that you could be so pathetic to stoop yourself this low. So this is your true self… I feel really disappointed and regretful for failing to see this side of you earlier. If I had known, I wouldn’t even consider having a relationship with you in the first place. Knowing how pitifully rotten your true self is, I can’t even bear to see your face.”

__

I gave a rough jerk with the hold I had on her chin, forcing her to face me properly.

__

__“__ Stop with all the immature acts and grow up. No one will be by your side if you choose to continue being nasty like this. And for certain, I’m one of the people who’ll not be on your side anymore after this.”

__

After getting all my points across, I released her and she fell down onto the ground in a boneless mess. Cradling her hurting hand, she continued crying like a child. This time, I didn’t bother to stay until she stopped crying, instead stepping back and turning my back to her without the slightest guilt to hold me back.

 

I returned to Jihoon’s classroom but I realized that Jihoon still wasn’t back yet so I simply passed by it to head straight for the restroom where he said he was at instead. In the restroom, I noticed his figure that was bent over the sink. The tap water was open and he was busily splashing water on his face, repeating it over and over until the front of his shirt also got partially wet from the continuous onslaught of water. _What are you doing?_ I asked as I stepped into his view, my eyes then distractedly followed as a droplet trailed from the tip of his hair down to his cheek. Only noticing my presence, he looked up to meet my eyes through our reflection in the mirror.

 

Despite the eyes that were still noticeably red, a smile began carving itself on his lips. The smile was as if hinting that nothing was wrong. This was the smile that you kept using the past week to deceive me into thinking that you were okay. But now I knew better than to take it simply at face value.

 

Sighing, I pulled a few tissues from the box at the side of the sink. I turned back to him, held his wet face and dabbed it with the tissues in my hand. He closed his eyes in response, letting me do it without much resistance.

 

“Park Jihoon, do you know just how much you make me worry?” As if to emphasize that I was bothered about it, I pressed the tissues that I dabbed to his eye harder. Jihoon whined a little, trying to pull away but I kept his face stilled as I continued to dry off the water on his face, resuming it with a gentler motion this time.

 

“...I just didn’t want to trouble you with my problem when you’re so busy preparing for SAT.”

 

“You’re a real idiot. Don’t you know it becomes even more troubling when you try to hide it from me?” _It felt even worse that I had to find all these out after the damage was already done-_ I still held a lot of complaint within me because I was really mad at you for hiding everything from me. But you gave me a sincerely apologetic look then. “I know, I’m at fault… I’m sorry hyung.” After that I could hardly continue chastising you anymore despite my anger that had yet to extinguish completely.

 

After finished drying his face, I threw the tissues in the bin nearby. When I turned around again, Jihoon was standing in front of me, blinking up at me with his huge eyes. I recognized this look. It was a look that was purposely done to melt my anger, it was a method that Jihoon somehow habitually developed whenever he saw that my mood wasn’t too good. Although knowing his method very well, I was still rendered helpless against it regardless. His big pretty eyes were always my weakness, especially when they were looking at me so profoundly like this.

 

Once he saw that I was showing sign of relenting, he hugged me while saying to me in a sweet voice. “Hyung, please don’t be mad anymore.” Of course if you became so adorable like this, I cannot even stay mad at you anymore despite still wanting to at the moment. In the end, I could only remain worrying over you.

 

“Jihoon-ah… I don’t know if Soyoung will still continue with her nasty acts… But just promise me this time that if she does, you will tell me straightaway. Don’t keep me in the dark again. I can’t bear it if anything happened to you.” _…I already made a mistake to you once. So please don’t let me repeat that mistake another time._

 

Jihoon was gazing at me quietly the whole time I was talking.

 

 _What is it?_ I asked when I realized that he wasn’t saying anything even after I had stopped talking.

__

“Hyung is so kind to me.”

 

I wasn’t expecting the words that came out.

 

“I was so used to enduring it all by myself before you came into the picture. But now you’re with me, I have to learn to get used to relying on you instead…It feels strange, but also a really happy feeling…” The smile that adorned Jihoon’s face then made my breath hitch in my throat. His eyes shimmered with real happiness, and it was so beautiful that it made my heart ache with a sudden yearning.

 

“Hyung, I’m really happy right now… What do I do?” Jihoon asked me as if he was confused of his own feelings, as if he was uncertain of how to react to it. In the end, he was only able to express it solely through his actions as he buried his face deeply into the crook of my neck and wrapped his arms tightly around me. His emotions seemed to overflow, pouring through his every movements making even the littlest movements felt significantly affectionate.

 

You’re really an idiot… I thought silently to myself, stroking the top of your head. Helpless against you who are so endearingly adorable and beautiful.   

__

* * *

 

SOYOUNG’S POV

 

The sound of the bell ringing from a distance was faintly heard, however I remained seated on the dirty ground uncaring, too absorbed in the fury of being shamed as my tears flowed unhindered.

 

This was the worst. How could Kang Daniel do that to me? The sweet, warm, gentle, kind Daniel that I loved…had suddenly turned into a scary monster. Treating me as if I was an object as he handled me roughly, inflicted pain to me and spoke hurtful words to me without considering of my feelings even the slightest.

 

His unsympathetic words continued to ring incessantly in my ears, disturbing and upsetting. My heart that was carelessly trampled by him shattered into pieces and now merely remained as broken shards on the ground.  

 

_I’m one of the people who will not be on your side anymore after this._

 

You said everything with such loathing, and I remembered your slicing cold eyes that tore through my very being, merciless and unforgiving despite how much I teared up and showed to you that I was scared. Back then, whenever I cried your whole face would soften and you would hug me in your arms to comfort. Yet now, you could leave the distraught me without even looking back once.

 

The Kang Daniel that I adored was lost.

 

Now you’ve ceased to care for me and only care for Park Jihoon instead…So Park Jihoon had become so important to you that you could lose your mind completely to anger like that. So he had become more important than me that you could even hurt me without a single care despite the relationship we had.

 

Fucking bastards… these two people who existed only to hurt and humiliate me.

 

But you don’t understand… the more you showed me how much you loved him, the more this anger in me became irrational and the stronger I felt this desire to destroy Park Jihoon to bits. Afterall, it was undeniable that Park Jihoon had stolen you from me and caused everything till it led us to this point.

 

He had made us go to ruin, so I wanted to ruin him the worst way I could. I had hoped you would understand why I did this, but I guessed now you were also too lost in him to even try thinking why I became like this. In the end, you became another person who infuriated me.

 

My heart will not be at peace until I managed to destroy both of you who humiliated me.

 

Since Park Jihoon is so precious to you, I will destroy him and destroy you in the process. It will be like killing two birds with one stone. And I decided that only after I fulfilled my revenge will I be able to move on.

 

I took out my phone and dialed a number that frequently showed up in my call log these days. I waited for the dial tone to get through to hear the familiar brusque voice of a male.

 

_“What do you want?”_

__

“Youngjin oppa.”

__

_“You know I’m still mad about what happened this morning, so don’t call me as you like-”_

__

“I’m calling you because I wanted to tell you that I changed my mind.”

 

_“What?”_

 

“I’ll agree to be your girlfriend.”

__

The person at the other end suddenly became quieter, interest piqued. _“...What? Why the sudden change in thought?”_

__

I ignored his question and proceeded with my condition. “I’ll agree to be your girlfriend... Only if you do me a favour.”

__

_“What is it?”_

__

“Do you remember the guy who was watching us at the front gate this morning?”

__

_“Yes. The brown-haired kid…What about him?”_

__

Somehow, I managed to find my smile back despite the tears that had yet to dry on my face.

 

“His name is Park Jihoon… and I have a favour I need you to do…”

 

Mess him up, break him up into pieces, do whatever you want to him. As long as you make sure to destroy him good and get my revenge fulfilled.

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just want to inform that the story will shift interchangeably from 1st person to 3rd person POV from this chapter onwards. this is to give more insight for the other characters that will be involved. 
> 
> here is the double update to compensate the long wait ^^ enjoy reading

JIHOON’S POV

 

After the day I realized that my parents were forever gone and I was left alone in this world, I had started to lose sight of my path in life. As if not knowing where to turn to, I was simply haphazardly thrown back and forth after one adult to another as they handled on who would take care of me, on where I should go from there. I started living with the thought that I was by my own at a young age. And since then I learned the one most important principle in life - everything I did became my own responsibility to bear and no one else.

 

It especially became more obvious that I had to follow it when I lived with my uncle. Because every little wrong things I did would amount to punishment whether in the form of physical or verbal. At first, I had thought that things shouldn’t be this severe. But as I got used to the routine of getting hit or shouted at when uncle caught my mistake, I started to develop this habit of submitting myself to him without putting much of a fight. After being chronically brainwashed that I was deserving of every punishment for the mistake I had done, I started to develop a personality that was simply accepting of things. Because for all the times I tried to resist or rebel, I would only be thrown back and be reminded of where I was supposed to stand. At the back, and not uttering a single word nor lifting a single hand up in defiance. Eventhough it became extremely painful to bear at times, yet it became something that I thought I couldn’t break from. So I laid still and merely let everything be done to me until it was over.

 

This was how it was supposed to be for me. I thought it was how I was supposed to live.

 

When the people in school started hurting me the same way, I thought it was because I committed a mistake that was deserving of it. I had done something wrong to Soyoung, and I thought I had to accept all these punishment that was thrown to me. So I endured it all silently until now. The reminder that everything I did was my own responsibility to bear and no one else was still stamped prominently in my mind, so it also became the reason why I refused to tell anything to Daniel in the first place. The responsibility wasn’t his but mine alone.

 

Yet, I seemed to have forgotten that now I’m no longer alone anymore. That now Daniel is with me, and now we are lovers. The transition of being alone to having someone else with you to rely on was a awkward shift for me to go through. Daniel kept reminding me, day by day, that he was here for me and that he was here to listen to everything I had to say, that he was also here to burden all my problems with me, yet I kept forgetting it. Until he came and defended me in front of everyone in the classroom, and came again to me to remind me that I wasn’t alone and that I can rely on him too.

 

The happiness began filling this heart that had been dry and empty for years, containing it to the brim and overflowing. The happiness was indescribable. You were so gentle, so kind, and it still made me question if I deserved all these from you. But I knew your intention was sincere and you would gladly took the burden that weighed me if I just let you. And the thought that you were always there, ready to give your whole heart and your whole self to me made me feel so inexplicably happy that I couldn’t express it.

 

The days when it felt like those chains which bound me into submission were long gone. I realized I should start living with a renewed thinking - that I now have you with me who I can trust to rely on.

 

Kang Daniel, I really love you. Every little fluttering heart-moving feeling that you made me feel these days, always often drive me to the edge and made me feel like going crazy. It was too much love and happiness at once for me to bear that I couldn’t keep up with it.

 

Ah…then let me just show you physically how much I was willing to give myself to you.

 

In the darkness of the room, my hands made out the contour of your waist and your strong thighs. And I heaved myself down and got myself between your legs.

 

It was in the middle of the night, you were fast asleep due to exhaustion. But you woke up when you felt hands touching your body, lifting yourself up on your elbows and calling out to me with voice that was husked with sleep and confusion. _Jihoonie…?_ The next words were replaced instead by a shaky staccato breath when my hand moved to grab you below. In the dark, I made out the shape of your hardened thing and lowered my head towards it to brush my lips on the tip. I suckled on it with as much gentleness I could muster, but you seemed to want otherwise as you suddenly sat yourself up and held onto the back of my head to control the pace, your movement telling me that you were impatiently seeking for release. My adorable puppy… the puppy that I loved so much was enjoying the pleasure that I was giving him through my mouth. I would do it for you everyday if that’s what you want from me…

 

The hand at the back of my head started moving me faster, and I briefly found myself having a hard time breathing as I struggled not to choke at the same time when it went too deep in. In a few minutes, warm liquid spilled inside and coated every crevices of my mouth with a distinct taste.

 

I swallowed everything without hesitance, as if every fiber of my being was hungering you. Even then, I remained to hunger to feel you. I wanted it more, more intense, deeper, heavier, till I really can’t think anymore and go crazy with only the feeling of you.

 

You exhaled a relieved sigh, hand also trying to make out where I was until you managed to touch my face, caressing my cheek lovingly with your thumb now with the affection that accompanied in the aftermath. _Are you okay? Why suddenly?_ A small laugh escaped your lips, unexpecting of my sudden vigour in the middle of the night. I pulled myself back up over your body and merely answered with a kiss on your lips. I felt the surprise through your lips that were stilled briefly, but later parted willingly when I probed for entrance in your mouth. Our tongues tangled and intertwined in a heated mess and I greedily drank in your taste and everything that was you. As if in heat, I continued to desire more and more. You seemed to realize that as you felt me rubbing my front against you eagerly, your hand slipping past the waistband of my pants and fondled me, finger probing through my tightened entrance and forcing itself in. I detached myself from your lips as a gasp broke out, but you pulled me back demandingly towards you with a hand on the back of my head, claiming my lips back feverishly. The fingers that continued to add themselves, probing deeply inside and exploring everywhere began to stimulate pleasure within me.

 

I was unable to think nor focus on anything, merely accepting and feeling. At some point, I was flipped to my back and my wrists were trapped in your grip, following that your already reawakened hot throbbing length inserted deep within and made me lost any sensible part in me that was left. It was a rush towards the end, the heat accumulated under the covers with every movements and every gasps of breath.

 

I remembered reaching a blissful sense of fullness and contentment when everything burst out. And we later gathered in a heap of breathless mess, chest heaving and mind clouded with receding lust. In the haze of the aftermath, everything was let loose and the confessions of _I love you_ s poured out of my lips repeatedly.

 

You laughed a little, covering your face. I sulked because you were trying to hide your face, so I reached up and pulled your hand down. I was revealed with a handsome face that was now looking at me with a darkening gaze and only a little hint of smile. _You really drive me crazy… You’re so adorable that I feel like I’m going crazy-_ The next thing I knew you had gotten up before suddenly driving inside me again, wildly and crazily just like your feelings.

 

And the long night continued.

 

At some point, I passed out due to exhaustion.

 

Early in the morning, I was woken up by a hand stroking my head again. _Hyung, you’re going off early again?_  My whole body that was groggy from sleep tried to lift itself up. The hand held me down to stop me. _Yes, the teacher wanted to have a talk with me again._

__

_Then I’ll go with you, hyung…_ I said despite still lying on the bed with my eyelids barely opened. Daniel simply laughed, shaking his head as he stroked my head. _No, sleep more. You’re still tired._

__

_But-_ It was simply dismissed when Daniel put a finger on my lip. _Just listen to hyung, and sleep more._ _I will message you again when its time for you to go to school._ Due to his insistence, I was tucked back and under the covers and influenced back to go to sleep. In that brief hour where I continued sleeping after he left, I dreamt of him and his touches, the dream so vivid that even after I woke up I could still remember each and every moment of it distinctly.

 

When it was the exact time for me to head to school, the message from Daniel came just like he had promised. Every morning, talking to you like this despite your absence, was good enough for me. He was asking me if it hurt anywhere and I replied with a sobbing emoticon that it was hard to walk. It probably made him feel guilty so he replied back with a sobbing emoticon himself apologizing if he had gone too rough on me. I laughed in the middle of the walk. I’m just teasing you. I’m okay. Though there was a slight limp that accompanied my steps since this morning when I realized how sore my backside felt, but it wasn’t this that I was really bothered about. The thing that bothered me the most was how easily my body flushed and reacted to you even just talking to you through messages like this. I was completely helpless against you. It felt like these days my body was adjusting itself to accommodate towards your every preference and liking, getting used to being caressed and loved by you, that by the time you were gone it started to embarrassingly missed you without me wanting it.

 

Ah…my face was warm despite the cool morning. Hyung, I missed you already…

 

As I continued walking with my reddened face lowered, mind occupied with the thought of you I barely registered my surrounding. My phone buzzed in my hand, alerting me of another message from you. I brought my phone back under my eyes, tapping on the screen to open the message-

 

_Crash._

 

I bumped onto someone who was standing sturdily in front, causing me to accidentally lost my hold on my phone sending it falling against the pavement below. The screen was shattered, and I looked at it with dismay. And then I realized that the person was still standing in front of me, however wasn’t saying anything. When I lifted my head up to look at the taller person, my face couldn’t hide my surprise.

 

It was the person who was with Soyoung. The blonde-haired guy with multiple piercings who I remembered kept on cursing colourfully after Soyoung left. It seemed that he was waiting for someone as he stood in front of the gate.

 

“I’m sorry.” The apology automatically left my lips when I saw the menacing face. He was looking at me as if he wanted to eat me alive. My phone still remained with its shattered pieces on the ground and I itched to pick it up to see the extent of damage, but currently the guy’s frightening glare which was directed to me made me feel too heavy to even move.

 

“You think an apology is enough after you just bumped into me like that… you obviously weren’t looking in front while walking.” He muttered in a low voice, his tall figure towering and looming above me in an intimidating manner. I instinctively stepped back, would’ve bolted for the school gate if not for his hand which had suddenly caught my wrist in a vice grip. My eyes flew wide open and I started to struggle. _W-What are you doing? Let me- Let me go-_  I stuck my feet to the ground and tried to resist him. Yet he was unrelenting as he merely pulled me forward with greater strength and forced me all the way into a deserted alley a few distance away from the school.

__

At that moment, three other guys came out from the shadows, as if they had been waiting there for our arrival all along. _Is this the guy she want us to beat up?_ One of them asked. The blonde-haired guy finally released his grip on me and hurled me against a dirty wall, causing the back of my head to hit against the hard surface painfully. I rubbed the back of my head with a wince of pain before I looked up, glaring weakly at the four guys which were now surrounding me with a twisted-looking smile.

 

“Yeah. This is the guy. She told me to do whatever I want with him. No holding back.” The blonde guy who stood at the middle stared at me with amusement in his eyes. I shrunk back against the wall automatically in response to what he said.

 

“No holding back… That means, anything?” The other guys asked with a glint in his eyes, kneeling with one knee as he grabbed my jaw and forcefully raised my face up to look at him. _He has one hell of a pretty face._

 

I watched the corner of the blonde guy lips curled up slowly into a sickening smile.

 

“Yes, anything.” _But before that, let’s bring him to a more secluded private place._

__

I was forced to stand up on my feet again before someone grabbed me from behind, clasping a cloth that reeked of chloroform to my nose. My scream was muffled against the pressed cloth and my struggling body were subdued. The struggles slowly died down with my fading consciousness before everything went dark.

 

* * *

 

Earlier this morning, Daniel had a talk with his teacher. She had called him to meet because she wanted to relay a good news.  

 

 _SNU started giving out scholarships this year for certain students who fulfilled their requirements. This include those who have plans to enrol in their university. If you managed to get the SAT result that they wanted, you will be elligible to apply for the scholarship. The scholarship covers all the enrolment fees, classes fees, accomodation fees, including daily living expenses. Basically everything. Teacher will help you with the scholarship application, so now you just focus on studying hard to get a good result!_ His teacher had said with such enthusiasm, as if expecting that Daniel will not fail her and will perform as splendidly as how he usually did and emerge with a brilliant achievement.

__

It was indeed a good news. Actually a really good one. All these while, Daniel had been worrying his head on how to pay for all the fees, and now this news of the scholarship just dropped onto his lap and was simply waiting for him to seize it.

 

There was the instant urge to share this good news to Jihoon. At the same time, something was holding him back. He himself was aware that going to SNU meant that they have to be separated because Seoul was great kilometers away from Busan. And if they wanted to meet, it would take at least 3 hours of journey for one-way.

 

This was another matter that needed to be talked about.

 

He messaged Jihoon the moment he noted that it was time for the other to head for school. Jihoon sounded cheerful and talkative from the way he was replying to all his messages, and Daniel was smiling all throughout. Yet, the matter continued to press the back of his mind. It was a dilemma. Does he really want to be separated from Jihoon? And if he left, what would Jihoon do?

 

He mussed his hair, mind suddenly knotted into a tangled mess. He reverted his focus back to his phone and noticed that Jihoon still wasn’t replying to his last message. It had been 5 minutes since then.

 

The last message that read _did you get to school safely already?_  remained unread and unanswered. It was as if a reminiscence of a familiar uncomfortable dread from yesterday as it gradually bugged him with more persistence the longer he waited for the reply that didn’t come.

 

He went to Jihoon’s classroom, noting that the other still hadn’t arrive judging from the empty unoccupied desk. In the end, he decided to head out of the school building and wait for Jihoon outside the gate. As he moved to lean against the wall of the school gate outside, a glint reflected from a distance caught his eyes. Something was on the pavement. When he went nearer to get a better look, he noticed the bits of the broken translucent phone screen scattered haphazardly all around. He picked up the phone and a sinking realization weighed heavily in his stomach.

 

This was Jihoon’s phone. There was no doubt of that now that he saw the familiar phone and its case.

 

Dread hit him full force, sending him to his two feet as his mind worked in overdrive thinking of every possibility that could happen. He ran all around the area, scanning for a familiar figure but couldn’t notice it anywhere. Something had definitely happened at this point. And he knew to whom this zeroed down to.

 

Daniel ran all the way back into the school and burst into Jihoon’s classroom, noticing Soyoung who had her attention fully on her phone as she busily typed on it. Daniel wasted no time to make his way to her table, snatching the phone from her startled grasp and reading what was written.

 

_Cha Youngjin:_

_Caught him. Now will do as you say._

__

His fear confirmed, rage overwhelmed him. Slamming his hands down on her table in a frighteningly loud bang, he made Soyoung jump in her seat and at the same time causing everyone in the class to fell into a heavy silence.

 

“Where did they take him?” The words were uttered low and dangerous, as if reflecting Daniel’s thin line of patience which was about to snap at any second.

 

“...”

 

“I’m asking you where did they take him????!!!!!!!”

 

No one dared to breathe. It was probably the first time everyone had seen Daniel looked so angry. The kind, friendly Daniel, known as the smiling guy in the school now looked so frighteningly terrifying as his face showed nothing but uncontrollable rage.

 

Soyoung who was cowering in her seat was dragged up by Daniel by her shirt collar, all courtesy gone as he lost his mind to anger. Soyoung started screaming for help. As the situation started to get out of hand, a few guys tried to stop Daniel. However they didn’t expect the punch that was flung to their face the moment they tried to touch him. The guys fell to the floor, bruised and groaning in pain. After that, no one dared to come near Daniel anymore.

 

Daniel turned back to the weak-kneed Soyoung with a face that had became few shades darker.

 

“I’ll hit you the same way if you don’t answer me in the next three seconds…” The voice was threatening. Following that, he jerked her up to her feet by fisting the front of her shirt again, slamming her against the wall. The powerful movement almost lifting her feet from the ground in the process.

 

One.

 

“Let me down- let me down-” She grappled for control, desperate hands reaching up to unlatch Daniel’s forceful grip on her shirt. It didn’t budge even the slightest.

 

Two.

 

“You- You can’t do this to me!!!!!!!!!” Soyoung screamed, eyes starting to well up with tears. She turned her head towards the other people in her vicinity, silently begging for help. But everyone was equally conquered with fear to have the will to move themselves.

 

Three-

 

The raised fist briefly flashed in Soyoung’s blurred vision. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly and screamed with all her might.

 

“Stop!!! I’ll tell you where they took him-”

 

The fist slammed onto the wall just right beside her ear. Soyoung remained a crying scared mess in the face of the terrifying Daniel.

 

“Tell me.” The calmness that returned to his voice was seemingly deceiving as underneath it a suppressed turbulence remained.

 

“It’s at… at the abandoned building 10 minutes away from here… near the cafe…” After she spewed out all the information that he needed, he finally let loose of his hold on her. Soyoung was left to drop pathetically to the floor, shook out of her wits and could only continue crying.

 

Without wasting another second, Daniel grabbed Soyoung’s phone with him and sprinted out of the classroom leaving the havoc that he had created behind him to its own.

 

As he dashed out of the school building and all the way down the streets, he pressed 2 on his speed dial. The call immediately connected through after a few seconds.

 

“Jisung hyung-”

 

On the other line, Jisung noted that something was wrong right from the start as he took in the anxious voice and the ragged breathing of Daniel.

 

“Niel-ah, what’s wrong?” In the background, Woojin and Jaehwan noticed the sudden seriousness in Jisung’s voice upon receiving the call, causing them to immediately stop in the middle of their merry singing and cleaning task. Today they were coincidentally there too at work, skipping school to come in to help Jisung after they were told that the other workers couldn’t make it. Knowing that the call was from Daniel, their curiousity were piqued. Afterall they were just talking about influencing Daniel to skip school too and helped them out in the cafe. They abandoned their brooms and leaned on the counter to eavesdrop on the conversation. However because the voice on the other line was too faint, so they barely can hear anything. Albeit they noticed Jisung’s face which grew darker with each passing seconds.

 

“Jihoon…Jihoon was captured by Cha Youngjin and his gang. They’re in an abandoned building nearby your area. Hyung, please-” Daniel gasped desperately through the line.

 

Jisung didn’t need to listen any further. He untied the black apron he was using and threw it on the counter, all tasks at hand left behind as he prepared to head out.

 

“I got it, Niel-ah. I’ll search the area now.” Jisung said with an equally anxious voice before disconnecting the call. Listening to Jisung all throughout the conversation and feeling that something was wrong, Woojin and Jaehwan couldn’t help but to feel worried too. They followed after Jisung and asked what was going on. To which Jisung took time to explain everything to them. In the next few seconds witnessed the face of the two boys changing into one of shock.

 

“What the hell?! Cha Youngjin had Jihoon with him right now?!” Jaehwan exclaimed.

 

“Fuck… I don’t want to imagine what that motherfucker will do if we don’t go and find Jihoon now.” Woojin said under his breath angrily. “I know where that abandoned building that Daniel mentioned. It’s at a construction site a few minutes down from here. We have to run there fast before it’s too late.”

 

“Yes, let’s go now.” Jisung urged, heading out of the cafe.

 

At the corner, Jaehwan who was still shocked by the news couldn’t move. Woojin pinched his side and broke him out of his stupor. “Yah, get your ass moving. We have an important mission to do right now.”

 

After all three of them were out, Jisung flipped the sign at the entrance to CLOSE.

 

At that moment, Daniel came running from a distance towards them, asking. “Did you guys find out where is it?”

 

“Niel hyung! Just in time! I know the place, follow me, I’ll lead us there.” Woojin started dashing down the street, with the three of them following closely behind.

 

Less than 5 minutes later, they arrived at the abandoned construction site that Woojin mentioned. The whole atmosphere of the place was eerie, as only rubbles and a half-built three-storey building stood in the midst of the desolated scene. They lightly treaded through the path, as carefully and quietly as they could, to make sure their presence were undetected in case Cha Youngjin and his gang was nearby.

 

As they entered the building and climbed the first flight of the dusty stairs, a noise from above alerted them that someone else was there.

 

“This place is good. We can hit him as much as we can, and even if he screamed still no one would be able to hear him.” A voice resonated in the floor just above them. Following that the rustling sound of thrashing and a muffled sound of someone’s voice followed.

 

“Ah, you’re finally awake.”

 

Footsteps echoed throughout the space before they stopped.

 

“Now that you’re awake, we can start with the fun.” The amusement in that voice was evident.

 

Hidden behind the steps of the stairs, Jisung whispered to the other three. "What should we do now?"

__

“Should wejust head straight in and pummel the shit out of them?” Woojin offered a direct suggestion.

 

Jaehwan immediately raised an objection, tossed somewhat into a panic. “Yah… are we seriously going to pick a fight with Cha Youngjin and his gang?”

 

Woojin looked at him as if he was stupid. “Of course. Why do you think we come all the way here? To make peace with them?” At the look on Jaehwan’s face, Woojin quickly added. “Kim Jaehwan, don’t think of backing out now.”

 

Exasperated, Jaehwan barely held himself from shouting. “Fuck, of course I wasn’t thinking of backing out. It’s just that I’m asking if there’s any other way to go with other than having to fight them.”

 

“None. Though if you want some comfort, it’ll be 4vs4 this time so it’s going to be a fair fight.” _Just what I’ve been waiting for for a perfect revenge._ With flashing eyes, Woojin bumped his fists together a few times, readying himself for some action. _That is not comforting in the slightest._ Jaehwan could only manage a resigned sigh as he finally realized that there was no way out of this.Despite his initial refusal, Jaehwan looked like he was ready to pounce for some action too then. Before they can make a move however, Daniel held them back with one hand, shaking his head. They gave him a confused look. Daniel steadied his hand up as he took out the phone belonged to Soyoung from his pocket with another hand.

 

“Let me find us an opening.” _Until then wait for my signal._

 

* * *

 

Cha Youngjin watched with interest as the boy was laid out on the spread out cloth, the big eyes glaring at him with animosity. The effort to appear intimidating would’ve worked if only the face was a little less prettier. But the face was so pretty, and the big eyes vaguely reminded him of Soyoung’s that he was distracted thinking of how thrilling it would be to have all of the boy submitted to him.

 

The first step would be to physically hurt him into submission. Before he emotionally take control over his mind and his whole body. A shiver of pleasure crept down his spine at the exhilarating thought.

 

He instructed the guys to loosen the bind and the gag. Before Jihoon could do anything, the guys pressed him down back to the ground. Jihoon thrashed around and yelled, the action only spurring Youngjin further as he sat on the boy’s stomach and raised his fist, ready to land a blow.

 

_Beep._

 

His phone alerted him of a new message. He had been messaging with Soyoung a while ago. And he had been waiting for her reply. Thinking that the message was from Soyoung, he hurriedly got up and fished out his phone. He opened the message and it read. _I’m here at the entrance, can you come down for a while?_

A frown marred Youngjin’s face after he finished reading the message. What is Soyoung doing here? She had only told him to settle the matter by himself, she never told him that she would also come here to get involved. He didn’t know what to make out of it, but since she had asked it from him he could only comply wordlessly. Afterall, he needed to do whatever she said before getting her to agree to be his girlfriend. And Youngjin didn’t want to miss this chance by defying her once.

 

In the end, he complied to the request and told the other guys to hold onto Jihoon for a while while he went down for Soyoung. The other grumbled, mirroring his initial reaction but agreed anyways.

 

As it was still daytime, the interior of the building still received some lights from the windows and slight cracks in the wall. As a result, the floor was brightly lit. Except for the stairs as it was located further away from the source of light. Thus it was the only place that remained dimly lit compared to other areas.

 

As he trudged down the steps, the shadows shielded the quiet waiting silhouette of 4 males beside the stairs. As he climbed down the last step, he was instantly pounced by a sudden sheer force. It seemed like a body had slammed against him, subsequently sending him crashing down to the floor. The harsh impact made him unable to lift himself for a few seconds as he groaned in pain, trying to register from the shock of being assaulted out of nowhere. In that split of a second where he was down, someone got above him and started raining down strong punches on his face. In the midst of the sickening crush of bones and teeth, he heard the deep low voice of his assailant. _You like inflicting pain on people so much, now taste the pain yourself. See if you'll like it the same._

 

The noises from the commotion had sent the other 3 upstairs into an alerted state. They hastily tied Jihoon back up before they ran downstairs. Only to get assaulted the same way as their leader.

 

Jaehwan, Woojin and Jisung got into action and dove into a surprise attack against the 3 guys. A fight broke out and chaos ensued.

 

Upstairs, Jihoon had realized since a while ago of the ruckus downstairs. As the guys had been rushing to hurry down earlier, therefore the binds were tied looser than intended. Using every movement he can manage in his limited state, he tried to slither his wrists free from the restraints. With patience and perseverance, the knot gradually unraveled and the ropes fell down to the floor with a dull thud. Without wasting another second, Jihoon quickly untied the ropes that bound his ankle together as well. The moment he was free, he got up and rushed downstairs.

 

Downstairs, the guys had broken into a full-blown fight. Woojin had just finished taking down his opponent with a kick to his stomach, and was now rushing towards Jaehwan who was struggling through the arms of his opponent which held him in a choking head-lock. Jisung on the other hand was hanging in there exchanging blows with his own foe. Daniel was on the ground, still punching the lights out of Youngjin despite the latter who had grew motionless underneath him with face all damaged, broken and bleeding. Only when he saw Jihoon appearing down the stairs did Daniel finally snap out from his violent rage and stop hitting Youngjin.

 

He stood up, knuckles bloodied and used the same fist to take Jisung’s opponent out of surprise by throwing a punch in his direction. At that moment of advantage, Jisung also joined in and subdued the guy by kicking him down to the ground and landing repeated blows on him. At the other side, Woojin went to save Jaehwan out of his predicament as he used his arms to secure his own head-lock around the guy’s neck, using full force enough to cause the guy to gurgle and choke on his own breath. Eventually the arms around Jaehwan's neck loosened and Jaehwan also grabbed the opportunity of his release to throw his strongest punch to the guy’s stomach. The blow sending the guy to his knees as Woojin released him. The two continued to beat the guy up while he was splayed on the floor.

 

As Woojin and Jaehwan worked on the guy, and Daniel and Jisung worked on the other two guys, no one noticed the bleeding Youngjin who was heaving himself up and trying to stand up, the bruised up eyes blazing with fury. In that moment, Jihoon watched as Youngjin took out a pocket knife from under his shirt and aimed for Daniel.

 

Everything was if moving in a slow motion in that one second as Jihoon felt his body launching towards Daniel just in time the knife was about to strike him. In the next few seconds that followed, he witnessed the knife that pierced through his skin and impaled itself into his abdomen. Following that, blood seeped from the wound and blossomed red through his shirt.

 

Daniel who only realized this a second too late, hurriedly intervened to the front and kicked Youngjin down. The knife fell from his grip and at the same time Youngjin was propelled back to the floor. Vision going red, he yanked Youngjin up by the collar and started punching his face again, this time so much more uncontrollable and terrifying that Jisung feared Daniel might end up killing the guy.

 

But most importantly, there was Jihoon who was bleeding heavily and in danger of dying if they don’t get help fast.

 

“Daniel!!!!” Jisung shouted his name loudly, breaking through the madness in his mind. “Jihoon…Jihoon is-” Daniel instantly stopped, fists uncurling and fingers trembling as he left after Youngjin and went to Jihoon’s side with shaky steps, the weight of the situation finally crashing down onto him. Jaehwan and Woojin had now crowded around the blurry-eyed Jihoon as well and were panicking. _We have to get him to the nearest hospital now! Fast!_  It didn’t take Daniel another second to get himself moving. Lifting Jihoon up in his arms, his legs ran as fast as they could to the hospital in the direction that they pointed out.

 

All the while looking down at Jihoon with tears in his eyes, noticing the half-lidded eyes of the other which were going out of focus every so often, as if he was fading in consciousness. _…You can hear me, right? Listen to my voice and stay awake Jihoon-ah…_

__

The blood continued to stain Jihoon’s shirt, blooming wider and a more intense red in the midst of the white background. Daniel watched with a painfully pounding heart as the blood drained the natural redness from Jihoon’s face and replaced it with a ghostly pallor.

 

_Jihoon-ah, Jihoon-ah…_

_Just a little more. Just a little more, hang in there-_

_I can’t live without you. Please don’t leave hyung, Jihoon-ah… Please don’t leave-_

_Just a little more…until then, stay with me, okay...?_

__


	30. Chapter 30

 

Daniel sat outside the operation theatre restlessly. Unable to remain sitting still in one spot, he got up and paced around, before sitting back again with legs that refused to stop shaking themselves.

 

Woojin, Jaehwan and Jisung who had to get themselves patched up for their wounds had returned to check on Daniel’s condition. Daniel himself didn’t get out of the fight uninjured, sporting a few wounds on his face and some bruises here and there, however he insisted on staying to wait outside the operation room even if the nurses kept on persuading him to get his wounds treated while waiting for the doctor’s news. Daniel wasn’t able to comply to their requests, because he didn’t want to get a few more meters away from Jihoon than he already was. These few meters were already enough to put him at the very edge as he felt himself slowly losing his patience with each passing hour.

 

Regret seeped into his very core. Lowering his head, he cradled his face in his hands.

 

…If only Jihoon hadn’t cover up for him, he wouldn’t have ended up behind that door right now. It was all his fault, his weakness, his insufficiency that had caused Jihoon the consequences-

 

Daniel didn’t realize he was muttering these to himself until Jisung knocked him on the head gently to stop him, though he couldn’t help looking at the other’s distraught state with sympathy. _Niel-ah… This was not something that you nor any of us could predict, so don’t blame it all on yourself. For now…let’s just hope the surgery will go well._ Despite Jisung’s effort to spark optimism, the optimism only lasted for a short while before the gloomy atmosphere descended among them again with the hours that continued to pass with no news.

 

It was only nighttime when the surgeon came out of the operation theatre. The wise eyes looked fatigued after going through hours of surgery. The lengthy surgery had involved them having to extract the knife out from the young boy’s abdomen, then to open up and stop the bleeding from within while they explored for any damaged organs in the process.

 

In the end, the conclusion that they came out with was relieving, and the doctor was able to take out the white mask that covered his mouth and revealed a genuine smile to the nervous boys who were waiting to hear what he has to say.

 

“Fortunately the knife didn’t go deep enough to injure any vital organs, so that is one very good news I would like to inform you.” _Except we discovered the boy had massive intra-abdominal blood loss and experienced an episode of hypotension during operation earlier, so we had to go through an emergency measure to get him out of shock. Thankfully his blood pressure had stabilized. And he is now out of any imminent danger. But we will need to keep him in the hospital to monitor his progress for the next few days._

 

Hearing that, Daniel almost fell to his knees in relief. He held onto the doctor and bowed and thanked him repeatedly. Woojin, Jaehwan and Jisung accepted the good news with an immensely relieved reaction as well as they followed Daniel to thank the doctor profusely, showing their endless appreciation for the doctor’s hard work that the doctor had to calm them down with a laugh. _It was no problem. Now you kids can go and get yourselves some deserved rest. The patient will be sent to his room in a while and I will need to discuss with his guardian on his future management plan tomorrow morning._

 

As the doctor took his leave, Daniel was finally able to breathe easier and his body was finally able to relax itself. The long hours of being constantly at the peak of anxiety had been straining to him without realizing. Consequently he started to be aware of the fatigue that acutely took over his mind and body once he crashed down from all the adrenaline. Jisung supported the exhausted looking Daniel, and led him to the nurses. He finally agreed to get his wounds patched up then, so the other three accompanied and waited for Daniel to be done.

 

After that, they headed up towards the private room where Jihoon had been sent in to. Daniel’s previously calmed heart began racing again as he opened the door to the room.

 

Jihoon was laying on the bed in a hospital gown, eyes closed and sleeping peacefully. Though he still looked visibly paler than usual, but Daniel was simply comforted to see the chest that raised up and down steadily with each exhaled breath. Just a few hours ago, he had to bear with the terrifying thought of losing Jihoon but now he had the proof that Jihoon was still alive and breathing. The others wanted to stay together with Daniel because they wanted to be there for Jihoon too. But as Daniel saw how Woojin and Jaehwan kept on dozing off on the chair, he shook them awake gently and suggested them to go home. _I’ll be here to watch after Jihoon, so you two can go home and rest for a while. I’ll call you two once he regained consciousness._ Jisung shared Daniel’s sentiment and joined in to urge the two sleepy kids home. After the two left, only Daniel and Jisung were left in the silent hospital room.

 

“Niel-ah, you should also go home and take a rest. I can look after Jihoon for the meantime.”

 

Daniel shook his head as he managed a small weak smile. He clasped onto Jihoon’s hand and watched the sleeping face with a softened expression. “I want to be here when he opens his eyes.” Jisung watched as Daniel stubbornly insisted to stay, keeping himself awake despite the sleep that gradually tugged his eyelids as they went further into the night.

 

In the end, Jisung found Daniel falling asleep on his chair beside Jihoon’s bed. He sighed gently, taking extra blanket from the cupboard and covered Daniel who was still dressed up in his stained school clothes. He then turned to Jihoon who was still sleeping peacefully on the bed. Leaning down, he watched Jihoon’s face with a soft smile while using his fingers to brush off the stray brown fringes on his forehead. _Jihoon-ah, the idiot here refused to do anything until he sees you awake. So you definitely have to wake up soon and tell him, and us, that you’ll be okay._

__

* * *

 

 __ JIHOON’S POV

 

I seemed to have a long, long dream that night. It was a dream that had me walking through a long, long lighted winding path with mirrors of memories reflected all along the sides. The oldest vaguest memories I could remember from when I was a child till to the most recent memories. As I walked down the path, I began seeing the phases of my life flashed through my eyes one by one.

 

The memories of being embraced in my parents warm hold, sheltered under a loving house and secured from any harm. The memories of them celebrating my birthdays, of them running to my side when I had came to them crying after falling down and hurting my knee, of them always being there to comfort me whenever I cried for the littlest things, or there to share my happiness as they laughed at my gleeful antics - those little memories were the ones that I had left of my parents and were the ones that left me the deepest impression of them. All of them were encased preciously in a glass box deep in the recess of my mind, and now the glass box had been unlocked and I walked through memories after memories of them, reliving my happy childhood days.

 

In the middle of the path, I stepped onto an unsteady surface and it cracked under my weight, sending me falling down into a deep endless abyss where darkness consumed every inch of my sight. The world then changed into the days that followed after the death of my parents. The memories were dark, reflecting the heart that had became hollowed from sorrow, pain and loss. And the abuses that were rained down on me one after another drove me into a deep dark pit of despair and hopelessness.

 

As I continued falling further and further into the deep pit of darkness, not knowing when I would crash and shatter, I waited for my bleak end with a heart that was resigned.

 

Until I saw that tunnel of light from a distance, gradually widening and enlarging in my vision before my whole world was consumed with a white bright warm light.

 

There was you waiting at the end of the tunnel.

 

You stretched your hand out to me silently, with a smile so radiant that it blinded my eyes. You seemed to be the epitome of light itself as every particles of you glowed. I reached out my own hand to clasp onto yours, feeling your firm fingers wrapping around me as you led me through the glimmering path of light.

 

From there onwards, every little memories that had you in it started reflecting in the beautifully glowing mirror-like shards all around us. The memories of our first meeting, of your smiling face that regarded me for the first time under that umbrella, of your concerned face as you realized the hurting me, of your confession as you realized your own feelings towards me, of your touches that caressed every inch of my body tenderly to the memories of me waking up in the mornings to the feeling of your gentle head stroking my hair-

 

As I went through the path being led by your hand, a red flower blossomed on my stomach. The flower becoming more widespread the more steps I took forward until it eventually stained my whole body red. The red started spreading up to my neck, gradually crawling all the way up to my face. You turned back and looked at me, and instantly I saw your face turning anxious as you screamed at me. Despite that, I was only met with deafening silence. You panicked as my fingers started slipping from your grasp. The shards around fell and shattered into pieces, and the path below us started shaking and crumbling.

 

Before I started falling through, the last thing I saw was your deep dark eyes filled with so much fear, solemnity, love and yearning-

 

Finally your voice went through.

 

_Please don’t leave me, Jihoon-ah…_

 

 

 

 

 

I opened my eyes and a silent tear slipped past.

 

 

 

 

 

My world reverted back to reality.

 

The confining white-washed walls of the room was unfamiliar.

 

As I tried to register where I was, the memories before I became unconscious came crashing down like waves making my head hurt. Aside from my hurting head, my whole body was also aching and the pain was particularly focused on a specific part in my abdomen. A small pained whimper escaped my lips, breaking through the stilled silence in the room.

 

Following that, a shifting sound was heard at my side before a small gasp followed.

 

“Jihoon-ah…”

 

I looked at Daniel who was sitting at the chair at my bedside, his eyes opened wide in realization. _H-Hyung…wake up. Jihoonie, he’s- he’s awake-_ The frantic Daniel hastily got out from the chair and sat at the edge of my bed.

 

I wanted to say something, but my throat felt extremely dry. In the end, I could only manage to produce a hoarse, croaking sound. _Where…_

 

I saw as a surprised and relieved-looking Jisung also entered my view, his eyes tearing up at the edges as he kept murmuring _thank god, he’s finally awake. Niel-ah, I’ll go and call Jaehwan and Woojin and tell them that he’s awake._ Jisung turned away and discreetly brushed the tear from his eye before he rushed out of the room to make the call.

 

Then it was only me and Daniel left in the room.

 

For some reason, seeing his face upon waking up made a huge sense of relief wash over me. I wanted to do more, but even smiling was a chore as every inch of my body screamed with the littlest movement made.

 

Instead Daniel came close to me himself and leaned down towards me, whispering. “It’s okay…It’s okay…Don’t move, just lay down.” Soon, I felt his arms carefully wrapping around my shoulders as he moved to bury his face into my neck. _I’m just happy to see you’re awake and okay._..  I could sense the relief and gratitude that poured through the tight embrace he had on me. Daniel only allowed himself to let go of me after Jisung entered the room, saying Woojin and Jaehwan is on their way to the hospital now.

 

I then watched as Jisung sat on the other side of the bed, stroking my head with a fond smile on his face. “You’re a little hero, you know that? The bravest one I ever knew.” _You sacrificed yourself to save Daniel._

 

The muscles on my cheek twitched and I gave my best effort to muster a smile.

 

Contrary to Jisung, Daniel was lamenting over my action with a deep sigh and a meaningful look. _Park Jihoon, I want to tell you that if that happened again, you should never do the same… I can never forgive myself if anything had happened to you._

 

But hyung… I can’t forgive myself either if anything happened to you. At that time, it was simply a moment’s instinct that took over me to shield you when I saw that you were in the face of an impending danger. You’ve always tried to protect me because you said that I was important to you… it’s no different for me either. Because you’re important to me, naturally the will to sacrifice myself to protect you became an innate instinct…  

 

Therefore if you asked me if I would still do the same the second time, I’d still say yes and choose to throw myself towards you if it meant saving your life another time.

 

 _But still… thank you, Jihoon-ah. You saved my life._ A real genuine smile broke on your lips this time as you conveyed your deep appreciation towards me.

 

 

I absolutely had no regret.

 

You were afterall the light that had pulled me out from my darkness. And the only light that I wished to protect and keep safe.

 

 


	31. Chapter 31

 

The doctor came a little later in the morning to review on Jihoon’s condition. As he scanned the faces in the room, the dreaded question came out.

 

“Where’s his guardian?”

 

With his biggest worry over after Jihoon had thankfully woken up, immediately after Daniel realized that there was another huge matter that he needed to worry over. It was the doctor’s request to meet the guardian. After contemplating about it, he came to the decision that he can’t let Jihoon’s uncle be involved in this no matter what.

 

Due to that reason, Daniel had been the one to step up as soon as the doctor had asked the question.  

 

“I’ll be taking that responsibility.”

 

The doctor looked hesitant as he looked at the other 4 people in the room. “But you’re not his guardian…” His eyes fell on the school shirt that Daniel was wearing and his brows furrowed even more. No matter how he looked at it, Daniel was clearly still in high school and it was definitely out of question for a high school student to be acting as the guardian of someone.

 

“At the moment, he’s staying with me due to some personal reason. Can’t you deal with it through me?” Daniel was insistent and there was a hint of desperation coating the edge of his voice.

 

The doctor was unsure how to answer as he tapped his pen on the writing board. On the board laid a form. “It’s just that the hospital needs his guardian to fill in the informed consent for his treatment, then there’s also the matter of his discharge form and fees later… Besides, its in the protocol that I will need to discuss with his actual guardian about his current condition.” Despite Daniel being insistent, the doctor himself was being unrelenting. As a result, Daniel was thrown into a bind.

 

Everyone had their eyes on Daniel as the latter fell into silence. Jihoon who was sitting quietly on the bed all throughout the conversation was the first to break away his gaze as he lowered his head. There seemed to be no other choice but to be truthful… Looking at how Daniel was being pressured with the issue all alone, Jihoon opened his mouth to speak slowly.  

 

“Doctor, I lived with my uncle… He’s my actual guardian.”

 

As if he had received the answer he wanted, the doctor’s face lit up with a relieved smile. “Then, please call your uncle-”

 

“No!”

 

The doctor’s words were cut off by a sudden loud objection, surprising everyone. It was Daniel who had interfered. Daniel directed a firm, almost threatening look to the doctor as he growled under his breath. “Absolutely not his uncle.”

 

At the uncomfortable atmosphere that now lingered in the air, Jisung hurriedly took his cue and apologized to the doctor. _Sorry doctor… but can I have a moment to talk with him. I promise it won’t take long._ Jisung hurriedly grabbed Daniel’s arm and pulled him out of the room, leaving the doctor baffled as he watched after their exiting form.

 

Outside the room, Jisung got into a questioning mode. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you acting so defensively towards the doctor the whole time? And what’s wrong with calling Jihoon’s uncle?” He noticed that Daniel seemed to become particularly sensitive when Jihoon’s uncle was mentioned and he wondered why it was riling Daniel up so much. Besides he himself had thought it was thoughtless of Daniel to offer himself to be Jihoon’s guardian when he could just opt to contact his real guardian to come and settle this issue with the doctor. Why was Daniel handling this the hard way?

 

It was because Jisung didn’t know. Daniel hadn’t tell him anything about Jihoon’s relationship with his uncle, actually he hadn’t tell anyone about it so no one else knew except him. Thus only he would understand his own reasons for trying to stop them from calling Jihoon’s uncle. He sighed. Seemed like it was unavoidable at this point, he will need to tell everything to Jisung because he realized he may need Jisung’s help. Besides, Jisung was a person who he knew he can trust and rely on with this matter.

 

“Jisung hyung, first to get you to understand… I will have to tell you something really important about Jihoon.”

 

“What is it?”

 

Daniel started explaining everything, from the beginning to the end. It took him a while to go through everything, revealing that Jihoon’s parents had passed away so he had been living with his uncle for a few years now, then proceeding to go into the details of Jihoon being abused by his uncle. Throughout the whole story, Jisung was gaping in shock and disbelief. He only managed to find his voice again after the story was finished.

 

“...Is this really true?”

 

Daniel nodded.

 

Jisung stared at him for a few disbelieving seconds again before he finally sighed, cradling his forehead as if he was suffering from a headache.

 

“I want to ask for your help, hyung... Since you’re the only adult among us, can you please take responsibility for Jihoon temporarily? Because we can’t let them call his uncle no matter what. Jihoon will get dragged back to his uncle if that happened.” It was a plea for help.

 

There was of course no way that Jisung could refute now knowing what was happening. He seemed to want to question more, but realizing the doctor was still waiting for them inside he decided to agree first for now and keep the problem to ponder on further later.

 

When they entered the room, the doctor looked up from his writing and regarded them with an expectant gaze. Jisung swallowed and composed himself before switching on his negotiating mode. The adult side of him emerging when the matter at hand required him to be as such to deal with it. The next few minutes witnessed him engaging in a serious conversation with the doctor as he requested to become Jihoon’s temporary guardian. When asked about Jihoon’s uncle, his quick-witted mind went to supply an instant formulated excuse. Going into details that Jihoon’s uncle was out of country for work at the moment, and Jihoon had no close relatives in the vicinity therefore as his superior at work he will take over the responsibility of seeing through Jihoon’s stay in the hospital.

 

With a few more convincing explanations, he managed to get through to the doctor. Once he established Jisung to be the guardian, the doctor proceeded to explain that Jihoon will need to stay in the hospital a few more days so that they can monitor his post-operation condition and make sure that no complications would ensue. Otherwise there wasn’t really any other pressing significant issue to address. The doctor claimed that Jihoon’s prognosis is good, so he will be able to regain his full functional status in no time and will be able to be up and about again doing the things he usually do. At that, the people in the room breathed a sigh of relief. Before the doctor took his leave, Jisung made sure to thank the doctor once again for his time and effort.

 

“What was that all about? Jisung hyung suddenly having to be Jihoonie’s guardian?” The oblivious Woojin asked in curiousity. _I know right…_ On the other hand, Jaehwan who had a keener instinct suspiciously eyed Daniel and Jisung, the eyes seemingly saying that he didn’t really believe the reasons that Jisung had given to the doctor earlier. It eventually pressured the older man into answering. “Jihoonie is having some problem with his uncle, so hyung decides to take over for the meantime.” It was the simplest explanation he could offer to at least alleviate the curiousity of the two kids momentarily. He made a mental note to explain everything in more detail to the two of them when the time is right later.

 

Right now, they still need to deal with another matter at hand… He turned to look at Daniel.

 

“The school will definitely be notified about this later. What are you going to do, Niel-ah?”

 

“Right…” Being reminded that he was definitely not out of trouble yet, Daniel sat back on the chair heavily.

 

It wouldn’t take long till the school catch news of what happened. Daniel will need to start thinking on how to answer them.

 

* * *

 

 

The news spread fast. By the next day, the school had already been made aware of the fight that had broken out between their students and students from the other high school. What made it such a serious issue though was the fact that the fight ended up with a few of them having to receive treatment in the hospital currently. The initial reaction had been an uproar throughout the whole school, with many random speculation towards the whole thing coming out yet no one really had a clear idea of how or why it happened. Once the news came to the principal’s knowledge, she had taken immediate responsibility to seek for clarification.

 

Being one of the people who came out of the fight with lighter injuries, eventually Daniel was called out by the teacher to the principal's office in order to provide his account on the incident. When Jihoon heard about this, he had wanted to come too. _Hyung, I probably should accompany you to explain to them that you’re not at fault._  Jihoon had sounded every bit anxious as he held onto Daniel’s hand persistently. Daniel was about to leave after receiving the call from his teacher, but Jihoon kept trying to stop him. _I need to explain to them what actually happened, you have to bring me with you-_ Jihoon had to make sure that they didn’t get the wrong impression on Daniel and ended up giving him an unfair punishment that would cost him. Afterall…Daniel was only involved in the fight because he was trying to save him.

 

But Daniel had been taking everything in very calmly. Sitting back down beside Jihoon, he convinced the other. _Jihoon-ah, listen, you don’t have to bother your mind worrying about it. Hyung will take care of everything. You just need to focus on recovering and getting well again. That’s the most important thing at the moment._ He had said it in such a decisive manner, intent on not letting Jihoon do otherwise. _Besides you’re still not well enough right now to follow me to school._ Jihoon could only look down helplessly as he realized the truth in the other’s words. It had made Daniel smile softly as he reached up to stroke Jihoon’s head. _Like I said, don’t worry. Just trust me. I got this under control._

 

After that Daniel had left for school. Upon reaching the school, his teacher had been the one to receive him, fidgety and looking as if she had so many things she wanted to inquire him yet she had to quell back that desire because the principal had ordered for her to get Daniel into the office immediately upon arrival.

 

Currently he found himself in the principal’s office, sitting in the middle with Teacher Han, his homeroom teacher, on his right and Teacher Lee, Jihoon’s homeroom teacher, on his left. In contrary to the calm Daniel, the two teachers were sweating nervously under the livid scrutiny of their principal.

 

The principal of the school was a woman in her forties. She wore thick squared glasses, had sharp looking eyes and a face which rarely smiled. Due to her strict appearance, she was always perceived to be intimidating and thus feared by the teachers and the students. The intimidation level this time seemed to be several notch higher than usual judging from the tense atmosphere.

 

“What’s the meaning of all these?” Her anger was barely suppressed by the little amount of patience she still had left.

 

This was because she had been having a hard time fending off the crowds that were gathering in front of the school since this morning. It seemed that the news of the fight had caught the attention of the local newspaper reporters, and thus many of them had waited outside to be granted the permission to interview the principal regarding the details of the incident. They were still outside there waiting for her even as they speak now. But the principal had wanted to hear everything from Daniel himself first before she decided to say anything to the reporters.

 

Still she couldn’t help but to express her disappointment upon being faced with Daniel.

 

“Kang Daniel, you’re one of the school’s most promising student…I didn’t expect you to be the one involved in such a fight.”The principal rubbed her temple, feeling the attack of an incoming headache. _…And to make it worse, our one other student that was also involved got stabbed in the stomach and have to be hospitalized._ That morning when she received that news, she had immediately summoned Teacher Lee to ask about the student. But he was unable to provide anything significant to her, merely saying that _Park Jihoon is a good kid, isn’t the type to cause problems, so I really don’t know how or why he got involved in this…_

 

Teacher Han had been devastated herself when she learned the news. Students from her class rarely caused problems, afterall her class was known to house all the brilliant promising students. It was especially more shocking because it was Daniel, the one she had the most expectation on. She absolutely couldn’t imagine him involving in a fight especially when it was so near to the SAT date. So when the principal asked, she was at a loss of words on how to answer her.

 

In the end, the principal turned to Daniel for answers.

 

“Explain, Kang Daniel. On why and how you and Park Jihoon were involved in all these mess.”

 

Daniel looked at the woman, no hint of wavering as if he had prepared to answer all these.

 

“The guys from the other school took Jihoon away and they were planning to do something bad to him. I simply did what I have to do to stop them.”

__

The principal had heard about the students from the other school who were involved in the fight. It seemed that those students were famous for their troublemaking tendencies and they were often caught involved in fights in and outside of school. In particular Cha Youngjin,the person who had stabbed Park Jihoon, stood out the most from the rest due to the long list of misconducts and repeated suspensions in his school record. Hearing Daniel’s side of story, it seemed plausible that things had turned out that way. But the principal still wanted to identify the root cause of this whole problem.

 

“Why did they target Park Jihoon in the first place?”

 

“Because one of our students asked them to hurt Jihoon.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Choi Soyoung.”

 

At that, Jihoon’s teacher gasped in disbelief, subsequently exclaiming with a face that had turned red in anger. _What kind of nonsense are you talking about! Choi Soyoung is a very well-behaved girl, it’s not possible that she’s the one who asked for such a thing to be done to Park Jihoon!_ He was as if trying to defend that the students in his class were all well-monitored and that no one would behave unaccordingly. It had seemed like a battle of pride then with the way he kept denying that his students would do no such thing.

 

For some reason, his behaviour riled Daniel up. It had felt as if a lot of crucial matter that should’ve been noticed a long time ago remained unnoticed because of his pride which refused to acknowledge that something was wrong.

 

“Just shut up… You know nothing of what was happening in your class, much less your students.” Daniel’s voice was low and full of spite. The teacher got momentarily stunned as he was met by the animosity in Daniel’s narrowed slits.

 

“Kang Daniel you shouldn’t talk that way to a teacher…!” Beside him, his teacher tried to reprimand his behaviour.

 

Meanwhile the principal was quietly observing the whole exchange. She knew Daniel. Daniel was well-known for his splendid achievements. She had presented awards to Daniel several times during assembly, and also had a few chance to talk and get to know the personality of the boy. And from the few conversations they had, she could tell Kang Daniel isn’t a person to say something without reason. He is a very logical person, and would only speak out when he knows its right.

 

“What do you mean by that?” Therefore the next question was directed to Daniel. She was interested to hear what he has to say.

 

Daniel turned back to look at the principal. It’s time for him to reveal everything and get the rightful person to be responsible for all these.

 

“The whole class was bullying Jihoon.”

 

Teacher Lee stood up to protest again, but the principal sent a sharp glare in his direction which abruptly silenced him back to his seat. The principal gestured for Daniel to continue.

 

“It first started from Choi Soyoung. She spread ill rumours about Jihoon and after that the whole class gradually joined in. The bullying started since then. I only knew this recently, and by the time I knew it the bullying had become more severe. He was accused for many things he didn’t do and was made responsible for it. Jihoon had also been assaulted once by the guys.” He had known this because he had forced Jihoon to tell him everything right to the smallest details. And throughout the whole time he was struggling to hold his anger back.

 

Teacher Lee raised a hand in objection, a deep frown on his face. “I don’t believe all these. I’ve been with the class from the beginning of the year until now and I didn’t feel any bullying atmosphere in the class at all.”

 

“...Don’t you think it’s just because you’re simply ignorant to what’s happening in your own class? If you care just a little more, you would’ve noticed what your students had been doing to Jihoon...and you would also noticed that something else was wrong with Jihoon.”

 

“What are you implying?”

 

“Besides being bullied, Jihoon was also being abused by his uncle.”

 

The sudden disturbing revelation shocked everyone into speechlessness.

 

“He missed school a few days every week because of his uncle’s abuse. He wore thick school coat that covered his whole body in the middle of summer because he wanted to cover up the bruises. Did you know that?” The question was shot towards the stunned teacher who apparently had no idea of this piece of information. When he couldn’t answer anything, Daniel continued to chide. “Because you’re so ignorant, you didn’t even bother to find out the reason why he was missing so many school days.”

 

“But…he told me it was because he had a weak body so he often got sick…” Teacher Lee murmured in a small hesitant voice.

 

“And you just believed him like that? You didn’t even bother to know further than that. He doesn’t have a single fucking disease that could make his body that weak, it was just his uncle at home who was hitting him at night and making him in so much pain that he couldn’t even get up to go to school the next morning. Did you ever think about going to his house to check on his living condition?! Did you ever think of meeting up with his uncle to inquire about Jihoon’s frequent absence?! If you had just think of doing a little checking, you could’ve probably detected that something was wrong going on in that house and with his uncle! Because of ignorant teachers like you, Jihoon had to suffer through the abuse for four fucking years with no one knowing!!!”

 

Jihoon had been silently asking for help, yet none heard his pleas. It was this fact that was so frustrating that Daniel couldn’t help but to burst out in anger.

 

The whole office was thrown into a long silence. There was only Daniel’s harsh breathing which sounded in between.

 

It was the principal who finally broke the silence.

 

“I understand...” Her face mirrored a deep regret and sorrow. “It was indeed our fault for failing to recognize the signs of abuse on him. But now that you’ve told me, I will see to it that proper action will be taken. The bullying will stop immediately. Teacher Lee, I will need you, Choi Soyoung and her parents in this office later for further discussion regarding this bullying matter.” The principal had also proceeded to request for all students from his class to be interrogated as well as other eye-witnesses of the bullying. Further action will be decided once she gained enough evidence to confirm everything.

 

Teacher Lee was unable to say anything further in the definitive words of the principal, merely nodding his head defeatedly. He can tell that it's going to be a long arduous process that will involve lots of tears and a turmoil of other heavy emotions along the way. Now he was left to dread thinking of the punishment that he will have to face from the principal later.

 

“Other than that, regarding the abuse matter… Teacher Han, can you help do me a favour?”

 

The mentioned teacher, startled at the sudden request, hastily nodded while answering. “Yes, of course!”

 

“I need you to help check on Jihoon’s uncle…and later report it to the authority responsible for child abuse. Can you do it?”

 

Teacher Han seemed to be more fired up than ever. “Yes, of course! I will do my best to make sure that this issue will be handled accordingly!” She had been shocked by what Daniel had said earlier, and it was also an eye opener in a way. The role of a teacher wasn’t simply to educate but also to be attentive of what was going on with the students themselves. And throughout the years, they seemed to have gradually forgotten this most vital aspect.

 

It seemed to be a lesson for all of them as they learned it the hard way. Due to their carelessness, a precious student of them had been subjected to such abuse for years without anyone knowing. The only thing they can do now is to put a stop to all of that and fix whatever they can still fix for Jihoon.

 

The principal turned to look back at Daniel. With her view shed in a new light, she wanted to make amends for their ignorance all these while... She held Daniel’s hands and regarded him with earnest eyes.

 

“Thank you for telling us all these. You’ve worked hard, now we will be taking over everything from here.”

 


	32. Chapter 32

 

JIHOON’S POV

 

I had been staying in the hospital for the past one week.

 

It was a boring stay with too much free time and nothing much to do most of the time. During the recovery period, the doctor encouraged me to mobilize little by little but I was adviced to not push myself too much to prevent the risk of reopening the stitches. Because initially there was still some pain left at the operation site, so in the first few days I couldn’t move any farther than the bathroom. Therefore my daily life was mostly limited to activities in the hospital room.

 

One week felt like such a long time within this four confining bland walls of the hospital room. The only time when I was distracted from the dragging time was when people came to visit me. Woojin, Jaehwan and Jisung came to see me on some days, and each time they would bring me things to occupy my time like magazines, comic books or mangas. One time Woojin even brought his Nintendo DS, telling me that I can borrow it until I got discharged. _Because god knows how boring it is to stay in the hospital with nothing to do._ He said as if he could read my mind. Sometimes would stay with me till night when we got distracted playing a game together, and occassionally there would be Jaehwan who would join in as well. While the two became my gaming partners, Jisung on the other hand made sure that I was provided with enough necessities to go by everyday. Bringing foods, drinks, clothes, toiletries, and other basic stuffs. He took care of me as if he was my real guardian and I had to admit that I was being pampered a lot by him these days. As a result, I started to warm up to him gradually and became more comfortable opening up about things I couldn’t with him before.

 

While I had all these company with me, there was also Daniel who came by everyday after school. The hospital became like a second home to him as he stayed back to sleep with me most of the time. He only went back home when he had to prepare for school in the morning.

 

In the mornings when everyone was busy with their daily activities, I sat idly just watching the scenery outside the window.

 

There was one morning that I remembered when I was visited by the teacher from our school. She introduced herself as Teacher Han, Daniel’s homeroom teacher, and I recognized her instantly because I had seen her often in school. She was a pleasant lady, full of smiles and kind gestures. She also had brought me fruit basket as a souvenier and offered to cut some of the fruits for me to eat. I discovered her artistic hands when she cut the apples into rabbit-like pieces and handed them to me in a plate. When she asked later why I wasn’t eating, I could only answer her honestly that I felt sorry to eat the rabbits. _They were made so nicely, it’s a pity to eat them…_ She had burst out laughing then, consoling me by saying that she will come again and will make new rabbits for me to eat again so I can eat these round of rabbits with an eased heart. While I got convinced to take a bite of the rabbit, she initiated conversation with me.

 

In my memories, there wasn’t really a time when I had talked to her properly in school. I only remembered passing by her in the corridor and greeting her. So that morning it was the first time that we had a proper conversation together. She was warming me up with small talks on what was going on with the school, before gradually diving into more personal questions about me.

 

Daniel had told me before that he had spoken with the principal and the teachers about what happened. So I assumed that everything was now all out in the open. It was confirmed when the teacher started mentioning about the bullying. _ _I_ ’m sorry that it had turned out this way. That you had to end up in the hospital because the teachers weren’t aware of the bullying that was going on. _She grasped my hand in hers and looked into my eyes meaningfully as if she had been meaning to convey this to me for a while now.

 

 _And…I’m sorry that we were late at picking up your uncle’s abusive behaviour._ She spoke carefully as if she was stepping onto something fragile. I shook my head, smiling. Things had became better and that was all that matter.

 

 _I actually came because I wanted to talk to you more about this._ Following that, she explained to me that she will need to report my uncle to the local authority. And depending on what I tell them, my uncle may or may not be arrested for it. _Jihoon, your uncle has committed a crime against you. It was not something any child should go through. Now it is only right that you confessed the truth to the people responsible and let them take appropriate action against your uncle._ I stared quietly at her before looking down to her warm hands that still had mine in a tight clasp.

 

 _You’ve suffered a lot, it’s time for you to be free from it._ Her whole face softened as a sincere smile adorned her features. After a while, I finally lowered my head, nodding quietly. She expressed her relief by the smile that had grew impossibly wide on her face.

 

“It’s also all thanks to Daniel for letting us know. Now we can take action and correct back what has gone wrong.”

 

I nodded, cheeks warming at the mention of Daniel. I was aware that he was the reason why things had started looking up again these days. I always admired Daniel because he has the courage to stand up to what he thinks is right, even if he is the only one who dared to voice out his opinion among the crowds. And he is also one of those people who is brave enough to initiate the first move in something, like a pioneer who stimulate the subsequent waves of followers. _He is a great person, isn’t he?_ The teacher seemed to mirror my thoughts as she spoke out what is on my mind. _And Daniel…he definitely cares for you very much, don’t doubt that._ I knew it even without her saying it, because I knew how much Daniel had sacrificed himself for my sake, how he had spoken up for my defense and on my behalf whenever I was too afraid to. He was like my leverage who had constantly supported me and made me able to face even the most frightening thing.

 

He is dear to me, beyond what words could describe.

 

While we were on the matter of Daniel, the topic on SAT and his future plan somehow came out. “Have you heard that he was thinking of going to SNU?”

 

I nodded, remembering the chats I had with him before. Teacher Han must be the one who he had been meeting with to talk about his future career and university choice.

 

“It had been his aim since the start of high school. So he has worked really hard till now to be at a standard on par to SNU’s expectation. I believe in his abilities to make it work, all I can do is just to aid and support him all the way till his graduation.” _I hope you can be with me to support him in his dream too._ The teacher smiled, optimism lighting up her whole features. I couldn’t help but to return back the smile.

 

She left an hour later, with kinds words of get well soon and a promise to have a talk like this again sometime soon.

 

The next few hours waiting for Daniel to come was spent contemplating on what the teacher had said.

 

Daniel arrived when it was half past three in the afternoon.

 

A smile automatically lit up my features when he appeared through the door. He looked tired, but managed a smile to me despite that. _How are you? Still hurting anywhere? I shook my head. There’s no pain anymore. The doctor told me that I may be discharged earlier._ Immediately his features brightened as he visibly rejoiced at the news. __That’s really great to hear.__

 

I watched as he took a seat on the chair beside my bed, putting his bag just beside the chair in the process. The front of his bag wasn’t even zipped properly, I figured he must’ve been rushing to come here.

 

“Hyung.”

 

“Why?”

 

“How is your exam preparation going?”

 

“Oh…It’s doing fine. Why?”

 

His teacher’s words replayed in my mind.

 

“Hyung, do you really want to go to SNU?”

 

In that split of a second, I caught the uncertainty that flickered in his eyes. He looked lost on how to respond then, not expecting me to come up with this question all of a sudden. Rubbing his nape, he answered with his gaze averted.

 

“That… at first yes. But now I’m thinking maybe its better to get into a local university.”

 

“But local university won’t be as good as SNU.”

 

“Well…that’s true. But at least it won’t be as far as SNU.” He shrugged, chuckling lightly.

 

I realized what was bugging your mind then. As well as the sudden change in mind.

 

After a brief moment of silence, I spoke.

 

“Hyung, I’m okay if you want to go to SNU.”

 

The sudden confession caused surprise to take over your whole features. I continued looking at you with resolution within me.

 

“It’s what you dreamed of, isn’t it? You don’t need to hold yourself back for me.”

 

Initially, I didn’t know how to feel when I first knew of your choice to go to SNU. It was more of a heavy undescribable feeling that weighed my chest when I realized the distance and what it would imply to our relationship. That meant we would have to be physically separated by the few thousand miles between us. Not being able to see you a day already made me miss you a lot, so how do I bear not being able to see you for months…

 

But as time went on, I came to realize one really important thing. In the end, I had always been your priority and you had always sacrificed yourself for my sake. Even now, coming to the hospital to stay with me everyday and sacrificing your studying time despite the nearing exam, it is still done for my sake. And even the change of mind to go to a local university is solely for my sake. You’re so kind, so selfless, had always been that way to me ever since we first met-

 

For the only thing that you wish for, for the only dream that you want to achieve, this time let me be the one to return the favour and sacrifice for your sake. For all the times that you had been selfless for my sake, just this once be selfish for yourself and pursue what you really want.

 

“If SNU is what you want, then go for it. I will support you no matter what.”

 

“...Jihoon-ah.”

 

“Even if we are far from each other, it’s not like we can’t keep in touch with each other… We can call, or message, or even do video call with each other. During holidays, we can still meet each other too. So it won’t be too bad.” I tried to say to you with as much optimism I could muster. It was right that there will be less time for each other, but in the end I realized this was an important phase in your life and I didn’t want to be the one to suppress you from your full potential. Afterall you’re a great person who is capable of achieving great things in life…

 

Your head lowered in response.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Your voice was small, but was hinted with a deep gratitude.

 

I smiled, reaching out to hug your adorably bowed head. Despite the heaviness that still accompanied my heart, I realized this is the right decision to do.

 


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've found my ending. it will end at chapter 35 :) we are almost there
> 
> p/s: warning for smut scenes! and just to give a heads up i will do triple update today till to the last chapter. hope you will look forward to it!

 

Two days later, the doctor deemed that I was well enough to be discharged. After Jisung signed the discharge paper, I followed Daniel back home.

 

Home. Home is now with Daniel.

 

After I promised to Teacher Han to confess the truth, the next day the local authority had came to question me. And I did exactly what I felt was right, and told them everything from the start to the end. Following that, they informed me that they will start filing charges against uncle for his crime and I will need to accompany them in further meetings later to go through some necessary procedures.

 

Uncle was going to get arrested because of me. The thought surfaced in my mind as we walked along the street in our neighbourhood.

 

A month ago, my legs would’ve brought me in the opposite direction to that gloomy dark house where misery constantly waited. Fastforwarding to a month later, now as I walked alongside Daniel, the legs seemed to have gotten used walking in the direction of his house.

 

The moment the front door of the house closed shut, I was suddenly embraced from behind by his arms. Startled by the sudden contact, I turned back to look at him with a laugh. _What’s the matter?_ His face was buried into my nape, and his breath tickled against my skin. He took a deep inhale as he savoured my scent. _Nothing. Just that I couldn’t really touch you as I want while in the hospital. Too many disturbances._ I could hear the mischief in his voice.

 

Because he was insistent on keeping his arms around me the whole time, I had difficulty untying my shoelaces and taking it off. He, on the other hand, had it easy because his shoes didn’t have any laces so he only needed to slip his feet off from them to get them off. He remained stuck to my back as we stepped off from the doorway and into the hallway. It was awkward to walk like this as my body felt like it was being dragged backward with each step it took, but at the same time I could imagine how funny the sight was so I couldn’t help but to laugh while we continued padding in a tangled mess down the hallway.

 

“Welcome back. I’ve missed you.” _The house missed you too._ He murmured into my ear, the smile still persisting on his lips. Indeed, I thought, as both him and the house greeted me with a sense of warmth and familiarity that was so comforting that I couldn’t help but to smile back. _I’m home._

 

He stayed hugging me until we reached the stairs. I wondered what to do as I realized that he had no intention of letting me go still. It will be hard to go up the stairs this way. _Hyung?_  I regarded him with a hint of question in my voice. As if uncaring, he merely answered with a drawled hum before he proceeded to nuzzle my neck. His lips brushed teasingly along the column of my neck and I shivered when they reached close to my ears.

 

He stationed his mouth beside my ear, whispering. _I want to put it inside you right now _.__ My whole body instantly flushed in response, and I bit my lip when he started licking and nipping along the sensitive shell of my ear. I clutched onto his arms that were wound around my waist, briefly digging my nails into them in a weak attempt to protest. _Hyung, i-it’s ticklish-_ I stuttered as I tried to move my head to the side to get away from him. The action instead exposing a long stretch of my neck under his eyes, giving him the opportunity to lay trails of small licks and kisses along it. Without me knowing, his hands had also managed to slip themselves under my shirt, roaming along my abdomen, tracing the scar marks gently before moving further upwards to capture my nipples in his fingers.

 

I was starting to get aroused, I realized as I felt my body gradually yielding under his touches.

 

His one hand slipped out from my shirt and moved up to cover my eyes, lolling my head back against his shoulder where he kept it safely cradled. My vision was shrouded in black, but I could feel his tongue which was trailing outside my ear before now inserting itself inside, filling it with wet squelching noises that sounded much too obscene for me to bear. With the sense of sight obscured, other senses were amplified. The tactile and hearing senses which had particularly heightened in sensitivity led shivers to continuously broke out when his tongue pushed itself deeper inside my ear.

 

Oh… at that moment I felt his arousal poking itself against my back, and it pushed itself more prominently against me, intentionally as if wanting to make me aware of it.

 

His breath was starting to grow harsher. When the veil covering my vision was lifted, I focused on getting my blinking eyes adjusted again to the pouring lights while vaguely registering that my pants below had been unfastened, now dropping down to pool at my feet. This time his arousal pressed itself against my bare bottom, rubbing itself in between. That snapped me back to alertness.

 

Wait…are we going to do it at the stairs like this? The thought flashed in my mind in a panic when I heard him unzipping himself behind and starting to press his bare tip to my entrance. _Hyung, I think we should probably go upstairs…_ I tried to tell him, but he merely turned me to the wall, letting me press my front against it while he pressed himself back to my backside. He gathered the two mounds together and squeezed them around his fully erected cock, his action appearing impatient. The hot thick length of Daniel then started to slide itself in between. Leaning forward, he breathed heavily into my ear. _You don’t know how much I wanted to get it inside you the whole week. But I had to hold back because the doctor told me to not let you do any strenuous activity yet._  The lust was thick in his voice. Now that only the scar remained and no traces of pain left, the doctor had informed us before discharge that I could go back to my daily routines as usual. Though this wasn’t exactly the daily routine that I had in mind…

 

“Hah…hyung…” I moaned when I felt warm liquid dripping on my back. I turned back with a clouded gaze and noticed him spitting down to my back, using his saliva to coat his cock and lubricate my entrance at the same time. The gesture was somewhat sexy, and I could only hide my reddening face into my arms as I quietly let him do his work.

 

Once the entrance became lubricated enough with his saliva, he pressed the slick tip to the rim before pushing in slowly. Gradually I opened up to him, feeling myself stretching and enlarging to accommodate to his size. _It’s just been a week... _You’re already so tight again.__  He groaned low into my ears while pushing in further. I was too distracted trying to get my insides adjusted to him to take in what he was saying. By the time he managed to fully sheath himself inside me, I was already a breathless mess, shaking from the euphoric feeling of having his heat inside. Hyung doesn’t know this, but I had been itching with the thought of having him inside the whole week too.

 

The pain from penetration was still there, yet the pleasure was more overpowering. I easily let myself submit to it while he continued thrusting inside me, each time burying himself to the very hilt and touching the deepest most sensitive part in me. Then pulling out all the way to the tip before he slammed inside me again, harder and faster. It made me go crazy with lust as he gradually unraveled the bundle of desire in me with each plunge inward. The moans started to leak out uncontrollably.

 

I was suddenly turned around, barely able to make sense of what was happening until I felt him heaving me up with his arms hooked behind my knees. __Hick__ \- I clung onto his neck in a second’s fright. Despite burdening both of our weights, he climbed up the stairs easily. Each step up the stairs causing him to slip in so much deeper than he already was, his tip continuously rubbing against my prostate and making my body wrack with a sudden pleasure. Noticing my pupils that had became blown with lust, his intention of getting us into the room was forgotten as he stopped at the top of the stairs to flatten my back against the wall, letting my legs fold on his arms before he started pounding into me again. Throughout the whole time his eyes never left my face.

 

As if knowing that I was about to come soon, he drove in more insistently towards the place where I liked the most. _You’re clenching down really tightly. You like it here?_ He asked and did it again another time as if he had memorized the place, making me only able to nod frantically as I pleaded for him to grant me release. _So pretty, Jihoon-ah…_ He kissed me on the lips tenderly while moving in a constant rhythm. Each of my senses became overwhelmed by Daniel, and I was drove to climax soon after with Daniel following shortly.

 

He let go of my legs and I found myself slipping down to the floor. Realizing that, he quickly wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me back up again with an amused laugh. I was again carried by him into the room where he laid me down onto the bed. I watched as he kicked off his pants to a corner, pulled off his shirt and then got onto the bed with me. His arm muscles rippled as he held himself up and hovered above me.

 

I saw his still hardened member below, and swallowed the saliva that had suddenly thickened in my mouth. __It’s still too early.__ As soon as he had said that, he inserted himself inside me again and began moving to another erratic rhythm.

 

My mind gradually lost itself as he continuously took me over and over again into the night.

 

* * *

 

The next morning I was woken up by his kisses that littered themselves all over my abdomen. The lips brushed against the healing scar, gently carefully. I squinted my blurry eyes at his face which was smiling up at me from his position above my abdomen. _What time is it?_ My voice was laden with sleep, and embarrassingly hoarse because of last night. We did it so many times that I lost count. It was exhausting, and I realized I was still feeling tired as I pulled myself up to search my phone so that I can check the time. Judging from the darkness outside, I roughly guessed it was still really early in the morning.

 

My hand faltered when a ticklish sensation was felt below. When I looked down I saw that Daniel’s head had moved down to hide itself under the cover. I wouldn’t have known that he was intending on doing it if not for the touch that I felt so dangerously close to my private part. I hurriedly abandoned my intention to search for the phone, instead pulling up the covers only to exasperatingly notice him playing his mouth on my soft member. I tried to get up fully, but he held my waist down with his strong hands. Before I could say anything, his mouth suddenly engulfed me inside and my mind blanked out. _Haa…Ha, no…don’t-_  I weakly gripped onto his hair as his head continued moving down to swallow me whole. It was wet, hot, intense and I trembled hard under his ministrations. The air started to be filled with wet sucking noises and it gradually stimulated me to full arousal.

 

Eventually, I lost myself to pleasure and could only lay dazedly on the bed, heavy breath escaping my lips whenever his tongue licked a sensitive part. The pleasure escalated and my legs began moving restlessly against the sheet, toes curling when I felt the pleasure reached its peak. _Hyung, I’m about to come-_ I pulled myself up to my elbow and tried to move backwards, but his hands still held a tight grip on my waist and not feeling bothered at all he continued to suck me with vigour. I was helpless to fight against him, and subsequently broke out with a shaky loud moan.

 

Coming down from the high, I hazily blinked at the sight of him taking everything in his mouth before realization dawned on me. Ah… please don’t… It was too late, he was already swallowing the cum he had in his mouth down his throat. My face turned the deepest shade of red while I spluttered. _W-Why did you…_ The words trailed off halfway as I became distracted watching him lick his lips, looking satisfied as if he had just consumed something delicious.It was dangerously sexy. _You don’t taste too bad._  He said in a voice lower than usual, eyes still glazed with lust. __Wanna taste it yourself?__  He moved upwards and without waiting for my answer, parted my lips open with his tongue and dived in with a taste that was uniquely bitter. Face still red, I let my tongue tangled with his, sharing a kiss that was dripping with the aftertaste of desire.

 

In the middle of it, his hardened penis had gotten itself inside me again. And we started this cycle of succumbing to pleasure again, seeking for repeated release while being deeply and intimately connected to each other all throughout. In the end, we did it another few more times until sunrise.

 

By the time we had to get out of bed, my legs were a shaking mess and Daniel had to support me to the bathroom. We took a shower together, got dressed up, ate a simple breakfast and headed to school as if it was just another day of going through our normal routine.

 

Though for some reason, the day felt so much lighter and so much happier. There was a spring in my steps as I followed beside Daniel closely, fingers brushing and twirling around his teasingly. Accommodating to my playfulness, he had raised a brow at me in amusement before he took matters to his own hand and just grabbed my whole hand in his, couldn’t even care for the people passing by who were staring our connected hands.

 

…It’s definitely not a bad feeling to have the days continuing on like this. I thought as I looked at the vast clear blue sky ahead of us. To go through everyday with him beside me like this, with his hand wrapped around mine and me watching his handsome side profile glowing in the morning light (the sight which I liked the best). I was suddenly engulfed with the contradicting sense of happiness and sadness at the same time.

 

The days where I can still feel this kind of happiness with you are limited. Yet I know I shouldn’t dwell into it too much, that I should just enjoy the present moment together with you as much as I can. So when you noticed why the sudden lag in my steps and asked me if I was okay, I had immediately stuck myself back to your side closely and gave you the brightest smile I could muster.

 

In school, you still continued on with your busy routine of studying for SAT. Except this time you seemed to be more focused than ever, going through hours after hours of reading without even glancing up once. Your concentration remained unbroken even when I came to the library and sat beside you. So I spent most of the hours just watching your handsome focused face quietly.

 

At home was more or less the same. Your table was littered with papers and opened books, it was literally a mess but I guessed you were too absorbed in your studies to care. I would’ve cleaned it up a little for your sake, but it looked as if you were using every piece of paper and every stack of piled books on the table so I didn’t dare to touch even a single thing. The only thing I could do was to bring you some food or snacks when you were hungry, or make a cup of warm coffee when you were staying up late night to continue studying.

 

Seeing you so hardworking kind of influenced me to start thinking on putting some effort into my studies too. Hyung, you’re really working hard to achieve your dream in life so I didn’t want to appear so half-hearted living my own life too…

 

I had never really thought about it too deeply before. The past few years, I had just simply focused on surviving through each day as discreetly and quietly as I can. There wasn’t really a serious thought of the future entering my mind. It was really different from hyung who already had a future set in his mind and was actively pursuing for it. Therefore these days… I also started thinking about things like future, dreams and the possible path to take in life.

 

I felt that it would be good if I too can start having a picture of my own future from now onwards.

 

* * *

 

School days seemed to have gotten more peaceful these days. After the incident, it seemed that a lot of changes had occurred.

 

The bullying had stopped and the animosity that I usually felt in the class had been resolved. One of the desk at the very front of the class was empty. It had once belonged to Choi Soyoung, but since that day when she was called to the principal’s office she had never appeared in the class again. It was heard a while later that after the principal confirmed that the bullying indeed started from her, she had immediately been put on an indefinite suspension. There was also speculation circulating around that they might decide to expel her after they finished getting the case sorted out.

 

On the other hand, the guy who was close to Soyoung, Cha Youngjin had already faced his expulsion. This news came from Woojin and Jaehwan who went to the same school as him. After the incident, Woojin and Jaehwan had also been called out by their principal to give clarification on what happened. It didn’t take too long for the school to make the decision to expel Cha Youngjin as they considered his already troubling school records.

 

With the whole issue heading towards its solution, things also started to quieten down again. These days, I had been spending my days in school with a renewed sense of peace. The heart also started to swell with hope when I realized that the days ahead were starting to become brighter and the idea of a future didn’t sound too farfetched anymore.

 

* * *

 

DANIEL’S POV

 

There was a week left till SAT.

 

Everyone in the class had been stuck to the desk studying during the self-study period. As we neared to the last few days till the important exam, the teachers had allowed us our own free time to prepare for the exam. The tension was high, and the tenseness in the air was almost palpable as the students struggled through the anxiety of preparation. The class had been so silent since morning that literally a pin drop could produce the loudest sound.

 

While everyone was so into their studying, I was distracted by this headache that had suddenly taken over me. Stopping to write, I leaned my head against my hand, frowning heavily while I endured the pain. The pain became so unbearable that the words that I wrote in the book seemed to not make sense anymore.

 

I guessed it was due to the lack of sleep. Lately, I had only been sleeping 3 hours everyday. 3 out of the 24 hours… the rest of the 21 hours I had spent fully on studying, a few hours in between to do my most basic daily activities like eating or showering. I had been going through this kind of routine for a week now. It seemed that the nerves were also getting to me because of the pressure and expectation.

 

My school, my teachers, they were all supporting me, even Jihoon… I can’t let them down.

 

That day, when Jihoon had asked me if I really wanted to go to SNU, I had told him of my change of mind to go to a local university. Of course SNU has always been my dream all these while, but after the incident I began to realize something crucial.

 

Jihoon is the most important in my life. Not SNU, not anything else. Everytime I remembered that moment running to the hospital where I witnessed Jihoon almost slipping away from my grasp, the long anxious waiting of the unknown outside the operation room, I reminded myself that nothing else could make me feel that scared other than those moments. It had felt as if my whole world would collapse when I thought about losing you.

 

Therefore nothing else could be compared to losing you.

 

Thus I told myself that deciding to abandon my dream for you would be worth it. So I changed my mind and confessed to you that I’ve been thinking of going to a local university.

 

What I didn’t expect was you wanting otherwise.

 

_SNU has been your dream, hasn’t it?_

_If its what you want, then go for it. I will support you no matter what._

 

You had looked so sincere, so genuinely wishing that I would pursue my dream, that I wouldn’t hold myself back because of you.

 

Jihoon-ah…what do I do? To be honest, that dream of going to SNU is still strong but there’s also the thought of us being far apart from each other that we have to bear if I selfishly choose this decision for us… Is it okay to be selfish like this?

 

You seemed to understand the turmoil, the conflict in my mind. And you began telling me that it’ll be okay, that we are still going to be able to keep in touch with each other when that happened. _For once, be selfish for yourself and pursue what you really want hyung…_ you had been so understanding, so supportive that it made me feel that it’s alright afterall to continue pursuing this longtime dream of mine.

__

My mind started to become a little clearer then as I began working hard with that dream embedded in my mind once more, more solid than ever. As days passed, I continued pushing myself further despite feeling so exhausted and drained at times. Not stopping until I had really reached my limit.

 

That had probably taken its toll on my body.

 

The headache still persisted, and for some reason my airway began to feel constricted with suffocation. Amidst the silence in the class, only the sound of the chair being dragged backwards was heard as I stood up from my seat, attracting the attention of the class briefly. I left through the back door without a word, footsteps echoing along the silent hallways as I headed for the rooftop upstairs.

 

I only managed to breathe a little better after I reached the rooftop, feeling the air rushing easier into my lungs with a huge sense of relief. It seemed that I had been bottling up this suffocation in my chest for a while now, letting it accumulate bit by bit until it overwhelmed me. I took a seat against the fence which overlooked the vast view all around the school building. The sky was a clear blue and wind gently blew to ruffle my hair. The calming atmosphere helped to alleviate my condition slightly, yet I still felt somewhat depressed.

 

At times like these, when I felt my will weakening together with my weakened condition, I started thinking about you. I took out my phone and typed something while struggling through the dull throbbing in my head. After I pressed send, I closed my eyes and could only hope that the pain will pass with time.

 

It was a while until I opened my eyes to the sound of the rooftop door opening. There was you who looked a little out of breath and with a face that was heavy with concern. I felt a smile slowly making its way to my face because the sight of you made me feel so relieved, that the thought of me being in pain eventually faded from my mind.

 

 _Hyung._ You called out softly, but I could hear the slight panic lacing the edge of your voice. _Are you okay? I saw your message._ I saw the phone still tightly gripped in your hand at your side. Ten minutes ago, I sent a message to you.

 

_Jihoon-ah, I missed you… can I see your face a little while? I’m at the rooftop right now._

 

The content of the message was uncharacteristic of me. Filled with a naked vulnerability and a yearning plea. You had probably detected it yourself too that it had made you appear here right now looking so anxious for me.

 

 _Are you hurting anywhere?_ He was at my side in an instant, hand lifting up to rest on my forehead to check the temperature. The hand was cool against my slightly warmer skin and I felt this sudden urge to fall asleep while you worry over me like this. It felt nice to have someone to care for you when you’re going through a hard time. Thinking that, I moved to wrap my arms around Jihoon and reveled in the comforting warmth that he radiated. When you thought that you had to go through hardship all alone, the presence of another’s warmth suddenly became so precious. So I held onto you tightly as if having no intention of letting go.

 

 _Hyung?_ You asked in confusion at my sudden action, the worry in your voice became more prominent as you wondered if I was really hurting somewhere. _Hyung, maybe we should go to the nurse’s office and get you-_

_Shh. Don’t say anything, just stay like this for a while…_

 

I rested my head on your shoulder and closed my eyes while holding you. There are times when I can also become beaten down by the weight of reality, there are times when I can be discouraged and feel like giving up, because afterall I’m still just a human. So I start to understand why human needs a partner, why they cannot live alone, because in the end they are beings that are made of emotions. Emotions that can become fragile and suddenly make you feel alone and lonely. When you reached that point of fragility, that’s when the need of another person to hold you secure become a necessity.

 

And the person who can do that for me is Jihoon. He is the person who I want, who I need, and who I can’t live without.

 

And if he remained by my side like this, I knew I’ll be able to go through anything in my way no matter how hard it is.

 

 


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last update will follow today, in a few hours. hope you will be able to wait for it :)

 

On the day of SAT, the traffic on the road was really severe. The road going to the exam hall was packed with cars and people who came to support the students.

 

On that day, Jihoon accompanied Daniel to the exam hall. Besides Daniel, there was also Jaehwan who was the same age taking SAT on that day. Because it was a big day, Jisung and Woojin had also came to give their support and well wishes before both of their friends entered the exam hall.

 

Daniel had been working hard for this day. Jihoon had been watching at his face since this morning and somehow got this feeling that Daniel was definitely more than ready to go through today’s ordeal.

 

 _Not nervous?_ He had asked while they were on their way walking to the exam place earlier.

 

Daniel merely shook his head, smiling as he squeezed Jihoon’s hand which he held in his. The hand wasn’t even shaking the slightest.

 

So Jihoon had sent Daniel off, waving with a smile until Daniel turned away and entered the exam hall together with the other students.

 

Later, he went with Jisung and Woojin to help out at the cafe despite it being not a working day for him. For some reason, the people in the cafe had been like a family to him and it felt natural to come and help whenever he can. Because it was a weekday, therefore the day wasn’t as busy as the weekends. So the atmosphere was relaxing compared to usual.

 

Jihoon was just sitting on one of the free table, looking out to the sky outside. It seemed like it was about to rain judging from the grayish clouds.

 

Jisung came to join him, sitting down on the chair opposite from him with drinks in his hand. A cup of coffee for him and a glass of orange juice for Jihoon.

 

“How have you been doing these days?” Jisung seemed to be in a conversational mood. It was rare afterall for both of them to have the time to sit down together and have a proper talk.

 

Jihoon thanked the older man before he picked the glass up and sipped the juice from the rim. The sweetness washed through his taste bud pleasantly, brightening his mood even more.

 

“Really great!”

 

“Niel hasn’t been giving you too much problem, right?” _Afterall I know how tough it is to care after a person who’s preparing for exam._

__

Jihoon shook his head, smiling. “Not at all.”

 

 _That’s good to know._  Jisung briefly conveyed his relief before he continued. “…How about the other matters?” Jisung seemed to be careful as he asked this. It didn't take Jihoon long to comprehend that the older man was implying on the bullying in school and his abusive uncle issues. Jisung had known everything that had happened to Jihoon after being informed by Daniel and also after hearing the stories Jihoon told him while he was staying in the hospital before. Jihoon had been comfortable enough to open up everything to Jisung at that time. And since then Jisung had been trying to be a supportive figure for Jihoon. It was something that Jihoon can’t thank Jisung enough for.

 

“The issue in school is already settled… As for uncle, the officers want to have a meeting with me later to verify some information.”

 

Jisung heaved a small sigh, a smile beginning to etch the corner of his lips. “I’m glad things are working themselves out. You deserve to have a conclusion to all these problems.”

 

Jihoon lowered his head, a small smile adorning his lips. “It’s all thanks to everyone for helping me go through this.”

 

The table was small enough for Jisung to reach over and ruffle Jihoon’s hair affectionately. “It’s only right to help you in the first place… From now, you know you will always have people who will be by your side to help you whenever you need it. Don’t forget that.”

 

Jihoon swallowed back the urge to cry. “Thank you, hyung…” His life really had changed after meeting all these people.

 

The rain started to pour outside.

 

Distractedly, Jihoon began reminiscing of that day outside that cafe where he first met Daniel. What if he hadn’t met Daniel on that day? What if Daniel hadn’t came out with an umbrella and shielded him from the rain? What if Daniel hadn’t smiled at him and showed him the kindness that he hungered for in that moment of vulnerability? If he hadn’t met Daniel on that day… things probably wouldn’t have changed for the better today.

 

Right now, he is here living as a new self and with a mind that is now brave to think of the future rather than being trapped in the misery of the present like how it had been before.

 

He had so much… so much to thank for. If he hadn’t met Daniel on that day, he also wouldn’t have met all these people who are kind enough to sacrifice themselves to help him out.

 

“Jihoon-ah… if Daniel got accepted to SNU… you know you can come and live with hyung anytime.” _This is what hyung wants to tell you in advance._

 

In the end, Jihoon also had to risk facing this one cruel reality from meeting and falling in love with Daniel. And it was the fact that Daniel might leave him at some point of time. And it seemed to be coming near. Despite having himself prepared with that possibility, he knew he will not be ready when that time comes.

 

By the time Jihoon reached the exam hall, carrying an umbrella above his head, the rain was pouring even harder. It seemed that the exam was already over for quite a while judging from the little amount of people left gathering at the front of the hall. Amidst them all, Daniel stood with a troubled expression on his face as he watched the rain that poured heavier with time. Jihoon approached him from the side and the oblivious Daniel who still hadn’t notice his presence, became confused when he realized the shadiness that had suddenly casted over him.

 

_Daniel._

 

Jihoon held the umbrella above both of their heads, smiling when Daniel turned towards him. The handsome face lit up with a smile of its own and Jihoon felt his smile faltering as something struck the deepest chord in his heart.

 

When that time comes… will he really be able to let Daniel go? To let that dearly presence be a thousand miles away from him, unreachable and merely lingering in his mind as memories? To not be able to see that smile and touch his face everyday? When that time comes… what will he do?

 

Jihoon watched as Daniel’s mouth moved to form words, but the deafening sound of rain drowned them away. A hand touched his cheek, and Jihoon only realized the wetness  on his cheeks when the gentle thumb of Daniel wiped it away.  _Don’t cry._  The words were uttered close as their lips brushed against each other.

 

Every movements, every words… everything feels so gentle that it hurts Jihoon with a deep longing.

 

* * *

 

In early December, snow fell.

 

When Jihoon woke up that morning, the scenery outside were all blanketed in white. It was beautiful.

 

He rushed to wake Daniel who was sleeping beside him. _It’s snowing, hyung!_ It’s his favourite season of the year, and it made him feel giddy like a child as he hurried to change his clothes and head downstairs.

 

Though the sun shone brightly above, the air outside was cool. He touched the snow and watched as they melt away under the heat of his hands.

 

Daniel who had been startled awake by Jihoon’s eagerness couldn’t help but to feel amused as he dressed himself up and headed downstairs too, still yawning away the residual sleep in his system. He shivered when a sudden cold air blew and hurriedly went back into the house while having the front door opened. _Jihoon-ah, y_ _ou’ll get sick if you stay outside in those clothes._  Exasperatingly enough, Jihoon wasn’t listening as he continued rolling the snowballs in his hands while still dressed in just a light thin long-sleeved shirt and his pajama pants. Daniel sighed, going upstairs to get a jacket that was decent enough to provide warmth before he went back down to Jihoon.

 

He took Jihoon away from his snowballing task temporarily and put the jacket on him, zipping him up to the neck before he deemed it was enough to let Jihoon continue.

 

For some reason, he decided he liked seeing Jihoon in the snow like this. The 18 year old seemed like a little child then as he squatted down on the field of snow and made a pile of pudgy snowballs in front of him. Jihoon’s pretty face was bright and glowing with glee, and it was endearingly adorable.

 

Though the thought only lasted for a second when a snowball hit Daniel rudely in the face.

 

 _You…_  Daniel almost ended up cursing out loud, the bits of snow that fell from his face gradually revealing a face that had turned a few shades darker.

 

_Oops._

 

Jihoon had merely said as he giggled, looking absolutely non-apologetic as he picked up another snowball from the ones he had made earlier to Daniel, this time hitting Daniel on the shoulder ...This child had chosen to provoke the wrong person.

 

 _Park Jihoon, now you’re asking for it-_ Daniel gathered snowballs in his hands himself before he started throwing them to the laughing Jihoon, chasing after the running boy with a yell. Halfway through, Jihoon’s feet got caught in a deep pile of snow causing him to lose his steps as he unceremoniously sank into them. Daniel caught up to him and took the opportunity to throw the smaller boy down into the snow without mercy. Jihoon thrashed around with a laugh as Daniel’s hands slipped into his shirt and rubbed the icy snow all around his body.

 

 _Oh, its so cold!!_ Daniel tortured him with the snow for a few more times like that till Jihoon had to beg him to stop. After Daniel finally decided to let him go, Jihoon breathlessly laid down on his back on the field of snow. Daniel laid down beside him, laughing amusedly. _Let’s go in now. You need to change your clothes before you get a cold._ Jihoon’s clothes was wet because of the snow inside that had melted through. And it was all Daniel’s fault.

 

Daniel got up and stretched his hand out towards Jihoon. _Come on _.__ He urged when Jihoon made no move to accept his hand.

 

_No._

_Yah. Hurry up._ He gestured his hand out again.

_I said no._

_Park Jihoon, you, really-_

_I’ll get up only if hyung agrees to go on a date with me._

The irritation on Daniel’s face immediately morphed into surprise at the sudden unexpected request. Jihoon merely grinned.

 

_Yes or no?_

 

After a few more seconds, he witnessed how Daniel’s expression gradually turned to resignation.

 

 _...Okay, okay. I got it. Now get up already._ Daniel finally said as he sighed, though the smile that had crept on his lips didn't went unnoticed.

 

* * *

 

They went on a date the very next day. It was a good thing that the snow was light that day so they could still move around the city without much difficulty.

 

The destination was the cinema.

 

Since it was their first date, the awkwardness at the beginning was unavoidable. Although they had been living with each other everyday, but the thought of going out officially on their first date felt foreign. It didn’t help either when Daniel realized how Jihoon had put extra effort to make himself look extra nice on that day. The clean glowing face, the neat smoothened brown hair, and the soft white-coloured clothing that accentuated the innocent pure image had made Jihoon looked dazzling from head to toe. Jihoon was also thinking similiarly about Daniel as he noticed Daniel's hair that seemed to be styled with effort and the clothes that were picked out with more thought than usual.

 

Therefore the initial reaction towards each other’s image on that day was more awkward than intended. Though it was more out of embarrassment rather than anything.

 

Daniel couldn’t stop staring at Jihoon and in the end he was the one to make the first comment, _you look really great today,_ subsequently breaking the awkward atmosphere between them as a laughter filtered from Jihoon’s mouth. By the time they reached the cinema, they seemed to have gotten adapted to the fact that they were on a date and started becoming comfortable around each other again.

 

Jihoon had picked a 9pm movie for both of them. When Daniel complained about the time, Jihoon had defended his decision saying it’s because it’s a horror movie so the time has to be right to watch this kind of movie.

 

It was more like a horror-thriller movie rather than pure horror. About some infection that turned people into zombies and led the whole world into an apocalypse. Though the movie was interesting, Jihoon kept getting distracted by the fact that Daniel wasn’t focusing on the movie, instead mischievously touching him all throughout just because they were concealed by the darkness in the cinema hall. Touching his hand was fine, but when the hand started rubbing his thigh and trailing itself up, Jihoon had to stop it by pinching the hand away. On the other hand, Daniel was simply doing it because the shy flustered reaction of his lover was too fun to watch.

 

After the movie ended, they had went strolling around the city. The city was still brightly lit despite it being almost midnight. There was a clock tower that stood in the middle of the city square which overlooked the whole city. It was famous due to its historical significance. Despite the olden structures, a heartwarming story lied behind its creation. It was the story of a guy who loved his wife so much that he had buillt the clock tower as a sign to remember his deceased wife whenever the clock struck to a new day. Therefore at 12am, the clock would light up to become the one and only building that glowed enrapturingly bright among the rest.

 

Jihoon led Daniel so that they could seat at the bench facing the clock tower.

 

The time on the huge clock showed 11.50pm.

 

Probably because it was already quite late, so there wasn’t that many people seen around anymore. As the night grew older, the temperature began to drop and snow began to fall harder. Cold wind was also starting to blow.

 

Daniel shivered, and realized after a while that it was probably time to get going before the snow became too heavy. _Should we go back home now? It’s getting late… and colder too._ To make a point, Daniel slipped his hands into his jacket for some warmth.

 

Jihoon though seemed to be captured in a trance as his eyes remained transfixed to the clock tower. Daniel had to wave a hand in front of the other to gain his attention.

 

 _No. Just a little bit more._ Jihoon shook his head resolutely, gaze still not budging itself from the clock tower.

 

It seemed like Jihoon was waiting for something.

 

He followed Jihoon’s line of vision and watched as the long needle of the clock continued to tick until-

 

The clock struck 12.

 

The whole clock tower lit up in a dreamy yellow glow amidst the slowly white falling snow.

 

Jihoon finally shifted his gaze away from the clock and now towards Daniel, a big bright smile on his face. The beautiful glow from the clock tower was reflected softly on Jihoon's features.

 

“Happy birthday, Daniel.”

 

It was 10 December.

 

The snow fell harder on them, getting into their hair and obscuring their sight. Jihoon lifted a hand up and brushed the snow from Daniel’s hair before he cupped the other’s cheeks with both hands, whispering an _I love you_  and kissed him on the lips softly and full of love.

 

Despite the coldness that persisted throughout the night, Daniel remained stuck in the warmth and sweetness of that moment.

 

* * *

 

As the months passed by, Daniel noticed something had changed within Jihoon.

 

Jihoon seemed to be paying more attention to his studies. With his own end of year exam approaching, he began asking for Daniel’s help to teach him subjects he was weak at. Since Daniel had finished SAT and had free time, he somewhat became like a tutor to Jihoon. Aside from the time he was working at the cafe, the rest of the time was spent helping Jihoon with his studies.

 

The result of his and Jihoon’s combined effort witnessed the latter climbing up till the top 10 ranking in his year. When Jihoon broke the news out to him with voice that was shaky with excitement, it had simultaneously made Daniel’s own heart bloomed with an inexplicable proudness and happiness.

 

Aside from the academic improvement, the personality around people also seemed to have improved. The boy grew to become a bundle of happiness, always smiling, laughing and cheerfully interacting with people whenever and wherever. The smiling face was beautiful and the manner of talking was adorable that people couldn’t help but to be attracted to the boy even more. Jihoon had become so much more approachable now, so much friendlier and so much more expressive. He mingled with people in school and made some friends of his own, got together with Woojin and Jaehwan often to hang out with them after school, and also warmed up considerably to Jisung to be comfortable enough to spill all his problems to him.  

 

The caged lonely butterfly seemed to have found the freedom it yearned for in a world where it feels belonged.

 

The butterfly now flies freely in a world that it loves and in a world that loves it in return.

 

Daniel doesn’t feel as worried anymore if one day he will need to leave the butterfly to live by its own.

 

.

.

.

 

Therefore when the results came out, recognizing him as the highest achiever for that year, he knew it was time to leave.

 


	35. Chapter 35

 

It had been 2 months since Daniel left for Seoul.

 

Needless to say the parting had been filled with tears. But in the end, Jihoon accepted the fact that Daniel had to leave.

 

After Daniel left, everything seemed to become a passing blur in Jihoon’s eyes. Winter changed to spring, and along the path that he walked the wind carried the falling cherry blossom petals from a distance.

 

Jihoon took a picture of the beautiful scenery and smiled at the image that was captured. In his mind, there was someone he wanted to share this image with.

 

He sent the image to Daniel through the messenger that had been silent for a week.

 

In the past one week, he hadn't heard much from Daniel.

 

The last message read _sorry, hyung will be busy finishing up some university project this week._ The silent message that underlied this message was… _there's probably not much time for us to talk with each other._

 

Jihoon sighed, tucking back his phone in his pocket. Despite missing Daniel so much, he couldn’t possibly be demanding when the other had clearly insinuated that he was busy.

 

In the beginning things were alright. But since a month ago, Jihoon noticed the number of calls and messages that gradually began lessening to a bare minimum. By the time he realized it, there wasn’t even a call or message coming in on some days. Daniel had explained that it was because the projects and assignments were beginning to pile up on him. _Jihoon-ah, I’m really sorry but just bear with it a little more-_ Daniel’s words from his last call a week ago rang in his ears.

 

Though Jihoon wanted very much to hold his patience, he couldn’t help but to think of the worst. The distance between them made him feel anxious because there was only Daniel’s vague words that he could trust in at the moment. He didn’t want to doubt Daniel, but he couldn’t help it when he witnessed this change in him.

 

He started to lose his focus in school these days. Even Jisung who he had been living with currently started to question him because he seemed to look lifeless at home.

 

In class that day, instead of paying attention to lessons he was distracted checking the calendar. The next long public holiday would be… in September, which will be during Chuseok. It’s still a long way ahead…

 

Jihoon sighed and dropped his head in his arms in a defeated manner. That would be exactly 4 months away… That means Daniel will not come back until September…

 

Jihoon suddenly felt depressed. Due to that, he was unable to do anything for the remaining school hours, merely burying his face in his arms dejectedly and closing his eyes as he waited for school to be over.

 

After school was over, he took a different route from usual and turned to a familiar neighbourhood. After he moved to Jisung’s house 2 months ago, he rarely came back to visit Daniel’s house anymore. Though Daniel did leave him a spare key to the house in case there was anything urgent.

 

Today he decided to go to Daniel’s house because he suddenly missed everything in there.

 

When he opened the front door of the house, a familiar scent engulfed him. It was the familiar scent of home, though after being left abandoned for 2 months it seemed to smell a little musty in some corners.

 

He headed upstairs, opened the bedroom door where he had slept with Daniel before and immediately felt a sense of melancholy hitting him. Climbing on the bed, he pushed the window open and watched the scenery outside. The view of the evening sky was as beautiful as he had remembered from this corner of the window. He remembered at times he would spend hours just sitting at this spot, watching as the sky outside changed with the days. Daytime, nighttime, rainy days, sunny days, snowy days-

 

And he remembered having Daniel beside him the whole time. As he glanced around the room, certain spaces reminded him of Daniel. For instance, that space near his studying table… he remembered seeing Daniel sitting there for hours unbudging. He remembered the mattress where Daniel insisted to sleep on for a month until he persuaded him to sleep together on the bed, now rolled up at a corner of the room. He remembered this bed where love and confessions are poured in the middle of the night, where kisses are exchanged and touches trailed all over and lingered with a significant imprint till now.

 

Everything in the room was bringing back memories.

 

It was then he realized how much he missed Daniel.

 

He took out his phone and checked his messenger, noting quietly that the image he sent still left unreceived by Daniel. He didn’t know what Daniel was doing, and he didn’t know why Daniel was doing this, because all these just served to make Jihoon felt the distance that already existed between them physically now become even prominent emotionally.

 

He began to acknowledge the solemn thought that had been plaguing his mind since this morning. It was the thought of losing Daniel.

 

In that lonely moment and space, Jihoon sat with his knees drawn up and sifted through the memories of them together with a lonely heart. The hours passed by till night descended and the sky became veiled by a deep inky darkness.

 

When he went downstairs, quietness greeted him and his loneliness intensified… albeit there was nothing nor anyone who could be there to heal his loneliness at the moment.

 

But when he opened the front door, there was a cat waiting at the front step.

 

_Meowww._  It called out, and for a moment the trembling in Jihoon’s heart was calmed. This was the brown stray cat with the white-tipped paws which Daniel had loved dearly. Despite the fact that Daniel had left the house 2 months ago, the cat still came back to wait for him…

 

Have you been waiting all these while? Eventhough you knew that he had left?

 

You seemed to be similar to me. Waiting till one day he would come back and love you the same way again.

 

Jihoon stroked the cat’s furry head, feeling a sense of empathy flowing between him and the creature. The fact that he wasn’t alone in this, the fact that this furry little creature who had felt Daniel’s love also was acting the same way made Jihoon feel a little less lonely.

 

“I should probably bring you home with me… That way, you too wouldn’t feel too lonely waiting for him...” A small sad smile etched on the corner of Jihoon's lips as he brought the cat up in his arms and went out through the gate.

 

The night was cold and the street was barely illuminated by the flickering streetlamps at the side. As Jihoon walked along the street with the purring cat in his arms, he heard loud rushing footsteps from a distance. A silhouette was caught amidst the flickering lights.

 

It came to a stop under the streetlamp in front of Jihoon.

 

“Jihoon-ah...”

 

Jihoon’s heart almost stopped at the sound of that familiar voice.

 

No matter how many times he blinked to clear his eyes, it was still Daniel who stood there… a little breathless but with that very painfully familiar beautiful smile that Jihoon remembered in his mind.

 

…This isn’t a dream, is it? He asked himself this as he stood unmoving watching as the other closed the distance between them before pulling him into a tight hug. His arms loosened and the cat jumped down with a meow.

 

“I’m sorry, it took me so long… but I managed to finish everything, and came back in time…”

 

Daniel smiled softly and held Jihoon’s face, brushed off the tears that had fallen quietly from the beautiful eyes and laid a gentle kiss to the wet lashes.

 

As if the heart had been breathed back to life by the forgotten touches, the love within too, began to reawaken.

 

The clock struck 12.

 

“Jihoon-ah, happy birthday.”

 

It was May 29, and it was the day you came back to me again.  

 

  _fin_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we've reached the end. it has been a long journey~ i want to thank everyone so much for the kudos, comments, hits, bookmarks, and all the generous love and interest that've been poured out for this lacking fic of mine. there's a point where i felt like this fic probably wouldn't reach its end because of some conflict and problem along the way, not to mention some major writer's block i have to go through. but thanks to all of you for still staying with me and continuously supporting me all throughout that i managed to see this through the end ;-; ♡
> 
> when i first got into the fandom, i really wanted to dedicate a completed work for nielwink because i love them so much. achieving this now, i really felt a huge sense of accomplishment. i worked to write till the end and i felt this fic will be a precious baby of mine that i will treasure for years to come because it held a lot of precious memory to me. and i hope you will also feel the same way as you've gone through the past 2 months reading through the whole chapters ^^
> 
> i really cant thank you enough. through this story ive gotten to know a lot of wonderful readers who have turned to become friends of mine and im really grateful for the chance to know all of you and to receive so many kind words and motivation from all of you. if not for you guys i definitely cant push myself to reach till the end. so once again thank you so much.  
>    
> this will be my last fic for a while. i will be on hiatus now. real life is desperately calling for my attention haha. though you can still hit me up at twitter ([valerine](https://twitter.com/blue_solitia?s=09)) if you want to :)
> 
> for the last time, thank you for accompanying me till the end!! i love you guys so much ♡♡♡♡♡
> 
> and very lastly, happy birthday to our cute baby park jihoon!!! hoping he will have a good birthday this year!!! and tho its late a few months, ill also use this chance to say a very very belated birthday to our big baby kang dani XD
> 
> lets continue to spread the nielwink love~


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